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I pretended to be someone who I am not for an year


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I'm here to share you this long story, but I don't want to bore you with details.

So here's a bit about myself, years ago I used to be overweight and everybody was making fun of me so since then I was very self conscious, anyways with time I decided that this should end so with lots of effort I lost loads of weight for which I am happy. There was a period of time when I was depressed with school and because nothing interesting was happening in my life, one night I got bored and met with a stranger online so we begun to talk on the messanger but of course because I was just as insecure by the time I showed him a pic of a gorgeous model from my country which kinda looks like me, but unfortunately he believed it... Near week or two of constantly talking I realized that he is amazing and that we definitely click with each other so I decided to tell him the truth, but I thought if I do now he will hate me and probably block me, so I didn't , the next week I tried again but as soon as I realized, he told me that he likes me a lot and it seemed like he adored how I displayed being her. I knew it was wrong for lying him about my appearance I felt really bad about it, I have been crying many nights because of it.

I attempted to tell him but I didn't know how, he seemed like he enjoyed talking to me everyday. One night he told me that he loves me and I said it back. Now since that day, the fact that he loves me prevent me from everything I was struggling to tell, felt like it's too late and I didn't want to lose him for nothing in the world. We continued talking and talking 4 months passed, he lost hope because we are miles apart, I didn't wanted to upset him so to cheer him up I gave him false hopes that we will meet by summer at Spain. Time flied and weeks left before meeting I have never seen him so happy before but I was totally the opposite of it, I felt devastated.

So a week before meeting I acted like a b*tch,wanting him to hate me,wanting to stop talking.. I just knew it would happen someday anyways .... He went alone, I thought it was the end. I couldn't imagine how he continued to love me after all this sh*t I've put him though. But this time I was really planning on meeting him at my country and I decided that if we do I will reveal him my true self. But we had to wait another year, which he didn't seem that bothered about it.

By the end of year 2013 he dramatically changed, I was heartbroken, it turned out that he wanted to make me hate him for which couldn't simply work. Plans changed we weren't gonna meet, I've been at the edge of telling him everything but this fear of mine was still stopping me , till he calmed down and said that we have a chance, but one night he found out the truth by the real girl's instagram, then I knew I'd burn so I told him everything about me and I expected it to be worse to be honest. I feel really bad about pretending to be someone else for an year and what normal person would do such a thing.

Anyways out of a sudden, recently he's been so so so pissed off at me, annoyed by me,we barely talk if no I just message him first once a week, last night we argued never seen him that mad, he told me that I'm crazy, that I'm mentally challenged, obessed.... But no, the real thing is that I still love him and I just want to make things work even if it seems impossible, because I know that a guy like this is rare to find and I would love to meet him this summer more than anything, just to make it up to him. Back then I was a stupid little girl, I now find all this really stupid tbh...

So please give me an advice of what to do, should I let him go, do you think that he still loves me?

I don't want to seem obsessed I just want to be with him.

Thanks for reading this long tiring story I would appreciate an advice.

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Ever heard the phrase: "You've made your bed, now lie in it?" That about sums things up.

 

Honesty, integrity and trust are important in any relationship ESPECIALLY a LDR. Without them you have nothing -- which is exactly what you have now because you weren't/had none.

 

Leave the guy alone and quit hiding behind your computer screen to deal with your self-esteem and body image issues. And most importantly, quit thinking your b/f will get over the fact you led him on for a year and somehow it shouldn't matter to him. It does and it should.

 

Hopefully, you've learned a lesson. DON'T repeat it.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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HeavenOrHell

He never did love the real you as you were lying, and you can't be in love with someone before you meet anyway.

 

Another example of how relationships are just fantasy until you meet in real life.

 

Learn from it and don't do it again.

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I read your long post but right after reading "I pretended to be someone who I am not for an year", I told myself: so finally, here's a real catfish!

 

Anyway, what you did could be somehow justified had it lasted for one or two months. But a year? With intense chatting every day? No.

 

You could have gone down a different road. For example, telling him you felt insecure about your looks and preferred not to send him any picture. It would have been a win-win situation for you: had he stopped talking to you, you would have known he was a jerk; had he continued to talk to you out of curiosity or being careless about looks, you would have known he was a decent guy or was not after just one thing.

 

Also, you should have expected this was going to happen, you could have prevented it by being quicker. That could have saved you from some of the consequences. I guess you made up lots and lots of excuses about not having a cam or who knows what. And in the end, it became obvious something was wrong.

 

My guess is that he's no boyfriend material for you. Not anymore. So you should just move on as others suggested.

 

I foresee it will sting. Because you have probably lost someone you really cared about. And it stings double because it was you causing the loss.

 

Now you shouldn't pester him, in any way, or he might even decide to report you to the authorities. Let some time go by. Like a month. Then, if you still feel the same about him and want to try your last chance, write him a letter, and attached 4 or 5 real pictures of you. Open your heart and apologize. And finally, tell him you're ready to go but with sadness, because you really care about him. Don't put in any drama. If he still cares about you, he might forgive you. If he likes the pictures and the letter, he might decide to meet you as friends. If he won't reply to your letter, then he's probably lost for good. Play your chance right, you will most likely have just one.

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Does he know what you look like now? That's a start. If you haven't lost weight, lose it and you will meet someone nearby for real.

 

It's people like you who make it more difficult for people like me, who post current photos. I think that is one reason why a couple of men have asked me to send a photo of myself to their personal email. They are probably looking for the image online to make sure it isn't someone else. I suppose I should be flattered but I'm annoyed.

