dime89 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Hey guys. This is my first post here so nice to meet you. I have found myself in a bit of an interesting situation with girl. I apologize in advance for the long post. OK. So I met this girl online a year or two ago. We chatted...(a little text, a little video chatting) had some fun...then it kind of fizzled out and we went on our way. Well somehow a few months ago we "crossed paths" (started talking again). Turns out we were both still HIGHLY attracted to each other. We started talking a lot - including text, phone, and skype. Things got pretty umm...sexual sometimes for lack of a better term. Anyways one day she told me she didn't felt like we shouldn't be as "sexual" for now. She didn't feel comfortable doing it all the time when we weren't really dating and it seemed to be moving quickly. Due to where both are at (both geographically and in our lives) we can't really be together in person however we still talk all the time. We talk pretty much all day everyday through texting, the phone, and skype. We still aren't as sexual as before and every time she starts to get flirty she stops. It's almost like she is not allowing herself to like me. She knows I'm not comfortable saying we are just friends (only because of the negative connotation of that term in some girls eyes in regards to a future together). I can't believe that she sees it as strictly friends because of the amount we talk and like each other. I have friends of the opposite sex and we don't talk as much as I do with her. It seems as if neither of us want to lose the other completely but don't really want to fall for someone with our current situations. The problem is somehow I've started to care for her (hence why I haven't quit talking to her). I'm just not sure how to feel or what to do. If anyone has any experience or could give advice that would be great! Or maybe someone could give me some insight on what's going on in her head? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 She's sexy but doesn't want to either lead you on and make you think there's more to this, or she may feel that her behaviour is a bit sluttish, particularly as the likelihood of you getting together seems remote. Or does she have a BF? Maybe she feels guilty, because of him, or may feel guilty for getting flirty with you, if she then meets someone else. What if he finds out? What if it makes you jealous and resentful? Or - All of the above. Very likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dime89 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Thanks for the reply. No she doesn't have a BF or other interest. She even goes so far as to make it clear to me that there is nobody else - and continues to talk to me all the time. Part of the reason for confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 In my experience, once you get sexual with someone online, things start to move at the speed of light and without concrete plans of actually meeting, one of you will end up feeling very frustrated and resentful at the very least, or as in most cases, both of you will end up very hurt and cooling off the entire thing you two have. She's doing the right thing and so should you. As great and harmless as it may feel, you don't have a relationship or have even met in person... you're playing with fire. If you want something meaningful with this girl outside the limits of interacting online and virtual sex, you'll have to figure out how to save money for the airplane and use a long weekend in the calendar to pay her a visit as soon as you can before it all burns in the air. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Due to where both are at (both geographically and in our lives) we can't really be together in person Please elaborate. I guess this is the core of the matter. Does it mean you can't meet frequently? Does it mean you're not willing to meet her at all? Or...? Link to post Share on other sites
Rinner Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Have you told her that you want a relationship? And I agree with justwhoiam, we need more information on the location/not being able to be together thing. She could be weirded out if you're not interested in meeting her or something like that. It's also possible that the girl really does like you and just isn't interested in a long distance relationship. They are very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 (edited) I think that when it comes to online connections such as the one you described, if you take too long to meet then it becomes futile, there will always be a doubt as to whether you would have anything in real life and it remains more of a fantasy. She has realised this and likely feels that continueing to be sexual is not only futile but too fantasy based. The biggest mistake to make with an online connection is not making a physical one soon enough to put doubt to bed (pardon the pun). Edited July 22, 2014 by OnlyHonesty Link to post Share on other sites
Author dime89 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Please elaborate. I guess this is the core of the matter. Does it mean you can't meet frequently? Does it mean you're not willing to meet her at all? Or...? We are currently a couple states away. My job has me moving around the country for the next couple years. She is still living at home and taking night classes. I think still being around all her family and friends makes it difficult because she is worried about the negative connotations of meeting someone online. I've picked up on her saying things like "I wish we could hang out instead of just Skype." We have mentioned before about meeting but haven't talked seriously about it...especially since things aren't as hot and heavy now. We still kinda joke around ("hey wanna hang out later?" "Yeah sure") just being playful. I could/would be on a plane tomorrow if she wanted me to but I think what I mentioned about her family and friends causes an issue. Obviously she is younger than me (19 I'm 24) and we have discussed how the online thing is new to us so we have both been a little leery about it. I don't think either of us planned on any kind of feelings but we still talk everyday and there seems to be something there...even if we aren't saying it as much now. It's weird feeling something but not knowing what to do..... Thanks again everyone. Sorry for rambling haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 We are currently a couple states away. My job has me moving around the country for the next couple years. She is still living at home and taking night classes. I think still being around all her family and friends makes it difficult because she is worried about the negative connotations of meeting someone online. I've picked up on her saying things like "I wish we could hang out instead of just Skype." We have mentioned before about meeting but haven't talked seriously about it...especially since things aren't as hot and heavy now. We still kinda joke around ("hey wanna hang out later?" "Yeah sure") just being playful. I could/would be on a plane tomorrow if she wanted me to but I think what I mentioned about her family and friends causes an issue. Obviously she is younger than me (19 I'm 24) and we have discussed how the online thing is new to us so we have both been a little leery about it. I don't think either of us planned on any kind of feelings but we still talk everyday and there seems to be something there...even if we aren't saying it as much now. It's weird feeling something but not knowing what to do..... Thanks again everyone. Sorry for rambling haha. I think she probably does like you, if she's spending that much time talking to you, but due to circumstances in her life she probably thinks that a LDR is out of the question. To be frank, though, if you can't (or won't) meet each other IRL then the whole thing does seem pretty pointless. You'd need at least the first meeting to ascertain whether you both are still attracted to each other IRL. And many more than that to get the R to a point where the distance can potentially be closed. Stay in contact with her if you like but don't put all your eggs in her basket, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts