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Hello people, I'm in desperate need of advice. I'm in love with a girl from another country, she likes me too and she genuinely cares for me. I won't go much into this but I do have a feeling, I will never find or meet someone like her again.

I've had a very bad experience with someone before, she basically played with me and since then I have trust issues and I've become insecure and lost my self-esteem but I'm working on it.

I don't know why but today I felt so lost today and a lot of negative thoughts are running through my head right now. We like each other a lot and I felt like I should completely stop talking to her, forget her and move on with my life. I know why I felt this way..

1. fear of getting hurt

2. I'm afraid she will lose interest in me because of the long wait. I will visit her next year.

 

To be honest, I don't have much experience with relationships and I'm very immature when it comes to relationships.

 

Secondly, my problem is, I don't know when to ask her out to be my girlfriend. A part of me wants to take things slow and another part of me is afraid of her losing interest in me. She never was in a relationship before, i'm wondering what if she doesn't like online relationships..she works hard, studies hard and helps animals.

 

How do I take things to the next level?

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To be honest, I don't have much experience with relationships and I'm very immature when it comes to relationships.

 

Good for you to be honest about this, so it's time to start moving forward. Only way you can get more experience is by taking a few risks! It's all a part of the game, and the more you can take those risks without your emotions taking over, the better off you'll be. Remember to be grounded, don't let your emotions take control of you.

 

I do have a feeling, I will never find or meet someone like her again.

 

You just said you don't have much relationship experience... so I will bluntly tell you that you can't possibly know just by this feeling that this girl is the last potential partner you will ever have. Being hurt in the past contributes to this belief, so disregard it! (I've been in a situation in the past where I've been played with and hurt so I recognize the feeling).

 

The fact that she is in a different country certainly complicates matters. If you haven't already, Skype her a few times to get more of a feel for communication with her. Face-to-face online communication is more direct and should lessen the anxiety of any future meetups. Don't know how long you've known this girl, so I can't say anything about your planned visit, but that seems to be a decent step forward. Just be calm and grounded and stay positive until that time. Remember that girls can smell desperation a mile away. :)

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I've liked a lot of girls before and they have liked me too but I never made the move to be in a relationship. We've known each other for 3 months now and I have to say, I can be a bit clingy and desperate..I'm trying not to make the same mistake this time. I'm willing to take the risk this time but I don't know when to make my move and ask her out..I feel like If I don't make a move, she's gonna friendzone me and I've never asked her how she feels about me..and never told her how I feel about her.

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You must stop immediately too think that she will friendzone you or these insecurities going to have the best of you and even if you find your self in a relationship with her your insecurities is going to blow it for you,

 

 

 

If she is single and you are, you have the foundation for something good.

 

So start to work on your self, i think its perfect for you to start a relationship with her and start the same time work on your self.

 

How do you work on your self, you write down, you keep journal on your emotions in certain situations, Like if you get jealous when she talks about some other guy she met who helped her or whatever.

 

So you must build your self up because you can only control your self, sure you can control others too with your behavior and this is exactly it. You need to have a strong inner foundation.

 

I say go for it. But be in control of the relationship as much as possible.

 

First lay out your standards for your self

and expectations, lol i actually learn this from my ex. its good stuff, she was smart.

 

Then you must work on your value, what can you bring to the table that she will enjoy, And can you keep her excited for long, i mean are you good at escalating things, cause you need to escalate and you need to use every aspect of handling a relationship.

 

The best part is that practice makes perfect.

You decide your self if this relationship serves you and also her of course, but it you not happy she wont be. and if you insecure you gonna push her away.

 

If someone would tell you, its easy, they just very cold and insensitive persons, But truth is that you sometimes need to be a bit cold. Not to someone else, but cold with the emotions. Cause emotions can be a bitch and insecurities too. So you must trust good things will come to you. And you must not manifest your insecurities and worries.

 

 

So Start finding material, The leading man with Scot Mckay

Supreme Self Confidence by Slade Shaw.

 

most of all on your pursuit of love, Do your own passion, if you lose it for a woman you lose her, cause really, the thing that defines you is not a woman, its your passions in life. So do what you want to do, And if you find people who want to tag along its great, but dont lose your self in someone else and live your life through them....

 

Be honest with your self. All men and woman want partners, Some can be great trustworthy partners, and some not so much and some really bad.

It is possible to develop a good thing with this woman, but what are you willing to give up, Family, work, school? Will you be assertive or will you give here the power to tell you what do.

