Long Distance relationship UK/Indonesia

[UKIndoLove89]

Hi guys,

 

I am a 25 year old male and have been in a relationship with a beautiful girl for well over a year now.

 

I won't go in to all the details but we met up in India where she was studying as she is from Indonesia. I flew out there for 2 weeks and she stayed with me in hotels etc.. It was the best experience of my life so far.

 

It's been over a year since we met up in India having known each other for over 6 months on line and already fallen in love. my love just keeps growing stronger and stronger for this girl and her beautiful personality it's incredibly tough being without her physically. So tough the stress has been I recently developed epilepsy which is believed to be stress induced.

 

Any way the pain has been unreal and no words to compare to it ever since I met her on line and fell deeply in love. We are supposed to meet up in Europe as soon as I have my last scan in a few weeks and hopefully then I can see her.

 

I love her with all of my heart and would do anything for her but she is over there and the uncertainty of will we ever be together even though it's all we desire is to be with one another time will tell I assume.

 

Basically I am a red blooded male, she is my first girlfriend that I ever had, the girl I lost my virginity to when I was 24.

 

I am in a dilemma, I have exactly what I wanted my whole life with her but lately get urges and urges which I have suppressed my entire life to wait for the 'one' so to speak. I have found my baby girl as I call her but desire now to have some 'fun' with other women but am not sure what to do. This girl is everything I want and I am tired of suppressing these urges as it is literally affecting my health the stress it brings. I have the love with her, the everything I ever wanted. I never want to cheat but this situation is soooooo tough. I'd never think twice about if she was here with me now ofc not I just miss her so bad I just want that woman's touch and to feel a woman so the pain isn't so bad to deal with.

 

Any advice guys please???

[bastus]

the traditional culture here is quiet strong , if u want to be with her everyday, you should marry her , then u can bring her to your homeland..

 

just my opinion..

[UKIndoLove89]

the traditional culture here is quiet strong , if u want to be with her everyday, you should marry her , then u can bring her to your homeland..

 

just my opinion..

 

I understand if it was as simple as bringing her to UK I would but I need a job that earns enough and her parents think I am not with her. They went insaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee because I am white, western and non muslim but this girl is not religious but her parents are strongly religious.

 

They have a negative stereotype against whites, I understand it I know what they see and feel. I feel it my whole life hence staying a virgin until 24 years old.

 

Thanks bro

[bastus]

religion issues huh, could be tough..

[UKIndoLove89]

religion issues huh, could be tough..

 

So tough even though she is willing to come to me when the time is right, she is a big traveller and is about to do a 6 month scholarship alone in Europe so it's like time will tell.

 

It would be a dream because this girl is just I have no words for her man, I never knew such beauty existed.

 

 

Indonesians can be so beautiful, amazing hearts and just everything it's just so amazing

[Els]

If you are desiring so strongly to have 'fun' without her and it's that difficult to suppress the urges, and you're thinking about cheating... chances are you really are not cut out for a LDR. Not every personality type or relationship can handle them.

 

IMO you should break things up with her, and date locally.

[UKIndoLove89]

If you are desiring so strongly to have 'fun' without her and it's that difficult to suppress the urges, and you're thinking about cheating... chances are you really are not cut out for a LDR. Not every personality type or relationship can handle them.

 

IMO you should break things up with her, and date locally.

 

I understand what you are saying but the thing is I've kept myself 'pure' so to speak up until 24 years old until I lost my virginity with her.

 

The thing is it's a bizarre situation, I don't know if I can get a job that pays enough, I don't know that her parents who think I am out of the picture can jeopardise future visa applications and it's incredibly tough to deal with.

 

I love her more than anything, it isn't like she is next to me and I would consider doing it. I probably won't do anything you know but it does cross my mind. I am not that type of person, I am incredibly loyal and honest and have spoken to her about this but I know it's not a positive thing to do to her. It's tough man so tough. If I was going to date locally I would have done that anyway and not even considered this girl. I would have cut her off already over a year ago but i've kept it strong and sustained it and want to do my best to be with her. She's so lovely and my perfect girl but I have a yucky feeling about this situation.

[FitChick]

You might get a job if you let your hair grow out into a more conservative style. What are your qualifications? If she is going to university, you need to keep pace with more job skills or training.

[UKIndoLove89]

You might get a job if you let your hair grow out into a more conservative style. What are your qualifications? If she is going to university, you need to keep pace with more job skills or training.

 

Lol thanks for that Fit chick.... Let my hair grow.... The reason I shave it on the back and sides is that it doesn't grow that well like it used to lol.

 

My qualifications well I am not overly qualified in anything mainly B's and C's for my GCSE's but passed everything but had a D in religious studies but that's no big deal.

 

I went to college and did a public service course and attained my BTEC National Diploma and my Welsh baccalaureate and passed those.

 

I currently work as a door supervisor at private parties, hotels and cinema premiers etc...

 

It is just a means to an end at the moment until I decide what to do.

 

I also do charity work twice a week for a cancer charity as well.

