borneric Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Ok, I´m going to keep this as short and informational as possible: (See my other thread for a deeper understanding) Ex wife: My ex wife is a woman that I can trust 100% regarding other man, unfaithfulness etc. She "turns heads", very beautiful, but she does not have a seducing side which I appreciate. The sex life was non existent. The love I feel for her is more of a agape love. A deep love but No passion whatsoever. We were married for 6 years, together for 7. after 5 years of marriage she was diagnosed with bipolar which turned everything upside down. She is a fighter but it does influence her life and influenced mine in a big way. The communication wasn't the best, it did get worse after the diagnosis. She is very black and white. Speaks her mind which is attractive but can also be socially stressful. Girlfriend: My girlfriend is a woman that I can´t trust 100%. Very Beautiful and with a seductive side. She cheated with her ex lover last year, after us being together for 2 months (it happened while being an ocean apart but our relationship was 100% solid) and I found out about it about three weeks ago. She lied about it for almost 9 months although I asked several times. She said they only had sex at one occasion but I don't know. She was afraid to loose me if she told me. I broke up with her, she broke down, didn't eat for several days, didn't sleep, she was a mess, and she came begging for forgiveness. But will it only be a one timer or will it happen again? Note: Her ex lover lives across the ocean and she lives here with me. Our sex life is fantastic. She is caring, very lovely towards my family and has a big heart for others. There´s a lot of passion. Daily communication is great. My ex wife wants to give us another try. She is, like I said, a fighter. She stills loves me. I love her. My girlfriend says she isn't like that. She is not a cheater, and that she regrets it. She wants to be with me whatever it takes. I love her but in a different way. So, I know that love isn't enough. If it was, then I would still be married. I have come to the point where I have to make a decision: 1. Go back with ex wife 2. Keep going with girlfriend or... 3. Move on alone Option 3 is really not an option but I have to weigh it in. Im really thinking about all this very logically. They say that the best future predictor is the sum of past decisions. Is it? What do you think? What would you have done? (Please check my other post for a clarification about everything) All the best/Eric Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 will it only be a one timer or will it happen again? I think it might happen again, as she can be fascinated by other men. And if she can be fascinated by other men, she's not in love with you. She loves you, no doubt. But in love? Not that deeply, otherwise she wouldn't have cheated on you. What do you think? I think you have to make a difficult decision. Your wife needs you and you can't abandon her. And in her mental state, I'm not sure you can have a serious talk about everything, without putting her in great distress and misery. But obviously, you're not in love with her. And you love her like a sister, not a wife. The girlfriend is not what you're looking for, at least, you can accept her as long as you feel like putting up with her behavior and issues. None of the two are ideal for you. What would you have done? I would support the wife because of the vows I made. But she did not keep her vows, and I can't force her to do that. Therefore I would sacrifice, but not at all costs, 100%. I would give myself a chance to find real love elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
hard2c Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 sex and mania... Well that explains why your sex life is non existent at times. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 The GF cheated in the early days of your relationship when she probably didn't feel secure in it, especially with you far away. Either that or she is the type of person who needs a lot of attention and can't be alone or neglected even if you are in the same room. High maintenance. Some people do learn from their mistakes. If she was that upset I doubt she'd want to go through that again by cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author borneric Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 I haven't logged in for a while... Thank you for your wise input. Right now I am still with my girlfriend. I will give it a shot however with both eyes open and I will move with caution. Regards, Eric Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I haven't logged in for a while... Thank you for your wise input. Right now I am still with my girlfriend. I will give it a shot however with both eyes open and I will move with caution. Regards, Eric Good luck Eric! The sex must be really good. I would NEVER tolerated nor reconcile with someone who had cheated. No exceptions. I'm curious. Did you and your ex talk about the passionless marriage? Did she try to convince you that she'd change in that respect? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 3. Move on alone Option 3 is really not an option but I have to weigh it in. Personally, this is your best option. Move on, find someone that respects you, is loyal, and wants to be passionate with you. Also, keeping your cheating girlfriend sends a bad message that you are accepting of any situation and no matter how badly you are treated, you are willing to be with the person. Just because her ex lover is in another country, does not stop her from finding someone local, and indulging her fancy. Link to post Share on other sites
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