No calls or sms from LDR bf..is it over???

[jazze]

Hello everyone, I was looking for an answer for my relationship problem and thankfully found this forum. I am hoping I can find a solution to my problem here.

 

I am in LDR with my bf of 3 years. The problem now is that he is not answering my calls or sms. The last time I spoke to him was on his birthday and that was 20 days ago. He also apologized for not calling or returning my calls because he was busy and he doesn't have credits. During the last call I have with him, he did ask me why I didnt call or sms him. I told him I was rather busy so I thought I would call him when I was free. But when I called him he didn't answer or returns my calls. I am not calling him everyday, only once a week. I called him several times a few days ago and still the same. Fed up with his silence, I sent a rather hurtful sms to him but still no response. I then told him to unfriend me on all his social networkings if he is no longer interested in me. But until now, he is still friends with me on his social networkings. I am not sure why he is ignoring my calls or sms but I know that when he doesn't want to talk, he won't answer calls or sms. He have done this to his friends. Now I don't know what I should do. Should I unfriend him on my social networkings or just wait and see or should I just take it as its over, move on? Please give me some advice. Thank you.

[veggirl]

Has he been logging into the sites and stuff? Would someone notify you if something bad had happened?

 

If he has been logging on, then he is just ignoring you rather than dumping you...very cowardly, likely met someone else. Just delete him yourself if that is the case!

[jazze]

Has he been logging into the sites and stuff? Would someone notify you if something bad had happened?

 

If he has been logging on, then he is just ignoring you rather than dumping you...very cowardly, likely met someone else. Just delete him yourself if that is the case!

 

Yes he has been logging into the sites. I wanted to delete him but I don't have enough courage to do so. Don't know why I can't do it, probably I am hoping he will contact me sooner or later or maybe I don't to have regrets later. Does it mean he is ignoring me in the process of dumping me??

[amayana]

Him not contacting you or not even making the effort to contact you either means something happened to him or he's lost all interest in you.

Since you say you know he's fine it just basically means that he's not interested in you anymore. You know when someone really cares about you they will do anything in their power to contact you. Him having no credit is the worst excuse because he could just ask a friend or a relative if he could call you for 5 minutes. There is always a way.

 

I suggest you ask him in a very straightforward way if he's still interested in you and that you feel extremely neglected. And then see how he reacts to that. Nobody, and I repeat, nobody... is ever so busy that they can't send you a text at least. It takes a minute.. not even. So yeah.

 

A similar thing happened to me when I was a bit younger because the guy I was seeing was too much of a coward to dump me. So if he keeps ignoring you just dump him and move on with your life.

[stevie_23]

It never ceases to amaze me that people can just DO this to someone they’ve been with for THREE YEARS and who they were supposed to love. *baffled* It happened to me too and it is just SO cruel and unbelievable.

 

I feel your pain. I know how it is to not be able to grasp the fact they are just not THERE anymore, to you. They’re there but they’re completely blocking you from their life. It’s ridiculous.

[jazze]

Him not contacting you or not even making the effort to contact you either means something happened to him or he's lost all interest in you.

Since you say you know he's fine it just basically means that he's not interested in you anymore. You know when someone really cares about you they will do anything in their power to contact you. Him having no credit is the worst excuse because he could just ask a friend or a relative if he could call you for 5 minutes. There is always a way.

 

I suggest you ask him in a very straightforward way if he's still interested in you and that you feel extremely neglected. And then see how he reacts to that. Nobody, and I repeat, nobody... is ever so busy that they can't send you a text at least. It takes a minute.. not even. So yeah.

 

A similar thing happened to me when I was a bit younger because the guy I was seeing was too much of a coward to dump me. So if he keeps ignoring you just dump him and move on with your life.

 

Thanks for your reply...Yes I have asked him many many times whether he still wants to continue with the relationship. He said he still wants to continue with me and he doesn't want me to think of negative things i.e. him having someone else etc. He said I am always in his heart and even if he is not calling or sms, he is always thinking of me. He also said he is an old fashioned kind of guy, don't know what he meant by that. I told him that I feel rejected when he is not calling or answering my calls. I said lack of communication is the major killer of any relationship. He replied that he is not perfect and he is trying his best to fix any imperfection in our relationship.

 

I am not sure if I want to delete him from my social networkings or maintain a NC. I feel that I do love him but I just don't like him ignoring my calls. I do have my suspicion that he is seeing someone else but then again I did tell him that I am ok with him seeing other girls since we are long distance. My point is that if he wants to have fun, do so but within limits.

[jazze]

It never ceases to amaze me that people can just DO this to someone they’ve been with for THREE YEARS and who they were supposed to love. *baffled* It happened to me too and it is just SO cruel and unbelievable.

 

I feel your pain. I know how it is to not be able to grasp the fact they are just not THERE anymore, to you. They’re there but they’re completely blocking you from their life. It’s ridiculous.

 

That is exactly I want to know whether he is still THERE for me or completely out of his life. Thing is I simply need a closure from him. It is not like I have just dated him. I can't move on if I still have this 'is he or is he not' questions in my mind. I am hoping to get more views so I can just close this chapter of my life for good.

[D-Lish]

That is exactly I want to know whether he is still THERE for me or completely out of his life. Thing is I simply need a closure from him. It is not like I have just dated him. I can't move on if I still have this 'is he or is he not' questions in my mind. I am hoping to get more views so I can just close this chapter of my life for good.

 

Just curious, have you guys ever met in person- or is this an internet relationship?

[jazze]

Just curious, have you guys ever met in person- or is this an internet relationship?

