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She ended things for another guy, I want her back.


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We've been together for a year and she has become a really special person in my life. About a week ago, she broke up with me for another guy, but I convinced her to stay with me that day. Yesterday I found out that she hadn't yet dumped the guy, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

 

So I wanted to make sure she was happy with me, she said she loved me, but more like a brother. We spoke for a while and she chose him over me. But she's come to mean to much to me and I refuse to lose her.

 

I know I should move on, but I can't do it. I need her back. She told me that she still wants to be friends, and we actually spent today talking almost like normal.

 

I need advice, anybody who has been in the same situation and come out on top, how did you do it?

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Never settle for sloppy seconds which is exactly what you'll get. Let's say she ends things with the current guy and gives you a whirl. Can you imagine how much fun it would be always looking over your shoulder and thinking about how you were second choice and that she settled for you?

 

Begging someone to love you is never a good strategy. You deserve someone who is as head-over-heels in love with you as you are with them. This one ain't it.

 

Work on your self-esteem and self-respect and forget about the "staying friends" thing. It will just continue to tear you up and allows her to keep her options open or at the very least, "let you down gently."

 

Put on your big boy pants, call it a day, and get busy. You deserve better and will get it if you realize your worth.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

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hoping2heal

What part of "sees you like a brother" did not help you to gain clarity?

 

You may want, but no woman is going to go back to a man she has essentially friend zoned. The feelings just aren't there.

 

You should be with someone who is in love with you and crazy over you, not someone who is in a relationship with you out of pity.

 

It's over whether you choose to accept it or not.

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ExpatInItaly
Never settle for sloppy seconds which is exactly what you'll get. Let's say she ends things with the current guy and gives you a whirl. Can you imagine how much fun it would be always looking over your shoulder and thinking about how you were second choice and that she settled for you?

 

Begging someone to love you is never a good strategy. You deserve someone who is as head-over-heels in love with you as you are with them. This one ain't it.

 

Work on your self-esteem and self-respect and forget about the "staying friends" thing. It will just continue to tear you up and allows her to keep her options open or at the very least, "let you down gently."

 

Put on your big boy pants, call it a day, and get busy. You deserve better and will get it if you realize your worth.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Agree with everything above. You say you refuse to lose her, OP. That isn't your choice, unfortunately. You simply cannot force someone to stay with you, and why would you want to? Do you want to have to resort to pleading with someone to be with you when they don't really want it? I can promise that even if she stayed, this would happen again. She doesn't share the same feelings you do so her mind and eye will eventually wander.

 

Pay close attention to the bolded part above - it's very good advice.

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Perhaps you both need to be apart to gain perspective on your real feelings for each other. She knows how you feel.

 

Go No Contact and try to get over her by doing fun things, dating new women, traveling, etc. Then if at some point she gets dumped by this guy or dumps him, she might contact you again. However, by then you might not be interested. Don't WAIT for that to happen though or you won't heal.

 

Good luck!

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Why would you want someone who left you for someone else? Step back and think about it for a bit. This girl who you spent so much time with (foolishly) looked at you and her new guy next to each other and chose the new thing. Chances are she'll regret it at some point and come back. But what you need to do is live as if she is never coming back. Pretend she doesn't exist. Stop stalking her fb, don't talk to her, her friends, go out and keep busy and it'll help speed the process

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soccerrprp

I would like to add...if she does come back b/c the other relationship didn't work out....you haven't won her back, not really. She didn't think you were worthy the first time, that hasn't really changed. Her coming back, under these circumstances simply means that she's "settled" for you b/c she can't, for now, find anyone else. I wouldn't tolerate that crap, personally.

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HeavenOrHell

How much time did you spend together in real life?

 

 

 

We've been together for a year and she has become a really special person in my life. About a week ago, she broke up with me for another guy, but I convinced her to stay with me that day. Yesterday I found out that she hadn't yet dumped the guy, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

 

So I wanted to make sure she was happy with me, she said she loved me, but more like a brother. We spoke for a while and she chose him over me. But she's come to mean to much to me and I refuse to lose her.

 

I know I should move on, but I can't do it. I need her back. She told me that she still wants to be friends, and we actually spent today talking almost like normal.

 

I need advice, anybody who has been in the same situation and come out on top, how did you do it?

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justwhoiam
We've been together for a year
You mean how? Have you ever met her?

 

she broke up with me for another guy
Is this other guy a chat buddy? Or someone close to her IRL?

 

anybody who has been in the same situation and come out on top?
What?? No way. Such a guy would stand practically zero chances with me.

 

Anyway, if you were second best chat buddy over another chat buddy, I'm not sure what the big deal is, because the other guy would still be a chat buddy. Get it? I don't know if that's your case, and really, it's probably best you don't waste anymore time trying to find that out.

 

But it's quite likely that you'll come across as desperate if you are ready to be with her even if she is not in love with you! If you do need to be a doormat no matter what, start lying outside your door.

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OnlyHonesty

My advice?

 

Work on your dignity, self respect, masculinity and work on self esteem. A woman rejects you, clearly communicates her lack of attraction to you and dumps you for another guy and you want her back?

 

Your actions demand no respect and you communicate your willingness to be walked over, to be second choice and to lack self respect, dignity and masculinity. She does not respect you and it can never work due to all of the above. My advice, be alone, become full then if you wish, be with another and remain full.

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stillafool

There is no getting her back after she has said you are like a brother to her. She doesn't want to date or marry her brother. She is not in love with you. You have to make up your mind that she is gone and you are not getting back together. To continue to pursue her at this point is useless. Even if it doesn't work out with her new love she will not come back to you. Please move on. Seek professional help if need be to get over her but you have to let her go.

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Bumpin in My Trunk

I need advice, anybody who has been in the same situation and come out on top, how did you do it?

 

 

I like to think I came out on top but when I really think about it, I haven't won. My situation is she met some guy on chatroulette cuz I was a cold bastard but I eventually won her back. No pleading or begging just being patient and making her laugh and being a close friend who supported her. Eventually she chose me and we entered a relationship. She kept the guy and didn't want to delete him but their communication was at best minimal. Then she broke up, I refused to take her back since she didn't wanna get rid of him and now she's "confused" again. The only difference is I'm in your boat now so I didn't really win. I made the mistake of begging this time and I'm really advising you to leave. Find someone else. I've found another girl who might be worth my time but not everyone is so lucky. If she does come back then be cold or don't answer at all. I don't want to think about her coming back. It seems all so twisted and ****ed since I was first choice but suffered and lost I don't think I could take her back if she came back

 

 

But most importantly, heal. And never look back

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