He wants time apart

[confused karen]

Hi There id like a little advice.

I started seeing a guy last september who i knew 13 years ago at uni. I saw him on a friends photo and got in contact just to say hi and never thought of it as anything else. Anyway a few weekends of getting to know each other again, we started to see each other more and more. things were going really well, we spent most of the christmas holidays together and he introduced me to a few of his friends. After christmas he started acting strange and then he said he wanted some weekends alone... we live 1.5hours away from each other so only see each other on weekends as he works an hour the opposite way so 2.5hrs to travel for him if he saw me in the week.

He decided to rent a room out in his home to get some extra cash to pay his bills, and a girl moved in.. she seemed nice when i first met her but that weekend she broke up with her boyfriend and since then my guy has been making excuses that he doesn't want me to come over every weekend cause she's upset seeing us together! I was a little annoyed with this as first but respected what he was saying. The weekends i did go up there she was moody with me and i hated it. I got suspicious and asked him what was going on and he said nothing he just didn't want to make her hurt anymore..We got on well for a while after that and saw each other nearly every weekend but recently he's been pulling away. I was with him last weekend helping him with DIY and we hardly spoke to each other, his house mate was around and was chatting away to him which annoyed me that he was talking to her more than me. Anyway it came to the sunday eve when we were in bed and i asked what he wanted to do the following weekend and he said he wanted a weekend to himself as he needed some space! I said to him you get space in the week, why are you not ready to see me by the weekend? his reply was that he hasn't had many weekends to himself as I'm always there. he said he misses me in the week but he still wants that time to chill out.

I know his housemate will be around all weekend and he will be spending time with her. why does he not get fed up of her and need time out on a weekend for her? I know he has house jobs to do this weekend that he said i can't help with so no point in me being around. I said i could drive up for the eve and leave the next day but he said it wasn't going to happen. he just needs some space.

Am i being totally unreasonable for getting upset that he wants a weekend to himself, I know part of me is jealous of what he has with his housemate which doesn't help. she's moving out in two months which i will be glad of but he's getting someone else in and its not me. he says he's not ready to move in with me but does talk about it in the future.

Any advice is welcome.

 

Many thanks

[umirano]

It seems obvious to me that your BF should spend more time with you than with any other female acquaintance. It also sounds a little weird to me when he says he misses you during the week but wants to be "alone" over weekends. I've > 3 yrs of LDR experience and I'm giving you my gut feelings. Your mileage may very.

[confused karen]

We do spend most weekends together and they are always great, he just seems to want to have some down time from me now and again on a weekend to gather his thoughts. Im not sure if I'm making excuses for him or not..I wish he wanted to see me all the time and if we lived closer then we would and he would have weekends where eh could see his friends without me. I just worry about him and his housemate but i guess i just have to trust that theres nothing going on..

[d0nnivain]

Since you have such a limited amount of time together it seems odd that he's pushing you away AND that this only started after the female housemate moved in. I suspect they are "playing house" or at least want to.

 

 

Sometimes in a relationship it's hard to give up your whole weekend because with a busy work week you don't otherwise have time to do errands, grocery shop, do laundry & clean the bathroom but he's asking for two much distance imho.

 

 

Can he come to you btw? if the issue is he doesn't want to shove your happy coupledom in the roommate's face, him coming to you solves that issue.

[Trufita]

she seemed nice when i first met her but that weekend she broke up with her boyfriend and since then my guy has been making excuses that he doesn't want me to come over every weekend cause she's upset seeing us together!

 

This is SO weird and suspicious. Why should he care so much about how a stranger feels like when seeing you together? He should care more about being a good boyfriend to you. If he really wanted to spend time with you he wouldn't care about how

she feels. The same with wanting some time apart, and not really talking to you when you were there... I don't know, it all seems very suspicious and, I hope I'm wrong, but like if he wanted to pursue something with her.

Speak your mind, talk to him.

[confused karen]

He does come to me now and again but i seem to go up there more often than not, mainly because there are more things to do where he lives, we have been away for a long weekend and are going away next weekend for a long weekend but the time in-between really hurts, i keep saying to myself I don't know if i can carry on as i have voiced my opinion and he says he just needs space for some time to himself, it seems to happen once a month. Ive even said id drive just to see him for an hour and leave but he says thats stupid.