Edited by FitChick
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I agree with most of what's been said to the OP but I think the guy also has to take some responsibility for all this. 1 + 1 does not make 3. He should have known that something was fishy here. If he was willing to share his life story and most intimate details without even having seen this person on cam or have long conversations on the phone with her, he was fooling himself.

 

There recently was a journalist, in America I think, who made an online dating profile as an experiment, borrowed a pic from her gorgeous model friend (with permission), included things in her online profile which were not very politically correct and she got loads of responses from guys anyway. She took it a step further and chatted with some of them acting like some bimbo airhead with very shallow and even racist views of the world and still the guys wanted nothing better than to meet! All because they saw a pic of a hot chick.

 

I'm not saying that what the OP did was by any means right; I met my LDR bf online and if people hear that story I have to answer the most stupid questions because, of course, everyone is aware of catfishes like the OP.

 

But he should have known better too.

 

As for the 'will he still love me' question; he has no clue who you really are. Your only chance is him willing to give you another chance and learning to love the person you really are.

 

In any case it does not make for a very great 'how we met' story for the grandkids.

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Does he know what you look like now? That's a start. If you haven't lost weight, lose it and you will meet someone nearby for real.

 

It's people like you who make it more difficult for people like me, who post current photos. I think that is one reason why a couple of men have asked me to send a photo of myself to their personal email. They are probably looking for the image online to make sure it isn't someone else. I suppose I should be flattered but I'm annoyed.

 

Pffft. Maybe it's that you're so good looking that they can't believe their eyes. :)

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Yes he actually saw a pic of me,few ones here what is stupid.... He said that I am even more attractive than the girl I was pretending, he likes my looks more, and yes I look like her, I am now in a good shape, we even cam few times he told me that I have gorgeous eyes and that it was silly to pretend! Few nights later he told me that he loved me idk if it is true but I think it is. He said that he is trying to love me but i hurt him a lot. He said that there's possibility for us to meet but recently I think I made it worse idk how he just stopped caring, trying... and we barely talk I miss him if no I just message :(... I hope him to forgive me I suffered twice more for all this than he could imagine.

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Even if you two meet your trust with him is shot to hell, he will never fully trust you and your relationship will suffer for it.

 

One of the worst things you could say is you suffered more, you dont know that im sure hes questioning everything about his intelligence, judgment of character he prob feels that time was ripped from him chasing someone not real.

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HeavenOrHell

What makes you think you're suffering more than him? He was strung along, lied to for a year and then lost the person he'd thought you were, I think he's suffering as much, if not more.

 

I personally wouldn't be able to trust someone if they did that to me.

 

The good thing is you feel remorse for what you did.

 

Yes he actually saw a pic of me,few ones here what is stupid.... He said that I am even more attractive than the girl I was pretending, he likes my looks more, and yes I look like her, I am now in a good shape, we even cam few times he told me that I have gorgeous eyes and that it was silly to pretend! Few nights later he told me that he loved me idk if it is true but I think it is. He said that he is trying to love me but i hurt him a lot. He said that there's possibility for us to meet but recently I think I made it worse idk how he just stopped caring, trying... and we barely talk I miss him if no I just message :(... I hope him to forgive me I suffered twice more for all this than he could imagine.
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Don't be shallow and think this will be ok just cos he saw the real you. You lied to him for a year and the worst part is that he has to find out by himself. He might be thinking that if he didn't find out then you would be lying and stringing him along forever. It's possible he may never trust you. You deserve the treatment that you're getting now.

 

Your insecurity isn't an excuse to fool people. And to be honest, I think you're way too selfish. How can you say you love someone when you don't give a damn about his feelings? You're only thinking about yours. And to say that you're hurting twice more is a proof and yeah just selfish.

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No I'm not selfish I care about him more than everything I might seem that I'm the only one who has a fault in fact I do. It's not an excuse that I was insecure and self conscious it was the fear of not losing his mostly, I was just afraid but yes I should of said it on time. I wasn't planning on keeping it forever I was going to tell him that as soon when I was ready. There isn't a day when I can't stop thinking about him.And it's not all about the looks he said that he puts up with personality most, here people don't understand why people like us catfish. I was wrong and I'm more than sure that I would never do that again and I'm glad that he found out!

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^ And you think 1 whole year wasn't enough for you to be ready?

There's your answer from him. It's the personality. Maybe he's still in doubt whether you're being real or not. It's best to leave him alone and move on. He already knows you're sorry and that you still want him, he will come to you if he still wants you. And don't pester him anymore, he already called you obsessed.

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No I wasn't ready it's unbelievable how far I went... I'm very confused at this whole situation, it's frustrating for him and for me,all I want is peace then it's likely that I would move on, he even told me that himself that he doesn't hate me and that he need time to get over it, it would be though. But we can't help but argue. There's nothing else I could do but just text that's what the problem is. I wish we talk that in person but I guess we never will

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HeavenOrHell

You're right it's not about the looks, it's about personality and lying all that time and then acting like a B**** as you put it.

 

QUOTE=Zap96;5655933]No I'm not selfish I care about him more than everything I might seem that I'm the only one who has a fault in fact I do. It's not an excuse that I was insecure and self conscious it was the fear of not losing his mostly, I was just afraid but yes I should of said it on time. I wasn't planning on keeping it forever I was going to tell him that as soon when I was ready. There isn't a day when I can't stop thinking about him.And it's not all about the looks he said that he puts up with personality most, here people don't understand why people like us catfish. I was wrong and I'm more than sure that I would never do that again and I'm glad that he found out!

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