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Relationship is Over - I should feel happy but I don't


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We had three amazing months together and then I moved 2000 miles away for a job. That was August 1 so just about six months ago. Despite being 24 now, she was my first kiss, first girlfriend, first love, first... everything.

 

There is no reason to fight for the relationship at this point and I don't want to. She broke up with me in November, but it didn't stick. I know there is no love in this relationship anymore and there is no "fire" physically. She said she doesn't even think of me in that way anymore. The only bad part is she was to visit me on March 1 for 10 days. This would have been twice as much time as we have had together yet since going long distance. Now I have to try and cancel the ticket.

 

She wants to live the single life and just have fun her last year in college. I don't blame her and I want the same thing for myself really. Last night I was excited about what the future holds for me, just a couple hours after the breakup. I am looking for nothing serious anytime soon and want to experience new things. Then I had several dreams of her and woke up feeling sad that I have no one to talk to.

 

Why do I feel this way? I know it was a dead end and there was nothing left but a skeleton of a relationship. A part of me hopes that one day we'll be reunited and she'll be the one at that point. Does anyone have some words of wisdom? I should try to cancel the ticket right away and not hope she'll change her mind and want to come, right?

Edited by slant
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I'm sure you'll feel better after a while, maybe you already feel better now since it's been a week since your post.

 

It's normal to feel like this, a part of your every day life just left and you need something new to replace that. Just work on obtaining that something new and make sure that something is something positive. You know that getting back with her or trying to make things work isn't in your best interests, so don't give in to that emotion. Just do what is best for you, and that is moving on and making the best out of yourself and our life.

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I am starting to feel better.

 

We texted a lot last Thursday and said our "last" goodbyes to each other. This was super hard to do, maybe even harder than the initial breakup. Then we texted just tiny things over the weekend and still today (today I just asked if she had cancelled the ticket yet, and she had). She sent me a weird email two days ago with a youtube video that was about a love story or something, which was weird. She just said it made her think of me.

 

Then I was checking out her facebook and she was making posts about plans for springbreak that are unfolding for her, now that she isn't coming to see me. Obviously that isn't easy to see. I know I should just unfriend her but I can't do it.

 

Anyway, she broke up with me in November and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time around I am already beginning to get excited for who I might meet next, how she will be just as good or better, and how I will be as happy as I was with her again.

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I am starting to feel better.

 

We texted a lot last Thursday and said our "last" goodbyes to each other. This was super hard to do, maybe even harder than the initial breakup. Then we texted just tiny things over the weekend and still today (today I just asked if she had cancelled the ticket yet, and she had). She sent me a weird email two days ago with a youtube video that was about a love story or something, which was weird. She just said it made her think of me.

 

Then I was checking out her facebook and she was making posts about plans for springbreak that are unfolding for her, now that she isn't coming to see me. Obviously that isn't easy to see. I know I should just unfriend her but I can't do it.

 

Anyway, she broke up with me in November and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time around I am already beginning to get excited for who I might meet next, how she will be just as good or better, and how I will be as happy as I was with her again.

 

Hold onto that. :)

Keep increasing focus on what wonderful thing could be coming down the pike for you next.

Because it IS coming.

 

And since you're working on feeling good, consider minimizing things that cause you hurt.

Namely, looking at her FB.

Also, if her emails are causing you pain---if they're full of mixed messages---if you feel worse after reading them, it's okay to ask her to not send them for awhile.

 

Resist the urge to peek into her life through FB.

Do something pleasurable for YOURS instead.

Treat yourself to a new shirt; get into the best shape of your life; start hanging out with friends more; acknowledge any positivity that comes your way.

 

I'm sorry it ended but as Dr. Seuss says, be glad that it happened. :)

Edited by cerridwen
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tommycapnpants

i know how you feel brother. im pretty much going through the same thing right now. however, i am a little older and she is still in uni.

 

ive decided to make a dumb decision and booked a ticket to go see her this monday. out of the blue. we were supposed to meet up in march as well. but, i feel like i need to take the bulls by the horn and be told face to face ...what is that what.

