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I want a LDR, she doesn't


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I'm obviously new here, but figured I would make a post about my situation while reading the rest of the forums.

 

I met a girl online while gaming about six months ago. Our time zone difference is 8 hours apart, but my work schedule and hers seemed to work well and we would game together regularly, which progressed into talking a lot. I'm sure it's a familiar tale where the more you talk the more you like them and you suddenly realise there's feelings there.

 

She recently went back to college and now our schedules don't work whatsoever, and I'm acting like a pathetic teenager just wanting to talk to her all the time. She is absolutely perfect for me ... personality, intelligence, looks, and I am crazy about her. She says she likes me too, but won't commit to anything as we haven't met, and it will be about a year before that would change.

 

She said she would consider a relationship if we spent some time in person together, and that I need to do whatever I have to to be on the same page as her.

 

I dislike but understand her position. My worry is, I feel she is the one for me, and that with the little amount of time we get to talk now, she is going to drift away and end up with someone close to her that sees how amazing she is too.

 

It went from us video chatting and gaming nearly every night, to a text or two a day, and a bit of gaming and talking on the weekend. I know this is my problem and not hers, and I know a lot of people will say if someone doesn't want a relationship, then move on and cut contact. But I don't want to, and even if I thought that was best I wouldn't know how to.

 

My other issue is, I've been feeling jealous whenever she spends time with male friends. I told her I wouldn't hang out with my female friends 1 on 1 if it would bother her but she said she isn't bothered, so I know that feeling isn't reciprocated.

 

I'm sure I seem like a total idiot, but maybe there is something glaringly obvious I can do besides cutting contact that would help.

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well, shes smart, more smart than i was ( i jumped in a relationship with a dude i havent met yet, only by gaming and skyping and it was a DISASTER)

Here is the thing, probably she has been gaming quite some time before you, so the gaming crush to her isnt new, she got more experiences and more common sense than you

She is doing all the right thing.

Your only bet move is to meet her as soon as possible and see how things go because this girl got some brain in there, not some stupid chick, which is a good thing and which is the reason you are upset

And i know you are jealous, but you also know you got no right to. She didnt say she want a relationship with you.

So come down to one thing : meet her

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A small nitpick in reading your post OP - please drop the idea of 'the one'. It'll help a lot.

 

And 8 hour time difference? Does she live in Europe or Australia or something? This is not a simple move to be together. And meeting each other could be very expensive as is. Even then - would a relationship truly blossom from that? There are too many wildcards at play, and she's smart to say - you're great but I don't know you in person.

 

I'm sorry to say that I think you might need to move on. Which is why I said, "drop the idea of 'the one'". Because there are several 'ones' who you may get on just as well with - or more! Believe me, it's possible - as long as you're not hung up on the girl on the other side of the world.

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She is wise not to commit to anything as you've not met.

I think you're onto a non starter here, it can't become a r/ship if you can't meet for another year yet.

She will probably meet someone closer to home, sorry.

What are you getting out of this now? Would you really be happy being in a 'r/ship' with someone you never spend time with?

There isn't just one person for us in a lifetime.

I would stop contact, don't visit the places online where you know she'll be.

Wishing you all the best.

 

 

I'm obviously new here, but figured I would make a post about my situation while reading the rest of the forums.

 

I met a girl online while gaming about six months ago. Our time zone difference is 8 hours apart, but my work schedule and hers seemed to work well and we would game together regularly, which progressed into talking a lot. I'm sure it's a familiar tale where the more you talk the more you like them and you suddenly realise there's feelings there.

 

She recently went back to college and now our schedules don't work whatsoever, and I'm acting like a pathetic teenager just wanting to talk to her all the time. She is absolutely perfect for me ... personality, intelligence, looks, and I am crazy about her. She says she likes me too, but won't commit to anything as we haven't met, and it will be about a year before that would change.

 

She said she would consider a relationship if we spent some time in person together, and that I need to do whatever I have to to be on the same page as her.

 

I dislike but understand her position. My worry is, I feel she is the one for me, and that with the little amount of time we get to talk now, she is going to drift away and end up with someone close to her that sees how amazing she is too.

 

It went from us video chatting and gaming nearly every night, to a text or two a day, and a bit of gaming and talking on the weekend. I know this is my problem and not hers, and I know a lot of people will say if someone doesn't want a relationship, then move on and cut contact. But I don't want to, and even if I thought that was best I wouldn't know how to.

 

My other issue is, I've been feeling jealous whenever she spends time with male friends. I told her I wouldn't hang out with my female friends 1 on 1 if it would bother her but she said she isn't bothered, so I know that feeling isn't reciprocated.

 

I'm sure I seem like a total idiot, but maybe there is something glaringly obvious I can do besides cutting contact that would help.

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I am crazy about her. She says she likes me
See the difference?

 

She said she would consider a relationship if we spent some time in person together, and that I need to do whatever I have to to be on the same page as her.
She set the rule there. She's telling you: if you want me, come here and let's see how it goes.

 

I feel [...] with the little amount of time we get to talk now, she is going to drift away and end up with someone close to her
The little amount you're having I think is partially due to her being busier, but also trying to keep you at bay, so to speak. She noticed your interest grew fast and strong, and she doesn't want any feelings to grow at this stage. As other posters said before me, she's being wise.

 

It went from us video chatting and gaming nearly every night, to a text or two a day, and a bit of gaming and talking on the weekend.
I'm no gamer, but honestly, do you think playing games is what she would want from a boyfriend? I mean, the occasional game is fine, but I'd say: give up the massive gaming. Once a week is more than fine. Try to spend some quality time with her when you get a chance, don't waste it playing. At least, if you do want to have a chance with her. Maybe, instead of playing games every night, you can work some job and start saving money to visit her.

 

I too think that she had other wooers/suitors in the online gaming, and she learned how curb them. It can become so cliché that it's hard for her to take any interest in that. So your only way to stand out is going there and get to know her in person. But also ask yourself how much time you want to devote to the online gaming, because that might be in the way once you have a girlfriend.

 

I've been feeling jealous whenever she spends time with male friends. I told her I wouldn't hang out with my female friends 1 on 1 if it would bother her but she said she isn't bothered, so I know that feeling isn't reciprocated.
Stop giving away that you can't stand it. Be cool about it. I usually won't say this, but since she's not interested in you romantically yet, it's useless. Devote half an hour two days a week to social media that you shared with her. Put pictures with other girls on there. Show her you're a friendly guy and the girls love being around you. She might start seeing you under a different light.

 

maybe there is something glaringly obvious I can do besides cutting contact that would help.
Why cut contact? You need to show some self-control. Try what I said in the previous paragraph. Guys with female friends can go a long way. Just don't make it seem you're the permanent friendzoned nerd.
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