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He wont text me or reply to my messages. Im desperate.. !? [updates]


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This is kind of a long story, plus my first thread(I'm new) so please bare with me..

 

A guy that I used to go to high school with(we never talked back then) added me on facebook. He looked familiar but I didn't know him and since we went to the same school, I accepted his request anyway. Well, I was trying to work things out with my ex at the time and I told him that so he left me alone trying not to get in the way. I had decided my ex and I won't work out cause he didn't change like he said he did.

 

For some reason I was thinking about this guy a few days after I had called everything off with my ex. I had liked a few photos of his and he noticed. We started talking a lot over facebook. He gave me his number and I texted him and we texted every day. He told me some issues he has, like nightmares during sleep and manic depressive disorder. He also mentioned he was in the army(on leave at the time) and where he is based. Well he wanted to hang out and I kept making excuses not to see him(due to having bad social anxiety) and finally a week later, I get so sick of not meeting him(I was anxious to) so I brew up the courage to meet him one night at my place.

 

We talked and he seemed sweet. Opening te door for me and such. We laughed and hung out by the fire. I was getting tired so I went to bed and he went home. He texted me not 10 minutes after he left and tells me he had a good time and wants to see me again. We saw eachother every day for the next week. He ended up taking me and my son out to dinner and got some ice cream afterwards. I thought that was sweet of him. We just ended up hanging out everyday before he left to go back to his base on May 12th. He is suppose to be getting medically discharged and waiting to get his percentages for his pay after he leaves the army. This process has been going since last october so I hope he hears something soon. He's been in the army for a little over 7 years now. But he went back and we said our goodbyes.

 

We ended up being officially together 2 days before he left for the barracks. We talked a little bit every day and said our good nights and good mornings. As the weeks went by, his texts slowly diminished to good mornings and good nights or I love you and miss you. Now he doesn't text me at all. I was getting paranoid..thinking he was seeing someone else or playing me and I confronted him about it and he said "I stay in my room for days on end and finally get out and still you think something is going on". We would have little arguments about what he was doing and how he felt for me due to him not texting back.

 

When he didn't text back and I would say something about it, he would talk about how he slept all night, or worked a 25 hour shift, or how he was just some how too busy to text me. But he told me in the first place that he'd rather talk in person and not on devices. Well I have been texting him and told him how I feel and he told me that the life he lives over there, isn't like it is at home. That he can't drop everything to text me back and he also said that work is stressing him out so bad and he shuts the world out and doesn't talk to anyone when he's stressed out enough. He said its his defense from the world.

 

Somewhere in there I asked him if he wanted me to stay or leave. And he said I want you but I'm not "me" when I'm here and I don't want to hurt you or take my stress out on you. And I told him if that meant if he wanted me to stay or go. He said that his intentions for me were suppose to be wonderful and that apparently he can't fulfill them. He told me to do what I want but he's over the constant fighting to keep me. I had broken up with him after a month of him leaving for base and we put the relationship on "hold" so we don't run into the same problems we had(me being paranoid thinking he's cheating or something) but he hadn't texted me back in 2 days.

 

It wouldnt be the first time but I'm lost. If he's so stressed, wouldn't he feel better talking to me? He told me he still cares about me and misses me but I just seem to get mixed signals. I don't know if he's making excuses or telling the truth. Please help me. I'm so depressed from all of this: (

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You have no idea what it means to be on active duty. Even if he is stateside & not in a combat area, his time is not his own, the stress is ridiculous & there is limited privacy.

 

He also said the he prefers in person communication to text yet you pepper him with messages. Hs communication was better before so point that out to him. Assure him that you are OK with him talking to you about his stress -- that you can take it. Maybe that will make him resume communications.

 

For now, be supportive & see what happens when he's home on leave again.

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Youre right. I have no idea what its liketo be in the military. I know he is busy anso stressed out that he just shut the world out. He mentioned that he doesnt talk to me at that stress level cause he doesnt want to take it out on me. Ive been doing my best trying to support him and let him know th at im always there for him. But thank you for your reply :)

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Can you send him goofy things to make him smile . .. funny pictures, maybe some homemade cookies? Keep it light & more about him.

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I do try sending him goofy things just to lift his spirits and here and there I reassure him that i support him and will be here waiting for his return home. Im not sure what kind of cookies he likes. But I do know he likes steak. I really want to send him something but I dont know what he likes. Still trying to figure that one out :/ But thank you for the suggestion :)

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My boyfriend is in the army. He has been for a little over 7 years and has been going t hr ough a medical discharge process since last October. He was on leave when we met. We ended up being officially together on May 10th and had to go back to base on May 12th and hes been there since. He works at a prison and it keeps him busy and gets no phone reception in the office so he doesnt get my texts til he gets off work.

