CanyonWall Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I'm planning on meeting someone from another country. There doesn't seem to be much discussion about this on loveshack, do you have any stories to tell, or know any websites where people have written about their experiences? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Welcome to LS CanyonWall! A post on this topic comes up every now and then, feel free to look through the archives at older threads. With regards to your upcoming first meeting, congratulations!! It is very exciting and a little nerve wracking at the same time, but mostly exciting Have you guys worked out the details yet? Like who is coming to who and for how long? Typically, you'll get the recommendation here that the man should visit the woman first on her home turf. Also, people will suggest that you book separate hotel rooms (don't stay at your SO's home), and make sure that someone at home knows about this trip. These are all safety precautions and even if you don't follow all of these precautions it is wise to at least let someone know where you're going and who you're visiting! This is the first meeting and the person you're visiting may not be who he/she says he/she is. Also, if it doesn't work out, it's a good idea to have separate space (and even if it does work out, sometimes having space for a breather is nice)! The first time I met my bf we met in a country that neither of us lived in, and it was only for 4 days. Way too short in retrospect but at the time we both agreed it was a good idea, just in case things didn't work out. We also only booked one hotel room which was probably not the best idea safety-wise, but it worked out for us (fortunately)! I told my family that I was traveling abroad for work (didn't feel comfortable telling them about the relationship) and told three of my close friends all the details, and left them with info on my itinerary, his contact info, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I'm planning on meeting someone from another country. There doesn't seem to be much discussion about this on loveshack, do you have any stories to tell, or know any websites where people have written about their experiences? Thanks. There are lots of 'first time' stories on LS. All if them different. What do you want to know? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Which countries are you talking about? You can probably find forums for most expats all over the world who have walked in your shoes (or flown in your seat!). I used to belong to one for Americans living in the UK and there is one for Brits in the US. Lots of first hand information and no one tells you to forget about it because it won't work! They are proof that it can and know all the pitfalls. Of course, you need to think about what will happen if you fall in love. Who will move? Will you be able to work? Usually you have to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Besides the expat sites there are the immigration based sites because ultimately if things work out you almost must marry for the governments invovled to allow you to be together. They normally have sub forums for romance and cultural differences along with how to petition governments. Visa Journey would be one stop along with the specific nation and region sites. Finally there are the sites that look like they are linked to the mail order bride industry Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I flew to Ireland to meet my ex the first time. Everyone freaked out bc they thought it wasn't safe. Luckily for me, I went over, we had a good time and I made it back safely. Trust your gut. If you think something is off about it don't go. Be careful and have fun. It can be a great experience. Link to post Share on other sites
americangirlfriend Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I'm in a long distance relationship. I live in America, and my boyfriend lives in Turkey, where he was also born and raised. I met him at a roller coaster park where I worked; they had an international program for people from all over the world to come and work there. We fell in love unexpectedly, and I spent everyday with him after that. But soon, he had to go back to Turkey.. and despite everyone telling me how dangerous it was, I flew to Turkey and stayed with him for one month. Now he is in the army (he only has to do five months) and as soon as he gets out, I will fly back to Turkey and be with him again. My family, once angry at me for making these decisions, now supports me %100. I love him so much, and he loves me. I'm counting down the days to be with my bebegim again <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanyonWall Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Thanks for the responses everyone, it looks like there are a few stories to read if you ask for them. I'd rather not say which country I come from but it's rather small and she's coming to meet me here (two unmarried people alone together in her country is a crime, there are religious police and I don't want her to get arrested). We don't need to get married for her to get a visa where I live, we can just live together. Link to post Share on other sites
Life'sGood Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Me and my boyfriend meet in another country for 2 times now, our first meeting was when he was here in my country. I think it all depends on the culture of your country and I am sure you know what is and is not appropriate. To me, it's not such a big deal because although I have a close knit family, I have always been independent too. Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 CanyonWall, given your situation it does make sense that she visits you instead. Even though you are the guy in this situation and it's usually stressed to the girl to be safe, you should also take precautions too. I hope you guys have a great time!! How much of the trip have you planned, and when are you meeting, and for how long? How long have you known her for thus far? Others might disagree with me, but even if it's a long expensive trip, I would plan for a short visit the first time. If it's possible in your situation to extend the visit, you can always do that later after you've met. First meetings are very exciting, I am excited for the both of you!! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Life'sGood Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 CanyonWall, given your situation it does make sense that she visits you instead. Even though you are the guy in this situation and it's usually stressed to the girl to be safe, you should also take precautions too. I hope you guys have a great time!! How much of the trip have you planned, and when are you meeting, and for how long? How long have you known her for thus far? Others might disagree with me, but even if it's a long expensive trip, I would plan for a short visit the first time. If it's possible in your situation to extend the visit, you can always do that later after you've met. First meetings are very exciting, I am excited for the both of you!! :) I remember my first visit, putting aside the first time we met.. It was nerve wrecking and I was paranoid ALL the time. When we finally met, everything just seems normal and it's like we are meant to be. Everything goes on perfectly aside from some work hiccups for him. I would suggest a short visit for the first time too.. that is when you first know what's it's like to be in person. When I think of what I feel on my first travel, I am super excited for you too Canyon Wall!!!! I wish you all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) I was super nervous my first visit, i totally trusted him but i am naturally paranoid so part of me worried that it would go terribly wrong. We were both flying in the same day and my flight arrived an hour before his, so I was worried that he wouldn't find me, he'd be delayed, etc etc and I was in a new country where I didn't speak the language. It all worked out though, he found me quite easily (I stood out pretty easily he said :love:) and we had a fabulous extended weekend. At the end of the trip, he asked why we only booked 3 days and we laughed about it. Our most recent trip was a week long and that was also felt too short, but I can't take breaks much longer than that right now. I can't wait until the day that I can though! Edited February 4, 2013 by ana0pera 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I'd rather not say which country I come from but it's rather small and she's coming to meet me here (two unmarried people alone together in her country is a crime, there are religious police and I don't want her to get arrested). We don't need to get married for her to get a visa where I live, we can just live together. Would her family track you down and kill you and/or her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanyonWall Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 Would her family track you down and kill you and/or her? For a moment I thought you were joking, and then I realised that yes, you were serious and there were countries where that happened. Thankfully, no, it is not that bad, but should we get married and then go back to the country, the government would not recognise the marriage (mixed religion) and we'd stay in different locations because I don't want her to be arrested by the religious police for being alone with someone not her family/religious-husband. Public displays of affection are also illegal there and every Valentines day about 100 people are arrested in a show of force by the religious police for holding hands in public. Homosexuality is a crime, and also the government has said that v-neck shirts on men are a gateway to sin and debauchery. So it's bad, but it's not that bad. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like you'll have some great excuses for not visiting your in-laws. Link to post Share on other sites
Life'sGood Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 Homosexuality is a crime, and also the government has said that v-neck shirts on men are a gateway to sin and debauchery. [My Prime Minister said this] So it's bad, but it's not that bad. I think I know which country you're talking about. The situation is not as bad as you describe. Yes, they don't allow mix marriage between Muslim and other religion. If both are not a Muslim then it is fine. It really depends on which part of the country you are in. Some are more religious than others. So, if you were to fly here, you can still go out together. Sleeping together is an option that is entirely up to you and your partner. If my boyfriend come here in May (Hopefully ) we will be staying together in a hotel. My best friend (a Muslim) is staying with her boyfriend in their apartment. They will only be caught if someone complains to the 'religious police'. But I guess that is not relevant because she's flying to meet you. Everything will be fine. You will be scared and paranoid prior to the meeting and after that you will think, why was I being paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
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