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I feel like I am just his friend...


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looshiemooshie

so me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. Long distance of course. But the first 6 months of our relationship was amazing. He would tell me I was beautiful, always asking for me to get on skype so he could see me and from there it feels like it all went downhill. Now I think the last time we were on skype was a good 3-4 months ago and he never asks for pictures of me. Ever since the first day of our relationship we have talked on the phone every single night and leave the phone on to sleep. But now we get on the phone, talk for about 30 minutes and then go to sleep. And our conversations are soooooo boring. It feels like I am just his friend thats there to talk about the normal things in life. I try to talk about us and bring up different conversations and he just ignores me and will start up a different subject. about 5 months ago the same thing happened and I told him i couldnt do it anymore. about two weeks later we were back together and for 1 week after that he was so sweet and made me feel soo loved. he would tell me how much he loved me and talk about how beautiful i was and always making crazy plans about what were going to do together. then it alll went back to normal again and im back in the same boat feeling un loved. I feel bad because i know he loves me but i try to tell him all the time that i need to feel loved and he just brushes it off. im sorry i know this post is kind of all over the place, im definitely not an author or have any writing skills what so ever.

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looshiemooshie

also he works all the time. mon-sat 9-8. Every time i bring up this problem he tells me there isnt anything else he can do, he gives me all his extra time. Which he does but I am not asking for more time. All i want is to feel loved by him and to feel wanted...or to feel like I am his Priority. Maybe a text saying 'Hi beautiful, i love and miss you and cant wait to talk to you ' or maybe ask to see me on skype. I feel like he has lost all interest in me. Or that the beginning of our relationship he was trying to impress me andr now that he knows were together he doesnt need to try to do any of that any more .... it sucks ):

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LittleTiger

Hi looshiemooshie, welcome to LS. :)

 

You don't say anything about your time together in real life so the first question I have is, 'have you ever met this guy?'.

 

If yes, how often do you meet up to spend real time together?

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looshiemooshie

No, we haven't yet. That's the thing that's the worst. We finally are so close to getting to meet inn 2 months after waiting 2 years. I know that sounds silly but I have talked to him every single day for two years. I know what's he's going to say before he even says it. And i talk about how excited i am to seehim and how i can't wait to kiss him, cuddle etc. and he kind of brushes off and starts a new subject. But at the same time i know he really sincerely loves me because he's had a thousand chances to leave and hasn't. ... Not sure what's up. Maybe it's just his personality? But a girl needs to feel loved and even if you tell her once a year that's not good enough. I want him to make me feel like I'm actually his girlfriend...

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Have you told him that you want more romance, not necessarily more time?

 

Show/ tell him something you liked in the begining & ask for more of the same.

 

After 2 years if you finally get to meet IRL, it seems silly to blow the whole relationship up now, that you are so close. However, I urge caution. Stay in a safe place, not with him. Have clear boundaries. If you are expecting to fall directly into bed, and that's your choice, I won't judge you but if you have a different scenario in mind make sure you two are on the same page.

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LittleTiger
No, we haven't yet. That's the thing that's the worst. We finally are so close to getting to meet inn 2 months after waiting 2 years. I know that sounds silly but I have talked to him every single day for two years. I know what's he's going to say before he even says it. And i talk about how excited i am to seehim and how i can't wait to kiss him, cuddle etc. and he kind of brushes off and starts a new subject. But at the same time i know he really sincerely loves me because he's had a thousand chances to leave and hasn't. ... Not sure what's up. Maybe it's just his personality? But a girl needs to feel loved and even if you tell her once a year that's not good enough. I want him to make me feel like I'm actually his girlfriend...

 

Ok, well if you've never actually met him, then you are not his 'girlfriend'. That why he's acting the way he is. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if he's acting disinterested, it's because he is disinterested.

 

He hasn't stopped talking to you because you're giving him female attention and he's enjoying the ego boost. He hasn't 'left' because there is nothing for him to leave. It sounds as though he got bored with the fantasy.

 

It doesn't sound at all silly that you talked to him every day for two years. People do it all over the world nowadays. What is silly though, is that you've continued to do it long after he lost interest. Eighteen months of boring conversations with someone you've never met, who makes you feel unloved sounds like a complete waste of your life!

