sarahh000 Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Okay I need help, this is a long story but I'll leave out the details. I've been in a long distance relationship for two years, we haven't met yet, I'm only 15 and aren't allowed to travel to my boyfriend who's 18.He on the other hand claims that he's trying to get here whenever I ask but he's not trying very hard at all.He got a job and actually faught to get here but then he cheated on me and even after I had confronted the girl he cheated with he kept denying it and he kept denying that he knew her though they were in a relationship openly behind my back and she confirmed it.We broke up. Couple of months later we got back togheter after she dumped him for another guy she was already with behind HIS back (f-ing mess i know).I only decided to forgive him because I love him and we have never met anyway so..and because he had never met her either though she at least lived in the same country. I usually have no luck in boys in real life and i've never had a real life boyfriend only been on a few dates with one person two years ago but now there's all of a sudden two different boys in my town who likes me and I have a serious crush on one of them I didn't even know he liked me back but turned out he does.He's never said it straight out but he has hinted it out clearly.He's a cool guy though and he barely ever talks to me after he found out i'm not single, my friends says it's because he wants to be more than friends. I hid my relationshipstatus from him on facebook but when I did it was too late and he had already seen it, now all he has to do is to enter my boyfriends facebook to see that we are still togheter since he's got his relationship status for everyone to see. I don't know what to do, I don't wanna go behind my boyfriends back like he did to me but it feels like the only option-lying to both him and this other guy-because that's the only way for me to get to know him better and maybe eventually if he does like me and I start liking him even more I can break up with my current boyfriend. But right now i'm just constantly confused over my own feelings, I can't talk to this guy because there is no point and he might think I'm a s lut who flirts with everyone and I don't want that, I can't break up with my boyfriend because as far as I know he has been faithful since the last breakup although his behavior has gotten stranger in general and it seems as though he rather talks about his problems and stuff with his closest female friends than to me.He never tells me anything. He does talk about "our future" but I don't know how well I can trust him anymore, sometimes it feels like he's just full of **** but I tell myself I'm being stupid and insecure.What do you think? Like I said i'm afraid of breaking up with him because of my interest in this local guy because I could easily change my mind and then it might be over forever though I feel like I can't do anything and I constantly feel guilty about my feelings. Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend but my feelings are slowly fading at the same time they are as strong as usual sometimes. What should I do? Should I create a new facebook account where I don't add my bf and remove my current? though that probably wouldn't work too well since I'd have to use the same name otherwise people would wonder. I'm stuck, I keep catching myself hoping for him to break up with me so it doesn't have to be me or my responsibilty if it ends or not at the same time I'm scared of losing him. Please help me? Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Delete him from any type of social media immediately. Send him a message in any form you feel comfortable with telling him it's over and begin NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahh000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Delete him from any type of social media immediately. Send him a message in any form you feel comfortable with telling him it's over and begin NC. but the thing is I don't wanna break up with him, especially not until I know for sure my feelings about the other guy and how much he likes me etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Don't lead him on. You don't love him. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Date the real boy, not the pretend one. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Stop playing games. You're wasting your time with the cheater you've never met. You're living in a fantasy world with him, but he doesn't care enough about you to stay faithful. You're only 15. It's extremely unlikely this online situation would develop into anything long-term. Delete him from Facebook and move on with your real life. Date the local guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noskilljustluck Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) I've been in a long distance relationship for two years, we haven't met yet, I'm only 15 and aren't allowed to travel to my boyfriend who's 18. but then he cheated on me and even after I had confronted the girl he cheated with he kept denying it and he kept denying that he knew her though they were in a relationship openly behind my back and she confirmed it.We broke up. Couple of months later we got back together after she dumped him for another guy she was already with behind HIS back (f-ing mess i know).I only decided to forgive him because I love him and we have never met anyway so I usually have no luck in boys in real life and i've never had a real life boyfriend only been on a few dates He's never said it straight out but he has hinted it out clearly.He's a cool guy though and he barely ever talks to me after he found out i'm not single, my friends says it's because he wants to be more than friends. I hid my relationshipstatus from him on facebook but when I did it was too late and he had already seen it, now all he has to do is to enter my boyfriends facebook to see that we are still togheter since he's got his relationship status for everyone to see. But right now i'm just constantly confused over my own feelings although his behavior has gotten stranger in general and it seems as though he rather talks about his problems and stuff with his closest female friends than to me.He never tells me anything. Like I said i'm afraid of breaking up with him because of my interest in this local guy because I could easily change my mind and then it might be over forever though I feel like I can't do anything and I constantly feel guilty about my feelings. What should I do? Should I create a new facebook account where I don't add my bf and remove my current? though that probably wouldn't work too well since I'd have to use the same name otherwise people would wonder. I'm stuck, I keep catching myself hoping for him to break up with me so it doesn't have to be me or my responsibilty if it ends or not at the same time I'm scared of losing him. Please help me? Im sorry if I sound rude with my straight forwardness, but... You keep contradicting yourself. In one place you say, you love your bf, in another you hope he breaks up? In one statement