 

You must sometimes to be secure see things from a perspective of abundance. Yea she might be pretty special, but so are you and the rest of the world. You set value on your self and it will show to others. You set standards, you make your self happy, People who like you and want to be with you will meet your standards. And you can make sure you meet theirs and even better coming from a strong position exceed theirs and they will love you even more. Cause everyone wants to be valued high. But not everyone put high value on them selfs. Some are just plain ruthless, and you must look out for that and manipulative persons. They will use your good energy to boost them selfs and make you become their puppet or suck the energy out of you, And you will give it away cause you feel sorry for them or you become needy,

 

DONT BECOME NEEDY!!! You need you self. You need to be able to sit down in your armchair and feel harmonious about life and that you not worried someone is going to cheat on you or lie. So you need to open up for this, By being safe and secure, people must feel secure to be honest sometimes, Sad but true. So you need to find ways to deal with this:

This book can be of interest:

Henrik Fexeus Maktskolan / Power Tools Pt.1 | Readable But im not sure its out in English yet. But probably will come.

 

I agree with Polak to Skype, And if you gonna have a LTR = Long term relationship, Be sure to Use skype calling as a foundation, Either video or phone, Why not alternate. Remember you decide what you want. She might have a desire to see you, but you decide to only call, and then plan a video date later. Just know what you want and stay true to that.

 

Basically if you text and write a lot its going to be more misunderstandings and less real commitment. People tend to hide behind texting and chatting.

So Use Skype calls more and you two will feel more happy about the relationship.

 

And finally, If you gonna break up, Break up but DONT go back, Cause you will cause too much damage by breaking up and going back, On and Off relationships are damaging and if you find your self in one, get out of it or fully commit.

 

So Its good you found out why you wanna break up, Take the risk and face the fear you have and make it go away, and trust in a good outcome, No matter what man ill tell you, its not going to break you what ever happens, its going to make you wiser, So trust in your self that you can manage whatever happens.

 

Have fun and be funny. Life is so good when you can laugh, People that can laugh about stupid **** and just not take them selfs so serious in a universe where we are small as a grain of sand compared to whats out there...

 

Smiles

Edited by NewHumbleMe
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been there done that. and i never had a reason for it. for almost 3 years ive been in a ldr and i can tell you this. communicate a lot cause it is importan. it will be amazing to see each other again. the more you worry and you show her that you are worried will create a mess in her head. "i didnt remember if this was a girl or boy". it can come out at you dont trust her or that your not confident enough to trust the relationship.

 

 

make her invest in you. it makes her value the relationship more. the more you put her above you so to speak will make her feel like she didnt invest anything so basically shes got not as much to loose. it takes two to make it work so work together.

 

explanation. money and time are two big investments. dont pay for everything , sure you can spoil her but you also want something back like a massage, maybe she pays for the food sometimes etc. time is well exactly what it sounds like. the more time she spends on you, it can be texting , phonecalls, time together will all be something nobody can get back, it makes it worth something.

 

 

 

will you find someone like her? yes. you dont know her well enough so she is replaceable. its not to sound mean but it is the truth. if you dont know anything about relationships. do study it now. read on the internet , ask people here. because being afraid like you are is a bad sign that you might act out on.

 

ive been talking every day with my girl. and we talk about everything. it makes me value her more because of all the time we are sharing. shes now my best friend too. dont be afraid of something you cant control. be afraid of something you didnt work for.

Edited by chados
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sdrawkcaB ssA

Being young seems to make things seem so hurried. I did a lot of things thinking that this or that is what they expect. In reality, be open as much as you can, and allow her to say what she feels. There will be some misunderstandings, especially when Yank words are so diff to UK words or someone who knows English as a second language.

 

She will protect herself and you if she loves you. So be careful not to mistake her luv for you as being loose in letting you make judgement. Don't rush but keep honest with her and yourself.

 

I know a year sounds so long, but in reality if things are doing well, a year goes by so fast. I remember our 3rd year that came up, and reminded her of our 3rd year Anniversary. It blew her away to how fast time came and went. The only trouble for us is that we are so far away and long deeply for each other. Just wee moments to catch her voice or video chat means so much. When you truly have such love, time can never take it away, unless you give up in being loving and understanding.

 

The main difference with LDR and local ones is, a lot of trust is being tested, and both when committing to the relationship will have to allow for leeway. partially open relationship so to speak, being that she or you can enjoy life and not feel that going on outings with peeps will be an issue.

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We all want to be clingy and we should in the beginning. But we must let them cling on us too. When you know that you always have something but you don't have to invest yourself it can get bad. They need to feel that they have to work for it too.

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