 

If he's not enthusiastic about meeting you then please don't kid yourself it's ever going to happen. I'd be willing to bet he has no intention of meeting you, in two months, two years or even two decades.

 

I'm sorry, but you'd be better forgetting about him and moving on with your life. Preferably with someone you have at least met in real life who shows genuine interest in you.

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soccerrprp
Ok, well if you've never actually met him, then you are not his 'girlfriend'. That why he's acting the way he is. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if he's acting disinterested, it's because he is disinterested.

 

He hasn't stopped talking to you because you're giving him female attention and he's enjoying the ego boost. He hasn't 'left' because there is nothing for him to leave. It sounds as though he got bored with the fantasy.

 

It doesn't sound at all silly that you talked to him every day for two years. People do it all over the world nowadays. What is silly though, is that you've continued to do it long after he lost interest. Eighteen months of boring conversations with someone you've never met, who makes you feel unloved sounds like a complete waste of your life!

 

If he's not enthusiastic about meeting you then please don't kid yourself it's ever going to happen. I'd be willing to bet he has no intention of meeting you, in two months, two years or even two decades.

 

I'm sorry, but you'd be better forgetting about him and moving on with your life. Preferably with someone you have at least met in real life who shows genuine interest in you.

 

LT is on the money here. This is a crazy relationship. Rather, it is a crazy NON-relationship. After two years or long before that, you better believe this guy has someone else local. You have not been a priority for a very long time or ever. As LT says, his ego is being stroked by the female attention he's getting. It's fun for him.

 

Please tell me that you have not been holding off on dating during these past 2-years!?! What an amazing and irrational waste of time.

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No, we haven't yet. That's the thing that's the worst. We finally are so close to getting to meet inn 2 months after waiting 2 years. I know that sounds silly but I have talked to him every single day for two years. I know what's he's going to say before he even says it. And i talk about how excited i am to seehim and how i can't wait to kiss him, cuddle etc. and he kind of brushes off and starts a new subject. But at the same time i know he really sincerely loves me because he's had a thousand chances to leave and hasn't. ... Not sure what's up. Maybe it's just his personality? But a girl needs to feel loved and even if you tell her once a year that's not good enough. I want him to make me feel like I'm actually his girlfriend...

 

Goodness. I'm not sure if I could go on with someone for two years without ever having any other connection with them except through a phone or keyboard.

 

I have to wonder if he's attached to the familiarity and comfort of you which you are perceiving as love versus the true sense of the word being emotionally invested and bonded with you and the relationship. He may have had chances to leave but would he actually be leaving?

 

Honestly OP, I would be bored and possibly going through the motions if I had such a relationship.

 

Have you stayed faithful to the arrangement for two years or have you gone out and met people?

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looshiemooshie

I know i sound crazy but our relationship is weird. we are honest with eachother about everything you could possibly think of. when he isnt at work, which i know he is because our texts send location, the location has an address the address has a business name and the buisness name has a website, the website has a picture of their employees, with him in it. I have been completely faithful in this as well as him. after work he goes home and we talk on the phone for the rest of the night until we go to sleep. we used to skype all the time but he doesnt like being on camera. Im not here to get bashed on for what were doing i just wanted advice. 2 years would be a waste of life if we just gave up now. what if in 2 months everything completely changes and now that we would have a physical bond our emotional bond would strengthen too. please dont bash on me, if you want to, please just leave.. :(

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looshiemooshie

There a reason we could not meet yet also. We HAD to wait 2 years. it wasnt really an option.

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I know i sound crazy but our relationship is weird. we are honest with eachother about everything you could possibly think of. when he isnt at work, which i know he is because our texts send location, the location has an address the address has a business name and the buisness name has a website, the website has a picture of their employees, with him in it. I have been completely faithful in this as well as him. after work he goes home and we talk on the phone for the rest of the night until we go to sleep. we used to skype all the time but he doesnt like being on camera. Im not here to get bashed on for what were doing i just wanted advice. 2 years would be a waste of life if we just gave up now. what if in 2 months everything completely changes and now that we would have a physical bond our emotional bond would strengthen too. please dont bash on me, if you want to, please just leave.. :(

 

No one is bashing you for doing what you have been doing. It's more disbelief that two people can go on for so long this way and expect some sort of forward movement.

