Jump to content

Feeling Ignored


Recommended Posts

Am new here, but have been lurking around for awhile ;d

Sorry for the massive amount of text in advance, i shortened it a lot x.x

 

Few things to know before I start;

 

We meet on an online game.

He lives in another state - 2hrs via plane

We have know eachother a little over 3 years.

We have been in this relationship for nearly 2 years.

I am 22 and he is 21.

We are both full time students.

We both have jobs as well.

 

A bit of backstory; For the past 1.5years we would talk to each other on a daily bases, on skype or via text. We would also play mmos together as it gave us something to bond over. He has told me countless of times that he wants to marry me, and that I am the one for him.

 

To me, he is the love of my life. I have dated many tools before and he is honestly the complete opposite. I find it hard to trust people but i started to trust him deeply. We have many things in common and are very similar. About 1.5 years ago I had a mental breakdown over my studies and eventually got perscribed anti depressents as everyone I knew was worried i was going to harm myself, i became a different person. But during this time he was there for me, he would talk to me everyday to see how i was, distracted me from my problems, made me feel loved. This is when he became a really big part of my life, without him i would have honestly not gotten through those days. The promises me made with eachother that I would never leave him like that and how he will always be there for me...yeah it is love.

 

 

Around the start of last year he came to my state with many of his friends for a holiday and in hopes to visit me. However with my luck we did not meet as the days I was going to spend with him there was a cyclone and floods, making the road I would take to drive to where he was staying (3 hours drive) We were both upset over that but both said there will be another time we can meet, since nothing we can do about mother nature.

 

 

So time went on, we would have our daily skype chats, he would try to tell me every night before he went to bed that he loved me and i would reply the same way. Then around feburary this year he started to change... he would come online to skype once or twice a week, since his work got demanding as it was holidays from Univeristy at the time, so best time to work as much as you can. He appologized from the lack of contact and for making me feel lonely and promised things will go back to normal when Univeristy started up again in March. So I didnt mind waiting a month. But it only got worse....he would still come online 1-2 times a week but would give me his attention for 15 - 20mins, then log off on me or pass out (around 10pm..lol)

 

 

So I decided its time we met up, because I love him soo much that it was starting to hurt not being able to meet, or embrace each other... I started working more and saving the amount it took for me to travel and stay in the city he lived in (was around $900 -$ 1000)

 

On the 6th - 9th of June I travelled to his state (with my friend because i have never been there before, and my friend was going to leave us alone to do things together), to an area he could easily get to by train (10min train ride max.)

 

I told him around 4 times before hand over the 2 months prior to going that these were the dates I would be there and I want us to meet up. He promised me that we would but the moment I text him on the saturday morning I did not recieve a reply until late afternoon saying he was at work and is now 'sick'. We text each other for about an hour when he said he is going to sleep because he was 'sick' and the last thing he text me was that he loved me.

 

Come sunday morning I text him to see if he was feeling better. No reply. So I assumed no. Come monday morning, the last few hours I had left in his city to see him I text him asking "Do you ever think we are going to meet?" since for a LDR that is an extremely important question, and if he answered no or he didn't know then there would be no point in the relationship no matter how much I love him. But yet again no reply. I fly back to my own state that afternoon.

 

4 days later and still no reply, so i text him again "Taking that as a no...?"

3 days later still no reply...so i text him again asking what is going on, why is he ignoring me, the thing I told him I hated most in this world...to be ignored by him hurts a lot. Asked him is there something going on with his life, and to please text me back asap because i am starting to feel igsignificant to him, and not ever worth his time for a simple reply.

4 days later........no reply. So I am starting to get worried. Since not only is he not texting me, he is not on skype either. So I text him yesterday telling him I am starting to get worried, is everything alright. No reply.

 

He does not have facebook or anything like that so I started to panic if something happened to him. So I checked his xbox live name to see if he has been playing xbox lately to see if he is actually alright. And what do you know. He has been on xbox.......all those days I text him he has been playing xbox...and at this very moment in time he is currently "Online playing Xbox One" ....so he has been ignoring my texts?.. And a chance he has blocked or delete me from skype. [About 3 weeks ago he said his computer broke down and is in the shop, would assume he'd have it back by now, or use his phone to skype me at least]

 

What I do not get is the last thing he text me was telling me he loved me, and is now ignoring me for no reason......I don't want to ring his number as it would make me look even more pushy. Even after all this I still love him deeply and don't want to leave him...

 

If I can get any opinions for this situation would be helpful, and what to do next. Thanks.

Edited by ChibiVivi
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

I'm sorry you're here, and that you're hurting.

 

My suspicion is this: A) he isn't single. B) he's not who he says he is, that there are things about him he hasn't told you and would be a deal-breaker C) he never really had any intention of actually meeting you in the first place

 

Unfortunately, you've invested far too much time, emotional energy and money (ie. plane ticket) on this guy. You have never met him yet say he's the love of your life? You don't really know him. I understand you chatted a lot but until you've physically met someone, you can't claim to really know who they are. You flew all the way to see him and he can't even be bothered to reply to a text. That tells you all you need to know - it isn't going to happen now or ever, I'm afraid.