 

He use to text me every day but as weeks went by, his texts were diminishing over time. We use to small talk, say good mornings, good nights, I love you and miss yous..and then it got to the point where he only texted.."i love you and miss you" and now its nothing. He once said life there isnt like it is here. He cant just drop everything and text me and that he worked a 25 hour shift and he had slept all day. He mentioned earlier that he has sleep problems and hes manic depressive and that hes been very stressed lately with work and he shuts the world out and doesnt talk to anyone. He says he doesnt want to take his stress out on me so he keeps everything in. He also said hed rather talk in person and noy ovef devices some time ago. We put our relationship on hold because I was paranoid as to why he wasnt texting back at all(like cheating or something).

 

He said he still loves me and still cares but hes over the constang fighting to keep me. But he still wants to be tovether when he gets home. He said hes just not himself over there. I was wanting to know what the army life is like, even if hes on active duty stateside. Im not sure if Im over reacting or if hes telling the truth. Hes definitely not the person he was when he was here. I havent heard from him in about 3 days. Im not sure how to react.anymore. I still text him(even though its like im talking to myself) to try and lift his spirits but its not working. It hurts.

 

Someone please help and give me a general idea on what army life is like. I want to be able to understand it better because I feel it would help in the long run. Thank you in advance! :)

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Well first of all you are clearly not ready for another relationship just yet. Your last relationship isnt even cold in the grave yet, and you try for another? Personally its a dumb move on your behalf! You should wait till you are healed from your last, then try to proceed with him another. Does this guy know you just got out of a relationship previous to him? Cause the only way i can see a guy sticking around is if he didnt know that you just dumped another. I feel bad for your last bf, yes we have our faults but you jumping that fast just isnt cool.

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You can't send steak. he has no place to cook it.

 

 

When all else fails send chocolate chip cookies. even if they aren't his favorite the other guys in his squad will love you.

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No, I didnt jump into another relationship. I was actually broken up with my ex since january and we tried working things out and knew it wasnt going to work. My boyfriend was very well aware I was trying to work things out with him at the.time. I was full blown honest with him. And things not working out with my ex did not effect me at all. I was tired of his disrespectful attitude towards my family and tried telling me to get rid of my son. I broke up with him in the first place cause he went to jail for doing something dumb. With the utmost respect, I ask that you know the full story before you start judging or criticizing. Thank you

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whichwayisup
Youre right. I have no idea what its liketo be in the military. I know he is busy anso stressed out that he just shut the world out. He mentioned that he doesnt talk to me at that stress level cause he doesnt want to take it out on me. Ive been doing my best trying to support him and let him know th at im always there for him. But thank you for your reply :)

 

He told me some issues he has, like nightmares during sleep and manic depressive disorder. He also mentioned he was in the army(on leave at the time) and where he is based.

 

The guy has mental issues, is depressed and has bi polar. That's a lot to cope with and throw in the stress he's coping with too.

 

It's not you, it's him. He was honest and told you a lot of personal stuff so just let him know that you care and always will be there for him. Just give him some space and try not to feel upset that he isn't responsive right now.

 

Be a friend but don't expect much.

 

Also, let yourself heal more, don't get serious about him. It's good to have time between relationships, this way you can find 'you' and be on your own without having to rely on a guy to make you feel good and happy.

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My ex and I got together last month. Things were great with us but he is in the army and he was on leave at the time and he had to go back to his base on may 12th. We texted eachother frequently and over time, he was texting less and now he never really texts me at all. The times he didn't text, I was always paranoid as to what he was doing(especially on the weekends since he didn't work) and told him my honest feelings. He swears up and down he's not doing anything with anyone else..but that didn't ease my paranoia what so ever.

 

I had broken up with him just cause I was fed up with our lack of communication. He just said "ok" with a sad face and said he would fight to keep me but I've been thinking about leaving him for a few weeks. I corrected him and told him I was only thinking about it a couple of days. I really didn't want to break up but it was on my mind. I kind of acted on impulse when I broke up and we talked about it and decided to just put the relationship on hold til he got medically discharged and came home for good. He said he still cares about me and wants me but he's not "himself" over there and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. He told me to do what I want when I asked if he wanted me to wait or move on.