 

stay strong. i did for the longest time the last time we broke up and i was doing amazing. but, i let her back in and now got dropped again. it does get better. and if i was a wiser man i would have stuck to my guns when i was doing good without her. so, now i am lost again but going back for closure.

 

wish you the best mate!

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Wow, I hope it all works out for you! I wish you the best of luck!!!

 

I too am a little older than her and she still has another year of college. Just a couple hours ago I noticed she changed her profile pic on Facebook to a photo that I took when she came to visit me here last time. It makes no sense to me and she has already cancelled her ticket. I'm not going to reach out to her at all.

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tommycapnpants

i think that is very strong and wise of you not to reach out. i am still on the fence about doing so. im going to pack tonight. set my alarm for my flight in the morning and decide if i really wanna do this or not.

 

yesterday, i woke up with the feeling of things will get better without her. but, as the day went on my mind turned towards flying out to her again.

 

i guess i could always use the flight credit for a trip somewhere else on a future date.

 

if you don't reach out things will def get better. they did for me the last time this happened. i was probably in the best place i have ever been; mentally and physically. work was going great and have been doing crossfit for more than a year now. so, i am in better shape that i have been since i was 20.

 

thats the thing though. even though i was doing so well. now, i am on the brink of falling for the same trap again and delaying my healing. there are a ton of women here in vegas, and at my gym. we all hang out all the time.

 

i'm an idiot. i hope i wake up tomorrow with that same feeling of just moving on. and i hope you stick to your guns.

 

my ex also has as her background on fb a photo of the red mountains she took from my back yard and the profile pic of the first time we web chatted together this go around in our ldr.

 

good luck !

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Well I ended up texting her last night, just saying how I sometimes think about her. She reminded me that she is doing this for herself and she has to (not be in a LDR with me that is).

 

Honestly it may be best to not get on that plane tomorrow, but it is very hard for me to say without knowing the situation. Maybe you should talk to her and hint that you want to visit her and see how she responds?

 

I am hopeful that I will find someone even better, and the most exciting thing is the thought that I am not in a long-distance relationship anymore. I won't lie a big part of me is sad as well, but I think the fact it was long distance has helped to soften the blow. I can't deny that I think of all the memories, but we have been drifting apart for some time.

 

I still think about the day I moved away and how I had to say goodbye to her then, and how hard it was, how we both cried. Think about everything we shared before that. At the same time, it was 7 months ago that I had to deal with that and in that time I'd been growing tired of the relationship. She was distancing herself a lot, giving less and less of herself to me, telling me about her worries in the relationship, how she wanted to be single, etc.

 

I fell in love with her last summer, but she isn't the same person to me now that we have been apart for 7 months as she was when we were in the same city.

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So now my problem will be how to move on to new experiences. I was never great at meeting new people and she was my first girlfriend. I'm across the country from my hometown and only know a couple people. Maybe I will look into online dating to get some momentum. I don't know.

 

It is hard knowing she is not in the same situation as me at all. She's still in college and has tons of friends. In fact two of her roommates are guys. In my eyes, she would have no problem finding what she wanted yesterday.

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tommycapnpants

so, its 10pm. ive got the alarm set for 4am. i guess ill see how i feel. i will let you know what i do and how it goes.

 

in terms of meeting people. i know it sounds cliche but start focusing on you and working out.

 

join a crossfit gym. its not like a typical worlds/gold/planet fitness gym. crossfit really gets people involved with eachother. i have made amazing friends in my gym. and have had the opportunity to date several different girls who i work out with.

 

just my two cents. but, give it a try. its like nothing you have ever done before both physically and socially

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tommycapnpants

Well it's 5am. I'm at the airport. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Hope you are doing well today bro. Maybe this trip will give you some insight into your situation.

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Well it's 5am. I'm at the airport. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Hope you are doing well today bro. Maybe this trip will give you some insight into your situation.

 

Well best of luck!! I just saw the thread that you started here about it. Hopefully one way or the other you get a solid answer. Long distance is hard and later in your life I'm sure you won't regret seeing her this time, even if it just for final closure.

