adna89 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 We have known eachother for 2 years.In relationship 4 months.It has been serious since day 1 since we both come from traditional homes and want to get married.We had our fights quite a lot and i have a feeling he is getting distant.i admit most of the fights were started by me...i regret it I wonder if there is anything i can do to save this relationship? i am willing to change,just need some opinion on this Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 fight -- heck that is part of every relationship relax - it is part of the figuring out part Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 you can probably find a more understanding man. obviously he is not listening to you and or expecting to have the relationship in his control. fighting a lot does not show how loving and caring you both are to each others needs. there are relationships that have little arguements and are fulfilling. Hot headed fighting brings too much tension and lesx trust as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Trufita Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 You could talk to him about this, say how you want to work things out and for you two to stop fighting so much. You haven't been together for very long, you might still be getting used to each other. Good luck! We have known eachother for 2 years.In relationship 4 months.It has been serious since day 1 since we both come from traditional homes and want to get married.We had our fights quite a lot and i have a feeling he is getting distant.i admit most of the fights were started by me...i regret it I wonder if there is anything i can do to save this relationship? i am willing to change,just need some opinion on this Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 How to save this? I don't want to generalize, but everyone on this forum in a LDR is trying to save one's own situation... one way or the other. You know, it's not easy for anyone involved. We had our fights quite a lot and i have a feeling he is getting distant.i admit most of the fights were started by me...i regret it I wonder if there is anything i can do to save this relationship? i am willing to change,just need some opinion on this How could we say anything if we don't even know what the fights were about? About missing each other? Him not calling as often as you would like? Him getting drank at night? What exactly?! Anyway, magic word: patience. Show him you can be patient. When you feel like exploding: 1) if he's not around, get busy with something then take it easy when he gets in touch with you, don't be all over him in an aggressive way 2) if he's around count up to 200 hundred before saying what you want to say, and keep your cool and don't sound like a b--ch Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 How to save this? I don't want to generalize, but everyone on this forum in a LDR is trying to save one's own situation... one way or the other. You know, it's not easy for anyone involved. How could we say anything if we don't even know what the fights were about? About missing each other? Him not calling as often as you would like? Him getting drank at night? What exactly?! Anyway, magic word: patience. Show him you can be patient. When you feel like exploding: 1) if he's not around, get busy with something then take it easy when he gets in touch with you, don't be all over him in an aggressive way 2) if he's around count up to 200 hundred before saying what you want to say, and keep your cool and don't sound like a b--ch Fights are mostly when he has to go sleep and i think its too early(well he is working and gets up early i know,i changed this )or when he is out for too long.I often call him then and start fighting Then we also had a major fight because once he said he thinks its still early for us to put "in relationship" on fb! Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Fights are mostly when he has to go sleep and i think its too early(well he is working and gets up early i know,i changed this )or when he is out for too long.I often call him then and start fighting Then we also had a major fight because once he said he thinks its still early for us to put "in relationship" on fb! I have sleeping issues myself. cant stay awake past 10:00 notice difficulty at 9:00. Must make up sleep time before I stay up for a late night of it. Seems with the FB issue he is directly telling you he is not confident things are going well. A sure sign to me you better find out soon what he wants and if he can meet your needs so things are 50/50 between you. Seems like he feels like he is needing space or something. Time to get a clear sheet out and make a list, not to force promises or expectations. Just to know what it is between you both, and either to accept and deal with it, or to redefine your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Fights are mostly when he has to go sleep and i think its too early(well he is working and gets up early i know,i changed this) You can only ask him to be flexible once in a while, to make an exception in rare cases. But for the rest, he's right. or when he is out for too long.I often call him then and start fighting Bad. Bad. Bad. Don't do that anymore. You should discuss any concern later, if ever, not when he's out. You can call him while he's out, but that shouldn't be the rule. Then we also had a major fight because once he said he thinks its still early for us to put "in relationship" on fb! I think he has a right to think it over well, especially after your needy/clingy behavior. When he does that (make it known on FB), it's because he is sure about you. Your first goal now: let him be sure about you. If - in at least a 3-month time and a few visits - he's still unsure about you, you should demand that he makes up his mind. He either wants you as his gf or not. If he does, no need to keep that hidden. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks justwhoiam,you are right.The calling was bad choice 100%,i know it now.But i could not control my self then,i was just angry. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 LDRs are tough because the calls are all you get. Technology helps; be grateful for that. Especially if there are time zones around, be more generous about his need for sleep. Although it's trivial, the FB status thing can be a point of contention. Since you aren't in the same place to be be going places, holding hands, sneaking kiss etc. that status change takes on more significance. However, for you to say that you "want to get married" it makes no sense to me that he couldn't say you are in a relationship on FB. Are you sure you are on the same page regarding your goals for this relationship & how seriously you both take your current entanglement? If you want to "save" this apologize for starting the fights, learn to bite your tongue or at least express your desires more diplomatically so that you don't start fights when your needs are not being met. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 LDRs are tough because the calls are all you get. Technology helps; be grateful for that. Especially if there are time zones around, be more generous about his need for sleep. Although it's trivial, the FB status thing can be a point of contention. Since you aren't in the same place to be be going places, holding hands, sneaking kiss etc. that status change takes on more significance. However, for you to say that you "want to get married" it makes no sense to me that he couldn't say you are in a relationship on FB. Are you sure you are on the same page regarding your goals for this relationship & how seriously you both take your current entanglement? If you want to "save" this apologize for starting the fights, learn to bite your tongue or at least express your desires more diplomatically so that you don't start fights when your needs are not being met. According to him its all about our fights,he doesnt want to put it official on fb and then remove it a month later.To him its a serious thing ,he says he never did it before and when he does he wants to be 100% in our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 That explanation sounds reasonable. Knowing this, why are you still starting fights over it? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 We have known eachother for 2 years. In relationship 4 months Don't even consider an engagement until you have been a couple for at least 12 months. See each other as a partner through all four seasons. If you are a couple who fight, you need to figure out why and get through towards resolutions. Personally, I can't conceive of living with someone I fight with, so that is an alien concept for me... But still, TWELVE MONTHS before discussion marriage. Figure out why you are having issues. OP, you state that you are starting the fights. What are they about and why do you feel like you have to shoulder the blame? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 Don't even consider an engagement until you have been a couple for at least 12 months. See each other as a partner through all four seasons. If you are a couple who fight, you need to figure out why and get through towards resolutions. Personally, I can't conceive of living with someone I fight with, so that is an alien concept for me... But still, TWELVE MONTHS before discussion marriage. Figure out why you are having issues. OP, you state that you are starting the fights. What are they about and why do you feel like you have to shoulder the blame? Well i guess its from my own perspective he is doing something wrong,if he wants to go sleep and its early i get disapointed and then start fight for no reason.Sometimes i just have no idea what happened and why i start it. Link to post Share on other sites
AlephNull Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) Just my opinion here, but marriage is just paperwork with some kind of overblown sentimental meaning to most people, I don't see why you can't talk about it. But if you do, you should approach it with the necessary thoughtfulness it deserves. It can be a tool to get a visa or get a legal "bonus" for being together, but in the end the only thing that matters is how you both feel. And I don't mean feel as in "being in love, with the butterflies and dragons in your stomach", but a true partnership cultivated by the quality time you spend together, how much you understand each other, how much you care for each other and enjoy being together. I'm the kind of person that doesn't act based on "feelings", I don't love my friends yet they are among the people I trust and care for the most. Try seeing your relationship for what it is, not what you feel it is. Feelings can be fleeting, but a true partnership isn't. Anyway, 4 months is still pretty early, and I don't think fighting over petty things will help. Addressing your fights here; some people just NEED to hit the sack early, treasure the time you spend together all you want, but don't make yourself or him a prisoner of that time. Which means, calling him when he's out is NOT BAD in my opinion, just don't fight over it. Ask him how he's doing, tell him that you miss him or something (people like and dislike different things so this may not apply to him). Just don't make the call an annoyance for you both. And if you don't want to be too intrusive with the calls, just text him or look for an alternative. There's not much I can say without knowing you both more though, so take it with a grain of salt. Edited September 6, 2014 by AlephNull Link to post Share on other sites
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