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probably the weirdest LDR story


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classy_matryoshka

I'm 18 yo (19 by this July) girl from Indonesia and currently in a LDR with a Russia-Uzbekistan guy who is 27 yo. We were ever separated but then we are madly in love again.

 

My LDR story is pretty weird.

 

I knew this guy a year ago from social media and was surprised that this guy could speak my mother tongue language cuz he was exchange student here back then. I had no intention to even be more than his friend. He lived in Moscow at the time.

 

Things changed after 4 months we knew each other, we decided to be in a relationships. Well, this guy changed my what I call such "principle" rapidly. Through Skype, everything is possible, including the casual encounter most couple do. As a girl who was grown up in conservative environment, I was doubt. I felt like there was nothing right in that relationships. Although that he said he would come to visit my country in December, I still thought he just took benefit from me. Then it brought me to my silly decision to break him up after 2 weeks in a LDR by saying I was cheating with my college friend which is just a lie and a suggestion from my 'reality' crush (who was a crucial actor in my story as well). My reality crush seemed to like me and he was my listener. He phoned me every night, he promised me by saying "just break him up. I'll be always with you". I believed it. But my expectation did not go on the same way as reality went.

 

My ex, ofc, was mad when I broke him up. I was happy and confused at the same time cuz he wanted everything to be stopped but I wanted to still be in touch. We lost contact for about a week, not literally tho cuz I was using my friend's account to message him and expressed what I was wondering and also I told that I told him lie. I got the answers,he still had that feeling to me. Then I decided to send him messages throguh my own account. I told him directly then that I was regret, I couldn't stop think about him, but never said sorry and invited him to start it over again. He just told me "I'm still in love with you but I'm just so bad mood." I was a bit relieved. But then after saying so, he disappeared.

 

I was panicked. He deleted his account, he never showed up on Skype tho he did not delete or block me. I knew him so well that he would uninstall his Skype instead of delete or blocking. I tried all the mean to communicate with him; phone, text, Line, you name it. But no answer. He disappeared when I was realizing that I already in love with him. We were in relationship in September, he lost in October, and he said he would come in December on around 15.

 

I was so frustrated with reality. I tried to get busy with uni stuffs by joining this and that activity. But then when it came up to my loneliness for being apart with my ex, I ended up crying. I cried in front of my close friends, I cried for myself in the midnight. I was going crazy.

 

Time flies until December comes. I counted day till the calender I marked in 15. Before the date came, I researched airplanes from Moscow that will land on the airport at that date. Yes, I waited then at the arrival gate airport, hoping he would show up and hugged me. It was just a pathetic day. Hours by hours I starred to everyone who was coming. None. None and none. I cried on my way back home, it hurt me a lot. I was thinking he probably had midnight arrival, or he changed the date. I didn't know.

 

And I decided to travel to a town in which he called as his "second" hometown in Java. I was dilemma whether to make the travel as my runaway to move on or as another mean to hope we would meet accidentally. I traveled by myself, my parents was about to forbid me but I already had ticket. So I became rebel and go. My mom took me to train station. It was my first time ever travel without family since they are very protecting me.

 

Anyway just to make this thread shorter, I DID NOT meet this guy during my travel. I felt so weak, I tried to get up and move on. Cuz it was December and it was already 3 months since he disappeared. During my frustration time, I was totally driven crazy by the fact I missed him too much.

 

I was still crying when I felt so lonely. When year already turned to be 2014, I was lying in my bed while all my family member did bbq, starring to the only picture of him that I had and crying. He ever told me he would love to celebrate new year eve with my family. Too many memories I remembered. Too much tears as well.

 

January to March, nothing. I tried to makeup my academic while trying to move on as well. I met another guy at uni, but the feeling is different. I never felt the same butterflies as I had with my ex. My ex was still showed up iin my mind and I still mourned over him even though not as intense as I used to last year.

 

Until the miracle happened in early April. Six months since he disappeared, I noticed his Skype prifile picture had been changed into a black reddish avatar. He was online! I was really excited. I then stayed awake to wait that green button turned on. Pathetically, I never met him online! He had two Skype accounts. Both accounts showed similar activities. I sent him messages and video messages, but all I got was pending notification. Okay, I did not give up though. Untill finally we could talk again.

 

I asked a lot questions. He answered that everything has changed. He moved to Uzbekistan in which his born place, he stays with his mom, his tablet that used to be a media to communicate with me has broken so he would be able to skype through his office where the PC has no cam. I wonder where he had been. He thought that I was in a relationship with my college friend and already happy. Just two days after the miracle, he asked whether I still love him. I could not answer no cuz the fact is yes.

 

We reunited with more difficuties now. He had to go to internet cafe in order to be able to skype with me. The first weeks of our relationships was harder. He rarely contacted me due to limitation he had. He used such an old phone, limited, everything was limited. He rarely online and replied my messages. During the first weeks I caught up he had another vkontakte account but with different name (which later he told me that it's his real name in Uzbekistan). I looked for everything that seemed supicious. I checked girl by girl on his friend list (mostly his friend list consists of Indonesian people, esp. girls) then I got another Indonesian girl who seemed had ever been in a special relationship with my bf. She posted a picture with caption in Russian words meaning "I love S****". Pic was posted on 20 September 2013. 4 days after we broke up. I confronted him and he said this girl asked him to go steady with her. I also confronted her but she did not reply and he blocked me.

