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I will be new to a LDR!!!


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Nikki Sahagin

Hi guys! In Jan of this year whilst travelling I met a wonderful man from New Zealand. I am madly in love with him and truly adore him to pieces. He is in the process of setting his life up (newly starting a business that there are a lot of problems with meaning that he is struggling financially). As such, if we are to be together permanently, I would need to move to New Zealand, at least in the meantime, whilst he gets himself together.

 

I am not sure yet whether I can do this, being from England which couldn't be further away!, but I am going home this July for a family holiday, and am returning to New Zealand in October.

 

During this period, I will be in a long distance relationship with a big time difference. I really don't want anyone to make it sound harder than it is as I already know that it will be hard. I just wanted some kind, compassionate advice on how others deal with their LDRs. Thank you :)

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Snakechammah

Hi sweetie!

LDR is a great bonding tool to filter the committed from the instant-gratification horde. Granted, not everyone can withstand the challenges of long distance. But when it really works, you'll know that the person is proven trustworthy and is willing to go ANY DISTANCE to be with you. Who can ask for more?

 

In my opinon, the most important thing is communication. Constant communication leads to trust. I can't speak for anyone else, but in my own relationship, we are separated by an 8-hr flight in different continents, but still feel as if we're next to each other.

 

We text (whatsapp is free, lol) first thing in the morning, and before we go to bed at night. In between, we text almost every hour. When I'm at work, I'll let my boyfriend know my lunch hour, and he waits till I'm at lunch and we catch up on each other's day. When I get home from work, we skype until it's time to go to bed. We update each other for everything - what we eat for that day, what our day is, who we are meeting (by name cos we already know each other's friends and family), and there is no void in our lives. Some people may find this extreme or somewhat controlling, but for us, knowing EXACTLY what we do each day, and what our schedules are, there is no room for jealousy or insecurity. We know exactly what the other is doing at any given day/time, and this cultivates total trust. So in the end, distance doesn't really matter because we are in contact at all times. The feeling is AWESOME! We both feel very secure about where we stand with each other.

 

In LDR, communication plays a more important role because it links trust, priority and future plans together. In a proximal relationship, couples can just meet up and spend time together, but in an LDR, those texts and skype sessions are very important to let the other person know that you're in their minds and never forgotten.

 

Of course, with any relationship, the other factors come into play (even with proximal relationships) like fidelity, shared values and other things. But for LDR exclusively, communication is key! Nobody can feel safe if they don't hear from their partner for a very long time (is he dating someone else, is he thinking of me, is he lying in a ditch somewhere?)

 

So keep those texts/emails/skype/whatnots going and cultivate trust (and also BE the trustworthy person yourself!).

 

As a parting shot, my boyfriend gave me this link. It's so beautiful! Especially the first one - The knowledge that if you survive the distance, your relationship can survive anything.

 

9 (Exclusive) Benefits of Being in a Long Distance Relationship | Grace Buchele

 

All the best!

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Welcome back, Nikki. :)

 

Ouch, England - NZ is a pretty crappy time difference, I can sympathize. On the bright side, since it is (12?) hours apart, both of you should at least be off work at the same time so you can Skype at the beginning/end of the day.

 

You've been in a LDR before, right? Those experiences will still help you. I'm sure you already know how to keep yourself occupied with friends/hobbies, set an end date, communicate, etc. :)

 

NZ is a beautiful place, and fairly easy to emigrate to for a young person from the UK, so if you do want to move there, there would not be too many obstacles - his financial struggle would probably be the main difficulty.

 

Good luck!

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