New Long distance relationship

[Jennifer89]

I have met an amazing guy whilst in Tokyo and we have spent time with each other whilst he is staying in UK on holiday and he is soon going back to Japan. I work as a flight attendant and can request trips back to Tokyo, but it is still a long distance relationship. We have been positive with each other that we can make it work and still see each other.

I would like to hear from anyone who also works in jobs that require them to travel ie. Flight attendant or multi national business and are in relationship with someone abroad. It would be nice to hear from others in a similar situation .

[FitChick]

You are luckier than most because your travel is paid for.

[CherryT]

But I can see how it can be just as difficult since you may not have a say in where you travel to. You could be going the other direction and depending on long flights, hour long breaks of communication during the day + time differences.

 

Everyones LDR is different... I've been with my boyfriend for 7-8 months. We live in different Countries and do our best to see each other at least once a month. It's expensive as hell, but for the first time in my life I am on the strictest budget.

 

Advice? Maximize the time you have to communicate. My boyfriend and I may not always skype each day, but we are always talking to one another via text, emails, voice notes etc. When you do get a chance to sit down and have a conversation versus just daily contact, use it to strengthen your relationship versus complaining about how hard it is to be apart. It's going to be tough, but what I've seen in terms of LDR breakdown is when one party is overly negative versus the other. It's very hard to continue a relationship when you focus on the sad/hard parts. As time goes on, you'll realize how much harder it is each time you leave from a visit... or how much harder it is with the time apart. But if you're both committed and want to work out a plan to be together indefinitely, you can make it work.

Edited February 14, 2013 by CherryT

[Asda]

It is not for me, I was involved in long distance(everything collapsed), very difficult, burning to much, can not be near with my lady etc. It is not healthy relationships, you have to be at home, see him everyday, high chance that it will not last due to its nature, is your choice you can jump aboard and continue with long distance love but, I find it very stressful and insecure. At least you must have a plan for how long it will last, and try to make it as short as you can. Otherwise this L/D environment will ruin those relationships. Wish you all the best.

[CherryT]

It is not for me, I was involved in long distance(everything collapsed), very difficult, burning to much, can not be near with my lady etc. It is not healthy relationships, you have to be at home, see him everyday, high chance that it will not last due to its nature, is your choice you can jump aboard and continue with long distance love but, I find it very stressful and insecure. At least you must have a plan for how long it will last, and try to make it as short as you can. Otherwise this L/D environment will ruin those relationships. Wish you all the best.

 

You are your relationship. If you are a secure, loyal and independent person and so is your partner, your relationship will be fine. If you are an insecure, unfaithful, and extremely anxious... your relationship will be that too.

 

LDR are not for the faint of heart. You do it because you believe that one day in the near future, you will be together indefinitely. Figure out if you'd ever move to Tokyo or your partner will move to you. If not, then you have to decide if that's the relationship is worth it. If one of you is willing to move, take a chance.

 

I only speak for myself... but my boyfriend and I really have no issues. The only issue is that we miss each other so so much. But we try to minimize the complaining... Our communication and independence have stayed intact and we are both completely secure and trusting. We have built relationships with each others friends and family and are working towards closing the distance. As much as this is the HARDEST relationship I've been in (in terms of just how much you miss the person you love)... there is NO GREATER feeling than knowing someone loves you so wholeheartedly that they are willing to put this much effort into being with you and vice versa. It's an amazing feeling to know someone is willing to wait to be WITH YOU versus just taking what's easy and in front of them.

[wintersun]

Hello there,

 

Can't really help you because I'm in my first LDR.

All I can tell is that I never felt like this in my life, and the distance brings us even closer. Every minute on the phone is spent with laughs and sweet conversations. And when you see each other, it's a moment so special that you don't want to waste any second with discussions.

Enjoy every second of it, and best of luck for you both

[Asda]

You are your relationship. If you are a secure, loyal and independent person and so is your partner, your relationship will be fine. If you are an insecure, unfaithful, and extremely anxious... your relationship will be that too.

 

LDR are not for the faint of heart. You do it because you believe that one day in the near future, you will be together indefinitely. Figure out if you'd ever move to Tokyo or your partner will move to you. If not, then you have to decide if that's the relationship is worth it. If one of you is willing to move, take a chance.

 

I only speak for myself... but my boyfriend and I really have no issues. The only issue is that we miss each other so so much. But we try to minimize the complaining... Our communication and independence have stayed intact and we are both completely secure and trusting. We have built relationships with each others friends and family and are working towards closing the distance. As much as this is the HARDEST relationship I've been in (in terms of just how much you miss the person you love)... there is NO GREATER feeling than knowing someone loves you so wholeheartedly that they are willing to put this much effort into being with you and vice versa. It's an amazing feeling to know someone is willing to wait to be WITH YOU versus just taking what's easy and in front of them.

