dated girl for 2.5 months but now its complicated

[carmonddd]

Hi everyone,

This past summer I was dating this girl for about 2 months in Seattle and everything was great. We definitely clicked and got along really well together and never had an argument for the 2 months. However, since we first started dating, we both knew that I would be gone after summer for 8 months to finish up my senior year of college in Boston so we didn't really know what was going to happen after I left for college. 1 and a half months into dating that summer, I noticed she started distancing herself so I eventually brought up the conversation of where things were going between the two of us. I told her that I liked her and wanted to take things further even though I was leaving at the end of summer and she told me that she liked me as well. Basically she said that she wanted a relationship but just did not want a long distance relationship because she had just gotten out of a long distance relationship earlier in the year. So we agreed to date until the end of summer and then take a break and continue things once I finished up college and moved back to Seattle fora job I secured for next year. Then a few days after I left, we changed things and agreed to keep in touch with each other every once in a while and visit each other when we could but not call it a "long distance relationship".

 

Now its been a few weeks since I left her and I have started my final year of college in Boston. However, things changed since I had left her. At first we texted each other and skyped a good amount of times for the first couple weeks (texted each other about 3-5 times a week). I was planning on visiting her in October or November and she said she wanted to see me. However, after a few days she told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to see me anymore which didn't make any sense to me. I realized that I was putting in 100% of my efforts into keeping in touch with her while she was only putting out about 50%. So I got a little ticked off and we had our first argument. I apologized for getting ticked off and she said she understood and she told me that she still wanted to see me sometime this year. The next day I texted her to have a nice day and have fun but she never responded to that text which is fine to me. But now its been 3 days and she hasn't texted me. I've decided to wait for her to text me because I sent her the last text message. Do you guys think if she doesn't text me, I should wait a week or week and a half and casually ask how shes been doing? Or should I do something else? The last thing I want is things to end up badly. I still want to have the option of rekindling things with her when I move to Seattle next year because we were both interested in moving things further when I moved closer to her for good.

 

Im just confused because she gives me mixed signals. She says she wants to keep in touch and visit each other but she isn't really putting in much effort. At this point, I want to tell her that we should just take a break and continue things next summer.

 

PS shes 23 and im 22.

[d0nnivain]

I suspect it's more that she doesn't want to deal with an LDR. Tell her you will call her when you get back home for the holidays but don't waste time or money going home just to see her. Who knows what will happen in the next year. You may even get a job that is not back home.

[bubbaganoosh]

She's in Seattle. You in Boston. You may as well be on the moon and her on Mars.

 

I'll be honest. She's moving on and if your smart you will too. I find it really silly being gone for 8 months or a year all the way across the country. It's not fair you either of you and IMO she's backing off but if she going to do that then she should at least tell you rather than drop off the face of the earth.

 

If it was me, I would make a call not a text and ask her if she's moving on and if she is then wish her luck, be nice and finish school.

 

Once you get back to Seattle then maybe you can rekindle what you had but truth be told is was only a two months thing. Hell, you hardly know her.

[carmonddd]

I agree bubble. But I actually think i know her pretty well. Forgot to mention we saw each other everyday at work and hung out/went out dates every weekend.

[d0nnivain]

I agree bubble. But I actually think i know her pretty well. Forgot to mention we saw each other everyday at work and hung out/went out dates every weekend.

 

It's still only 60 days v. 3,000 miles.

 

Not everybody is cut out for an LDR.

[justwhoiam]

I guess everyone's different, so I don't have a magic solution for you. But I can try and put myself in her shoes.

 

Do you guys think if she doesn't text me, I should wait a week or week and a half and casually ask how shes been doing?

That would be the worst thing for me. It must be a male thing, that is do as if everything's normal, when it's not.

 

Or should I do something else?

In my view, he should show confidence and interest. If that doesn't happen, it's feeble to begin with and worth dying its own death. Which means you pick up the phone and ask: "Hi. What's going on? Do you need space? Did you have second thoughts? I need to know. I don't like things up in the air like this. I'm willing to do what it takes and more, because I believe in us. Do you?" Make sure you're not talking to voice mail. Ha.

 

Then see what she says. Don't get mad, be quiet but lively in the conversation. She might want 1) cut you off, 2) remain friends, 3) keep a door open for when you'll both live near each other or 4) keep the relationship going.

 

If point #4 is an option, make sure she's having what she needs, asking her direct questions, like: are we keeping in touch as often as you'd like? etc.

 

she isn't really putting in much effort.

Don't judge her about the effort she's making, for the time being (at least, if you want things to run smooth). You don't really know what happens in her little world, when you're not there. If she's suffering, crying etc. And don't even ask her. Edited September 16, 2014 by justwhoiam

[carmonddd]

thanks for your input justwhoiam. I guess it would make the most sense to contact her after a while if she doesnt contact me first and act like everythings normal and see what she wants to do.

[justwhoiam]

Do you guys think if she doesn't text me, I should wait a week or week and a half and casually ask how shes been doing?

 

That would be the worst thing for me. It must be a male thing, that is do as if everything's normal, when it's not.

 

thanks for your input justwhoiam. I guess it would make the most sense to contact her after a while if she doesnt contact me first and act like everythings normal

It looks like my input reinforced your original idea.

 

Good luck