How can I get her back in a LDR?

[JohnSmith91]

My girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We were madly in love, talked about living together, kids, travelling, everything. The first 7 months, we were both living in the same city studying and everything was great. When summer came, and we went home to our parents houses for the summer (45 minutes apart), our communication started to fade. We were used to seeing each other every day, but now we called and texted each day and saw each other every other week because of work and family vacations. The problem was that the calls and texts turned in to a routine, and there was no passion. Just explaining what we have done, and nothing more.

 

This fall, she moved back to her parents to go study there, and she said that the way we communicated with no passion, we would not survive a long distance relationship (which I agree on). So she broke it off, but still wants to text and talk to me often, as well as meet when we are in the same city. She says that she loves me (but not IN love with me anymore), and hope that we somehow can regain the passion by taking it slow, talking and seeing each other without commitments. She also wants me to be more spontaneous to make the relationship exciting.

 

We are on really good terms, and I am hoping to regain the passion, as I am moving to her city in 9 months. She said that we probably still would have been together if she had not moved. Should I do as we have discussed, talking to each other and meeting without commitments to see if we can regain the passion? What is the best approach here? I have also heard that I should break it off totally to avoid getting hurt (and for her to miss me), but I don’t really want that… Any advice is appreciated!

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't want to do the distance thing. She wasn't a BF who is right there. You can't be that for her now so you have to let her go. I know that isn't what you wanted to hear.

 

Good news: you are a free man for the start of this semester & all the possibilities that holds. Enjoy!

[JohnSmith91]

Thanks for an honest answer.

I have accepted that we are over for now, but should I still keep in touch with her like she wants to until I get back in the same city, trying to do some flirting in order to light a fire so that we maybe can get back together in 9 months? Or is it better to cut all communication and see what happens when I move to her city again?

[d0nnivain]

Only you know what is best for you. If you want to fully get over her, NC is a healing tool. If you are wondering about future reconciliation some communication may be OK but understand if either of you gets a new relationship, being "friends" with an EX will detrimental to that new relationship.

[JohnSmith91]

Yes, that makes sense. For now, I think maybe I will try keeping in touch with her and see how it plays out, at least until our next meet in person. When we met in person after the breakup, we cuddled and spoke like we were sort of dating. We also exchanged some small kisses before she said it was not a good idea. I do not want to be (just) her friend, and I have made that clear to her. So if a new relationship appears, the contact will undoubtedly be terminated.

[justwhoiam]

Should I do as we have discussed, talking to each other and meeting without commitments to see if we can regain the passion?

When you drive your car, you can decide where to go. When someone else is driving the car, you'll be taken where they want to. Are you fine with that? If so, be ready to be taken anywhere, even to the worst place ever. If you are not fine with that, don't comply with what she said.

 

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think any passion can be regained by being passive. Passion requires action. Passion means fireworks, while you're willing to light a candle.