Albanah Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Hello, There is my story. I broke up with my boyfriend,2months 1/2 ago.we were together 1year and 1/2 (in distance) but we were ok,we had plans for the future,marriage,children ect. The reason why we broke was me,i was too pushy,stubborn,cranky and he said that he couldnt take it anymore.appart that was the distance because he lives in another state(rome,italy).he said that he need a woman not a teenager to live the life together,and i wasnt good enough for him with this attitude.i wasnt tolerant ect. Also he said that he didnt feel nothing for me anymore.he said also that he was contradictor thats why we cant stay together. 1month After our break up i sent him a message just to know how he was and he replied but was too formal and cold,then (i think i made a mistake) after 10days that i sent the message,i called him and he didnt pick up and then after 1month i sent him a long message saying that i was really sorry for what happened,i was sorry that he didnt give me the last chance and i missed him and that i want him to be ok( i sent this message at 3am) i know i made a mistake but pleaseeeeeee help what can i do??? The no contact rule is not working i think. I want to say also that i talk oftenly with his mother and his relatives because we are very close to each other. What should i doo??? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Well of course the No Contact rule isn't working!! The No Contact Rule isn't working because you're not doing it! Read the Guide in my signature, put it into 100% practice, do not break it, or go at it half-measures, then come back in a month and tell us what gives. Remember: If YOU put No Contact into place, the only person who can break it - is you. He can try to contact you 3 times a day for the next year if he wants - but he would not be breaking No Contact. You respond to any of his attempts, just once - and you have broken No Contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Albanah Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Thanks Tara, So i just need to stay with the NC rule.But what he will not show up?? i mean,whats the other step to take? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Thanks Tara, So i just need to stay with the NC rule.But what he will not show up?? Then he never really loved you enough, and it was not 'meant to be'. i mean,whats the other step to take? There IS no 'other step'. This is the final act. End of play. Final curtain. There is no going back. It's over, finished. You do not, and cannot, use 'No Contact' as a way to get them back. have you actually read The guide? Completely? Properly? I can tell from your question the answer is 'no'. Then stop, now, and read it. Twice, three times.... as many times as it takes for you to finally get it. This is it. It is over. Finito. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I think Tara is right. 1) Did you ever meet him?? 2) Where are you from? Do you live in a poorer country than his? 3) Do you share the same culture/religion? 4) How old are you both? help what can i do??? You can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You can't force a man to do that. And what a poor, sad relationship it'd be. Let this concept sink in. And be able to accept it. The relationship might be mended or not, but we cannot know. If you can answer my questions, we'd have a better picture of the situation and why he decided to move on, apparently for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Albanah Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Hello, Of course i meet him,his family,his relatives,his best friends,he meet mine also.it was a serious relationship though from distance but when we were together we saw every month we had the vacation together,the new year.he lives in italy,me in albania. But we are both albanians,we speak the same language,we share the same religion and mentality. Im 26 and he is 39z All i can say is that on december he said that he loved me but after our fight,one month later he said that he doesnt. How can te feelings desapear like this? For one month? As i wrote he complained about my behaivor like a teenager not like a real woman. We had plans for the future,with children ect... What should i do??? Really i cant still believe that its over. Im still hoping that he can change his mind after some months when he can be more calm. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I told you waht to do. It's the ONLY thing you can do. It hurts, it's hard, but it's true. It applies to you in precisely the same way it applies to anyone from America, England, France, Greece, Spain... You may be nationals from the same country, but emotions are the same no matter where you come from. You have the choice; Either do the right and best thing, or carry on suffering in limbo. Your choice. THIS is how you deal with it. No Contact. Do it. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Ok. Now it's clearer. I really hope he's a good guy with a legit job. Unfortunately, Albanian men don't have the nicest reputation... but I trust that you verified all about him. And he's not out at clubs at night, or hanging around with the bad guys or worse, 'controlling' the streets...... Your situation reminds me of someone quite close to me. He broke up with his then girlfriend when they were already talking about getting married. His parents were in shock, they held this girl like a daughter. His mother kept talking to her for a while, reassuring her, in the hope he would change his mind. But that didn't happen. They didn't know, but he was seeing someone else. One day he introduced his new girlfriend to them and in less than a year they got married. So I'd follow Tara's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Albanah Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Well im prepared that everything could happen,that he might me be with someone else and that he can get married with her.what makes me sad is that in our case wasnt the moment to break up. I told you that the reason of our break up was that i was to nervous,acting like a child in front of him and stuff like that. Dont know what to say:(((( And yea he is a good guy with legit job,he lives more than 20years,has the italian passport,his family lives near his house,so im not worried about this. Im worried about how i will pass this. I know that i wont contact him even if if he will have the birthday or in other occassions. But i just want you to understand,and i feel it deeply that its not the end for me. I just cant! I think i wont find a man like he was. This is it! Any advice appart the no contact rule??? Or better say? Any hope??? Happy easter to all of you:) Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I'm sorry. You are not going to be given the advice you WANT to hear. No Contact is your one and only option..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Albanah Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 So Tara for all i wrote,i mean ive tried to describe my story,you think i dont have any chance that he might come back one day? Because i was thinking,as he is a grown up men (39) he definitely decided that that our story had ended. I will apply your advice. Its been 3weeks that i didnt write nothing. Should i keep the contact with his mother if she calls me?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 So Tara for all i wrote,i mean ive tried to describe my story,you think i dont have any chance that he might come back one day? Oh, yes. He will come back. But to fish, to give you breadcrumbs, to make sure he still has your interest, for his own benefit of ego-feeding, not for you. Because i was thinking,as he is a grown up men (39) he definitely decided that that our story had ended. Insofar vas having a long-lasting, meaningful relationship, yes. It HAS ended. Should i keep the contact with his mother if she calls me?? Usually, I would say no. But if you must, keep it short, sweet and do not talk about him at all. If she talks about him and you, just tell her it's over, you don't want to talk about it, and you are moving on. If she persists, just COMPLETELY change the subject. Totally. Something so far removed from him/you, it is obvious to her you do not wish to talk. Do this every time she calls, maybe to give you updates, let you know how he is.... You will find in time, she also will not contact you. What would be the point? Your only connection to her, is him. As you refuse to be drawn into a discussion about him, there is little if anything, to discuss in any other way.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Albanah Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 thanks a lot Tara, i really appreciate your advices and when i feel bad i read your guide about the no contact rule...and yes you are right about the communication with his mother or his relatives. What makes me sad is that it wasnt the moment to break up,i didnt do bad things to him,ok i admit i had sometimes a teenager behavior. What it makes me cry is that i think everytime and im convinced that i was the only guilty person in that relationship:((( I remember when he said: YOU HAVE A GOODWILL IN THE BEGINNING BUT YOU ALWAYS FAILED!!!!!! so at this point my esteem is 0,i think im not capable to have a healthy relationship. What does it mean: im contradictor,thats why we cannot stay together??? i just dont understand. The last word that he said to me was: GROW UP!!! At this period should i date new persons? everybody tells me to do it but i dont feel it ... looking forward to read advices... Link to post Share on other sites
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