hkh8871 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I'm in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now. We see each other 6 months out of the year and never go more than ~8 weeks without each other. Things haven't been ideal but we've considering them worth the fight and we are very happy with the relationship. I have never had an issue with our long distance and neither as he- but now I am beginning to have an issue. I set my best friend up with this guy- this perfect guy- thinking that if he is off the market i will not even be able to be tempted. Well- that plan was awful. We are all always going out together and he sleeps at my place with her and the next morning we'll all just lay on the couch and talk. Him and I are a match made in heaven. We have the same goals, beliefs, ideals and my friend (although I love her) might not be smart enough for him (although maybe im just being a bitch). My boyfriend has been so distant and unavailable lately because of work. We haven't skyped in 2 weeks and it's just getting difficult. I have told him I feel disconnected and I want to speak to him more but somehow it doesn't change much. He says he'll make time and he'll figure it out and we'll talk but somehow with the time difference (im 6 hours ahead) it never works out. I'm just confused as to what I should do. We are going on a 10 day vacation in 2 weeks and I'm hoping that'll clear things up for me emotionally, but is it normal to feel things for someone else while being with someone? I just feel awful even having these thoughts but instead of waiting for my boyfriend to message me or write me, i just wait for this other guy and get butterflies when he does. I have always had a thing for the most unavailable option so I don't want to make any decision based on an immature habit of wanting things that I can't have. I just need some advice and thoughts about this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 So you are fully aware of why your boyfriend has been distant (work) yet you used it as an excuse to enter an emotional relationship with this other guy? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I will comment and give my opinions here below. we are very happy with the relationship You need to be in love too. It can be more important than not arguing. he sleeps at my place with her and the next morning we'll all just lay on the couch and talk. Him and I are a match made in heaven Well, you can think he's the perfect match for you, but he's sleeping with your friend. I have no idea if he's with her out of boredom or he likes her a lot. Despite anything you can think, falling in love won't follow your rules, it can actually go against any logical rule, even beyond elective affinities, attraction or whatever. my friend (although I love her) might not be smart enough for him (although maybe im just being a bitch) This seems nasty. We are going on a 10 day vacation in 2 weeks and I'm hoping that'll clear things up for me emotionally You said you are confused but hope that 10 days on vacation with him will clear things? How exactly? First of all, I think you should break up with your current LD boyfriend. Then you need to announce you're single again. At that point, you see if he starts being interested. In any case, you should not go on vacation with him and your friend. If she asks you why, you tell her that your past relationship was dragging and it took you a while to realize that, and in the meantime you started developing an interest in her boyfriend. And therefore a vacation together wouldn't be the right thing to do at the moment. And you let her know that you prefer to stay away from her when she's with him, but would love to hang out as friends when he's not around. She will appreciate it. If he likes you, it won't take him much to do something about it. Because you might find someone else. So it's his chance. is it normal to feel things for someone else while being with someone? Yes, when you fall out of love with this someone. And that's what happened to you I guess. instead of waiting for my boyfriend to message me or write me, i just wait for this other guy and get butterflies when he does. Isn't this the proof you've fallen for this new guy? I have always had a thing for the most unavailable option so I don't want to make any decision based on an immature habit of wanting things that I can't have. I just need some advice and thoughts about this situation. Well, you know yourself better. Maybe it's just a fling and you tend to have them often. And it might be based on the fact that he must be stolen... But what keeps you tied to your current boyfriend? I don't think it's fair being with him while you lust after other guys. That is not "normal". Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 just to clarify a few things- the vacation is with my SO not my friend and this guy- which is why i'm hoping it'll clear up my mind in order to be able to make a good decision and maybe fall back in love with my boyfriend... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 just to clarify a few things- the vacation is with my SO not my friend and this guy- which is why i'm hoping it'll clear up my mind in order to be able to make a good decision and maybe fall back in love with my boyfriend... Oh, ok! Then I think it's good. Don't lead him on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Ok Maybe I need to clarify- I'm not that girl, nor do i want to be that girl. I also am not the type of girl to cheat, which is why this whole situation is freaking me out because as much as my brain says one thing my heart says another. And this guy isn't my girlfriends friend- he's just a guy she has had sex with 3 times and a few days ago she called me telling me she isn't so 100% interested anymore because it's too easy and too predictable with him. I wouldn't do anything, but I just needed an outlet because keeping this inside is too hard and I wanted to know if other people have ever been in my shoes. Is it horrible that I'm upset with my boyfriend because he hasn't been paying attention to me? I always try to be understanding and during the week- ok I get it, but on the weekends he just hangs out with his friends and not once does he take the time difference into account and he just comes and goes as he pleases and then always at like 3 am my time is when he can make time and i've told him that i'm asleep and can't talk then and somehow he doesn't care. he doesn't have time to text because he's with his friends, he doesn't have time to chat. i try to be clear in what i want and what i need and he always says he understands and will do that and he doesn't. it is literally pushing me to find attention elsewhere because i'm sorry i enjoy attention it is part of the reason i am with someone. i want to talk a lot and i want to be involved and share things and have someone tell me i'm beautiful and compliment me and i want to do that vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I think it's fairly common, when a relationship starts to get rocky, for people to look for 'comfort' and excitement outside that relationship. That doesn't make it 'right' obviously but, to some extent, it's human nature. Your best option is to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how unhappy you are. You don't have to say that you have feelings for someone else but you do need to make it clear that your needs are currently not being met and you are considering ending the relationship. If he still doesn't 'step up', then call it a day. You can worry about your attraction to the other guy once your LDR is over and you are free to explore other possibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hkh8871 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 something that just adds to it- I've confronted him and he always responds the same- that he agrees and he has to try harder. on sunday we got into a huge fight because i finally had had enough and told him that i'm not some option and that what i want is important too and he wrote me on monday saying he had neglected me since he's so busy at work and he's seeing me in 10 days but that isn't ok and he will change. what is the most worrying is that he told me on saturday he went out to dinner with his sister and her friends....he didn't elaborate more or mention anything and i just found out that my friend saw him at a club at 5 AM.......and he told his friend who asked him if he'd been good or bad and he said a bit of both but not enough to matter..........this is all freaking me out. i don't know what to think especially since we are going on this vacation. what if he cheated on me? what if that is why he has been so distant? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 He's not making you a priority - and he knows it. You've asked him to step up - and he hasn't. Making promises is great but words are cheap - the only thing that matters is his actions. This guy isn't giving you what you want or need in a relationship - so what is there to discuss? Just call it quits. A man in love gives his all! Your boyfriend is not in love with you and doesn't value you. Why don't you give the other guy a chance if he's available, or someone else if he's not. You can't change another person, or even expect them to change for you, but you can change your own response to how you're being treated. This one has had enough chances and you're still not happy. It's cut and dried as far as I can see. Link to post Share on other sites
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