 

Don't be worried about him. He's just fine. His story about a broken computer and no access to Skype sounds like a load of BS. For whatever reason, he isn't interested any more. I know you say you don't want to leave him, but OP, he's already left you. He is showing you his true colours and what this "love" really meant to him.

 

You do have my sympathy, to the extent that he made a lot of promises and led you to believe in him. I know that hurts. But the best thing to do now is focus on you. Take care of yourself. Never give your heart to someone you've never met in person. Anyone can say they love you. Only truly special people can actually show it. He isn't one of them, sweetie.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Have you ever heard his voice? If so, was it only via Skype? There are simulators faking one's voice. He might be a she or whatever.

 

2) Have you ever seen him on cam live?

 

3) How did you make sure he lives where he said he lives? Just by trusting what he told you?

 

It's time to check if he's studying where he claims he's studying. If he's working where he said he's working. And see if he lives where he says he lives. Didn't you have his address? Why didn't you go there? He said he was sick, not dying of a contagious disease. You had a big chance to get to know the truth, whatever it was.

 

Apparently, he's just another tool in your list.

 

Next thing you should do is go NC with this person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Even though I have never met him in person, still can be the love of my life. I know people can just say it and such. But the amount of time we spent talking to each other, and how well we got to know each other. I connected to him personality wise, and fell in love that way.

 

But yeah I figured he has 'broken' if off with me by ignoring me and cutting off contact with me, like a coward. Just really cruel that the last text he sent me was that he loved me, is what is really hurting me at the moment.

 

 

1) I have heard his voice via phone and skype.

2) I have seen him live on cam, many times.

3) Well when I went to visit the area, even before hand, I looked up places he has mentioned he has gone to, it all checked out okay.

 

I have checked the univeristy he says he studies at (in person i walked past it and looked it up online), it offers the degree he is studying.

 

He has given me his address, however the reasons why I did not go there is, 1) he still lives with his parents and did not want to turn up and he not be there

 

2) I don't want to be the type of person who is pushy and would invite themselves to someones house, even if i did fly there for the purpose of seeing him

 

3) and of course there was the doubt in my mind that he was lying to me which I am pretty sure most people would get meeting someone for the first time ;\

 

 

But yeah. No matter how much I love him.. I don't deserve to be treated this way and I know I will never really find someone else who I connected to that deeply but hey, there is always other fish in the sea I guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly
Even though I have never met him in person, still can be the love of my life. I know people can just say it and such. But the amount of time we spent talking to each other, and how well we got to know each other. I connected to him personality wise, and fell in love that way.

 

But yeah I figured he has 'broken' if off with me by ignoring me and cutting off contact with me, like a coward. Just really cruel that the last text he sent me was that he loved me, is what is really hurting me at the moment.

 

 

1) I have heard his voice via phone and skype.

2) I have seen him live on cam, many times.

3) Well when I went to visit the area, even before hand, I looked up places he has mentioned he has gone to, it all checked out okay.

 

I have checked the univeristy he says he studies at (in person i walked past it and looked it up online), it offers the degree he is studying.

 

He has given me his address, however the reasons why I did not go there is, 1) he still lives with his parents and did not want to turn up and he not be there

 

2) I don't want to be the type of person who is pushy and would invite themselves to someones house, even if i did fly there for the purpose of seeing him

 

3) and of course there was the doubt in my mind that he was lying to me which I am pretty sure most people would get meeting someone for the first time ;\

 

 

But yeah. No matter how much I love him.. I don't deserve to be treated this way and I know I will never really find someone else who I connected to that deeply but hey, there is always other fish in the sea I guess.

 

Of course you will, because you only connected with an illusion of who you thought he was and how you thought he felt. He proved to you that it wasn't real, at least not for him. You've unfortunately learned the hard way not to build crystal castles in the sky or give you heart to someone you have never met. But you absolutely will meet other people you truly connect with, live and in person - Not an idea you have based on virtual communication.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry OP but no, you loved the him that he presented to you when you two skyped. Not the real life HIM.

 

You have no clue how he handles a bad day, how he treats service people, how he interacts with his friends and family, you have no idea if the things he tells you he does are in fact what he does. You know him about as well as you know a character on TV. You can't go by actions in a strictly online relationship you can only go on words which means you have no idea if he really meant the things he said.

 

Just have to move on, meet someone in real life.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry OP but no, you loved the him that he presented to you when you two skyped. Not the real life HIM.

 

You have no clue how he handles a bad day, how he treats service people, how he interacts with his friends and family, you have no idea if the things he tells you he does are in fact what he does. You know him about as well as you know a character on TV. You can't go by actions in a strictly online relationship you can only go on words which means you have no idea if he really meant the things he said.