 

He also said work has been stressing him out to the poibt that its making him feel crazy and he tends to shut the world out and not talk to anyone when he's that stressed. He said he doesn't want to take it out on me so he just keeps it all in. Other than that, I haven't heard from him. Its been about 4 days. He mentioned while on leave that he's manic depressive and has sleep problems too. So in a way, it does make sense why he's not talking but then I hear that no matter what, if a guy really likes you, he would talk to you.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I've een texting him good nights and I love yous and try sending him funny texts to make him feel a little better but nothing is working. Not sure if I should wait or move on? I'm so lost here and confused. Its depressing. Its like he's not the guy I met when he was on leave. Please help??

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I know he has issues. A lot of people do. I don't understand how he can simply resist going 4 days without saying a thing to me though..no matter what I say. I don't expect anything at this point. Its hard telling when he will be home and hard telling how he will feel by then. I text him good mornings and good nights and I love yous even though I know he won't text back. I'm just letting him know that I'm still here. But does it make sense the way he is acting? I don't know how guys think or feel in situations like this

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My ex and I were doing great over a month ago. He was loving, caring, generous, and very helpful. He is in the army and left for base on may 12th. He and I texted frequently at first when he got back. His texts were diminishing as the weeks went by. It was small talks, I love yous and miss yous, good nights and good mornings, then just I love yous and now nothing. He mentioned earlier that he is manic depressive. Not sure if this has anything to do with it but I eventually got so fed up with him always explaining why he couldn't text me back so I just broke up with him.

 

Then we got to talking about it and put our relationship on hold til he was home for good due to my paranoia and insecurities. I always thought of the worst when we were together, like he might be cheating or something. But he told me he still wants me and cares about me but that he's over the constant fighting to keep me and arguing about his feelings. And he told me that work is stressing him out so bad that he shuts the world out and doesn't talk to anyone. He said ge didn't want to take the stress out on me so he keeps it in. He told me this 4 days ago.

 

I've been texting him good night, good morning, I love you and miss you, hope you feel better soon..etc, just letting him know that I am there but it seems like it doesn't matter what I say, he doesn't text me one time. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to text me at all. I understand he's stressed but I would think that if he really liked me enough, he would atleast text me one time. He won't even text me telling me he's okay like I askd him too the last time we talked. I don't know what to do from here. I feel emotionally neglected. Maybe military life isn't like civilian, idk. But I don't get this!?

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blynnae05, there's no need for you to keep writing the same things in every message you post.

 

You had a boyfriend, you don't anymore, from the day you asked for a break. The relationship you had with him is now on hold. At the moment, you shouldn't expect anything from him. So just live with it.

 

Also, he's trying to leave the army. What's he supposed to do afterwards? Living off money he'll receive for his disability? Because I guess he won't be able to make a living with that. Where is he going to live? What are his plans? Try to think of these important things, rather than focusing on stupid texts back & forth.

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Why the constant texting? Texting is a pain in the butt. Why don't you just call him or ask him to call you when he ever has time. He is very busy. He's married to someone else right now, the military, and they take up pretty much all your time. If someone was expecting me to text back all the time and never called or emailed, I'd find that too much tedious texting personally. It's not like you can even say much that way, so it gets very boring very fast.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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As everyone knows, I met this guy while he was on leave from the army. We ended up in a relationship together but a month after he left, I broke up with him because he was talking to me more less than usual and I got tired of it. We decided to put things on hold til he was out of the army for good(sometime this year). When he completely stopped texting me, I texted him every day for the passed 2 weeks since he stopped talking to me all tohether

Yesterday was my first No Contact day from him and ironically enough, he texts me saying "hi, sorry its been so long, I've been busy with work and appointments and my dad might have had a stroke on Monday, and another one on Thursday. I miss you and do want to be with you, but its almost impossible for me to do being this far away. I just told him its no problem and hope his dad will be ok. And that he should go get checked. But that was the last thing I heard from him. I told him I miss him too and that I guess we both want to be together but I understand if he'd rather not have that happen right now and that I respect that. He never said anything about that. Why is he taking weeks to talk to me? He knows how it makes me feel. Yeah he's busy, but he also has time. Like right before bed or being on the crapper. Id be happy enough with one text. Just one. But couldn't even do that? Does that just sound like an excuse? And if he all of a sudden decides to text me now, wjy couldn't he the passed 2 weeks when I was going crazy trying to talk to him and told him how I felt. Not one answer from him. Why is he doing this to me? Neglecting my feelings? I don't get it??

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I think you need to take his actions at face value and the fact he's clearly told you he can't do a long distance relationship with you right now.

 

 

If he's not giving you what you want, and I assume you have talked to him about this, that is all you need to know. He's not emotionally available to you right now, and if he really wanted to be with you, you would know it.

 

 

I would stay NC, focus on yourself, and allow yourself the opportunity to find someone who will give you what you want and need.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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I can't tell my story in full detail because its just too long.

