loldruid1 Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm in an LDR with a girl from another state. Can you guys/gals help me gauge this girl's actions? My gut tells me that she has a really low level of interest in me, and I feel like she's stringing me along. Here goes: We have been together for 4 months now and have seen each other physically several times. In the beginning she was sending me text message throughout the day, wanting to talk at night, not wanting to hang up, staying up late with me on skype, wanting to sleep with skype open. These actions demonstrated a high level of interest in me at that time. However, now things have changed. Now, she rarely if ever, texts me, even rarely calls me. We Skyped on a Friday because I am accompanying her on a trip to go help her cousin move in to college in Boston. She has never been to Boston, and is usually afraid to travel alone. Anyways, we talked on Friday and I told her to feel free to call me anytime as I am on vacation and she is working. She texted me on Sunday while I was asleep at 4 A.M. After a few texts when I woke up, I told her that I know she's busy this week and that "I want to give you some love" (really corny, I know), "feel free to call me anytime as I will probably be out and about this week." That was on Sunday. She didn't respond AT ALL. These next couple of days were agony for me, but I waited until Wednesday to contact her. She told me that she was stressed out and packing for a trip she was taking the next morning. She sad "I'm going to have to cut this conversation short." She didn't say "Oh it's nice to hear from you, or it's nice talking to you," or anything of the sort. Admittedly, she was packing and stressed out, but her voice was all business. I asked what was going on this week and she said, "this was a very busy and stressful week for me." And yet, she was still very active on social media. She asked me "Did I make you feel unwanted?" I got a feeling like she was doing this on purpose. Like she was punishing me for something, it's weird I know. Anyway, she said I'll talk to you on Monday so we can decide what we're going to to on our Boston trip. She told me that she will have signal on her trip, and that I can contact her if I want. So far, she left Thursday morning and has not contacted me at all (It's Friday). I think she probably wont contact me at all this whole weekend. I don't know if I'm being too needy, if this is her personality, or if she really has a low level of interest in me. My gut keeps telling me that she's holding herself back for some reason, that she's no longer communicating and putting in the effort. But, I don't know why. Anyways, what do you all think? Is this how you treat your significant other? Edited August 15, 2014 by loldruid1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 No, you're not being needy. I think your gut instinct is correct. It seems she's checking out but doesn't quite know how to pull the plug. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loldruid1 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Thanks for your response, do you have any advice on what I can do? How should I bring it up? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 "Bringing it up" has been tried a gazillion times over the course of history. It doesn't have a very good track record. Maybe just don't? Obviously that's almost impossible for your own need to contact her. But if you manage, it clearly puts the ball in her court. Give it some thought, I hope you manage to go silent on her in turn, and maybe you can return to LS to report on the outcome. If she's really trying to starve you, you should show her you can hunger, or feed somewhere else, if you get my drift. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loldruid1 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 "Bringing it up" has been tried a gazillion times over the course of history. It doesn't have a very good track record. Maybe just don't? Obviously that's almost impossible for your own need to contact her. But if you manage, it clearly puts the ball in her court. Give it some thought, I hope you manage to go silent on her in turn, and maybe you can return to LS to report on the outcome. If she's really trying to starve you, you should show her you can hunger, or feed somewhere else, if you get my drift. I think I get what you're saying, I just have to dominate my emotions and "feed somewhere else" as you say. If you're interested I will report the outcome. I won't bring anything up, but maybe will mirror her actions instead of completely going silent on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Passively letting her know that you can "feed elsewhere" is your best bet. That question she asked about being unwanted is evidence that she is starting to back up bigtime (to me at least). You can mirror her actions, but I think the fastest way to get to the bottom of it will be to remain completely silent, like umirano said. Hold out until she responds first. A long distance relationship requires equal levels of effort and determination from both sides to make it work. Trust your gut! And keep us posted, I'm interested to see what the response will be. Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Ask her, confront the issue, give her a nice lesson of how not to be a coward instead of joining the rules she set up for HER game. That's going to take you nowhere and if it does, getting there will include suspense and prolonged pain. Communication at all times is key in all relationships and in long distance that's all you're hanging from. Don't think about how you're going to look or how you're going to relieve her guilt by bringing up how you feel or how she must be the first to do it, just make sure you don't owe any honesty to yourself and you walk out of it (if that's even what's coming, you really don't know because you two have failed to communicate like adults) with your head up and fast. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 How old is this chick? Link to post Share on other sites