 

I used to do other charity work specifically for an older lady but she passed away.

 

I have a general idea involving the police and pursuing that Mrs Fit chick.

 

My father is a Chief Inspector in the police so I have a good idea as what the career offers and what the job entails as challenging as it is.

 

All the best Mrs Fit Chick,

 

Yours respectfully

 

CJ

[bastus]

i have known some parents here that control their adult children totally over the line , since she say she willing to come over , have u consider shorcut way like "just kidnap her" ?, yeah, i know it sounds terrible and impulsive..

just my another opinion..

[UKIndoLove89]

i have known some parents here that control their adult children totally over the line , since she say she willing to come over , have u consider shorcut way like "just kidnap her" ?, yeah, i know it sounds terrible and impulsive..

just my another opinion..

 

Kidnap? NO LOL

 

I don't think the visa bureau would be too happy about that and it's illegal.

 

I need to let things flow and let her do her thing and let it unveil naturally I feel.

 

There is no rush but little by little there is a chance, I just pray and ask for us to be together the best and easiest way possible.

 

You know I don't see how her parents have any say in what she does with her life but I don't know how the UK visa views that providing we get that far.

 

I mean our love is between us and you cannot please everyone it's ridiculous, why it is so challenging I have no idea but let's say it's for the best.

 

Thank you

 

[justwhoiam]

Hi,

 

You could have used age 20-24 to explore... But you didn't, and now - after making love - you started being curious, and wonder what it'd be like to make love with a Western girl, with a blonde, with a red-headed girl, with a British girl, with an American girl, etc. Am I right? I think that's human!

 

You could now take advantage of the time you can't be together, to date a few other girls. But if you have feelings for your Indonesian girlfriend, chances are you won't feel the same bliss. You can have sex and maybe enjoy it (that's really personal), but with no meaning, it might feel empty. But you'd have some other experiences at least.

 

It's quite likely that, if you try to push those needs aside, they will stay with you for a very long time, or come back later in life (late 30s and early 40s). Which would make things worse if you are in a stable relationship or marriage.

 

My personal experience is that as long as you're in love and with the person you are in love with, you should be safe. But here there might also be the male factor to consider, as men and women are quite different. Anyway, the moment the relationship gets stuck, tired, bad, etc., like after 15 or 20 years, well, that's when your needs will start to resurface.

[UKIndoLove89]

Hi,

 

You could have used age 20-24 to explore... But you didn't, and now - after making love - you started being curious, and wonder what it'd be like to make love with a Western girl, with a blonde, with a red-headed girl, with a British girl, with an American girl, etc. Am I right? I think that's human!

 

You could now take advantage of the time you can't be together, to date a few other girls. But if you have feelings for your Indonesian girlfriend, chances are you won't feel the same bliss. You can have sex and maybe enjoy it (that's really personal), but with no meaning, it might feel empty. But you'd have some other experiences at least.

 

It's quite likely that, if you try to push those needs aside, they will stay with you for a very long time, or come back later in life (late 30s and early 40s). Which would make things worse if you are in a stable relationship or marriage.

 

My personal experience is that as long as you're in love and with the person you are in love with, you should be safe. But here there might also be the male factor to consider, as men and women are quite different. Anyway, the moment the relationship gets stuck, tired, bad, etc., like after 15 or 20 years, well, that's when your needs will start to resurface.

 

Really appreciate that answer, it's not like if she was right here with me I'd ever consider this but the stress is literally killing me lol.

 

I love this girl more than anything you know she always comes first no matter what, I don't feel it's natural to suppress these urges but I've worked through them since 13 years old and developed a passion for exercise/weight training which let me vent these frustrated emotions. I have been in so much pain being away from my baby girl and have never been one for recreational sex it just isn't me but this situation is so challenging a mean just a bit of fun no strings attached might actually make me happier and a better person in ways even though It lacks that deep rooted connection that we all yearn for. Being in love is the best feeling ever for me, I have found it with my Indonesian lady. The things I do for her and have done and will do is my passion, it just excites me the most to see her happy and smiling.

 

I love her dearly with all of my heart but am I supposed to suppress these urges forever? I don't know what I will do I have morals and values but am being pushed to my limit with this situation. I just don't want to be like so many people nowadays in the western world who are addicted to sex and think it's some big game. I don't even need sex but just hanging out with female company perhaps a little hug and kiss is what I find very fulfilling but sex to me is a whole other thing it carries a bizarre energy for me especially when there is no love behind it.

 

Also I am not a big fan of white western girls anyway I just generally don't find them that attractive.

Edited September 11, 2014 by UKIndoLove89

[Trufita]

Hi there!

First of all, I think that when you really love a person you don't consider being unfaithful, so maybe you are not as in love as you think.

 

If you really can't deal with the urges and you want to be with other people, the right thing to do is tell your girlfriend about it. Tell her you want an open relationship, that you need to sleep with other women. Everything in a relationship is okay and possible if both sides agree. What it's not right is that you go out and have sex with a random girl while your girlfriend is thinking about you and how much she loves you.

