Girlfriend in Spain until December -- worried

[josna123]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now, and she is 19 (and I am 18). She is a Sophomore in college and I am a Senior in High School. She went away to Portland, OR, for school last year and it was a tough year for us but we got used to the distance and managed to pull through.

 

She is in Granada, Spain, now until December 19th and we talk whenever possible from about 7 AM - 4:30 PM my time. She keeps telling me that she is completely loyal to me, and she of course won't do anything with any other guys, and she hasn't given me any reason to believe she will do anything.

 

What I'm worried about is, is that a lot of members of the group of Americans she is with are partying, getting drunk, hooking up, and going topless and just being loud and obnoxious. Her roommate is one of these people. I am really worried she will get pulled into one of these situations and will end up cheating on me .

 

I literally can't get the thought out of my head sometimes of her just having sex with some guy, and it's making me feel extremely anxious, and I try to trust her but it's just hard.

 

Any idea of what I should do?

[TwoMelo]

This relationship will not work without trust. If you feel this strongly about it you probably should have broken up (even if just temporarily) so that there isn't any "cheating." You guys are so young. Maybe such a big committed relationship isn't the best thing right now. I dont know you, but I am speaking from experience.

 

Ten years from now you are gonna hate yourself for worrying so much about this situation. Love can complicate things, but if this relationship is meant to be you can survive a break (or two, or three). I am not sure this will help. Good luck.

[justwhoiam]

I confirm what you said about Americans abroad (American students and backpackers in Europe). Most of the time, they're completely out of control. They can get drunk on the lightest beer, they can't hold a couple glasses of wine, they're loud, etc. Most of all, they think they can get away with anything, because they're so far away from home and having the time of their life.

 

Any idea of what I should do?

Is she in Spain as a student? Or just for vacation? I guess it's the former, otherwise I wouldn't know why she has a roommate in a foreign country and you're not there vacationing with her.

A study experience abroad should serve as a multicultural full-immersion experience. If it's to hang out with other fellow Americans, what's the purpose?? You get that on your own. So, as her boyfriend, you should stress that out. She's not there to party at night with her mates, she's there to know the culture better, to speak the language, to learn about traditions and way of life, to immerse in the Spanish routine and learn new things. If she's studying and can't help spending her nights out with other Americans, she'll be missing out on a lot of other things.

[josna123]

The thing is is that she hasn't really gone out except for once to the beach, and she didn't like the stuff her friends were doing.

 

We had a long long talk last night and I think things seem to be working out now, I am just worried she'll eventually get pulled into one of these things because she's pretty naive sometimes.

[ascendotum]

.... Most of all, they think they can get away with anything, because they're so far away from home and having the time of their life....

 

A hot of hi-jinx go on with guys and girls when they are overseas and are feeling more liberated and less under judgement than back home. I've heard of girls (from their best friends a number of years later) who did gang bangs or 3+ guys a week routine or worked as escorts while on overseas stints (not all of them had bfs waiting back home though). In your situation OP it would have been good if her traveling companions were quieter introverted types or were not single or were traveling with some male friends that you knew who could report back to you if anything sus went down. If she has a woohoo type gf as her room mate then there is that bad influence aspect.

 

Sorry to worry you, but I would have been going through the same angst too when I was younger and in your situation. By the same token she is trusting that you are also being a good bf and not going out on the town with your buddies trawling for hookups. I don't know what I can tell you to put your mind at ease. For LDRs the relationship has to be rock solid with trust to withstand these experiences. You can't do anything except have faith in her and focus on your life and going out with your friends and having fun yourself in the meantime.

[amaysngrace]

You can't control her. She will do whatever she will do.

 

Have some faith in her and believe her when she says she loves you and is loyal to you. If you can't take her at her word then just break up with her because you don't trust her anyway.

[josna123]

. In your situation OP it would have been good if her traveling companions were quieter introverted types or were not single or were traveling with some male friends that you knew who could report back to you if anything sus went down. If she has a woohoo type gf as her room mate then there is that bad influence aspect.

 

It annoys me. Her roommates in Portland, OR, are very introverted and are like her a lot. Her roommate here in Spain seems to be the village bicycle and is very extroverted, and from the things my Girlfriend has told me, she doesn't get up to much good.

 

Thanks for the great advice guys. I get anxiety attacks very occasionally and her being in Spain doesn't help the situation at all. She comes back in 92 days and I think I can maybe hang on until then.

 

It's just that two years is a lot of time and effort put into a relationship even if we are pretty young, and I really can't connect romantically with other females like I can with my Girlfriend.

 

I just want her to come home......uuuurgggh.

[ExpatInItaly]

It annoys me. Her roommates in Portland, OR, are very introverted and are like her a lot. Her roommate here in Spain seems to be the village bicycle and is very extroverted, and from the things my Girlfriend has told me, she doesn't get up to much good.

 

Thanks for the great advice guys. I get anxiety attacks very occasionally and her being in Spain doesn't help the situation at all. She comes back in 92 days and I think I can maybe hang on until then.

 

It's just that two years is a lot of time and effort put into a relationship even if we are pretty young, and I really can't connect romantically with other females like I can with my Girlfriend.

 

I just want her to come home......uuuurgggh.

 

So? She can do whatever the hell she pleases, and it shouldn't mean that your girlfriend will do the same. You clearly don't trust your girlfriend. She will be around plenty of people like that throughout her entire life. You need to learn to deal with it, or you need to let her go.

 

And you are both extremely young. Don't assume that you can't connect with other girls. You haven't met enough people in your life to determine that. The bottom line is that you can't channel all your anxiety and expectations on to your girlfriend. That is far too much pressure and unfair.

[justwhoiam]

So? She can do whatever the hell she pleases

Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this. They are sharing a bedroom. Honestly, do you think that any action will happen only outside the bedroom? It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. And the OP's girlfriend is not making a stand or I didn't hear about any firm rule or DON'Ts about this or that. It seems more like she's just going with the flow, to fit in. That doesn't mean she's doing wrong to her boyfriend, just she's exposing herself to her friend's lifestyle. And the space is what it is.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this. They are sharing a bedroom. Honestly, do you think that any action will happen only outside the bedroom? It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. And the OP's girlfriend is not making a stand or I didn't hear about any firm rule or DON'Ts about this or that. It seems more like she's just going with the flow, to fit in. That doesn't mean she's doing wrong to her boyfriend, just she's exposing herself to her friend's lifestyle. And the space is what it is.

 

I was referring to OP's girlfriend's roommate. She has zero responsibilities towards OP. Only the girlfriend does. So, yes, the roommate can do what she likes. The girlfriend is a separate matter. If the girlfriend is so easily influenced, she isn't the right one anyway. End of story.