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Ok. so I've (was) dating this person for about 6 and a half years, I am 22 and she is 21, I live in the US and she lives in Mexico, 6hr drive...just last year our relationship seemed perfect, I spent the whole summer with her, our good-bye was a really sad one, everything seemed fine, we saw each other, very romantic skype calls, pictures, etc...then, by late October/ early November, a lot of discussions started to happen, some very constant.

 

We are both really different, her family loves to party and drink (she started to also liked that more recently) I know that I must accept her and what she likes but I am not really that type of ambiance guy because of my nuclear family, my dad was an alcoholic and really hurt my mom and his family (not physically) and that is why I don't really completely agree/like when she wants to drink because In my opinion it is a lot, quantity wise, the idea and image of her being tipsy and/or drunk hurts my gut because of my experience with my dad. Those were the types or arguments we got into first, the. it turn to more of jealousy...I started noticing that some guy was beginning to talk to her a lot and very frequently, I told her that I was sensing something strange, anyhow, pictures of them close and other little details started to appear, and of course, my senses got even more deep.

 

I saw her in December, and we spoke about this issue, about this guy, she said that nothing was going on and that I had nothing to worry about, however she got mad when I kept mentioning him. More pictures started to appear on New Year's and some family members brought that to my attention, I told her that and she said that she could't take it no more and that she wanted time to think, at first I didn't agree, later I decided to give in, this happened on Jan. 2, its been 4 months now, we still talk but not as we used to, there are no name calling like baby or babe or love...recently I found some pictures of them hugging and kissing, she told me that she started to like him, talk to him about our problems and of course this really got to me...

 

I told her, I wont be dealing with that type os Bs, during that time she kept saying that I had nothing to about, and that she still loved me, I trusted her but she wasn't being entirely honest...I told her to het her **** straight and make a decision( NOTE: we are both in college, however the pressure and schedule that she has is overwhelming, I am done this december and she is done on june 2015) She told me, fine I will, give me a couple of days, which I did, and this past sunday she apologized for the pain that she caused me and that she was also suffering from it, but that she wanted to be with me, that it has always been me...I asked her...do you still love me as you used to? and she replied, i'm not sure

 

that really hit me, because she always used to tell me that she loved me and when she wanted that time, I felt she got distant from me, I tried to win her back but my efforts didn't gave the results I wished. Then, on tuesday, I found out that for mothers day the had a party and that guy was there( he is a close friend of their family) she told me that she was going to act cool a d that I had nothing to worry about...what I found out was more pictures of them holding hands and showing physical affection in front of her family, she told me it wasn't anything bad she was doing and that she had told me on sunday night that she was going to fight for me and stick with me..I kept telling here you told me everything was going to be alright...so what )$&?@&( happened? and she just said, O am sorry, this time will really be different I told you on sunday

 

Right now i don't know what to do, she says I am still very important to her, but because of the overwhelm from school she cant handle both things, and to some extent I understand her, but she doesn't even know if she wants me to stay now or leave because I keep telling her how I feel, which I know I should not do that often, I keep telling her that I trusted her and how do you want me to really believe that it will be different this time and that makes her feel bad and more stressed out...

 

I really really love her, and we had plans to get married really soon, I still have hope because she gave them it to me, I don't know if I should just give up, or hold on a tiny bit more 'till she gets on vacation, which would be in about 3 weeks, i really want to work things out, despite all the damage and pain that she has caused me, I care for her A LOT, and I would give her up that easily...

 

right now I am thinking of dropping college for a year, go to Mexico, find a decent job over there and work it out, then come back to the US and finish school, but my fear is so big that I am afraid that everything is over, and find out that she really really has something going on with this guy

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?!?

 

PS - sorry for the long story, I would like to hear your feedback!!

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Ok. so I've (was) dating this person for about 6 and a half years, I am 22 and she is 21, I live in the US and she lives in Mexico, 6hr drive...just last year our relationship seemed perfect, I spent the whole summer with her, our good-bye was a really sad one, everything seemed fine, we saw each other, very romantic skype calls, pictures, etc...then, by late October/ early November, a lot of discussions started to happen, some very constant.

 

We are both really different, her family loves to party and drink (she started to also liked that more recently) I know that I must accept her and what she likes but I am not really that type of ambiance guy because of my nuclear family, my dad was an alcoholic and really hurt my mom and his family (not physically) and that is why I don't really completely agree/like when she wants to drink because In my opinion it is a lot, quantity wise, the idea and image of her being tipsy and/or drunk hurts my gut because of my experience with my dad. Those were the types or arguments we got into first, the. it turn to more of jealousy...I started noticing that some guy was beginning to talk to her a lot and very frequently, I told her that I was sensing something strange, anyhow, pictures of them close and other little details started to appear, and of course, my senses got even more deep.

 

I saw her in December, and we spoke about this issue, about this guy, she said that nothing was going on and that I had nothing to worry about, however she got mad when I kept mentioning him. More pictures started to appear on New Year's and some family members brought that to my attention, I told her that and she said that she could't take it no more and that she wanted time to think, at first I didn't agree, later I decided to give in, this happened on Jan. 2, its been 4 months now, we still talk but not as we used to, there are no name calling like baby or babe or love...recently I found some pictures of them hugging and kissing, she told me that she started to like him, talk to him about our problems and of course this really got to me...