It just gets me that he can spend 7 days a week with this girl but when i only seem him two days he needs a break on his own. I have time to recharge in the week and really look forward to seeing him on the weekend but he obviously sees different

[cupic]

Alright, I'm going to go out on a limb and you can call me a jerk but...

Give the guy a break. When i was dating, I wanted to occational weekend by myself too. He works all week, two hours of commuting each day, he's burnt out and just wants some down time. Maybe he wants to hang out with his friends, or sit around in his underwear playing video games, or watch a football game, whatever. Something he wants to do alone, or knows that you wont be interested in doing. Everyone needs their space. If he wants some down time over the weekend, make the effort to drive to his place on Thursday night, and Tuesday Night, That's what i did in my LDR if we couldnt get together on the weekend, and I'd wake up extra early the next morning and drive home.

 

I think your reading to much into his request, but i understand why due to the female living in his house. I will say that it is a bit disrespectful to be living with another woman and being more considerate of her emotions than yours. Sounds like maybe they have a history there you dont know about, maybe friends after univerity? Odd that he wouldnt consult with you when he was looking for a room mate though.

 

I think his roommate needs a little psycho analysis, sounds like she is treating him like an emotional rebound, a guy who is there to keep her company. Lets hope it doesnt lead to more.

 

I think you should also make it clear to your boyfriend how you feel about this situation (the living with a nother woman, not the weekend thing, you dont want to come off all clingy, guys hate that).

[d0nnivain]

cupic has a point.

 

 

Do you get contact -- calls etc during the week?

[SoleMate]

Your LDR says he needs ADDITIONAL space? That sounds like a New Yorker cartoon....but I understand it's your real life situation.

 

Let's be clear - It's NOT just about needing personal chore time on the weekends, which could be understandable to a degree. (Although if I really wanted to see someone, and vice versa, I'd include him in my chores. He can relax with me while I fold laundry, or go with me to grocery shop etc. etc.) Apparently the female roommate's preferences trump yours. That's the reality you face with him. He'd basically rather spend time at her direction, presumably with her, than with you. So you do the math.

[confused karen]

i have spoken to him before about my insecurities with this girl and he said if I'm feeling like that all the time then its not good for my well being and can't keep on thinking like this, i daren't ask him if he likes her again as I'm scared he will just pull away even more and end it.

As we'd only been seeing each other a few months before he got a new housemate, i felt that i couldn't really voice my opinion if it was a girl or guy. the girl he lives with is 7 years younger but acts older so is probably around his mental age, she's pretty good looking and has an amazon personality so i wouldn't be supersede if he does like her.

He's looking for a new housemate to move in August and again its mainly girls that are replying to his house ad. He needs the money so i feel i can't really say you should just get a guy.

[confused karen]

We text every day and call once a week but its mainly me asking to speak to him. We did spend the last weekend together doing a lot of chores, I painted the gate while he painted the outer walls so we were together, i helped him with his drilling and did his shopping while he was putting shelving up but then his housemate was around all day on the sunday and wanted to have lunch with us which then led for him to go and lie down for an hour on his own while i was left with his housemate. I tried getting her onto an online dating site to try and get her of my guys back, so i spent a few hours with her while he was doing his shelving, we then all had dinner together in front of the tv and they proceeded to talk about the programmes they watch together and have a lot of banter with each other, which makes me insecure

[rester]

Alright, I'm going to go out on a limb and you can call me a jerk but...

Give the guy a break. When i was dating, I wanted to occational weekend by myself too. He works all week, two hours of commuting each day, he's burnt out and just wants some down time. Maybe he wants to hang out with his friends, or sit around in his underwear playing video games, or watch a football game, whatever. Something he wants to do alone, or knows that you wont be interested in doing. Everyone needs their space. If he wants some down time over the weekend, make the effort to drive to his place on Thursday night, and Tuesday Night, That's what i did in my LDR if we couldnt get together on the weekend, and I'd wake up extra early the next morning and drive home.

 

I think your reading to much into his request, but i understand why due to the female living in his house. I will say that it is a bit disrespectful to be living with another woman and being more considerate of her emotions than yours. Sounds like maybe they have a history there you dont know about, maybe friends after univerity? Odd that he wouldnt consult with you when he was looking for a room mate though.

 

I think his roommate needs a little psycho analysis, sounds like she is treating him like an emotional rebound, a guy who is there to keep her company. Lets hope it doesnt lead to more.