 

Yes, the first 6 months was great but the novelty wears off. Two years of doing it becomes monotonous and you lose interest. You don't get to hold hands, you don't get to sleep together, you don't get to go on dates, you don't get to share experiences together -- even the small things like feeling his skin, touching your hair, etc. So, I can understand after awhile, there is nothing very exciting about getting on the phone. It's hard to build and sustain a connection this way.

 

Wait and see how you both are in two months when you meet. There really is no point in you griping about this now when you will soon be meeting. I'm also going to ask you to prepare yourself incase he changes his mind. I have to wonder if now that the time is coming near, he is rethinking this, creating distance and detaching -- re: his behavior. Just be prepared for possibilities.

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LittleTiger

Looshiemooshie, please don't think I'm 'bashing on you'. That really isn't my intention. I'm responding to your post because I'm concerned for you.

 

You are not dealing with reality here, and even if you were (ie you had met each other and were sure of the physical chemistry), this relationship is not good for you. You said yourself that you find the conversations boring, and you're the one who is apparently still excited by the relationship!

 

You've asked for advice and that's what I'm giving you. Unless you really do get to meet each other in the next two months, and he then steps up and starts acting as though he cares about you and is excited to spend time with you, whether that's on Skype or in real life, you are wasting your time - wasting your life!

 

You have already wasted eighteen months because you haven't been happy with your interactions during that time - whether you carry on or give up now. If you continue with the relationship as it currently is, you are just going to waste even more time. If he can't or won't give you what you need, you will either have to cut your losses (at some point) or spend the rest of your life being as miserable as you are now.

 

There is nothing you can do to make somebody love you if they don't. There's nothing you can do to make someone enjoy your company or look forward to seeing you if they don't. If you've told him how you feel and things haven't changed, you will have to accept that they're not going to.

 

I know it's a horrible situation and if I could wave a magic wand and make it better for you I would - but I can't. :(

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There a reason we could not meet yet also. We HAD to wait 2 years. it wasnt really an option.

 

 

What was the reason?

 

 

If it was because you two are young & it took forever to save the money or to outgrow the need for parental permission please be extra careful before you meet him. Although you have been talking on the internet, you don't really know him. People can fake all sorts of things including feelings over the internet. It could be very dangerous.

 

 

If the reason was he was in jail, don't even bother with the meet.

 

 

If the reason was he was in the military & this is his 1st time home, OK, maybe but caution is still required.

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ExpatInItaly

OP, if you have never met this person, the reality is that you are just his friend. Of course you can form a special bond with someone you speak to every day but without any type of physical contact or even ever laying eyes on each other in person, I would not consider him to be a boyfriend.

 

Also, as others have advised, go into this meeting with caution. Where are you meeting him? Is there confirmation? And why couldn't you meet earlier? If he's pulling back then I would be wary of the meeting actually taking place.

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  • 1 month later...

I just got out from a LDR a couple of months ago. We met over an app and fell in love with each other quickly. He flew to my country 6 months after we called ourselves bf & gf. And I only told some of my close friends after I have met him in person because I thought internet dating was ridiculously stupid. :lmao:

 

I'm amazed at the fact that you guys can only meet 2 years later! I know exactly how it felt. Good luck girl! I hope it works out just like the way you have always wanted :)

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So, are you meeting him in July? Did he arrange his trip/stay already? Or is it you visiting him?

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True love isn't 2 people facing each other 24 7. True love is when two people arent looking at each other, but together in the same direction.

 

I've been in your situation before. Without the prospect of a next step, the relationship loses value and becomes stagnant. Even if you are the right person for each other, timing can ruin everything.

 

Can you stare at the same view or picture for 2 years and think it's as beautiful as the first time?

 

If you want him to chase you again like he once did, you have to spice yourself up for him, either by pushing and pulling ie making him jealous, or by upping the incentive for him (ifyouknowhatimean).

 

Additionally... I would like to throw in the catfish scenario just in case you haven't considered it.

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If you are in two different countries, just meeting one time won't solve anything.

 

Just use birth control because you know he will be expecting sex after two years!

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HeavenOrHell

Why should she have to do that?

Sounds like he needs to make some effort.

I'd have got bored quite quickly with never meeting up.

 

 

 

 

If you want him to chase you again like he once did, you have to spice yourself up for him, either by pushing and pulling ie making him jealous, or by upping the incentive for him (ifyouknowhatimean).

 

.

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