xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Okay, so I'm going out with a really sweet girl from Denmark, and I live in the uk... so we're quite far away from eachother... and I'm just not sure I'm cut out for this type of relationship - I find it hard enough dealing with Normal relationships, cuz of my trust issues and anxiety.. (which I gained after past experiences, I wasn't always like that..) and I love this girl so much I couldn't live without her, she is everything to me, she is my life, and I just couldn't cope with losing her, although I almost have on a few occasions when we had arguments, which I look back on and there was barely anything there to argue about - but because of these issues, everything just seems so suspicious and I can't go a day without worrying.. quite frankly, its agonizing... I love this girl so much, and I can't break the relationship up just cuz I'm bad at coping, we have so much in common.. we were just meant for eachother, I've never met a girl so perfect with nothing wrong with them (and I'm not just saying that out of love, I'm quite a down to earth person with people, and always tell if they have their faults... but she is just perfect... or as close as you could possibly get..) She's so loyal and sweet... but I'm always terrified that maybe its all a big lie, maybe she's just great at acting sweet and loyal.. maybe she is having affairs behind my back, and getting her friends to cover it up by telling me how loyal she is when I ask... etc... I just cannot cope with thinking what she could be up to behind my back, I'm just not cut out for a relationship at all... but I love her so much.. she's a part of my heart now.... well, she pretty much IS my heart, cuz if I lost her... I'd die... thanks for reading if anybody took the time ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Ok a) you're signature is an eyesore, it's very busy and distracting. b) You're being too paranoid and honestly don't sound emotionally ready to be in any kind of relationship whatsoever. You also sound very, very young. I wouldn't peg you as being older than 20 at most. My vote? Don't end things with her and just take things day by day. You really are over-thinking this. A piece of advice though, you're pedestalizing this girl to ridiculous and embarrassing degrees: stop that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Ok a) you're signature is an eyesore, it's very busy and distracting. b) You're being too paranoid and honestly don't sound emotionally ready to be in any kind of relationship whatsoever. You also sound very, very young. I wouldn't peg you as being older than 20 at most. My vote? Don't end things with her and just take things day by day. You really are over-thinking this. A piece of advice though, you're pedestalizing this girl to ridiculous and embarrassing degrees: stop that. yeah... that's pretty much what I'm trying to say... I can't trust anyone, and don't feel I'm ready for even a friendly relationship... and that's cuz I'm 16 ^^ I don't want to end it with her, cuz it'd be the same as ending my own life.. not that that's ever stopped me trying just that in the past... I just have a habit of overthinking things, I think I need somebody professional to talk to, but I'm bad at that kinda thing face-to-face, and I wouldn't know how to get help... I'd love to take it day by day, and I've tried in the past... but I always screw it up :/ and pedestalizing? wuzzat? ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
ldrgirl6 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Hi! I am/was in a similar situation with my boyfriend. I met him online 8 months ago and we clicked straight away, we started to like eachother straight away and within a month we fell in love. But, we didnt think we could handle this type of relationship as we are both only 16 but we decided to give it a go because we love eachother and it turns out it was the best decision we have ever made! Our relationship is stronger than most and he's coming here to meet me in a few weeks! Aslong as you call/text/skype everyday then it can work, you just have to make sure your both fully committed. Arguments are very normal, me and my boyfriend argue sometimes because of the distance and jealousy etc but you just have to realise that you both love eachother very much and are on the same page. The relationship will not work without trust. If she loves you as much as you love her then she will not cheat on you. As long as you speak to her when your worried about things like this then it will work, you just need to be open and honest with her about how you feel or else she cant help you. Im not saying it will be easy because i would be lying, but if you both love eachother then it will be worth it. Also, dont compare this to your past relationships, this is completely different. Mine and my boyfriend have both had bad relationships in the past but we both made eachother forget about them and we moved on together. If you keep telling yourself that your going to 'screw it up' then your just going to spend your days waiting for it to happen. Just be positive! Anyway, I hope this was helpful Good luck with everything, let us know what you decide to do! Edited July 10, 2014 by ldrgirl6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kimiky Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Hey you are a very young boy... Don't start to stress. To begin, for how many time have you been talking