Intense LDR (Break Up) My attempt to get her back. (Long A$$ story)

[Arivan]

Hello all, I wanted to share my LDR experience here and tell a little story. Honestly the reason I am here right now is to write about this to calm my nerves a little bit and you will understand why shortly.

 

Basically last April I met a girl playing Xbox. Now at the time I had no intentions of dating her or even let alone being in a LDR. Wet met playing a multiplayer game and stayed up all night having fun flirting, ect.. Now over the course of 1 month we had a huuge cyber crush on each other and ended up dating. I decided I really liked this girl so I will try this LDR. Now there is a huge distance in the relationship. She lives in Arizona and I live in Vancouver. (3 hours by plane to be exact, so not the worst). We were both 18 when we met. Now I worked full time as a cook, and had a bit of money saved up, she did not have a job when we met but ended up getting one for a while. Basically over the course of five months we fell madly in love online, video chatting, texting constantly, playing together, watching movies, talking, and falling asleep on the mic/video chatting. In October I finally bought my ticket to visit here going against my dads will (he did not want me to go by myself), he finally accepted it and I went for a week. WE fell madly in love in person. It was an amazing week best week of my life until.... 2 months later she visited me in Canada for 2 weeks and stayed with me at my moms. We had so much fun, We ended up taking each others virginites even though before she came down she said NO SEX. I asked her why she wanted to do it and she told me because I am the one. There was no doubt she was the one for me. She left early January and I was sad we had to go back to online.. So this is where the story gets intense. Things got bad... They started getting bad before she came to Canada but things just slowly got really bad online.. We argued a lot... We stopped doing things we did when we met, ect... Basically we played video games together and well I have a temper when it comes to video games and I raged a lot :/ She told me to stop and I tried but I always ended up yelling at the game. Besides that though we would argue over other things. For example a big argument we got into was sleep. When we met I would pull all nighters then work an early morning 8 hours shift... But it took a huge toll on me so when I wanted to go to bed at like 3 or 4 on days I work at 8 she would be like just say up!! i wanna talk to you and I would get kinda mad because I am really tired and needed my sleep and didn't want to injure myself due to my demanding job and being tired. Also she is very jealous so am I so lot's of arguements about girls... Anyways over some time she became very unhappy with me.. We broke up many times when arguing but only because she thought I wasn't happy.

 

However, 3 weeks ago I got jealous at a tweet I saw and left for a bit she didn't contact me... Then when I talked to her she said we should take a break. She left and barely spoke to me.. a few days later texted me asking how I was doing and that she's not mad at me she also said she will probably end up wanting to come back.. She told me this "A part of me wants to come running back, but with that feeling i feel like what if he doesn't like me anymore or what if he's moved on, and a part of me doesnt want to because i dont want to get hurt again and cry or hurt you". She said she just needs more time.. So it has been 3 weeks now and her personality changed towards me besides the fact that she wants to never talk or text and I keep contact really LC she basically seems very angry at me.. Well this is where it gets intense. I love this girl to death and I know we have really good chemistry and the spark is still there and can be lit again but she wont give me another chance. She was willing to marry me we talked about it she was gonna move in with me.. She was crying in my arms telling me this! I haven't asked but a week after the break up she said she still loves me... I asked her if I should move on she said i don't know.. I texted her today she got jealous that I had added a bunch of girls on Facebook and said good they can help u forget me now.. And she said move on.. She said Im happy right now I dont want to be together. See thats the thing! I know I can make her really happy! But she doesn't think she will be happy with me.. I said why are u so jealous she said even if I am doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be with you. Now all the feelings this girl felt for me I have a hard time beliving she just wants to move on.. SO I bought a ticket to Arizona and I am going this Monday the 25th.. She knows im coming and told me countless times I should come "Why are you even coming". However, the original reason I bought it is because she told me shes confused so I said maybe she just needs to see me so she can decide what she truly wants. She said okay but don't get your hopes up. She couldn't stress that enough for me not to get my hopes up. I am going down for 2 days and leaving early the third. I still think I have a chance with her If she see's me and I play my cards right. I am going to show her the original reasons she fell in love with my personality and show her a good time and show her that she can be happy with me. Even though I have little hope with all she has said to me lately I still think there is a chance. I wanted to share this story with you all and I will keep you updated with what happens between us to check back in a week.