 

We survived then. He bought a new phone where he could communicate with me all the time. It's now almost two months since we begin new story again. He always says that I'm the one, we have talked future plans, he told his mom that he would come to here someday and marry me, he would meet my parents and ask them to take me in a journey. Well, I'm a person who believes in young marriage. But I'm still in university. So I tell him that I'm serious but marry me when I already graduated and have working experience for a year.

 

One day I argued him that he promised me many things. He just replied "One day I will make my promises come true. You will see"

 

So this is not yet an end. What do you guys think about my decision to be serious with this guy whom I haven't seen yet? Are his words just the weapon to chill me and then taake benefit from me? Or am I just too optimistic?

 

Oh and another thing, he talks to my friend and also asked things about culture here and so on so forth.

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My LDR story is pretty weird.

 

Not really. Unfortunately, it's pathetically all too common.

 

Well, I'm a person who believes in young marriage. But I'm still in university. So I tell him that I'm serious but marry me when I already graduated and have working experience for a year.

 

This is the only level-headed somewhat mature statement you wrote in your entire post. I hope you mean it and won't be so silly as to sacrifice your education and life-long earning potential for some guy you haven't even met.

 

What do you guys think about my decision to be serious with this guy whom I haven't seen yet? Are his words just the weapon to chill me and then taake benefit from me? Or am I just too optimistic?

 

Optimistic? I wouldn't say "optimistic" but based on what you wrote, I'd say you're incredibly romantic, naïve, gullible, and have your head in the clouds.

 

Classy, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET THIS GUY. You don't know for sure who he is, whether he *is* who he says he is, etc., etc., etc. yet from the sounds of it, you've spent every waking moment for the past year dreaming, building fairytale castles in the sky.

 

You're in love with the idea of being in love with this guy who is eight years your senior, disappeared without warning or explanation for half the time you've "known" him, and whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

 

The question is, why?

 

 

Oh and another thing, he talks to my friend and also asked things about culture here and so on so forth.

 

So what? I think you're just grasping at straws and seeing encouragement in anything, not matter how insignificant.

 

You're 18, still in college. You have your whole life ahead of you. Quit wasting it by preferring to live in fantasy-land. Put on your big girl panties, face reality, and move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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It's a romantic fantasy between two strangers and means nothing until you meet. Aren't there any boys at university whom you could have a real relationship with?

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I think you are naive and a hopeless romanticus. You have never seen the man, never spoken to him, you dont know what he does in his life etc. What's there about him that you love so much? Do you even know how he looks like?

 

Please move on from this man, he is playing with your feet and you are not seeing things clearly because you are too young to understand.

 

I myself had a fling with an older man when I was 18, online, because he made me feel so special. It's only later when I met my boyfriend that I realized how silly I was, but that it also was caused by emotional frustration. I wanted to be with somebody really bad.

 

Please move on, you are really lucky that your parents are supportive and have driven you to the train station but please just break contact with him. He is playing you.

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justwhoiam

Getting together, breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together... I think this is just your fantasy. Nothing of that is real. Think about it. You have never met this man in person.

 

Also, not having any flight schedule whatsoever, you waited a whole day at the airport, thinking he was arriving to meet you on a day, and as he didn't show up then and there you drove to the airport in a different town?? Nothing of that makes sense. I mean, even in "An Affair to Remember", the main characters agreed a time and a day. You can't just wait like that in the hope he'll show up. You wanted a movie, and got a door slammed on your face instead. You are deliberately exposing yourself to this kind of situations. You only have yourself to blame.

 

Anyway, this guy is clearly unreliable. Also, he was probably online on Skype many times when you were online too. You can show your status as offline on Skype and be online: it's the invisible status, for when you don't want to be bothered by people. In fact you never did until when you noticed he had changed his profile picture.

 

Forget about him now. I know it's not easy. Go no contact with him. Delete his friendship on FB, block his account on Skype. If you get contacted by someone you don't know, don't answer and ignore them. It might be him trying to get back in touch with you.

 

It's time for you to grow up and getting stronger.

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classy_matryoshka
Also, he was probably online on Skype many times when you were online too. You can show your status as offline on Skype and be online: it's the invisible status, for when you don't want to be bothered by people. In fact you never did until when you noticed he had changed his profile picture.

 

Well when I sent chats, there's showed circle sign which means pending. I used to check my messages whether they were sent or not whenever I'm on Skype. It got sent when he changed his profile picture hehe.

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Well when I sent chats, there's showed circle sign which means pending. I used to check my messages whether they were sent or not whenever I'm on Skype. It got sent when he changed his profile picture hehe.

 

Before you gloat too much, it might be worth your while to do a little research on what the "pending" message really indicated in the past and what is happening now if you see it now for a second or two (if at all) since recent Skype updates.

 

Long story short, Skype now accommodates offline message delivery which means the "pending" status disappears instantly once a message is "sent" and is handed off to Skype's message server. This doesn't mean the person received or read the message or is even online -- just that the message has left your local Skype program and has been sent to the recipient's message queue.

 

Whether he/she chooses to read any messages you may send is up to them when he/she next logs on. Skype also does not offer a feature that confirms to the sender the intended recipient received or opened the message. So thinking just because the "pending" status doesn't appear any longer on any messages you sent means the person received and read them is a faulty and erroneous assumption.

 

The fact remains, you haven't met this guy, he disappeared for six months with no explanation, and you're still turning every little insignificant thing that's happened into some sort of "sign" that this is "the greatest love story ever told."

 

As I told you before Classy, you need to get your head out of the clouds and your feet on the ground. You're a university student; certainly you have some level of intelligence. You need to use it.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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