to this girl to say that she is your everything? I'm feeling that due to how young you are, not that much... But hey, you have all the time in this world. Distance doesn't matter, you both will have an opportunity some day in your life, just be patient, because if she happens to be your match made in heaven, it will be worth it. As Hydra said, take it day by day, things will go calming down, you will get a routine with her, you will pass through a lot of situations, and talking with her will help you go through all that with the less possible stress. The beggining of this is kind of disturbing, i mean, you suffer a lot, think about the distance, get depressed, you don't know what to do, but it's possible to get out of it. Just be patient, and if she is perfect for you, don't give up on her. I've been talking with mine since i was 16, and we are going to meet very soon, im 20 by now i thought we would never meet, at least until we were adults, things turned really well despite all the difficulties. By pedestalizing, he meant, you don't know her yet, and you are describing her as she was a queen sitting on her throne. I know how you feel, but you need to calm down, or you will get more hurt than usual if something happens or she isn't what you expected 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Thanks both of you ^^ @Ldrgirl6 your relationship sounds VERY similar to mine... I'm in the middle of quite a nasty argument at the moment... it does happen sometimes, mainly because I just get so anxious and jealous easily... after all, she's the only person who has any meaning to me, and if I lost her... well lets just say, I don't wanna lose her :/ thanks ^^ @kimiky about 3 years now, we've helped eachother through so much, she helped me through plenty of bouts of depression, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, gender dsyphoria... and to be honest, she's the only reason I'm still alive today happy to hear yours went well ^^ I may have to wait anywhere between 4-12 or maybe more... months to see mine, and its just crushing me, cuz I'm always so anxious of what even the most loyal gil might be doing behind my back :/ but I get it now, thanks ^^ but to be honest, I couldn't be hurt anymore than if I lost her under any circumstance... she is everything to me.. and I'm going to treat her like that ^^ thanks ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
ldrgirl6 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Thanks both of you ^^ @Ldrgirl6 your relationship sounds VERY similar to mine... I'm in the middle of quite a nasty argument at the moment... it does happen sometimes, mainly because I just get so anxious and jealous easily... after all, she's the only person who has any meaning to me, and if I lost her... well lets just say, I don't wanna lose her :/ thanks ^^ It does sound very similar, thats why i thought id try give you advice. My boyfriend is exactly like you and thats why we used to argue a lot, i kinda found it cute because it showed how much he loved me, but i think if you speak to her about your worries and concerns then it will put your mind at ease. You need to just trust her, she's obviously with you because she feels the same way. If you ever need to talk, im always here, i know what it's like 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 LDRS are hard at any age. They are practically impossible to sustain when you have never met. You are over thinking this & putting too much pressure on yourselves. While I'm not generally a fan of breaks I do think they work at your age. Tell her you can't handle this any more. You want to be friends but not BF/GF right now. Explain you are both missing out by being so far apart. Date others but make a plan to actually get together when you are 19 or 20 & can afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 @ldrgirl6 thanks ^^ sounds VERY similar... my gf always says its cute and stuff, but I just think I overeact... I wouldn't mind if she had issues, I'd find it kinda cute, but a strong-willed person like me.. worrying over 1 girl, it just isn't me, I feel like my ex destroyed me pretty much, I just don't think I'll ever be able to trust the same again but we just started to settle our argument now ^^ my mind Is ate ease after our arguments... but only ever for a couple of days max, before I finds something else to worry about :/ thanks a lot! ^^ @D0nnivain thanks for the advice ^^ but I just don't think I could handle a break, I find it hard enough coping when she goes out somewhere and I can't talk to her... but a break, I know I just couldn't do ^^ she just means too much to me to be considered just a friend, and I ESPECIALLY couldn't handle dating others 0_0 hell, her being with other guys is why I worry so much... I just couldn't cope with seeing her do stuff only we should be doing with other guys... cuddling, hugging, kissing, sharing her first... and possibly getting attached to another guy, and never being together again... and them getting married, having kids, and eventually dying together... I want to be her first, last and only... and be with her through her entire life, just like she has been to me ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 That's way too unrealistic for your current stage in life & the fact that you have never met. It's a lovely dream but it makes me worried for you. Your expectations are completely out of whack for the situation & you will end up getting hurt. Talk to your parents. Ask them to get you therapy. You can't place this much emphasis for your own happiness on external factors. It's very unlikely that you will end up married to your 1st love. Link to post Share on other sites