you claim that you're happy with him and just mulling over your insecurities, but you're also hopeful of dating your crush. Youre 15, youre not lucky with boys irl in your area? Goodness, youre just fifteen. You have yet to grow up and meet new people in life after making a career or even just completing high school. You've also stated the recent interest of two boys in you, so that must mean, you do have good charm. Dont think that life will be over with that online guy. Youve stated that he isnt opening up about things to you, and just talks to you about lovey dovey things? Doesnt sound so good. In a RS , for things to be strong, both partners need to trust eachother and open up about their feelings. All of it, if one is holding back, there is a gap and it must be mended. I wont say, mend the gap with your bf. Not because he's a cheater, but because its evident that you dont love him as much as you deem. Please dont disillusion yourself, with your lie. If you did love him as strongly, you wouldnt even think of dating your crush, making a false fb or hoping your bf would dump you soon. Thats not how a true lover thinks. Youre already wary of him, so let him go. Break up, and dont feel bad about it. He did come back, but not completely. He's holding back and not addressing things, making you insecure and second guess your feelings. You're probably back cause old things do spark a flame. But keeping that flame alive, takes a lot of effort.And at your age, it can be very difficult. NC, to the very last. Date your crush and enjoy life. Goodluck. Edited July 5, 2014 by Irisu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahh000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Im sorry if I sound rude with my straight forwardness, but... You keep contradicting yourself. In one place you say, you love your bf, in another you hope he breaks up? In one statement you claim that you're happy with him and just mulling over your insecurities, but you're also hopeful of dating your crush. Youre 15, youre not lucky with boys irl in your area? Goodness, youre just fifteen. You have yet to grow up and meet new people in life after making a career or even just completing high school. You've also stated the recent interest of two boys in you, so that must mean, you do have good charm. Dont think that life will be over with that online guy. Youve stated that he isnt opening up about things to you, and just talks to you about lovey dovey things? Doesnt sound so good. In a RS , for things to be strong, both partners need to trust eachother and open up about their feelings. All of it, if one is holding back, there is a gap and it must be mended. I wont say, mend the gap with your bf. Not because he's a cheater, but because its evident that you dont love him as much as you deem. Please dont disillusion yourself, with your lie. If you did love him as strongly, you wouldnt even think of dating your crush, making a false fb or hoping your bf would dump you soon. Thats not how a true lover thinks. Youre already wary of him, so let him go. Break up, and dont feel bad about it. He did come back, but not completely. He's holding back and not addressing things, making you insecure and second guess your feelings. You're probably back cause old things do spark a flame. But keeping that flame alive, takes a lot of effort.And at your age, it can be very difficult. NC, to the very last. Date your crush and enjoy life. Goodluck. I know I sound confused with how I love him and then want him to break up etc. but that's the thing I'm very confused about my feelings myself. I haven't had a crush on another guy since I met my bf so this is the first time and it makes me wonder how much I really love him and it also makes me remember the past and that makes me question wether I can trust him or not. The fact that he never REALLY talks to me is not good either I suppose. So I guess you're right though it makes me sad.. Link to post Share on other sites
ak499 Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 just three words leave him now Link to post Share on other sites
Moonborn Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 I know I sound confused with how I love him and then want him to break up etc. but that's the thing I'm very confused about my feelings myself. I haven't had a crush on another guy since I met my bf so this is the first time and it makes me wonder how much I really love him and it also makes me remember the past and that makes me question wether I can trust him or not. The fact that he never REALLY talks to me is not good either I suppose. So I guess you're right though it makes me sad.. Just thought I'd say this: being in love and having a crush are two very different things. When I was your age people older than me would smile when I told them I was in love with some girl, and they used to say that I was too young to be in love with somebody. I would get mad at them and think they weren't able to understand. Guess what: now that I am 26, I know they were right. Long distance relationships are complicated even when you have the means to go visit your significant other and when you totally trust each other. Give this up and date the real guy, as other people say. Best of luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noskilljustluck Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 I know I sound confused with how I love him and then want him to break up etc. but that's the thing I'm very confused about my feelings myself. I haven't had a crush on another guy since I met my bf so this is the first time and it makes me wonder how much I really love him and it also makes me remember the past and that makes me question wether I can trust him or not. The fact that he never REALLY talks to me is not good either I suppose. So I guess you're right though it makes me sad.. Its okay. Just give the real guy a chance. Ldr takes a lot of toll on life, you wont be happy if you keep trying with various different doubts swimming in your head. Ldr's first rule is trust. And that is either broken or lost in your case. Your bf is pretty much doing nothing to bridge gap up, from what youve mentioned. So let him go. I understand how sad it must make you, but think of this as a good lesson. That sadness you feel while sticking close to him, it will hopefully all wash away when you start dating the new guy. Because he will be 'there' with you, not on some social media scenario. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahh000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Yes you're all right, I cannot trust him and i've got to stop lying to myself that he means anything he says. Thanks for taking the time to answer ♡ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
noskilljustluck Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Yes you're all right, I cannot trust him and i've got to stop lying to myself that he means anything he says. Thanks for taking the time to answer ♡ Exactly. Youre welcome and goodluck. Keep the facts in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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