 

I think you should also make it clear to your boyfriend how you feel about this situation (the living with a nother woman, not the weekend thing, you dont want to come off all clingy, guys hate that).

 

I agree with this. Every weekend together sounds a bit smothering to me. Sorry if that's harsh. I admit to needing a lot of space and alone time, and a roommate is different because he doesn't have to find things to do with her. He can come and go as he pleases, etc.

 

If you are going to visit him every weekend for the entire weekend, he may feel that he needs to be entertaining you that entire time. What if he wants to go for a run or has chores to do, or just wants to veg out without conversation?

 

The roommate situation is weird, but I would try to give him/them the benefit of the doubt unless you have evidence there is something going on between them.

[TMichaels]

Anyway a few weekends of getting to know each other again, we started to see each other more and more. things were going really well, we spent most of the christmas holidays together and he introduced me to a few of his friends.

 

This sounds promising.

 

After christmas he started acting strange and then he said he wanted some weekends alone... we live 1.5hours away from each other so only see each other on weekends as he works an hour the opposite way so 2.5hrs to travel for him if he saw me in the week.

 

Timing is everything. Did he start acting strange before or after the roommate moved in?

 

 

He decided to rent a room out in his home to get some extra cash to pay his bills, and a girl moved in.. she seemed nice when i first met her but that weekend she broke up with her boyfriend and since then my guy has been making excuses that he doesn't want me to come over every weekend cause she's upset seeing us together!

 

I can understand that. Haven't you ever broken up with someone and just the sight of other couples enjoying each other's company makes you incredibly sad and mournful about what *you* no longer have?

 

I was a little annoyed with this as first but respected what he was saying. The weekends i did go up there she was moody with me and i hated it. I got suspicious and asked him what was going on and he said nothing he just didn't want to make her hurt anymore..

 

See above. If I were to get suspicious about anything it wouldn't be the girl's behavior, but I would wonder why my bf was so invested in his female roommate's emotional health -- but maybe he just thinks she's a nice girl and didn't deserve what she got.

 

We got on well for a while after that and saw each other nearly every weekend but recently he's been pulling away. I was with him last weekend helping him with DIY and we hardly spoke to each other, his house mate was around and was chatting away to him which annoyed me that he was talking to her more than me.

 

Sounds like to me that he feels like he has (or you make him feel like you expect him) to "entertain you" when you come up for a visit. Or, that your visits are a hindrance to him getting work done around the house that he needs/wants to do.

 

Anyway it came to the sunday eve when we were in bed and i asked what he wanted to do the following weekend and he said he wanted a weekend to himself as he needed some space! I said to him you get space in the week, why are you not ready to see me by the weekend? his reply was that he hasn't had many weekends to himself as I'm always there. he said he misses me in the week but he still wants that time to chill out.

 

Most effective way to ensure you have less time together is to insist that you have more...

 

I know his housemate will be around all weekend and he will be spending time with her. why does he not get fed up of her and need time out on a weekend for her?

 

Umm.... News flash! Of course she'll be around and he'll talk to her. SHE LIVES THERE! Why does he not get fed up with her? SHE'S HIS TENANT and has every right to be there as little or as much as she likes, including weekends. Surely, you don't need someone else to point this out to you...

 

I know he has house jobs to do this weekend that he said i can't help with so no point in me being around. I said i could drive up for the eve and leave the next day but he said it wasn't going to happen. he just needs some space.

 

Even though you may think you are lending a hand with his DIY projects, my guess is that he doesn't get as much done when you're around as compared to what he could accomplish *without* your help.

 

Am i being totally unreasonable for getting upset that he wants a weekend to himself,

 

Yeah, I think you are being unreasonable. Hard of hearing, apparently too.

 

I know part of me is jealous of what he has with his housemate which doesn't help.

 

I think the green-eyed monster has gotten the best of your common sense. Keep letting it run amok and it'll get the best of your relationship, too.

 

...she's moving out in two months which i will be glad of but he's getting someone else in and its not me. he says he's not ready to move in with me but does talk about it in the future.

