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So Many Variables...Ugh


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ChickenLatteNum9

I am a member on an interracial dating site and about a month ago this guy messaged me. He is in one state and I another seperated by 300+ miles. Well after a 2 weeks of messaging, skyping, and what not we decided I would go to visit. The visit went so, so. Once I returned home and called him and stated that maybe we were not a match, the visit was awkward. He stated it wasn't so bad that we couldn't move on and givei t another go.

 

Well I sent him a thank you card, that he thought was just so lovely. It was just me being courteous. Well we agreed that we could be friends and see where things go, whatever. We also agreed that we could both see other people.

 

Well fast forward a few weeks later and we still are talking on the phone. He wants me to stop seeing/communicating with a male friend of 10 yrs because it prevents us from "growing". I am just beyond confused with this guy. Is he interested? Why did he seek out someone in another state? Why would he let me in is house the very first visit? How do I give this the proper chance? I've been known to bail on things quickly.

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ChickenLatteNum9, I am confused as to whether you actually like this guy, or if you like the interest he's showing in you, and that's why you're talking to him still.

 

You said the visit was so-so, that you didn't think you two were a match and you told him this. that you sending a thank you card was courteous. all of this to me sounds like you're not interested in him. Add in the fact that you have substantial distance in between the two of you, personally, if I were in your situation I wouldn't pursue this situation further.

 

It seems like he likes you but you are lukewarm towards him at best. I would stop talking with him if you don't want a relationship with him because to me it seems like that's what he wants. The fact that he doesn't want you talking to your male friends is alarming. You are not committed or exclusive to him. It doesn't seem like you want to give this a chance based on your post here, so stop worrying about how you should give it a "proper" chance. If you're not interested, you're not interested, so just leave it at that.

 

Don't waste your time or his time, if you're not interested now time isn't going to change that. hope this helps

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The visit was awkward and you're 100s of miles apart! LDRs are tough and require chemistry, commitment and great communication. 'Awkward' is not a good starting point.

 

Just because he is interested in you doesn't mean you have to stay in contact with him. If you're not interested, then you're not interested.....and frankly, you shouldn't be interested in a guy who wants you to stop talking to your other friends. Even if you'd been dating for months/years he'd have no right to ask this, let alone after chatting online as friends and one awkward meeting! :confused:

 

NEXT!

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Is he interested?

 

Yes.

 

How do I give this the proper chance? I've been known to bail on things quickly.

 

I would have bailed the second he started suggesting that you stop being friends with someone. He really overstepped there and that's not something you should ever put up with because jealousy and possessiveness are really not nice to deal with. And this is from someone you barely know. Bail. You can work on your "I bail on things too quickly" problem with someone else.

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I agree with what everyone else has been saying. The fact he's telling you to stop talking to one of your friends is a big no-no. You say you have this problem with "bailing too quickly", but trust me, this is not a situation you want to pursue further.

Good luck in whichever decision you take. :)

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