Sexual harrassment.

[Ironvein]

Hello everyone, i am in desperate need of help. My girlfriend is often sexually harrassed. And as we are long distance, i can't punch them in the face (believe me, i would if i could). What i am worried about now is how she never takes it seriously. If it's guys making inappropriate, sexual "jokes" at school, she says they are just joking and tells me not to worry. If it's anything else, she just won't get it in her head that it is a serious matter. And i hate it. I hate showing the way to a better self-esteem and a life of respect, and being told off.

 

Earlier today someone wolf-whistled at her, and she did not take it seriously. And when i very clearly expressed that she has to take these things more seriously, i was accused of "lecturing" and sweared at by her. I don't care if she is not a child anymore, if she won't understand what's best for her, i will make her understand it. Sorry for the rant, i needed to give some background. What i am asking is for any tips to make her take it more seriously, and tips to fight back against perverts. Some drunken hobo once tried to kiss her repeatedly, and apparently tried to lift her skirt, but it's like it never happened. Like it's no f***ing big deal.

 

Serious answers please, and anyone to be of help, i am grateful.

[ITw]

Whoa, poor girl, to have to go through that. Protect her any way you can. She's lucky to have someone who cares about her.

[pteromom]

Unfortunately that is part of being a pretty girl. Wolf whistles and boob-staring and butt grazing are things a lot of us have dealt with. You DO learn not to take it seriously. You just have to ignore it.

 

Now a guy lifting her skirt or trying to kiss her? That's taking it to another level, and she needs to learn to stand up for herself with a firm loud "NO!"

 

But she isn't gonna take the whistling and stuff more seriously. It's better just to let it go and ignore it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Stop being so controlling and be thankful you are with such a hot lady.

[ITw]

She needs to distance herself completely from these types of creeps and call them out on their disgusting behavior if they keep it up. Gross. How about talking to her again using a different approach- this is serious, she could be at risk for being raped or attacked if she's not dealing with it.

[todreaminblue]

Hello everyone, i am in desperate need of help. My girlfriend is often sexually harrassed. And as we are long distance, i can't punch them in the face (believe me, i would if i could). What i am worried about now is how she never takes it seriously. If it's guys making inappropriate, sexual "jokes" at school, she says they are just joking and tells me not to worry. If it's anything else, she just won't get it in her head that it is a serious matter. And i hate it. I hate showing the way to a better self-esteem and a life of respect, and being told off.

 

Earlier today someone wolf-whistled at her, and she did not take it seriously. And when i very clearly expressed that she has to take these things more seriously, i was accused of "lecturing" and sweared at by her. I don't care if she is not a child anymore, if she won't understand what's best for her, i will make her understand it. Sorry for the rant, i needed to give some background. What i am asking is for any tips to make her take it more seriously, and tips to fight back against perverts. Some drunken hobo once tried to kiss her repeatedly, and apparently tried to lift her skirt, but it's like it never happened. Like it's no f***ing big deal.

 

Serious answers please, and anyone to be of help, i am grateful.

 

 

the world sucks........big time...there are masses of sexual innuendo everywhere you look from billboards depicting girls in racey clothing and people wolf whistling and doing the head job sign when a woman looks at them, yeah i have gotten that a few times...i have been sexually harassed, i try to ignore it and i slip sometimes and give them the finger i aint perfect........when i was a girl my mother and father told me it was the index finger you used to flip the bird...i got many strange looks for many years...i have never in my life sued or attacked anyone for being sexually suggestive i ignore it or tell them to shut up and get a life......or flip them the index finer...that confuses the hell out of them ....they probably think i want to marry them so the innuendo stops.....i understand you are frustrated and angry maybe even a little jealous and insecure, the only time i would worry about it is if your girlfriend goes quiet and appears upset..i have had a lot happen to me and sexual innuendo tends to be water off a ducks back to me........so i relate to yrou gf......i wouldnt swear at you however, i would listen,like yoru gf should have listened, because sometimes a man sees what a woman cant see or is used to so....its good to have a guy that is a little wary of other guys and prepared to say his mind and if need be stop it personally.......a loyal gf would listen and trust...have a talk with your gf be open you have a right to b e...and you dont deserve abuse because you are looking after her best interest..protective boyfriends are a treasure...that however doesnt mean we have to agree with them....its all about your choices you make they have to be yours...listening to a significant other is a must...i had a boyfriend once who sat next to me while another guy said mmmm love your legs....the guy i was with agreed with him..i would have ignored it normally......i dropped him because it was an ego trip for him to be with me.he wasnt protective.......i was much younger....still held the same values then as i do now.....i look after a partners best interest i expect the same....even if we were to have argued....abuse is not needed...the guy i was with should have ignored it and asked if i wanted to leave that would have been my interests he was concerned with and i would have left and ignored the gimp....luckily he showed his true colours....so ileft him.....talk to yoru gf make sure you know it is her you are concerned about.....that heart melting stuff...calm and self assured, dont back down from what you beleive, but often with gimps attention is what they crave..ignorance teaches them that they dont gain anything from being a gimp.....give any sexual harrasment perspective......i would expect a guy to stand up and be counted when a guy lays a hand on me in a sexual way there is firm distinction between sexual contact and normal everyday contact.... and if i look uncomfortable even if it is to leave immediately i expect to have that hand up from wherever i am sitting.........and not let me have to handle it by myself...thats calm assurance....i dotn like fights....i would have to throw jellyfish........deb

Edited February 20, 2013 by todreaminblue

[miss_jaclynrae]

Are people serious about her needing to take a wolf whistle seriously?

