Should I wait for him or not. A mans point of view is welcome.

[kjill]

Had a little argument with my man over a week ago. We are in an LDR and I called him to talk about how often we should see each other and what activities we should share.

 

Well I was kind guilty coz he only got out from work during that hour and I suddenly texted him to call me at a specific hour coz we need to talk. He's not a guy who enjoys texting/calling anyway but he did what I said. I missed the call as I was doing something so I was the one who called later on. From the moment I started talking I knew he's not in the mood to talk and kept on fooling around while I'm being serious. It came to a point I got so pissed off that I said something hurtful to him and hung up. He called but ignored it, then he texted me that he's very sorry and he was just fooling around as he's so tired from work and not ready for a very serious conversation. He continued to plea through text. That continued till next day, no texts but he kept calling, I ignored everything.

 

Days later, I realised that I have my faults to of overreacting and said sorry through text. I was calling but he's not answering. I sent a text asking if we're good, no reply whatsoever. The next day he ring my phone but he cancelled it immediately before I was even able to answer it. I return the call but no answer. I just let the day passed. The next day I kept calling his phone throughout the day. After so many hours he replied he "thinks" we're okay and he's busy.

 

I no longer cared if he was sincere about that, I was just glad that he replied and I told him that. But I continued to text him long texts about how I don't like his behavior after an argument this and that, how a simple reply could make things better and how it's not my habit to keep calling someone if they're ignoring me but I did coz he pushed me to my limit. I even said I'm doing stuff that I don't normally do like extending my patience but I'm doing it coz I think he's worth it, but it feels like I'm only draining my energy. Yes, I told those things to him.

 

Well, it's also unusual for me to be able to say things like this even if it's just through text as I'm very reserved and secretive and have trouble expressing especially to him. I love him, but I don't say it, hes always the one. In fact he was the first one who said it and got nothing in return. He always say that to me that that's the most difficult part of my personality, not being able to express. So after all the long texts I've sent regarding my concerns, he again apologised but said that he's actually quite glad that I was able to express myself and he thinks its good and he said he knows I'll be able to express it fully upclose. Sneak ended the text with another sorry that words of wisdom is all he can give right now. Should I be happy about it?

 

We haven't communicated since, it's been 3 days. Should I start or should I wait for him to call, considering he's a busy man and I'm not. If you want to know about the age difference, there's a 7 years difference and we're both adults. We are new to this relationship when in comes to exclusivity. But we've been dating for about 6 months and had LDR (different time zones) for 8 months then now thàt I'm back in the country and decided to màke our relationship exclusive. We are still on LDR because even though we live in the same country, he's work is 6 hours away.

[kjill]

And btw, I always the one who initiate things that causes problems throughout the relationship coz I overreact and ends up saying hurtful words. He had never done anything to me though, he never got mad. But yes, we have misunderstandings because of the way he replies. Btw this is my first relationship, unlike him. I fear that he will lose all his patience and understanding because of the way I react about simple things. The good thing is I always realised my mistake But afterwards... After all the hurtful words have been said. And take actions immediately by apologising and saying that I will try to avoid doing it the next time and also telling him that he said made me do it too...we're both at fault most of the time...other times it's just me.

Edited September 2, 2014 by kjill

[justwhoiam]

It looks like he took a break from you.

 

From your post I noticed too many games: he calls, you don't pick his calls on purpose, then you text, he doesn't reply...

 

The situation is not good. You're right thinking he will get fed up of this kind of games. He probably will.

 

Try not to be flaky. You texted him to call you at a specific time, then you didn't take the call. It's like you even forgot what you asked him to do or despite making it sound important (we need to talk), you couldn't care less.

Had I been him, I would have been quite bothered. Unless you had a very good reason. Also, did you start the talk (when you called him back) apologizing for not picking his call or for not being around? Or did you just started speaking as if nothing had happened? I would not have liked the latter.

[TAV]

'Well, it's also unusual for me to be able to say things like this even if it's just through text as I'm very reserved and secretive and have trouble expressing especially to him.'

 

It is beyond me how you being the way you are could work for any relationship. You are playing too many immature games. You should ask yourself what your guy is getting out of this since it is also a LDR on top of everything else.

 

There are nicer women around, I hope you are aware of that.

[kjill]

It looks like he took a break from you.

 

From your post I noticed too many games: he calls, you don't pick his calls on purpose, then you text, he doesn't reply...

 

The situation is not good. You're right thinking he will get fed up of this kind of games. He probably will.

 

Try not to be flaky. You texted him to call you at a specific time, then you didn't take the call. It's like you even forgot what you asked him to do or despite making it sound important (we need to talk), you couldn't care less.

Had I been him, I would have been quite bothered. Unless you had a very good reason. Also, did you start the talk (when you called him back) apologizing for not picking his call or for not being around? Or did you just started speaking as if nothing had happened? I would not have liked the latter.

 

 

I texted him right away that I can't answer his call because my mom suddenly called. And the agreement was he call me after he had his dinner, else I'll call at 9. And your other question, yes I apologized but also explained that I'm still quite upset of the way we talked to me during the night before. He was also ignoring my calls a week before that. He called me one time and wanted to visit me home. I said no because I have an appointment at that hour and have the rest of the day...he said he will see if he can visit me later that day. I received no follow ups, I called, he's not answering, he then turned off his phone. The next day he said he was just having his alone time. He only meets with me when it's convenient with him. Always. And it always lead to something else. That's the main focus of this recent argument btw.