 

Just have to move on, meet someone in real life.

 

There are some incredibly intelligent individuals around these parts! Just as JBelle says, OP. You are in love with what is not really there.

 

I am one of the naïve ones who thinks that some people are the same in real life as they are online. I am the same in both places. Why try to be who you are not? It wastes the time of that person. Not to mention your own energy.

 

Sure, you can get to know someone before you meet them. If both people are genuine and honest.

 

But, in your case, there seem to be too many red flags. He does not seem to be who you have made him out to be. The sooner you try to move on, the better you will be for it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There is definitely something HUGE that he is hiding.

 

I'm sorry you had to find it out this way; frankly I wish you'd asked him to split the expenses, if he had refused then you would have had your answer without spending all that money. But it is a good lesson, albeit a costly one - now you know how he truly is like and you can move on instead of wasting more years on him.

 

I think you should go NC and heal. It'll hurt, but I promise you'll find someone better eventually.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey ChibiVivi, I know how you feel! I also fell completely for this guy, we talked everyday for 5 months and now he disappeared, without even a goodbye. I know it's not exactly the same situation but I totally understand you.. it hurts :( Especially because the last time we talked everything was perfect, and also like you, we never got to meet (and it was supposed to happen next month).

So my question is, what did you do?? Has he replied to you yet?

In case you haven't noticed I also don't know what to do here... Damn you boys!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hey ChibiVivi, I know how you feel! I also fell completely for this guy, we talked everyday for 5 months and now he disappeared, without even a goodbye. I know it's not exactly the same situation but I totally understand you.. it hurts :( Especially because the last time we talked everything was perfect, and also like you, we never got to meet (and it was supposed to happen next month).

So my question is, what did you do?? Has he replied to you yet?

In case you haven't noticed I also don't know what to do here... Damn you boys!

 

 

Hey, sorry you are going through something similar. It's nice to know there is someone else out there understanding the emotions I am going through.

 

Well the last time I tried to contact him was 12 days ago, asking him If everything is alright, and his understanding of 'us' as a relationship. And because he has no contacted me, via emails, phone or skype. I am no longer going to contact him. Like people have said here, he has shown his true colours, he never saw our relationship as something serious, if he even saw it as a relationship at all. To treat me like this for no reason is cowardly of him. No matter how much I love him, I deserve better, and so do you with your situation. If he 'disappeared' on you for no reason means he is not worth your time or your love.

 

Just dont keep trying to hold onto him or a memory of him. That is the hardest thing for me atm, slowly starting to accept that he will never contact me again or I him. Because to me, being ignored and left like that is worse then being broken up with face to face or even being cheated on (and i have been cheated on before with my highschool partner so Ik how that feels too) since you cant help but think 'why' 'what did I do' 'where is he' 'is he even thinking about me' etc. I would honestly never be able to forgive him even if he did contact me again (not likely)

 

All I can say to you right now is, don't get your hopes up that he will contact you again and try to move on. Ik it will hurt, especially when you made such a deep connection with him but there are better guys out there somewhere who will make you forget about that coward of a man.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all thank you so much for replying :)

 

 

To treat me like this for no reason is cowardly of him. No matter how much I love him, I deserve better, and so do you with your situation. If he 'disappeared' on you for no reason means he is not worth your time or your love.

Just dont keep trying to hold onto him or a memory of him. That is the hardest thing for me atm, slowly starting to accept that he will never contact me again or I him.

 

Yes, I think I do deserve better and I definitely didn't deserve this kind of treatment from him. And yet... the memory of him is still there, and I still miss him like hell. But I know I have to forget him and these feelings I have, but it's really hard, even after a month of no contact. I'm trying (I even wrote him this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/482954-goodbye-letter ) but when I seem to be making progress, I'm reminded of him and all those feelings come rushing back.

 

 

Because to me, being ignored and left like that is worse then being broken up with face to face or even being cheated on since you cant help but think 'why' 'what did I do' 'where is he' 'is he even thinking about me' etc.

 

I couldn't have said it better. I would much prefer any of that, to the "not knowing" because then I would know the truth (even if it hurts, it wouldn't hurt more than this) and I could find a way to deal with it. Those questions really are the main ones I ask myself too. :(

 

All I can say to you right now is, don't get your hopes up that he will contact you again and try to move on. Ik it will hurt, especially when you made such a deep connection with him but there are better guys out there somewhere who will make you forget about that coward of a man.

 

 

So true. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but (unfortunately) part of me still thinks he will contact me. For exemple, I just checked Skype and he is online right now. There is nothing more that I want, then to get online so he can see me and come talk to me, but then I know that if he wanted to talk to me, he would have left a message by now.

 

 

Thank you for your words ChibiVivi. It's really unfair when the people we care the most hurt us like this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...