If you love her be fair and honest with her. Think about how you would feel if she was unfaithful to you!

 

Good luck and be strong, I hope you do the right thing

[Els]

You know I don't see how her parents have any say in what she does with her life but I don't know how the UK visa views that providing we get that far.

 

I don't live in the UK, but based on my knowledge of partner visas in general - given that both of you are legal adults, her parents' opinion is very unlikely to have any bearing on your application. It is probably going to cause both of you lots of other problems, don't get me wrong - but the visa isn't going to be one of them. As an adult over 18 years old, she is her own person now and her parents have no legal say over what she can or cannot do.

[UKIndoLove89]

Hi there!

First of all, I think that when you really love a person you don't consider being unfaithful, so maybe you are not as in love as you think.

 

If you really can't deal with the urges and you want to be with other people, the right thing to do is tell your girlfriend about it. Tell her you want an open relationship, that you need to sleep with other women. Everything in a relationship is okay and possible if both sides agree. What it's not right is that you go out and have sex with a random girl while your girlfriend is thinking about you and how much she loves you.

If you love her be fair and honest with her. Think about how you would feel if she was unfaithful to you!

 

Good luck and be strong, I hope you do the right thing

 

Yes I completely understand and trust me I am more in love than you may imagine. I am coming into conflict with these urges and trust me I have considered how I would feel if she would do the same. That is one of the main things stopping me because I cannot handle if it was done to me so that is the main reason I am not doing it to her. Being in love with someone and them being in your life physically on a daily basis is one thing but when they are the other side of the world and plus the fact sex isn't anything special to me it's just like a bit of 'fun' to pass the time. I say this but I have been with one girl only and it is her. So you know when you've been the the amount of challenge and pain I have in regards to girls for one thing then you'd like to think that the girl you fall for would actually be much closer to you than this. So it's tough.

[UKIndoLove89]

I don't live in the UK, but based on my knowledge of partner visas in general - given that both of you are legal adults, her parents' opinion is very unlikely to have any bearing on your application. It is probably going to cause both of you lots of other problems, don't get me wrong - but the visa isn't going to be one of them. As an adult over 18 years old, she is her own person now and her parents have no legal say over what she can or cannot do.

 

That is very promising and very thoughtful of you to reply back to me so thank you

 

It just gives a better chance in order to apply for such a visa and give more substance for a more stable relationship. They are EXTREMELY tight on visas in the UK over the last couple of years as all the rules have changed.

 

If me and her could be together I'd be the happiest man omg I've dreamt of finding the 'one' my entire life after having seen my dad hurt my mum and be a complete womaniser his whole life virtually that I said to myself I just want one girl and one girl only. There is nothing more attractive to me than being in love, it's my highest form of joy or at least one of them.

[Trufita]

Yes I completely understand and trust me I am more in love than you may imagine. I am coming into conflict with these urges and trust me I have considered how I would feel if she would do the same. That is one of the main things stopping me because I cannot handle if it was done to me so that is the main reason I am not doing it to her. Being in love with someone and them being in your life physically on a daily basis is one thing but when they are the other side of the world and plus the fact sex isn't anything special to me it's just like a bit of 'fun' to pass the time. I say this but I have been with one girl only and it is her. So you know when you've been the the amount of challenge and pain I have in regards to girls for one thing then you'd like to think that the girl you fall for would actually be much closer to you than this. So it's tough.

 

I know perfectly what it is to be in a long distance relationship, because I have been in one for almost 2 years. It's tough, yeah, and not for everyone, and if you are struggling like this I don't think it is for you. Don't justify yourself with the distance factor to be unfaithful, because a lot of us are in a LDR too and haven't.

 

Also, it doesn't only matter if sex is not that important for you and just something to have fun. What about her? What does she think about it? You are in a relationship and your actions affect both of you.

Tell her about your situation.

[UKIndoLove89]

I know perfectly what it is to be in a long distance relationship, because I have been in one for almost 2 years. It's tough, yeah, and not for everyone, and if you are struggling like this I don't think it is for you. Don't justify yourself with the distance factor to be unfaithful, because a lot of us are in a LDR too and haven't.

 

Also, it doesn't only matter if sex is not that important for you and just something to have fun. What about her? What does she think about it? You are in a relationship and your actions affect both of you.

Tell her about your situation.

 

My man or lady I don't think you quite understand what i've been through to get to this stage but appreciate the advice none of the less.

 

Imagine having extreme urges since 13 daily and wanting a girl but having so many mental blocks and insecurities it begins to ruin your life etc...

 

I finally got the confidence after 24 years to keep an open mind and feel ready for a girl. I just started speaking to her like I have done with so many other girls around that time but I just fell for her It couldn't really be helped. So to be with a girl is my highest form of joy but I am very specific in what I find attractive. I am sure your situation is probably easier than mine unless you'd care to elaborate a little as I can go on all day but don't want to really.

 

I wish she was closer but hopefully very soon I shall see her, I cannot wait!