[justwhoiam]

Have you ever met this guy in person?

If so, how often do you meet him?

 

If he's a single man in his late 20s/or in his 30s, he has his own routine, and his alone time. Are you trying to change that? Because you'd be forcing that on him.

 

Let him have his time alone. You know, men like to be men, but if you draw back a bit and he feels less loved or cared for, he will notice the change. At that point, you'll discuss things together. They like the attention, etc. but often get lazy putting in some effort. Try not to turn this into some drama.

 

Furthermore, if he thinks of you all the time, he needs to pull the plug now and then. You want him to keep a balance and not become obsessed with you. Slow down and see if you can adjust to each other. If he's just selfish after months together no matter what, then it's up to you to see if that's what you really want.

[kjill]

Have you ever met this guy in person?

If so, how often do you meet him?

 

If he's a single man in his late 20s/or in his 30s, he has his own routine, and his alone time. Are you trying to change that? Because you'd be forcing that on him.

 

Let him have his time alone. You know, men like to be men, but if you draw back a bit and he feels less loved or cared for, he will notice the change. At that point, you'll discuss things together. They like the attention, etc. but often get lazy putting in some effort. Try not to turn this into some drama.

 

Furthermore, if he thinks of you all the time, he needs to pull the plug now and then. You want him to keep a balance and not become obsessed with you. Slow down and see if you can adjust to each other. If he's just selfish after months together no matter what, then it's up to you to see if that's what you really want.

 

 

Yes, I've met him in person, in fact he was my schoolmate since 2010-2013. He has finished two degrees that's why he was my schoolmate in his mid twenties, during his 2nd degree. He's 29 now, a single parent. We became very close over a year ago...we used to see each other everyday at school. When he graduated, we see each other still on occasion. Until I had to stay in a different country for 8 months...during that time we are romantic with each other but no commitment. Till I got back here and he's working 6 hours away.

 

I'm 22. When he say he needs his Father Time, I won't mind it and give it to him as I won't compete with his child. I just don't like it when it seems like he only interacts with me when it's convenient to him when he's in town. I'm currently studying in his hometown, so when he gets home, his time is divided. He only spends 2 days when he happens to get here. But, I think I'm on the wrong here? Since I complain about his time, when we first talk about having commitment he said that it's likely that we only see each other once a month because of finàncial issues and work but I still agreed that I'm okay with it. But since then, he comes home every weekend and spends 2 days in town. Am I realising now that there exist an actual effort in here? Oh my :0

 

And like you said, I remember him saying while we were chatting that to have a healthy relationship, we both need alone time once in a while. Oh my :0

 

So I think right now is I really overreacted and even accuse him of just wanting sex. -_- based on my story, you think his intentions are sincere? Based on the things that happened between the two of us...I'm having second thoughts becàuse I was the one who asked for commitment and I never thought he'd agrree because of what he said about his outlook in life now that he has a kid and his ex doesn't want him anymore, he doesn't think he'll pursue another relationship at all cost unless the woman is compelling enough..he said these things when we were just friends. But I do like him and love him that's why prolonged things until we became bf/gf even I initiated the question.

[justwhoiam]

Hmm, it's rather confusing.

 

So, if I get this right, you started being more than just a friend a year ago? But you're not his girlfriend, right?

 

So, first thing, you need to make it clear you don't want to be a FWB. See what he says. Make a deal with him. Like, we can still see each other and be in touch for the next 3 months, so that you can see if we really match. (You need to be patient, give him his alone time, cope well with the distance, etc.)

 

If he's into it, you'll have a bf/gf relationship, otherwise, you go full NC and leave him alone for good. It's clear that you have feelings for him, and you don't want to risk being the girl for when he's in town, if you know what I mean.

 

And let him pursue you a bit. Give him positive memories, making him happy, put a smile on his face. Give him a massage to make him feel better. That kind of stuff. When he's back home with his son, he will think of you. He'll have to think of his future too.

[kjill]

Hmm, it's rather confusing.

 

So, if I get this right, you started being more than just a friend a year ago? But you're not his girlfriend, right?

 

So, first thing, you need to make it clear you don't want to be a FWB. See what he says. Make a deal with him. Like, we can still see each other and be in touch for the next 3 months, so that you can see if we really match. (You need to be patient, give him his alone time, cope well with the distance, etc.)

 

If he's into it, you'll have a bf/gf relationship, otherwise, you go full NC and leave him alone for good. It's clear that you have feelings for him, and you don't want to risk being the girl for when he's in town, if you know what I mean.

 

And let him pursue you a bit. Give him positive memories, making him happy, put a smile on his face. Give him a massage to make him feel better. That kind of stuff. When he's back home with his son, he will think of you. He'll have to think of his future too.

 

 

Thank you for your reply. Yes, we are now bf/gf. For now, I'll give him space till he's the one to initiate conversation. I simply texted him goodnight hours ago and that's it. I don't want to bug him too much especîally when he's busy with work. He's already coping with my attitude, I should dô the same.

[FitChick]

He doesn't want to raise two children.