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tommycapnpants

I just got back home. She was stunned when I showed up. We spent two very nice days together. In the end it was the closure we both needed. She cried so much. She began to hyperventilate several times the night before and this morning when I left. We still love each other, but our timing is off. We are in different places in our lives. We ended on a great note...knowing we will always love each other. I am sad as hell now. But, it's a new day and a new page in my life. I'll always miss her.

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I just got back home. She was stunned when I showed up. We spent two very nice days together. In the end it was the closure we both needed. She cried so much. She began to hyperventilate several times the night before and this morning when I left. We still love each other, but our timing is off. We are in different places in our lives. We ended on a great note...knowing we will always love each other. I am sad as hell now. But, it's a new day and a new page in my life. I'll always miss her.

 

I am very sorry you have to let each other go, but at least you know what you had was real. I completely understand and that is a horrible thing to feel that you love someone but it just cannot work. You never know what the future will hold, though.

 

Last night I was contacted about a potential job opportunity. It has the potential to be an amazing opportunity for myself and my career and I would potentially relocate anywhere for such a shot. As it turns out, it is in the same city I moved away from 7 months ago.

 

I am trying not to think of my ex or how I would be living within walking distance of her again as I am weighing my options. I am not ready to leave this new city even though it is lonely and far from everyone I know. I would like a chance to meet new people here, romantically and not, and to make it worthwhile to leave everything behind like I did. The relationship with my ex was the hardest part, but now that it is ruined why give up now on this new place?

 

At the same time I am very unfulfilled in my current job. I have lots of free time (but no one to spend it with). The new job would be very difficult and high risk, but also have the potential for high reward.

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tommycapnpants

hey slant,

 

hows it going buddy? the new job opportunity you have sounds like its something that you really want to do. i can see how living in the same city with your ex could be an obstacle to overcome. but, then again it may prove otherwise.

 

if its a job that will invigorate you then you should totally go for it. i too have been presented with a possible promotion. which would include me having to move to cali. which i am not adverse to; as i love to surf. and the job would require a bunch of travel throughout the month. so being in new places would be a good thing for me i suppose.

 

so best of luck to the both of us with our new job opps.

 

on a side note, i have been pushing myself to do the things i normally enjoy and it has helped. still think about her all the time, but i have not reached out since the day i left. i'm just trying to better myself, as i did last time and go even further this go around.

 

it still hurts like hell though.

 

hope you are coping well and moving on to better things a more peace of mind.

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Hey man, I have been doing okay. Just been thinking a lot. That's good you are trying to do things you normally enjoy. I'm sure you think about her all the time but it gets better. I still think about her a lot too, but almost a month later I guess I am doing okay.

 

I still look at her facebook too much. Yesterday she put a bunch of her already uploaded photos in a new album and one of them I was in. She tagged me in it, presumably to get my attention because she has been posting a lot lately.

 

I told her about the job opportunity last week because I was stressing out about what to do. When I said they wanted to fly me in, she said to just do it. She also said she couldn't promise me she would want to get back together if I moved back. I said that is understandable.

 

So now I have a redeye tomorrow night and will be there until Sunday. I am not planning to tell her and am debating if I should post anything to facebook about being in the airport or something like that. I think seeing her or talking to her will make it harder to make an objective decision on what to do with this job.

 

Moving to Cali would be cool, it's currently where I'm at. I'm sure Vegas has a lot of distractions too, though.

 

I'm just trying not to think too much and hope I will know the decision when I meet with this new company. I'm not as excited as I was before so I'm probably 60/40 for staying here rather taking this new offer. I'm trying not to think of her at all or what could be possible if I moved back, but that is proving difficult.

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Also it is quite interesting that you posted here saying you were going to make a surprise trip to see her, and then did. Little more than a week later I too will be getting on a plane.

 

Didn't see this coming at all and she would have been here until Sunday had we not broken up and cancelled the plane ticket. I guess that would have messed up my plans to meet with this company lol.

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