 

If what you want is the bold-faced part of the sentence above, then you need to get your jealousy under control, listen to what he's asking for, and quit riding your bf's &utt.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[umirano]

We text every day and call once a week but its mainly me asking to speak to him. We did spend the last weekend together doing a lot of chores, I painted the gate while he painted the outer walls so we were together, i helped him with his drilling and did his shopping while he was putting shelving up but then his housemate was around all day on the sunday and wanted to have lunch with us which then led for him to go and lie down for an hour on his own while i was left with his housemate. I tried getting her onto an online dating site to try and get her of my guys back, so i spent a few hours with her while he was doing his shelving, we then all had dinner together in front of the tv and they proceeded to talk about the programmes they watch together and have a lot of banter with each other, which makes me insecure

 

Allright, you do spend quite some time together. Are those house work a project of you and your BF? Or are you just helping him and his roommate?

 

When he kind of excludes you in the evening, conversationally and physically that is not what a good BF does. Does the banter get physical? How long were they conversing about tv programs without you being in the convo?

[confused karen]

Thanks for your responses guys,

TMichaels thanks for your quotes, he started acting strange once the housemate moved in, i understand that when you have broken up with someone you don't like to see others happy but she would get in a grump as soon as i walked through the door, me and my guy never show affection in front of her so its not like we were rubbing it in. we'd make sure we were out of the house to give each other affection.

 

This girl has admitted she's very flirty and gets on better with guys and i can see that when she's touching him when they are talking and having banter, he gets all red and a bit goey eyed when talking to her..they normally do it through a whole programme and I'm just sat there like gooseberry in the middle even if I've tried joining in. This is not my jealousy shouting out here, its actually happening and thats what upsets me and then makes me jealous. I've never had this problem before and am pretty cool about things like that as we all have friends of the opposite sex but some people just take it to the extreme. They have both said they are going to miss each other a lot when she's gone and he said he doesn't want her to leave but knows she has to with work. This maybe just because he doesn't want to have to get to know another housemate as he's happy with her or it could be more, maybe its my mind working overtime?

 

He never has to entertain me as I'm quite happy in doing whatever he wants I am actually very laid back, if there is something i want to do then i will say but don't always get to do it.

 

I actually do a lot more of the DIY than he does as I've done a lot more in my past and know how to do it. he admitted that when i wasn't there he messed up his shelving. its his house so I'm just helping him for his new housemates arrival as he's renting two rooms out instead of one and moving into the study which is a single room. He's thinking of moving closer to work which is understandable so he doesn't have such a long commute but is going to see how living in a small room goes for 6 months and then spend another 6 months or so in another place then he maybe ready but i doubt we'll be together in another year if i feel like i do.

[mickleb]

Thanks for your responses guys,

TMichaels thanks for your quotes, he started acting strange once the housemate moved in, i understand that when you have broken up with someone you don't like to see others happy but she would get in a grump as soon as i walked through the door, me and my guy never show affection in front of her so its not like we were rubbing it in. we'd make sure we were out of the house to give each other affection.

 

This girl has admitted she's very flirty and gets on better with guys and i can see that when she's touching him when they are talking and having banter, he gets all red and a bit goey eyed when talking to her..they normally do it through a whole programme and I'm just sat there like gooseberry in the middle even if I've tried joining in. This is not my jealousy shouting out here, its actually happening and thats what upsets me and then makes me jealous. I've never had this problem before and am pretty cool about things like that as we all have friends of the opposite sex but some people just take it to the extreme. They have both said they are going to miss each other a lot when she's gone and he said he doesn't want her to leave but knows she has to with work. This maybe just because he doesn't want to have to get to know another housemate as he's happy with her or it could be more, maybe its my mind working overtime?

 

He never has to entertain me as I'm quite happy in doing whatever he wants I am actually very laid back, if there is something i want to do then i will say but don't always get to do it.

 

I actually do a lot more of the DIY than he does as I've done a lot more in my past and know how to do it. he admitted that when i wasn't there he messed up his shelving. its his house so I'm just helping him for his new housemates arrival as he's renting two rooms out instead of one and moving into the study which is a single room. He's thinking of moving closer to work which is understandable so he doesn't have such a long commute but is going to see how living in a small room goes for 6 months and then spend another 6 months or so in another place then he maybe ready but i doubt we'll be together in another year if i feel like i do.

 

He is the main problem here but your response is not helping.

 

This seems to be like a basic he pushes away, she tries to hold on tighter type scenario.

 

He clearly likes this girl and prioritises her feelings over yours. However, your response to that should be to let him have as much time as he wants wither her, and go home. Leave him to it.