 

 

 

WTF?

My friends and I at work and school make sexual jokes all the time. It is FUNNY. I am in a happily committed relationship and so are many of them. My boyfriend is the same way, his jokes are just as sexual as mine.

 

 

She doesn't have a problem with it so why do you?

[ITw]

Are people serious about her needing to take a wolf whistle seriously?

 

 

 

WTF?

My friends and I at work and school make sexual jokes all the time. It is FUNNY. I am in a happily committed relationship and so are many of them. My boyfriend is the same way, his jokes are just as sexual as mine.

 

 

She doesn't have a problem with it so why do you?

 

Not the wolf whistles but the comments and things like the hobo incident.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Not the wolf whistles but the comments and things like the hobo incident.

 

The drunken hobo part smells fishy.

 

I would never laugh about that... I would be freaked the **** out.

[miss_jaclynrae]

The fact that she has a boyfriend that says things like that makes me a whole lot more worried for her than the occasional wolf whistle does.

 

Also: Harassment is only harassment, by definition, if it is "unwanted." If your gf isn't bothered by it, there is no harassment. YOU are bothered by it. This is your issue, which has to do with your jealousy. It has nothing to do with her at all.

 

THANK YOU.

I could not believe he said that.

[ITw]

The fact that she has a boyfriend that says things like that makes me a whole lot more worried for her than the occasional wolf whistle does.

 

Also: Harassment is only harassment, by definition, if it is "unwanted." If your gf isn't bothered by it, there is no harassment. YOU are bothered by it. This is your issue, which has to do with your jealousy. It has nothing to do with her at all.

 

It's an online forum. We might not know all the details. Maybe the girl can't see what the OP sees or just doesn't want to deal with it. It could still be "unwanted". OP has your gf ever indicated that it's bothering her, even non-verbally? Like I said OP, approach your gf in a different way.

[Radu]

Hello everyone, i am in desperate need of help. My girlfriend is often sexually harrassed. And as we are long distance, i can't punch them in the face (believe me, i would if i could).

Doing this in most countries would result in a kick out of college and some jail time.

If you are considering this seriously, you have a problem.

 

What i am worried about now is how she never takes it seriously. If it's guys making inappropriate, sexual "jokes" at school, she says they are just joking and tells me not to worry. If it's anything else, she just won't get it in her head that it is a serious matter. And i hate it. I hate showing the way to a better self-esteem and a life of respect, and being told off.

You cannot change someone against their will; that's why the prisons are full of 'innocent' ppl.

Furthermore, this way is in your reality, not in the reality of others because you [like all of us] are subjective.

That's why we have laws that give us a standard to live by, laws that punish assault btw.

 

Earlier today someone wolf-whistled at her, and she did not take it seriously. And when i very clearly expressed that she has to take these things more seriously, i was accused of "lecturing" and sweared at by her.

I see 2 problems here.

One, she doesn't have to take these things seriously unless she wants to.

Just like you can choose not to be in a relationship with her.

And two, the sweared at by her is also worrisome, that's not how one behaves [certainly not a lady that i know]. It also shows resistance to change, which means she thinks there is no problem or she wants this.

 

I don't care if she is not a child anymore, if she won't understand what's best for her, i will make her understand it.

No, you won't, there are laws against this sort of thing.

 

Sorry for the rant, i needed to give some background. What i am asking is for any tips to make her take it more seriously, and tips to fight back against perverts. Some drunken hobo once tried to kiss her repeatedly, and apparently tried to lift her skirt, but it's like it never happened. Like it's no f***ing big deal.

 

Serious answers please, and anyone to be of help, i am grateful.

Serious answer only.

 

----

You ... you have a problem, you need to learn to let go and let ppl make their own mistakes, this is a test of their worth for you.

If they pass it, welcome them in, if they don't pass it ... kick them in the arse out of your life [metaphorically].

 

Her, she sounds young, inexperienced, naive ... or just plain looking for trouble.

She is not worth it.

In normal relationships ppl talk thinks through [a mistake both of you have made so far].

I would not expect this to last.

There is a small chance that she is an attention seeker and she is telling you all of this to either increase your value in her eyes or to make you jealous ... in which case it's even worse.

