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Parents getting in the way of meeting my girlfriend


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I'm planning on flying to the east coast from the west coast of the US to see my girlfriend in December however my parents have been giving me hell about this.

 

Every time I mention the trip they seem to flip. My dad more recently has been becoming more accepting of it however the problem is still my mom.

 

She drags me into a circular argument that never resolves.

 

How do I even attempt to settle this dispute with her? Every time we have it she says I should focus on school even though it will be winter break then...

 

They are scared to let me travel such a long distance but I'm 22. I had to cancel my September trip because of them, she even threw a banana at me and started yelling and crying.

This is getting really annoying, how in the world do I solve this? Should I constatly nag them about it until they say yes? Silent treatment doesn't work apparently.

 

Any help is greatly appreciated.

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Come up with other reasons why you want to travel to where your GF is. Talk about history, culture, expanding your horizons & spreading your wings as a young man. Also don't expect so much as a ride to the AP from your parents but show them that you are mature enough to make your own decisions.

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I'm planning on flying to the east coast from the west coast of the US to see my girlfriend in December however my parents have been giving me hell about this.

 

Every time I mention the trip they seem to flip. My dad more recently has been becoming more accepting of it however the problem is still my mom.

 

She drags me into a circular argument that never resolves.

 

How do I even attempt to settle this dispute with her? Every time we have it she says I should focus on school even though it will be winter break then...

 

They are scared to let me travel such a long distance but I'm 22. I had to cancel my September trip because of them, she even threw a banana at me and started yelling and crying.

This is getting really annoying, how in the world do I solve this? Should I constatly nag them about it until they say yes? Silent treatment doesn't work apparently.

 

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Your parents seem to be super overprotecting and overbearing. I was 19, when I went abroad by myself for a holiday job. And your gf is in the same country!

 

That's exactly why I don't tell my mother about my LDR, cause I know she would give me hell, too. But at least my dad supports me. So the only way is to come up with a lie, I'd say. OR ignore them and do your thing, show them you're consistent.

Edited by blugirl
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I was 19, when I went abroad by myself
I was 19 too when I traveled abroad all alone for the first time. And I'm a female, so I guess that entailed more risk.

 

And your gf is in the same country!
Right.

 

the problem is still my mom.

She drags me into a circular argument that never resolves.

First of all, would your December trip take you to spend Christmas or some important family time away from home and from your family? You should pick the least controversial time for this trip. So maybe you can go there on 27th and be back on the 30th. How many days were you planning? 4 days would be long enough for a first meeting.

 

How do I even attempt to settle this dispute with her?
You need to list her reasons one by one, and tackle each one of them individually. Showing wisdom is the only way you can win this over.

 

she says I should focus on school even though it will be winter break then...
She's looking at the bigger picture, obviously, where you fall in love with this girl and then will have her on your mind all the time, to the point where your study performance will be affected. Or your future decisions, because you'd need to compromise, maybe to please this girl or in order not to lose her.

 

I had to cancel my September trip because of them, she even threw a banana at me and started yelling and crying.
Ok, you shouldn't put up with childish/unreasonable behavior. And I'm sorry your father is just witnessing everything and not really doing anything to help her. Is she a stay-at-home mom?

 

how in the world do I solve this?
Ok, just like a parent should not give in to their child's whim no matter how bad children stamp their feet, similarly, you should not melt down just because she's crying, and cancel your plans altogether because of her drama scene.

(Feel free to use the comparison).

Stand up for yourself. It's not about the girl here. You might meet her and nothing would come out of it anyway. But it's about the way you are being respected as an individual and an adult person. Who's gonna take you seriously if you're still your mama's cute little boy at 22? I mean, you can still be that in her heart, but she needs to treat you differently, because you do need to have your own social life. And it's just healthy that you do and learn from experience. These are essential steps in one's life.

 

Should I constatly nag them about it until they say yes?
Do you need their approval? Or do you need their money? Or?

 

Even if your mother is acting bad with you right now, try to be loving as much as you can, despite her attitude. Your love and behavior might go a long way and she should reconsider. Another way to go could be let them see how miserable you became because of them, in a way that they would feel responsible and guilty for causing your pain, suffering and sadness. Every parent wants their children happy. I guess this second solution is a bit more extreme, so I don't know. As I'm a female, I guess such meanness from them would make me cry, so it'd probably work differently for you.

Edited by justwhoiam
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Frank2thepoint

Are you still in school? Are you employed?

 

If you make your own money, then I don't see a problem with not listening to them and going out to see your girlfriend. But if you are not making your own money, then this will be difficult since you may be relying on your parents for the trip.

 

But one way you can resolve this is trying to appeal to your mom's emotional side, since she is very emotional. Explain to her how you feel when she doesn't listen to you and is over-protective. Also state your feelings about the girl. Throw in some embarrassing stuff about how your father loves your mother, to make her swoon for your young romance.

 

I had to cancel my September trip because of them, she even threw a banana at me and started yelling and crying.

 

Your mother is acting like a temperamental child.

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