 

If he really cares about you, he would see he's upset you and try to win you back.

 

You have, understandably, felt threatened by her presence. But the more you have tried to claim him as yours, the more he's been drawn towards her.

 

He sees you because he gets to have sex with you. He doesn't get to have sex with her but he's a bit ga-ga for her, so loves hanging out with her.

 

I think you should stop initiating anything with him. See if he comes to you. But be prepared for him to be happy to let her fill up his imagination instead.

 

Sorry this is happening to you.

[umirano]

me and my guy never show affection in front of her so its not like we were rubbing it in. we'd make sure we were out of the house to give each other affection.

Even if, he's your BF, no? I've been with somewhat more aggressive women than you are, it seems. They'd purposely show affection in front of others, to send a message. While it's cool that you're not so insecure to be all over him all the time while someone else is around, it may well be worthwhile to mark your territory from time to time. Her (and his!) reaction should be extremely informative at this point.

 

when she's touching him when they are talking and having banter, he gets all red and a bit goey eyed when talking to her..

Oh, she touches him? Why? All the less reason for you to hold back, I'd say...

 

they normally do it through a whole programme and I'm just sat there like gooseberry in the middle even if I've tried joining in.

Doesn't sound like he respects you very much, to be honest.

 

They have both said they are going to miss each other a lot when she's gone

Again, that does not sound at all like a normal and healthy roomie relationship. I know that there are quite many people throwing around 'love yous' and 'miss yous' all the time, but I find it childish and it sure sounds like the perfect cop out for playing sketchy games.

 

He's thinking of moving closer to work which is understandable so he doesn't have such a long commute but is going to see how living in a small room goes for 6 months and then spend another 6 months or so in another place then he maybe ready but i doubt we'll be together in another year if i feel like i do.

Cool, but first things first. Make sure he knows how you feel observing the things you mentioned here, and find out what's behind this. Is it just him not being able to handle an overstepping, overly sweet roomie or is it him flat out disrespecting you.

[HeavenOrHell]

This is crazy, sorry, there is no way your partner should stop you coming over for this reason > she seemed nice when i first met her but that weekend she broke up with her boyfriend and since then my guy has been making excuses that he doesn't want me to come over every weekend cause she's upset seeing us together! I was a little annoyed with this as first but respected what he was saying. The weekends i did go up there she was moody with me and i hated it.<

 

And she is being ridiculously petty

 

And he being unassertive for letting her do this.

 

Maybe it's just an excuse though cos he said he needs space.

 

Even people in LDR's where they don't meet up for weeks need head space sometimes. I can understand him wanting a weekend to himself now and again, could you not just meet up for a day and night sometimes and not the whole weekend, as you're not really long distance as such.

[FitChick]

Didn't read the whole thread. Keep bugging the housemate about online dating. Take flattering pics of her, help her with her profile, coo over cute guys, etc. If she is lonely it's only natural she will turn to the closest male. If you are this guy's exclusive girlfriend you should be able to drop in any time. Bake some brownies and drop them off on a weekend he says he will be doing laundry or whatever. Then make small talk and leave. You need to let this chick know you could pop in at any time!

 

Alternatively, invite him to your place saying the housemate needs privacy and space once in a while, too.

[confused karen]

well guys after an unsettled night and day, i decided to call the guy to talk as its upsetting me.

I told him how i felt and asked why he needed space. He said that he scared of commitment.. i said why on earth did you get into a relationship with me. He said its because he likes me and wants to spend time with me. BUT he's scared of loosing his independence so needs some space to gather his thoughts together and keep everything in tact.

I asked him why he doesn't need space from his housemate and he said its because they get on so well and they just clicked when she moved in, he just sees her as a friend and has many friends that are girls, he said the are like sisters.

I asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he did have feelings for anyone else that he had to tell me straight away.

I said to him that he can't keep pushing and pulling me emotionally like this as its not fair.

He said at least he's being honest with me and that most guys who were feeling like this would keep it to themselves and it would get too much and they would walk away.

Haf of me is saying to leave him and if he wants me he will come back and the other is saying just agree with him and give him time and see how he behaves and then get rid if he carrys on.

I don't know what to do, i feel very messed up right now..

[HeavenOrHell]

This would really hurt me! That they click so well, but he should click more with you as you're his partner, it would hurt anyone if their partner wanted space from them but not their house mate who's the opposite sex! Although space in any r/ship is understandable, never good to suffocate anyone (not saying that you did).