 

On a last note though I have been really depressed and I have changed, but she doesn't believe me.. I lost sight of how important and how much I loved this girl I did everything for her I gave her the world. I made so many sacrifices for her even when things were bad. Us constantly arguing made her unhappy and said I pushed her away but I know we wont argue again because I am a new man. I asked her today how she feel's towards me right now and she said "I don't know mack, but I don't want to be with you". People may think I am crazy and insane for still trying after all she has said to me but I am not going to waste my ticket which I cant return and forever live my life wondering what if? #YOLO And I want a life with her more than anything.

 

People will tell me to move on however, I can not move on until she tells me in person to the man infront of her that she felt so many feelings for that she loved so much that did and is willing to go miles for her that she doesn't want to be with me. Until I hear that I can not move on.. Even if we don't get back together I just need to know how she feels in person.

 

Do you people think it will work out? I will do my best to play my cards right I know shes still confused and has feelings for me. And If I can ever give anyone advice for a LDR it's keep the spark alive day by day and never lose sight of how much you care about that person. Live ever day with that person to the fullest. Thank you to all who actually read the whole thing, wish me luck.

[PepperPotts]

I have three thoughts about this:

 

1. Stop talking about playing cards. This isn't a game. You need to be who you are. You can change your behavior for another person, but ultimately you *cannot change who you are.* If you need to rearrange your personality completely to make this girl love you, she won't really love you-- she'll love the character you're playing.

 

So be yourself. Apologize, promise to change your negative behaviors. But be real. Girls can smell insincerity from a mile away.

 

2. Do you have any sort of future plan for being together? Because if you will never be able to be in the same physical location, you've been presented with a golden opportunity to cut and run, and save you both pain. Will it hurt? Yes. A lot, probably. But long distance relationships MUST become in-person eventually. You can survive for a long time on fumes, but you need to put gas in the engine. You're young-- don't set yourself up for more pain if there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

3. If you choose to get back together, great. Don't back out on your promises. If you really want to keep her, keep that in mind EVERY SINGLE DAY. Remember why you split to begin with!

 

If you don't get back together, there are two things you need to do. First, you need to analyze your behavior and see if you really do have negative behaviors that caused a problem in this relationship. If you do and they would also cause problems in future relationships, it's time to work on changing. In fact, this is the *perfect* time to focus on yourself. Become the best version of yourself you can be, and you'll be in a better position to be the best boyfriend you can be when the right girl comes along. Work on the things that need fixing.

 

But at least as importantly, your best chance at healing will be to cut off all contact with this girl. That will suck, but it is necessary. Tara Maiden has posted a link to a great guide to help you through this, which can be found here.

[PepperPotts]

So what happened, Arivan?

[Arivan]

Well I went down. And it was akward at first but by the second day we were cuddling and laughing and she was having a great time.. We had sex, twice... She told me we probably wont see each other again so lets have fun... But I asked her why she said that she told me this ! "I love you a lot I care about you a lot and I miss you a lot but I can not find it in myself to come back yet, im not ready. I know that I will want to come back eventually I know that for a fact I just don't know when.. Too bad there isn't a clock to speed up time to when I want to come back". I asked her why she thinks we wont see each other again and she said because I will probably move on before she wants to come back... The last day as I left she hugged me and said she was happy I came to visit and she had a lot of fun and that "it probably won't be that long before we talk again". I left her with those good memories and we haven't talked since... It's been 4 days..

[justwhoiam]

Have you removed all those girls from your facebook?

How often would you be able to meet up?

What's her friends/family's environment?

Also, besides being jealous, what did you argue about? I didn't get it. Sorry. Your story seemed rather confused about that point.