 

 

So stay this way if it is OK for you, secure or insecure. I am confident if you will hire a detective on your SO your relationships will go down the drain in a month. You can not be secure and happy if you have this type of relationship. It is not for loving person it is for careless person. I was involved into this type of thing for 3 years and there were no end to it, the plans were to wait another 5 years, you know what, go your own way then, I am firm on this, it has to be in the set time frame, no more than a 6 months. This what you are saying is a bull ****. I know what I am talking about. I experienced it with my own heart. Better to die once and keep on going instead of waiting for someday in the future like a disabled. I live now.

Edited February 16, 2013 by Asda

[Jennifer89]

Thank you for the replies. I haven't heard back from the guy since he left for Tokyo and I have sent him an email and facebook message, the time he was in the UK we met every day so it was quite intense very quick and already felt like a relationship, I was willing to give long distance a try but it would seem that his promises about trying to work haven't sufficed . Who knows he might still get in contact with me but I have a feeling that he viewed what we had as more of a holiday romance.

I wouldn't rule out LDR in the future though, it is certainly easier with my job if i were to meet someone in one of the destinations I travel to. I think you never know where you might meet someone nice and they are not always going to be on your doorstep.

[CherryT]

So stay this way if it is OK for you, secure or insecure. I am confident if you will hire a detective on your SO your relationships will go down the drain in a month. You can not be secure and happy if you have this type of relationship. It is not for loving person it is for careless person. I was involved into this type of thing for 3 years and there were no end to it, the plans were to wait another 5 years, you know what, go your own way then, I am firm on this, it has to be in the set time frame, no more than a 6 months. This what you are saying is a bull ****. I know what I am talking about. I experienced it with my own heart. Better to die once and keep on going instead of waiting for someday in the future like a disabled. I live now.

 

I'm sorry that your broken relationship has left you so angry and bitter. I know a lot of people who have local relationships that end badly and they mirror your attitude. It's easy for you to paint everyone with one brush because it's the only thing you know. I have been hurt in past relationships too, but that doesn't mean I won't get back up and try it again. I didn't need to hire a private investigator to find out that my local boyfriend had cheated on me. My coworker spent 5 years dating her local boyfriend as they "worked" towards marriage (paying off student debt, saving for a home and wedding etc) and he ended up leaving her for someone else. It's not about local vs LDR it's about the people in them.

 

I agree with you, there should be a deadline and a plan. I can speak for myself that I can't just pack my bags and leave. No matter how badly I want to. I have a business, real estate, and responsibilities that I need to ensure is taken care of before I go. Even when I move, I'd have to come back every month to deal with my business. Also, my boyfriend (although only a 2 hour flight away from me) is in another country. So in order for me to legally move and to be able to work from his country there is a lot of legal time that's needed. So yes, it may take some time but you're in a LDR to work towards being together.

 

Again, Sorry that your past relationship didn't work out. I hope you can find a way to get over it because local relationships end like this too.

[Asda]

I'm sorry that your broken relationship has left you so angry and bitter. I know a lot of people who have local relationships that end badly and they mirror your attitude. It's easy for you to paint everyone with one brush because it's the only thing you know. I have been hurt in past relationships too, but that doesn't mean I won't get back up and try it again. I didn't need to hire a private investigator to find out that my local boyfriend had cheated on me. My coworker spent 5 years dating her local boyfriend as they "worked" towards marriage (paying off student debt, saving for a home and wedding etc) and he ended up leaving her for someone else. It's not about local vs LDR it's about the people in them.

 

I agree with you, there should be a deadline and a plan. I can speak for myself that I can't just pack my bags and leave. No matter how badly I want to. I have a business, real estate, and responsibilities that I need to ensure is taken care of before I go. Even when I move, I'd have to come back every month to deal with my business. Also, my boyfriend (although only a 2 hour flight away from me) is in another country. So in order for me to legally move and to be able to work from his country there is a lot of legal time that's needed. So yes, it may take some time but you're in a LDR to work towards being together.

 

Again, Sorry that your past relationship didn't work out. I hope you can find a way to get over it because local relationships end like this too.

 

You can read my story ( looks like my story is done) here on this site in brake up section.Sorry that i sound angry towards long distance relationships but actually it is true.Long Distance does not work if you are thruthful, to many issues start go throught the head, eventually i was not able to continue.