koreice Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Sounds like a position i was just recently in. She might be losing interest or having doubts about your relationship. Even if she was stressed out or busy if she really liked you she wouldve found time to contact you. You are no being too needy she probably has another reason for not contacting you. And i know it sucks being ignored when before it seemed like she loved you so much. Trust me man i been there Link to post Share on other sites
Author loldruid1 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Passively letting her know that you can "feed elsewhere" is your best bet. That question she asked about being unwanted is evidence that she is starting to back up bigtime (to me at least). You can mirror her actions, but I think the fastest way to get to the bottom of it will be to remain completely silent, like umirano said. Hold out until she responds first. A long distance relationship requires equal levels of effort and determination from both sides to make it work. Trust your gut! And keep us posted, I'm interested to see what the response will be. Thanks, will do! But what do you guys mean when you say, "remain completely silent?" Also, is letting her know that I can "feed elsewhere" mean telling her "Oh, I'm out with a friend right now" etc.? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loldruid1 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Sounds like a position i was just recently in. She might be losing interest or having doubts about your relationship. Even if she was stressed out or busy if she really liked you she wouldve found time to contact you. You are no being too needy she probably has another reason for not contacting you. And i know it sucks being ignored when before it seemed like she loved you so much. Trust me man i been there Yeah it really sucks, it's just the anxiety and the feeling like I'm in some sort of limbo that is killing me Link to post Share on other sites
Author loldruid1 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 How old is this chick? She is 23. I wonder how I can let her now that she's losing me....? Because even though this is making me very anxious, I feel that little by little I'm beginning to lose interest in her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 She is 23. I wonder how I can let her now that she's losing me....? Because even though this is making me very anxious, I feel that little by little I'm beginning to lose interest in her. Just talk to her. Be gentle but direct, and explain your concerns about her lack of contact and seemingly dwindling desire. Don't try to make her feel she's losing you, as that could very well backfire. Ask her if she's still on the same page as you and that you can handle it if she isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 whatever her intentions might be shes clearly being an ass. dont text her at all. if you feel that its better for yourself to tell her then do it. tell her that you got better things to do then text her when she doesnt reply for days, simple as that. absolutely redicilious. i mean even a friend that does that several times over again it would start to bother me. if they dont want your time or take you for granted then dont give them your time. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Just talk to her. Be gentle but direct, and explain your concerns about her lack of contact and seemingly dwindling desire. Don't try to make her feel she's losing you, as that could very well backfire. Ask her if she's still on the same page as you and that you can handle it if she isn't. i disagree with this. if she doesnt give him her time then she should loose him and he should make that very clear to hear. because else he might loose her and thats not something that he deserves or want too. shes not worth keeping if she acts like hes not there. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I have a different view. Well, of course everything is possible. But I get the feeling that it's you that are too needy. You can't measure people based on only few days. in every relationship, especially LDR you must have the ability to understand that sometimes your GF has other issues on her mind than you, and sometimes she can feel tired, or has the need to reduce communication with others or with you. Maybe LDR is not for you, man. I know for sure it's not for me, because i, like you, need a high speed frequency communication, and LDR would have made me totally insecure. I think that your upcoming trip together says she did not lose interest with you, because if she did, she would have canceled this trip with you. I advice not to do anything yet. Be patient and wait till you meet her on your mutual trip, then you will know better what exactly is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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