 

Anyway I was with my boyfriend for a week before he left to go back to his base because he is in the army. Our relationship was great but after he left, he was texting less. I confronted him about it and he kept explaining why he couldn't talk. So I got tired of the lack of communication and broke up with him. We talked about it and just decided to put things on hold. I asked him if we could still talk though and he said of course with a smiley face. Well, I tried talking to him and eventually the texting stopped completely for a couple weeks.

 

I feel bad though because I told him I thought he was seeing someone else and argued his feelings for me. 2 weeks went by until he texted one day and said "hi, sorry its been so long. I've been busy with work and appointments and dad might have had a couple strokes. I do miss you and want to be with you, but its almost impossible for me to do from this far away." We talked about his dad a little bit and that was that.

 

I didn't talk to him for 3 days and I texted him and told him I tried sending his stuff back apparently I had the wrong address. He texted me and said "I'm in Indiana, dads in the hospital." I told him I was sorry about his dad. He told me that on July 9th and haven't heard from him since. Let alone didn't let me know he was coming back for a while the day he found out. I've bombarded him with messages I admit but he just won't reply to anything. I guess I've been acting like a crazy person so I'm thinking I pushed him away. I want to do low contact and see if that helps . But how much is low contact? Like 2 to 3 messages every couple weeks? I'm just not sure how much. Please help?? I'm desperate. Thanks in advance!

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I would say low contact is only texting him when you have something that you need to say. Tell him about major developments in your life. You should back off. Bombarding him with texts won't get him to reply.

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TigerLilly78
I'm desperate. Thanks in advance!

 

I think that right there is your prob hes tired of all the texts and hes got alot going on in his life at the moment your now broken up let it go easier said then done but yeah stop beating this dead horse!..

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Hi,

 

I don't know anything about the military but here are some people who do who might be able to educate you better and empathize with your situation.

 

Hope that helps

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2 weeks went by until he texted one day and said "hi, sorry its been so long. I've been busy with work and appointments and dad might have had a couple strokes. I do miss you and want to be with you, but its almost impossible for me to do from this far away." We talked about his dad a little bit and that was that.

 

Instead of being so self-centered, I suggest you spend a little bit of time familiarizing yourself with what "having a couple of strokes" really means.

 

I didn't talk to him for 3 days and I texted him and told him I tried sending his stuff back apparently I had the wrong address.

 

Do you realize how you're coming across? Like a petulant child, as in "You won't play with me so I'm going to take my dolls an go home."

 

He texted me and said "I'm in Indiana, dads in the hospital." I told him I was sorry about his dad. He told me that on July 9th and haven't heard from him since. Let alone didn't let me know he was coming back for a while the day he found out.

 

See my first response above. I don't think you have any idea what a serious health issue "having a stroke" really is. They're called "the silent killer" for good reason -- they often come on without warning and even if a person may have first had a mild one, the chance he/she will have a major one in close proximity that will have permanent, devastating effects is greatly increased.

 

If the person who has the stroke can't predict when he/she will have one, how do you figure a family member would have fair warning and *know* in advance they need to be at a family member's side who's seriously ill on a particular date and time? This isn't like having a scheduled surgical operation. It strikes out of the blue.

 

I've bombarded him with messages I admit but he just won't reply to anything. I guess I've been acting like a crazy person so I'm thinking I pushed him away. I want to do low contact and see if that helps . But how much is low contact? Like 2 to 3 messages every couple weeks? I'm just not sure how much. Please help?? I'm desperate. Thanks in advance!

 

Oh, for god's sake. You have NO idea what this guy and his family is dealing with. NO idea about how serious the stroke was or whether the guy's father had several more, which is not all that uncommon. And, obviously you have NO idea what it's like to have to deal with a family medical issue as serious as this one.

 

ALL you care about is YOU, YOU, YOU -- and not only that, NOW, NOW NOW!

 

I don't know why you're worried about trying to figure out how much contact qualifies as "low contact." How about just leaving the poor guy alone and letting him sort through what he's trying to deal with?

 

He's already told you he's having a heck of a time dealing with everything and doesn't see how he deal with YOUR needs as well. Get a grip, text him ONE more time, and tell him his dad and family need to be his priority at the moment which you understand, so you're giving him the space he needs to deal with what's more important, but hope he'll keep you posted about what's happening and that if he needs to talk, you'll be there.

 

Then get a job, a hobby, a new obsession. ANYTHING besides harassing this guy to death. It's annoying as hell to the other person, and makes you look like an insensitive, self-important, pathetic, needy, clingy fool.

 

Good luck,

TMichaels

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