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Huh? I don't see how this LDR is any more 'difficult' than some of those I've read here, and certainly not more 'difficult' than what I went through. This couple has the finances to see each other several times a year for weeks at a time. I mean, they met up again a few WEEKS after they last departed? If they have the ability to do that, they have things pretty easy.

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Wow! I wish we had it so EASY in our relationship!!!

 

We have the same commitment to one another as they do and we run our lives as a married couple. We are head over heels in love after 3 1/2 years of a 12,000 mile LDR and we will get married as soon as we can afford the wedding we both want - either later this year or early next year - even though we'll still be living apart. We've stuck it out through good times and bad (on both sides) and have had to endure almost a year apart.

 

I don't think I have ever complained once about how 'difficult' it is for us.

 

I'd be impressed if you took away their money and 90% of their time together and they still stayed committed. I can't say they wouldn't of course but a long distance LDR is a whole different ball game when you're rich!

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In my opinion, it's more difficult because they are legally responsible for each other. If it doesn't work out, they just can't say goodbye and good luck. They will be dealing with courts in two different countries.

 

Actually, I think this type of arrangement is great for some because you are almost always in the honeymoon phase or vacation phase. The problems might start once they are on the same continent and dealing with daily habits. Still, plenty of people make all sorts of relationships work if they are motivated.

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In my opinion, it's more difficult because they are legally responsible for each other. If it doesn't work out, they just can't say goodbye and good luck. They will be dealing with courts in two different countries.

 

Actually, I think this type of arrangement is great for some because you are almost always in the honeymoon phase or vacation phase. The problems might start once they are on the same continent and dealing with daily habits. Still, plenty of people make all sorts of relationships work if they are motivated.

 

That is the standard for any married couple, and in fact also some de facto couples in certain countries. I sincerely doubt having to deal with divorce courts in TWO countries is the most difficult part of a LDR, married or not.

 

I'm not knocking them, I think it's great that they're in love and making things work, but I just had a chuckle when I went into this article expecting an IslandGirl-like story and instead ended up reading about a couple who could afford to make 2 separate visits a few weeks apart. :o

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In my opinion, it's more difficult because they are legally responsible for each other. If it doesn't work out, they just can't say goodbye and good luck. They will be dealing with courts in two different countries.

 

Actually, I think this type of arrangement is great for some because you are almost always in the honeymoon phase or vacation phase. The problems might start once they are on the same continent and dealing with daily habits. Still, plenty of people make all sorts of relationships work if they are motivated.

 

I think you are projecting your own relationship insecurities on to their situation. Nowhere in the article does it say, or even suggest, that either of them find their situation difficult. On the contrary, sounds like they're having a ball.

 

There are far, far worse financially committed situations to be in than newly married to someone who loves you to bits but just happens to live overseas! Trust me on this one!

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I think you are projecting your own relationship insecurities on to their situation. Nowhere in the article does it say, or even suggest, that either of them find their situation difficult. On the contrary, sounds like they're having a ball.

 

Agreed! I think it's the title of FC's post that got my back up, not really anything to do with the article itself. The article is just a sweet love story (with media hype thrown in). Yeah, maybe people here would "stop complaining" (if they even did to begin with) if they were in that couple's position... because it's a bloody good position to be in as far as LDRs go! :laugh:

 

There are far, far worse financially committed situations to be in than newly married to someone who loves you to bits but just happens to live overseas! Trust me on this one!

 

I'm not even sure that there is necessarily a financial commitment in this case. If they have never lived together, don't own any assets together, and presumably don't have a joint bank account, would there even be financial accountability in the case of a divorce? Not to belittle LDR marriages, but it boggles my mind how this could be a major source of 'difficulty'.

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I'm not even sure that there is necessarily a financial commitment in this case. If they have never lived together, don't own any assets together, and presumably don't have a joint bank account, would there even be financial accountability in the case of a divorce? Not to belittle LDR marriages, but it boggles my mind how this could be a major source of 'difficulty'.

 

There would be financial implications yes. Once you are legally married, everything you both own becomes joint assets and they probably do have a joint bank account because it can make transferring of funds overseas much easier. Even so, as I already said, there are many worse financially committed situations to be in and, as you have said, this is just standard for married couples.

 

The 'difficulties' of LDRs, as those of us with experience know only too well, are usually about issues such as spending enough time together, having enough money to make that happen, smooth communication, providing love and support from afar during tough times, emotional or sexual insecurities (for some) etc, etc, etc.

 

What happens with finances when we split up is not one the 'difficulties' that comes to mind in either a happy marriage or a long term successful LDR. Not in my experience anyway.

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The 'difficulties' of LDRs, as those of us with experience know only too well, are usually about issues such as spending enough time together, having enough money to make that happen, smooth communication, providing love and support from afar during tough times, emotional or sexual insecurities (for some) etc, etc, etc.

 

For sure. Those are by far the most common 'complaints' I have seen around here and experienced. :)

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Their situation is the same for many people on this forum, how is it any different?

 

On the contrary they sound very happy with their situation and seem fine with how things are, but several of us on this forum are very unhappy living apart from our partners, my situation makes me feel depressed, lately it makes me feel ill because I am so unhappy being apart but we can't change the situation, so my choices are stay unhappy because I'm missing him, or split which would make me far more unhappy. Great.

 

They sound like they have it a lot easier than many LDR couples do. Lucky them!

 

 

...about how difficult you and your SO have it after you read this article. Where there's a will, there's a way!
Edited by HeavenOrHell
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I think you are projecting your own relationship insecurities on to their situation.

 

You must have me confused with someone else.

 

I thought a few of the article's reader comments were quite funny.

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In my opinion, it's more difficult because they are legally responsible for each other. If it doesn't work out, they just can't say goodbye and good luck. They will be dealing with courts in two different countries.