 

Honestly, this is a problem.

But you are handling it the wrong way.

Between the two of us, her behaviour [for me] would mean that she is not serious relationship material and i would prepare myself for a breakup, regardless of what a certain user in this thread has stated ... it's not all in your head.

But your reaction to this is very wrong.

It shows that you are insecure, you have low self-esteem and i can already suspect that you view her as 'out of your league'.

 

PS: gravity is also spot on.

[Ironvein]

Unfortunately that is part of being a pretty girl. Wolf whistles and boob-staring and butt grazing are things a lot of us have dealt with. You DO learn not to take it seriously. You just have to ignore it.

 

Now a guy lifting her skirt or trying to kiss her? That's taking it to another level, and she needs to learn to stand up for herself with a firm loud "NO!"

 

But she isn't gonna take the whistling and stuff more seriously. It's better just to let it go and ignore it.

 

Yeah, you are right. I do take it too heavily. I know wolf-whistles and such will always happen, but i believe she should be treated with more respect.

 

Stop being so controlling and be thankful you are with such a hot lady.

 

Usually it is her who says she is too controlling. I admit that i feel like i am that way too sometimes, but i think her best.

 

The fact that she has a boyfriend that says things like that makes me a whole lot more worried for her than the occasional wolf whistle does.

 

I don't know your implication. What did i say wrong? By making her understand her best, i meant, assessing the situation with seriousness, not forcing her to anything. I would never force her. I hope you understand that.

 

It's an online forum. We might not know all the details. Maybe the girl can't see what the OP sees or just doesn't want to deal with it. It could still be "unwanted". OP has your gf ever indicated that it's bothering her, even non-verbally? Like I said OP, approach your gf in a different way.

 

Thank you for understanding me. And yeah, she has been bothered by it, but takes no action still. I will take a different approach though.

 

Doing this in most countries would result in a kick out of college and some jail time.

If you are considering this seriously, you have a problem.

 

I am not afraid to fight for her. I might sound like a barbarian, but that is just the way it is.

 

You cannot change someone against their will; that's why the prisons are full of 'innocent' ppl.

Furthermore, this way is in your reality, not in the reality of others because you [like all of us] are subjective.

That's why we have laws that give us a standard to live by, laws that punish assault btw.

 

Yes, there are laws, and they say sexual harrassment is ANY sexual interaction that upsets the person, and she is upset by it.

 

I see 2 problems here.

One, she doesn't have to take these things seriously unless she wants to.

Just like you can choose not to be in a relationship with her.

And two, the sweared at by her is also worrisome, that's not how one behaves [certainly not a lady that i know]. It also shows resistance to change, which means she thinks there is no problem or she wants this.

 

Well, it is her choice whether or not she takes it seriously. But i am just caring. And leaving her is not an option. I already left her once, due to being stupid, but i won't make that mistake again. The swearing was because she gets offended easily if i disagree with something she says or does. I admit, it's tiresome, but i am determined to turn this relationship better. People tend to give up in the face of hardships too early.

 

No, you won't, there are laws against this sort of thing.

 

Again, i don't get your implication. Please explain what do you think i was going to do?

 

Sorry for the lengthy reply, i don't even know if anyone will read it through. But you people just gave me a push. I will mend my ways. I have to.

[Els]

You don't understand what is wrong with "I don't care if she is not a child anymore, if she won't understand what's best for her, i will make her understand it."?????

 

How about the fact that she's an adult with the prerogative to decide what is best for herself? You sound like you're talking about your 16-year-old daughter, not a partner. For chrissakes, dude.

[Ladybugz]

you cant make nobody do anything dude. wake up.

now you are acting kind of the same as those pervs.

 

and you are far away so only in your dream you can make something happen.

 

she need to take it serious herself especially if they touch her.

call the police or tell the headmaster.

cause its wrong.

 

she need more self esteem. how old are you guys?

sometimes the way you carry yourself will already give you some kind of protection.

and learning to say no in a serious and shore of yourself.

and if they dont listing last step is punch them in their balls and run.

[Ironvein]

How about the fact that she's an adult with the prerogative to decide what is best for herself? You sound like you're talking about your 16-year-old daughter, not a partner. For chrissakes, dude.

 

She IS 16-years old. And i am 17.

 

And yes, i can't do much about things right now. I can just encourage her to say no if someone does something inappropriate. I admit, i was over-reacting. You people must know more about relationships than a foolish 17-year old. Thank you for giving advice. Her self-esteem is bad, and that is the result of listening to mean people for too long. I just want her best. Especially as i know what it is like, since i was bullied myself too.

 

she need more self esteem. how old are you guys?

sometimes the way you carry yourself will already give you some kind of protection.

and learning to say no in a serious and shore of yourself.

and if they dont listing last step is punch them in their balls and run.

 

What way should she carry herself to not attract perverts? Atleast, not as much as now?