ldrgirl6 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 @ldrgirl6 thanks ^^ sounds VERY similar... my gf always says its cute and stuff, but I just think I overeact... I wouldn't mind if she had issues, I'd find it kinda cute, but a strong-willed person like me.. worrying over 1 girl, it just isn't me, I feel like my ex destroyed me pretty much, I just don't think I'll ever be able to trust the same again but we just started to settle our argument now ^^ my mind Is ate ease after our arguments... but only ever for a couple of days max, before I finds something else to worry about :/ thanks a lot! ^^/QUOTE] You need to move on from your ex. This is a different girl, she is not your ex so just start fresh, forget everything that happened in the past. You just need to stop worrying about everything and see what happens otherwise your just going to keep waiting for something bad to happen. Be positive, she obviously cares for you a lot otherwise she wouldnt be in this relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 @ldrgirl6 thanks ^^ sounds VERY similar... my gf always says its cute and stuff, but I just think I overeact... I wouldn't mind if she had issues, I'd find it kinda cute, but a strong-willed person like me.. worrying over 1 girl, it just isn't me, I feel like my ex destroyed me pretty much, I just don't think I'll ever be able to trust the same again but we just started to settle our argument now ^^ my mind Is ate ease after our arguments... but only ever for a couple of days max, before I finds something else to worry about :/ thanks a lot! ^^/QUOTE] You need to move on from your ex. This is a different girl, she is not your ex so just start fresh, forget everything that happened in the past. You just need to stop worrying about everything and see what happens otherwise your just going to keep waiting for something bad to happen. Be positive, she obviously cares for you a lot otherwise she wouldnt be in this relationship! thanks... but I just can.. my heart has moved on, but my mind can't... I absolutely despise my ex... I'm not the kind of person to hate people... but she's one of the few people I truly hate... thanks... but I can't be positive at the moment... the arguments kinda flared back up again... and I feel like I'm going to lose the one girl that matters to me :'( and my life... Link to post Share on other sites
ldrgirl6 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 thanks... but I just can.. my heart has moved on, but my mind can't... I absolutely despise my ex... I'm not the kind of person to hate people... but she's one of the few people I truly hate... thanks... but I can't be positive at the moment... the arguments kinda flared back up again... and I feel like I'm going to lose the one girl that matters to me :'( and my life... You just have to tell yourself that they are two completely different people. You cant keep comparing her to your ex, it will ruin your relationship. You need to speak about things rather than arguing, it means that arguments will be less likely to happen. Also, whenever you feel an argument about to happen just take a deep breathe and tell her your going to take a 5 minute break. That way your preventing the arguments from happening. This is something that me and my boyfriend have recently started doing and we havent argued in ages. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 You just have to tell yourself that they are two completely different people. You cant keep comparing her to your ex, it will ruin your relationship. You need to speak about things rather than arguing, it means that arguments will be less likely to happen. Also, whenever you feel an argument about to happen just take a deep breathe and tell her your going to take a 5 minute break. That way your preventing the arguments from happening. This is something that me and my boyfriend have recently started doing and we havent argued in ages. Stay strong! thanks for your help ^^ you have helped... quite a lot ^^ thanks! but yeah... I kinda tried to talk... but it never works well with me... I get anxious and worried, and kinda overreact a little... I tried to calm to argument down again by telling her how much she means to me and how much I love her, but yeah... it settled down for a few minutes... now it's gotten even more out of hand :'( thanks for the advice though ^^ and I'll try... Link to post Share on other sites
ldrgirl6 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 thanks for your help ^^ you have helped... quite a lot ^^ thanks! but yeah... I kinda tried to talk... but it never works well with me... I get anxious and worried, and kinda overreact a little... I tried to calm to argument down again by telling her how much she means to me and how much I love her, but yeah... it settled down for a few minutes... now it's gotten even more out of hand :'( thanks for the advice though ^^ and I'll try... I know how hard it can be but you just need to take it day by day, everything happens for a reason so if this is meant to be, then it will work out. Just try stay calm when your arguing. I hope everything is a bit better now! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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