 

You must have me confused with someone else.

 

Erm, no, not confusing you with someone else. The article was about a very happy, wealthy couple who happen to live in different countries and enjoy holidays and time together on a frequent and regular basis.

 

Yet you brought up the 'in your opinion' difficulty of their financial situation, legal responsibilies to one another and the possibility of having to deal with courts in different countries in the event that they split up. This was the reason you gave for their relationship being more difficult than anyone else's! :confused:

 

You produced all of that in your own head without there being any mention of it in the article and, in fact, without the couple themselves mentioning any 'difficulties' at all. That is what I meant by projecting your own insecurities on to their situation.

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to me this article is a big, "so what?"

 

glad that it's working for them, don't get me wrong, but there really isn't anything that extraordinary about it. and honestly, the media is very biased in how it reports, isn't it a better story to report about the happiness within a long distance marriage that a couple opted for by choice, than the problems within that marriage? not to say that they have marital problems, perhaps they are living in full bliss, but I wouldn't expect a whole expose about their problems if they did have some, being that they're not celebrities and everyone would assume they have problems/are crazy anyway.

 

 

I know that a lot of us (myself included,myself very much included) complain about how hard our relationships are. But I don't need a reminder that LD relationships can work. I am living proof that they work (or rather, my mother and her 5 siblings are, but without her parents creating her I wouldn't be here).

 

You see, back in the day when my grandparents were courting, there was a thing called war. they did not have a thing called the internet. Like those who came before them, they had to stay strong for long periods of time without the other, my grandmother praying for my grandpa's safety, and my grandpa pushing aside thoughts that my grandma would find someone else. But somehow they manages and surpassed those difficulties, those fears, those years of waiting and have spent many happy years together. Funny thing is, my grandparents are not an isolated case.

 

Each LD is unique. I think in some ways it's harder today because we are so used to instant gratification--fast food, constant sources of entertainment from tv, radio, internet, constant connectivity to everyone and everything. My social network has a significantly larger geographic spread than the generations that preceded me and I don't even have to get on a plane to connect with people on the other side of the world---someone in asia or australia is probably reading this thread right now, and i didn't even have to put out effort to make that connection!

 

But with romantic relationships I think most of us are still traditional. We want that physical intimacy and connection. Virtual is a nice substitute when we cannot be with our loved ones but it is not enough. I am sure that if circumstances were different, the couple profiled in that story would be together in a heartbeat, but fortunately for them they have the means to take regular trips, and can move forward in their relationship knowing that the next trip is just around the corner. Not all of us have that luxury, and just like normal non-LD relationships, most of us will have other problems to deal with, that just become magnified in a long distance relationship.

 

So while it's nice to hear that they're making it work, and I am happy for other couples that are happily LD, I myself know that LD can work with time, patience, and equally willing partners. Those things are surprisingly hard to come by, but it's not impossible.

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Erm, no, not confusing you with someone else. The article was about a very happy, wealthy couple

 

Everyone's definition of wealth is different. It sounds like this guy is a middle management type. Upper middle class at best. He's not supporting dependent kids so just has more disposable income. It's their life and I don't really care one way or the other.

 

The point which I evidently didn't express clearly was that most people in LDRs seem to think everything will fall neatly into place once they are married. Everything is focused on that goal. Not always the case, if you read the expat forums, although something like this seems rare enough to get newspaper coverage. You never know what life will throw at you.

 

I think the picture of them at Niagara Falls is photoshopped. The lighting is a bit strange.

Edited by FitChick
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The point which I evidently didn't express clearly was that most people in LDRs seem to think everything will fall neatly into place once they are married.

 

Maybe I am completely wrong, but I've always been under the impression that most people in LDRs don't get married until everything falls "neatly into place." I sure as hell wouldn't marry my SO knowing we couldn't close the distance anytime soon, and I wouldn't even think about marriage seriously until after the distance has been closed.

 

But again, I am 24, I have no children or other serious pulls to keep me here and I've never been married so perhaps I just view marriage differently than someone who is middle-aged, divorced/widowed, and with children. And that's totally fine, I am happy if it works for them.

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The point which I evidently didn't express clearly was that most people in LDRs seem to think everything will fall neatly into place once they are married. Everything is focused on that goal.

 

Ummmm... no. That's just you. The goal of most of the people here is to close the distance, from what I've seen. A few intend to marry before that but they don't seem to be under the delusion that 'everything will fall neatly into place once they are married' either, and closing the distance is still a huge focus of theirs.

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Everyone's definition of wealth is different. It sounds like this guy is a middle management type. Upper middle class at best. He's not supporting dependent kids so just has more disposable income. It's their life and I don't really care one way or the other.

 

The point which I evidently didn't express clearly was that most people in LDRs seem to think everything will fall neatly into place once they are married. Everything is focused on that goal. Not always the case, if you read the expat forums, although something like this seems rare enough to get newspaper coverage. You never know what life will throw at you.

 

I think the picture of them at Niagara Falls is photoshopped. The lighting is a bit strange.

 

This couple apparently has enough money to have been on 13 cruises together was it? In the space of four years! Plus she gave up her job so she'd be free to visit him more often. Wealthy or not, that's an enviable position for most people in LDRs.

 

I don't believe I've ever seen a single person on LS who expected things to just fall in to place when they got married. Most people in LDRs get married to enable them to be together. It's not an automatic ticket to eternal bliss. This article is quite clear about the couple having chosen to contine living apart and being happy with their choice. It's possible that kiwi man and I will end up in a similar situation since we're almost there already and it's mainly finances that keep us apart.

 

I wouldn't feel too sorry for them, FC, sounds like they are having a ball to me - unlike the rest of us who are having to survive on much smaller crumbs.

Edited by LittleTiger
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