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Dealing With Her Becoming More Distant


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Ugh cant believe it took only 2 week before I needed to come back here, some of you might know this story already. Not going to get too much into how i got here but long story short im dating one of my best friends and it started the day before she left for school (18 hours away). And things had actually been really good. Lots of talking, feelings, and happiness and finally had a skype call.

 

However she has been super stressed with school, is very busy and has been unhappy (she does way too much). I told her im always here for her, but she’s been rather distant as of late and she knows its upset me a little. We barely talk anymore. She said sorry about it, but I can’t help but be a little frustrated because I like her so much and feel like she is putting no effort into it. I don’t think it’s asking a lot to occasionally ask about me which she never does.

 

Should I be worried? Like i understand why its hard for her to talk a lot, just haven’t been too happy lately, worried she’s going to leave me for someone currently closer to her. If anyone's had experience with someone becoming distant that would be great or just any general advice. Thank you.

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I think it would be good to talk things out face-to-face.

 

Admittedly though, the relationship seems to face many challenges right now, especially if you're both late teens/early twenties, in school, and living long-distance. If you can't be together right now, I would think about some less stressful alternatives.

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I would be worried yes, my ex became distant before we split up, although we still spoke online every day, I just felt he wasn't happy, we didn't talk much on the phone anymore, but we still met up and it was as lovely as ever, but he wasn't happy with his life and was also finding our situation difficult. I suggested splitting up (a few months ago) and he agreed.

It's not a lot to expect some effort from her as she is your partner, I would expect some effort even from a close friend, me and my ex still talk most days even though we're not together, despite him often being tired/stressed from work.

I would be honest with her and ask if she's unhappy with the r/ship and would she prefer to split up. You need to know.

 

 

 

Ugh cant believe it took only 2 week before I needed to come back here, some of you might know this story already. Not going to get too much into how i got here but long story short im dating one of my best friends and it started the day before she left for school (18 hours away). And things had actually been really good. Lots of talking, feelings, and happiness and finally had a skype call.

 

However she has been super stressed with school, is very busy and has been unhappy (she does way too much). I told her im always here for her, but she’s been rather distant as of late and she knows its upset me a little. We barely talk anymore. She said sorry about it, but I can’t help but be a little frustrated because I like her so much and feel like she is putting no effort into it. I don’t think it’s asking a lot to occasionally ask about me which she never does.

 

Should I be worried? Like i understand why its hard for her to talk a lot, just haven’t been too happy lately, worried she’s going to leave me for someone currently closer to her. If anyone's had experience with someone becoming distant that would be great or just any general advice. Thank you.

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So you guys think there's more to it than her just having a hard time with school and stuff? Was hoping that wasnt the case. Like we arent' technically a relationship yet, more just exclusive dating which i was ok with because i really like her and though this could turn into something special longer down the road. We both knew what we were getting into, i just thought it was going to be different.

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The advice I gave you in that thread which foreshadowed what you are complaining about now is still valid.

 

This was no time to start an LDR. She has a lot on her plate & you two are too far away.

 

Keep it civil & light. Don't press for anything meaningful or exclusive until you are back on the same coast.

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Haha knew you'd comment d0nnivain. Ugh i know :( I just wanted it to work but its not.

 

The advice I gave you in that thread which foreshadowed what you are complaining about now is still valid.

 

This was no time to start an LDR. She has a lot on her plate & you two are too far away.

 

Keep it civil & light. Don't press for anything meaningful or exclusive until you are back on the same coast.

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LDR's need a lot of effort and patience for them to work, if one or both are too busy or stressed and unable or willing to make the effort it won't work.

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Listen -- it's not going to work. Yes, I would throw all my money into it.

 

You may be able to have a summer fling when she comes back for a summer -- or if she isn't so far away, something could be re-kindled.

 

But your friendship would lessen over time considerably. What do you thing a new-turned-non-platonic thing is going to do?

 

It's NOT healthy to be in an LDR that far away with any aim for an LTR. Sorry.

 

Let basic, common sense that a 7th grader could realize be your guide: Aim to keep in touch, but that's about it. Her life out there is much more important than trying to have a ridiculous LDR via Skype. A long-distance friendship, to check in on and have a periodic convo? Sure. Future relationship that you shouldn't even be thinking about in-the-now? Very possibly.

 

But you'd be a fool to say there's a shred of a chance that you two will have an on-going Relationship like this.

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When my LD love says he's here for me, doesn't help one bit. I need someone who can give a hug, refill my drink, be here in person. I know you mean well but keep it light and ask her who she has nearby for support. School is crazy tough and it can be hard to connect with other students or neighbors.

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LDR's can work. its been working for me for 3 years. not gonna go in to that right now but its all about trust. you need to trust yourself that youre good enough and you need to trust her that she thinks youre good enough.

 

 

she has school now and she's busy. then ler her be busy. stay busy yourself. youve told her how u feel. if she doesnt change you cant do anything about it. if you push her to change when she cant you either going to make her more distant or you'll get her closer but it ruins her other things in life. maybe shes gonna fail in school instead. the best thing you can do is to be happy with yourself and to show her that you can handle this. thats how you build up attraction. you show her that you dont need her but you want her, and that she can count on you.

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She seeing counselling now which is good. And this past week has been a lot better for her and so has our conversations. She feels bad for me that shes sad/angry all the time, doesn’t talk a lot and cant make me happy. Im really trying to not get in the way. Be there for her but at the same time not be a distraction to her because I want what’s best for her life/education. Im actually in no rush for this, I just like to know that she’s still on board with it as she’s the one that suggested it and wanted it to be exclusive.

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so i read your first post. i dont understand how someone can assume its over and start dating someone else. and for you to just accept her back right now. i think its natural to be worried in your situation. if youre that good friends then she should be able to talk to you about this. i feel like youve been doing all the work.

 

 

whats really important is to let her invest in you. let her ask you to skype. let her call you. let her spend money and time on you. every little thing that she has to do because of you personally or for both of you is an investment. you should of course not ignore her. but let her use her time just as much.

 

dont push her away by arguing telling her she shouldnt do this or that. if you really want this to work and you feel that you can trust her then you need to let her do these things. if everything seems fine now you got to understand that since youve been feeling this way it can sometimes come back because of small things. maybe she doesnt have time to talk two days in a row. this is when you need to let her be busy and stay busy yourself. dont try to figure out what shes doing. just be normal and live your life.

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Honestly I dont either. Guess it was because she was the first girl I ever liked enough to be with and given that im 20 and been single my whole life I jumped at the opportunity. We have talked about it and she says shes happy with me just not happy with herself and it effects us. We've been talking a little more about things were gunna do when shes home on winter break so thats given me a little more reassurance that she still wants this.

 

Yeah thats true, i try not to put a lot more effort than her in but its not easy when I want to give it. Thanks for all the help

 

 

so i read your first post. i dont understand how someone can assume its over and start dating someone else. and for you to just accept her back right now. i think its natural to be worried in your situation. if youre that good friends then she should be able to talk to you about this. i feel like you've been doing all the work.

 

whats really important is to let her invest in you. let her ask you to skype. let her call you. let her spend money and time on you. every little thing that she has to do because of you personally or for both of you is an investment. you should of course not ignore her. but let her use her time just as much.

 

dont push her away by arguing telling her she shouldnt do this or that. if you really want this to work and you feel that you can trust her then you need to let her do these things. if everything seems fine now you got to understand that since youve been feeling this way it can sometimes come back because of small things. maybe she doesnt have time to talk two days in a row. this is when you need to let her be busy and stay busy yourself. dont try to figure out what shes doing. just be normal and live your life.

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