 

We met online and became online friends for a year before we decided to meet in person. After that first meeting, we got to know each other better and decided to go into a relationship.

[ana0pera]

I do have my suspicion that he is seeing someone else but then again I did tell him that I am ok with him seeing other girls since we are long distance. My point is that if he wants to have fun, do so but within limits.

 

this could be a problem. if you have an open relationship his attention could be divided and if he meets someone IRL he might wonder why keep pursuing a LDR?

 

tell him that you're thinking about calling it quits and need to talk to him. that should get his attention if he is just oblivious and needs to try harder. and if not, well then you have your answer too.

 

i hope it works out!

[D-Lish]

We met online and became online friends for a year before we decided to meet in person. After that first meeting, we got to know each other better and decided to go into a relationship.

 

How many times did you meet in person?

[jazze]

this could be a problem. if you have an open relationship his attention could be divided and if he meets someone IRL he might wonder why keep pursuing a LDR?

 

tell him that you're thinking about calling it quits and need to talk to him. that should get his attention if he is just oblivious and needs to try harder. and if not, well then you have your answer too.

 

i hope it works out!

 

Thanks again for your reply. Well, I have told him numerous times that if he found someone else, he should at least let me know rather than leave me wondering. He told one or twice before that if he did find someone else, he would tell me. It was me who always want a break up with him because I am not happy with the way he handle the communication part. But as always, he would just ignore it and think I was just saying it out of anger, which I think is partly true. I did send him a sms a few weeks ago saying that if he couldn't say it face to face or even over the phone or sms, the best way to tell me that it is over is to unfriend me on his social networkings. But there was no action from him yet so I am thinking probably he is in one of his 'ignore mode' again...

[D-Lish]

Thanks again for your reply. Well, I have told him numerous times that if he found someone else, he should at least let me know rather than leave me wondering. He told one or twice before that if he did find someone else, he would tell me. It was me who always want a break up with him because I am not happy with the way he handle the communication part. But as always, he would just ignore it and think I was just saying it out of anger, which I think is partly true. I did send him a sms a few weeks ago saying that if he couldn't say it face to face or even over the phone or sms, the best way to tell me that it is over is to unfriend me on his social networkings. But there was no action from him yet so I am thinking probably he is in one of his 'ignore mode' again...

 

Why give him that power to dump you?

 

He's treating you badly! When someone treats you like crap, don't then present them with the option to leave you!

[jazze]

Why give him that power to dump you?

 

He's treating you badly! When someone treats you like crap, don't then present them with the option to leave you!

 

call it stupid but I am giving him the liberty to dump me if he wants to. The reason is that I have always been the one who sort of dumped him and take him back. If he did unfriend me, its mean he really hate me and want me out from his life for good. He told me once that he deleted his friends from his list because he was so damn angry with them. I hurt him through my words and sms and he shows his anger by ignoring me. I know the way he is treating me is bad but I am equally guilty for the ups and downs of our relationship. So we are even in that department. I am worried now because this is the first time he is ignoring my calls and sms for the longest time ever. This confuses me and thats the reason why I am seeking help from this forum.

[D-Lish]

call it stupid but I am giving him the liberty to dump me if he wants to. The reason is that I have always been the one who sort of dumped him and take him back. If he did unfriend me, its mean he really hate me and want me out from his life for good. He told me once that he deleted his friends from his list because he was so damn angry with them. I hurt him through my words and sms and he shows his anger by ignoring me. I know the way he is treating me is bad but I am equally guilty for the ups and downs of our relationship. So we are even in that department. I am worried now because this is the first time he is ignoring my calls and sms for the longest time ever. This confuses me and thats the reason why I am seeking help from this forum.

 

Well, take responsibility for what you have contributed- but don't own what he needs to take responsibility for.

 

He's ignored you for 3 weeks- you should delete him.

[distancelover2013]

This is my take on this:

 

1. If he complained about not having credit to call something must have gone wrong with his finances.

 

2. If he logs on to social network and doesn't chat he could well be avoiding you; probably being hurt from the text you sent.

 

3. Don't defriend him, you have to be mature about it; it is hurtful but just live your normal life, have friends and have fun.

 

4. One last advice post a picture of yourself and a male friend just to see if he responds, if he doesn't MOVE ON!!!

[jazze]

How many times did you meet in person?

 

We met many times and each time we spent like more than a week together. He met my friends and family already.

[jazze]

This is my take on this:

 

1. If he complained about not having credit to call something must have gone wrong with his finances.

 

2. If he logs on to social network and doesn't chat he could well be avoiding you; probably being hurt from the text you sent.

 

3. Don't defriend him, you have to be mature about it; it is hurtful but just live your normal life, have friends and have fun.

 

4. One last advice post a picture of yourself and a male friend just to see if he responds, if he doesn't MOVE ON!!!

 

 

I don't know about his finance situation but he told me that he cannot go buy credit easily because the nearby town is about one hour drive from his current job location. So I guess its not practical for him to go down town just to buy credit.

 

I agree with you probably he is avoiding me because of my hurtful text but then again is ignoring my calls and sms going to solve the problem?

 

I was planning to defriend him but whats the point of doing so. Its only going to hurt the relationship further and it will definitely going to kill the already sinking relationship. I was hoping that he defriend me so I know for sure he is no longer interested in me but he is not doing it yet.

 

For the last advice, I don't think I want to do that because I don't want to anger him further or him getting the idea of me arousing his jealousy. He is quite a sensitive and a very reserved guy. Even if I consider posting a picture of me and a male friend, Im quite certain he will just ignore me further and worse, he will just take it as I have found someone else.

 

Thanks for your wonderful advice.