 

I told her, I wont be dealing with that type os Bs, during that time she kept saying that I had nothing to about, and that she still loved me, I trusted her but she wasn't being entirely honest...I told her to het her **** straight and make a decision( NOTE: we are both in college, however the pressure and schedule that she has is overwhelming, I am done this december and she is done on june 2015) She told me, fine I will, give me a couple of days, which I did, and this past sunday she apologized for the pain that she caused me and that she was also suffering from it, but that she wanted to be with me, that it has always been me...I asked her...do you still love me as you used to? and she replied, i'm not sure

 

that really hit me, because she always used to tell me that she loved me and when she wanted that time, I felt she got distant from me, I tried to win her back but my efforts didn't gave the results I wished. Then, on tuesday, I found out that for mothers day the had a party and that guy was there( he is a close friend of their family) she told me that she was going to act cool a d that I had nothing to worry about...what I found out was more pictures of them holding hands and showing physical affection in front of her family, she told me it wasn't anything bad she was doing and that she had told me on sunday night that she was going to fight for me and stick with me..I kept telling here you told me everything was going to be alright...so what )$&?@&( happened? and she just said, O am sorry, this time will really be different I told you on sunday

 

Right now i don't know what to do, she says I am still very important to her, but because of the overwhelm from school she cant handle both things, and to some extent I understand her, but she doesn't even know if she wants me to stay now or leave because I keep telling her how I feel, which I know I should not do that often, I keep telling her that I trusted her and how do you want me to really believe that it will be different this time and that makes her feel bad and more stressed out...

 

I really really love her, and we had plans to get married really soon, I still have hope because she gave them it to me, I don't know if I should just give up, or hold on a tiny bit more 'till she gets on vacation, which would be in about 3 weeks, i really want to work things out, despite all the damage and pain that she has caused me, I care for her A LOT, and I would give her up that easily...

 

right now I am thinking of dropping college for a year, go to Mexico, find a decent job over there and work it out, then come back to the US and finish school, but my fear is so big that I am afraid that everything is over, and find out that she really really has something going on with this guy

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?!?

 

PS - sorry for the long story, I would like to hear your feedback!!

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Stress does a lot to a person.

 

But an honest and mature person would have self control. (Remember this: She said she started to like this other guy. She starting hanging onto him. Where is the self control here?)

 

Anytime a person confides in a friend of the opposite gender, there will usually be a connection. The person one confides with builds a connection to them and they become closer to one another. They should be talking to YOU and the relationship problems. That's it. It's YOUR problem NOT anyone else's but the people directly involved.

 

I know in some countries that it's okay for people to be very affectionate towards another but it's also something you two have to sort out. She needs to know and needs to understand how it makes you feel. Sometimes people will use their culture to their advantage because it "justifies" their actions. It's something you two need to discuss. Just be gentle and understanding as your upbringings are very different. You have feelings too, just as she does.

 

To be in a relationship with someone who is "unsure" of their feelings is tricky. To say she loves you and hanging around a person you're uncomfortable with in an affectionate way is disrespectful to you. I wonder how she would feel if she knew you were confiding in another woman of a similar culture where they're very affectionate? To see you holding hands and hugging another woman? I'm not saying to do this, heaven forbid, but it's a little something called empathy, respect, and consideration.

 

Also I think you should finish school first and make it your priority as should she. I'm not against dating in college as I'm also dating and in college but I'm against using it as an excuse to justify my "stress." Stress, I feel, is a loosely tossed around word. What is she studying? Is she going full time? Does she also work? Has she considered that her stress could be from the amount of partying she does instead of studying?

 

Remember. Actions speak louder than words.

 

(Might have missed something, but I just woke up so my brain is a little like what?)

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DO NOT drop out of college. Especially when you have only six more months or so until your degree is complete.

 

Instead, I'd ramp up talk about marriage since you say you've already had those talks before.

 

Tell her that you'd like to nail down a date for the wedding because it takes a lot of time to make wedding arrangements (booking a church, ordering a dress, reserving a reception venue, etc.). And, you'd like to get married as soon as possible after she graduates from college in June.

 

If she's serious about forsaking all others in favor of you, she'll be excited you both are taking your relationship to the next level.

 

If she's stringing you along, having doubts, and/or secretly in a relationship with some local guy, she'll balk at the idea of setting a date and starting any wedding planning and/or give you every excuse in the book for why she can't/isn't ready.

 

You need to be prepared for the latter. And if that's how things play out, even though you've invested a lot of time in this relationship, there's no sense wasting any more of your life on someone who's not as committed as you are. In that case, you need to find happiness with someone else who's on the same page, and move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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thanks for taking the time!

and yes I have told her, how would you feel if that was me, and she just said, it would feel awful

 

we are both full time students and both econ majors, the difference is that at her school they go crazy on the math and projects, they treat them as if they were masters students, she also goes from school from 4pm to 10pm and some days in the mornings and has to either stay there or leave and come back, which takes her about an hour

 

she doesn't work but the system over there makes them do internships , certain number of hours before they finish their degree, which she is about to get started on that

 

and yes, sadly actions do speak louder :/ its just that I am so hopeful and don't want to face the reality

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thanks for taking the time, and yes, I have been thinking to go over there in a couple of days or week and have the talk, I feel that phone or video call is just not the same, plus I haven't seen her since december

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You were basically children when you met. The relationship served its purpose of bringing both of you into the adult world. Now go find someone suitable in your own country. You can't get a job, at least a good one, in Mexico as an illegal. The Mexican government isn't as stupid as the US in that regard.

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