So sorry you are going through this, hope it can be sorted out, and well done for saying how you felt.

 

 

I asked him why he doesn't need space from his housemate and he said its because they get on so well and they just clicked when she moved in, he just sees her as a friend and has many friends that are girls, he said the are like sisters.

I asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he did have feelings for anyone else that he had to tell me straight away.

.

[mickleb]

well guys after an unsettled night and day, i decided to call the guy to talk as its upsetting me.

I told him how i felt and asked why he needed space. He said that he scared of commitment.. i said why on earth did you get into a relationship with me. He said its because he likes me and wants to spend time with me. BUT he's scared of loosing his independence so needs some space to gather his thoughts together and keep everything in tact.

I asked him why he doesn't need space from his housemate and he said its because they get on so well and they just clicked when she moved in, he just sees her as a friend and has many friends that are girls, he said the are like sisters.

I asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he did have feelings for anyone else that he had to tell me straight away.

I said to him that he can't keep pushing and pulling me emotionally like this as its not fair.

He said at least he's being honest with me and that most guys who were feeling like this would keep it to themselves and it would get too much and they would walk away.

Haf of me is saying to leave him and if he wants me he will come back and the other is saying just agree with him and give him time and see how he behaves and then get rid if he carrys on.

I don't know what to do, i feel very messed up right now..

 

Yes, Karen. It seemed to me to be becoming a classic push/pull commitment issues situation.

 

When someone pulls away like this you do not push them harder. You pull back equally. This helps the other party feel less pressured, making it more likely that they'll come towards you but it also helps you to preserve yourself.

 

I'd prepare myself for a break-up if, after you've given him some space, his still isn't able to give you what you need.

[umirano]

well guys after an unsettled night and day, i decided to call the guy to talk as its upsetting me.

I told him how i felt and asked why he needed space. He said that he scared of commitment.. i said why on earth did you get into a relationship with me. He said its because he likes me and wants to spend time with me. BUT he's scared of loosing his independence so needs some space to gather his thoughts together and keep everything in tact.

I asked him why he doesn't need space from his housemate and he said its because they get on so well and they just clicked when she moved in,

 

Do you really need more than that? To me that sounds like the text book cop out. He doesn't want to commit, but his really sweet room mate is not too much to handle. But you, please, his GF, don't bother him by showing up too often. I'm a guy, but i think that's incredibly rude and hurtful to say to your GF. Idk... I don't see how that didn't spark a huge argument.

 

he just sees her as a friend and has many friends that are girls, he said the are like sisters.

Hot air.

 

I asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he did have feelings for anyone else that he had to tell me straight away.

You will never get an honest answer by someone who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. I don't know whether your BF is thinking like that. But if he is you're out of gas.

 

I said to him that he can't keep pushing and pulling me emotionally like this as its not fair.

He said at least he's being honest with me and that most guys who were feeling like this would keep it to themselves and it would get too much and they would walk away.

Same thing. Also, just fire one question or statement at him at a time. I learned this once in a military course. If you're interrogating someone never ask more than one question at a time. You give them the power to answer the more convenient question and divert you from getting important information.

 

Haf of me is saying to leave him and if he wants me he will come back and the other is saying just agree with him and give him time and see how he behaves and then get rid if he carrys on.

I don't know what to do, i feel very messed up right now..

Give it a few more days or weeks (idk how often you go and see him) and show some affection right in front of her. Mark your territory and see how they react. Report the results here, I'm actually curious too.

 

What you've told me so far doesn't impress me (I'm guilty of having hidden romantic feelings for someone else while in a commited RS).

 

Good luck

[passion_flower]

I think you've been very lenient with him so far and have finally been pushed to breaking point and all your underlying resentments have come to the surface.

 

Fair enough, the guy wants a weekend to himself from time to time but taking into account the stuff with his room mate.. The touchy-feelyness, making you feel like a gooseberry and basically caring about her feelings more sounds very fishy indeed.

[stillafool]

Oh my! I once had a bf who moved in a goodlooking female roommate and I like you was not comfortable with it. He promised me over and over he didn't see her that way but later I found out they were having sex. She too was broken up with her bf when she moved in. She would smile in my face every time we met. If you aren't feeling comfortable there's a reason. Do they share a bathroom?