occupations and LDR

[ana0pera]

I notice in a lot of posts here that a number of people talk to their SO on skype for hours a day, or make visits for months at a time (and even if it's for a week at a time, the visits are pretty frequent). It got me wondering, what types of jobs do you guys have that allow you to do this? Are your jobs naturally flexible or do you have to make sacrifices so that you can spend more time with your SO via phone/skype or in person?

 

I myself am a grad student. Because I work in the sciences doing lab work, I need to be around the lab most of the time. It would be really hard for me to take more than a week or two off unless I were at a stage where I am just writing, then I could probably do it. However, I think if I were to tell my advisor that I am in an LDR she is the type of woman who would tell me to move to Europe and be with my man. I have a number of friends with different advisors who are also in LDRs and they are away a decent amount visiting their SOs (admittedly, their SOs also live only a few hours away by car, whereas mine's is a 20hr flight). Regardless, maybe I should tell her

 

My day-to-day hours are pretty flexible though so phone/skyping are a bit easier to finagle. If I wanted to work from 9am - 5pm, I could, but if I wanted to work from 5pm - 2am, I could do that too. So I can make my day-to-day schedule work around my SO's schedule, but he has an actual job with less flexibility with regards to hours, and when he's at work, he's AT WORK. when he is finally in relax mode at home, it's anywhere between late morning-mid afternoon here, usually the times that I am in lab working or at meetings.

[tinyvipers]

That puzzles me too to some degree. I'm interning full-time (thank goodness it's a 3 hour flight away instead of 20) and he, like you, is also preoccupied with labwork. So when he comes visit, it only spans the weekend and if we're lucky, an additional Monday.

[Life'sGood]

My SO is 2 hours ahead of me, and I usually work from the evening, 4PM-11PM. My job is very laid back so I always Skype with him while I'm at work. I usually don't have anything to do during the first 2-4 hours of work so I take that time to Skype with dear SO. Even when he is tired, he will still switch the video on, and tell me about his day and what he's going to cook for dinner, etc..

 

As for the meeting. My schedule are quite flexible. When my SO goes somewhere (another) for work, he will ask me go with him and spend maybe 2-5 days with him So far, the ticket price are quite expensive but still affordable. Around USD500 for a return trip. I've taken 2 trips before. The next trip I'm taking which will be in April is for 10 days and it will cost about USD700-USD800. I've not bought the tickets yet because now he is on a vacation, back to the mainland USA! I have set my dates going there, now I'm just waiting for him to set his dates to come here with me.

 

I guess I am lucky to have a flexible work and I did think of changing my career but I am putting it on hold for now.

[onlyjs]

So, I work from home fulltime. I have a fulltime career in PR which allows me to be on e-mail, Skype or various conference calls from where ever I choose. I actually took this job because my SO is in the Army and his schedule is extremely hectic. We are not able to talk or Skype all day. For now, we are in the same time-zone and it's only a five hour drive and he does not live on base. I am able to go visit and stay at his place and work from there until he comes home from work and I can visit him for a week or two at a time depending on our respective schedules.

 

I'm VERY fortunate to be able to do this, so I do not envy what others have to do. I don't even have to use vacation days.

[cerridwen]

Thankfully, both of our jobs are very flexible, with his being moreso.

 

He's risen high enough to where he can take a liberal amount of vacation and set his own hours.

 

He is second banana in his company and doesn't have to answer to anyone (except clients) on a regular basis.

 

I, meanwhile, am more restricted.

 

However, especially around the holidays and summers, there are weeks of vacation to be had.

 

We're both in management and in unconventional surroundings so talking on the phone, texting, emailing, Skyping isn't restricted in any way.

 

Even so, with an 8-hour time difference, we still only speak on the weekend; choosing instead to text and email throughout the workday.

Edited February 21, 2013 by cerridwen

[Els]

When I was long distance, it was pretty crappy - I had to rush back from college to squeeze in a couple hours with him before he had to go to bed because he had to get up really early. Weekends were a no-no because of my living arrangements.

 

Usually I had to choose between going out with friends and staying home to talk on Skype, because they both could only happen at the same time. I'd like to think I balanced it well, but it was really difficult, and I stayed home to talk more often than I should have had, I think, so I never had the opportunity to really live the college life. That was entirely on me - he'd always encouraged me to go - but it's really hard to pass up on an opportunity to talk to your SO when you haven't spoken to them for a couple of days.

 

You know what would have really helped us? A smart phone. Whatsapp is AMAZING. You can essentially text for free wherever you are. It would have helped so much more with schedule compatibility, because I wouldn't have to be home and online if I wanted to talk to him without spending hundreds of dollars on the phone bill. Skype via smart phone is decent as well if you can get a good 3G connection or wireless where you are.

[FitChick]

For long distance I've found that men who travel for business, are the boss at their company or are self-employed can usually do the travel and time off required. Academics seemed to be the most limited regarding time and money.

[ana0pera]

Academics seemed to be the most limited regarding time and money.

 

I think it depends on the field and university you're at, but in general, being an academic in any sort of relationship is problematic. Oddly enough, I've seen a number of LDRs work with academics, fingers crossed mine will work too!

 

With two academics it's a nightmare. Unless one is being scouted by big-shot universities, than the other one has it made

[pettie]

It is hard, but we have to be possitive, ana, we will make our relationships work!

 

In my case I work full time in typical office hours, while he has a non conventional schedule. Still, it is tricky since he has limited access to the internet... but that's another story.

 

It is easier for people working in certain industries under specific arrangement such as working 15 days full time (usually in a remote location) and in turn having 15 completely free days. Some cases it is 30 in 30 out.

 

That would possibly be the best arrangement for very long distance relationships (those in which planes are always in the equation! )

[Life'sGood]

It is easier for people working in certain industries under specific arrangement such as working 15 days full time (usually in a remote location) and in turn having 15 completely free days. Some cases it is 30 in 30 out.

 

That would possibly be the best arrangement for very long distance relationships (those in which planes are always in the equation! )

 

Sign me up for that job! But then again, remote location would mean limited access to the internet..

 

I wonder which one would be the better arrangement, talk everyday and see each other every few months or rarely talk but see each other every other month.

 

I think I will stick with my arrangement now. The former arrangement.

[ana0pera]

think i might go with the latter. we could use snail mail to keep in contact. i would love to be with my SO for weeks at a time. but that might be because we don't talk everyday and see each other every few months... talk a few times a week and right now i'd be happy if we saw each other every 3-4 months for only a week or so each visit, that's how tight our schedules are.

 

and even in some of the most remote places these days there's internet. perhaps more sporadic than what we're used to, but ther.

[Life'sGood]

For now, I just hope that nothing will change except for closing the distance. I will have to deal with no contact when he gets deployed.

[pettie]

Just to put an example, those arrangements are common in industries such as mining ind., or in the petroleum ind., and that would mean you would be actually working in a mine, or working in an oil rig, and not in the administrative offices in a city.

 

Usually, these are campsites (or offshore rigs) that are very well equipped. No matter how far or remote they are, they do have internet connection! Might be slow though. Still, good enough for email.

 

I'd stick with your first scenario (which is the one I am in). I'd rather talk to him every day and see him every few months. That's the best we can get anyway. We are working on closing the distance but that won't happen in less than a year, perhaps a bit more :/