megasparxxx Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Hi all, I'm new so be gentle! This guy, who's been in my life for a couple of years, reconnected with me a while back. There's always been a spark but distance and him being in a relationship complicated things and nothing ever took off between us. We began exchanging emails in the middle of last year and slowly became friends again. We both agreed that we still want to know each other, and we let any weirdness from the past go. We met at the beginning of winter after keeping in touch for six months and we got on so well that we found it hard to say goodbye (all the usual was involved when sparks fly between two people...lots of intimacy, talking for hours, talking about seeing each other etc. etc.) The goodbye was hard on both of us as he had to fly back home. We kept in touch solidly for a few weeks, and it was great. Then communication trailed off, and became inconsistent (from his end) and long story short, after lots of confusion and frustration and questions on my part he told me he's been going through a really bad depression. I'm not doubting that at all, because his messages sounded so god-awful, and he sounded like a shell of a man on the phone. He eventually told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because of this (I suspect he's not really feeling anything at the moment, let alone being able to think of making time for someone who's making demands on his emotions), along with the fact that he's struggling with everything in his life right now, from family to work, financial stability. He wants to keep me in his life as a friend, but there is a hint of who knows what the future will bring, but it's a very very subtle one! The relationship with his ex ended a year ago and my instinct is that he's not really over it and this combined with all his other issues is too much and he's hit a wall. I feel pretty crappy that I'm part of the collateral damage because I really did want something special to grow between us. Anyway, I have accepted that 'for now' I want to be his friend. I struggled with that decision. But whatever way I go I know I care about him too much to walk away knowing what a dark place he's in (his messages about that were truly awful and heartbreaking). He won't go to therapy because he can't attend regularly because of his job. So he's trying to do all this on his own. My worry is that though he may move up out of his funk temporarily it will come back again because when I look back over everything I thing he always had bouts of depression but I never clicked with it because my head was too focused around him in relation to me, not him just as him, if you understand! So that's the back-story. The thing is, I have these gifts that I want to send him. I think it would be nice to let him know someone cares (because even though he doesn't want to open up properly with me, he doesn't share this side of himself with anyone else at all, he has said himself that he feels like he's on his own in this). I have a book I know he would be psyched to get because I know he's interested in the topic, and also a very subtle, eye-opening book recommended to give to people who are going through a depression but refuse to get help. So...is it kind, ok, inappropriate, a bad idea? I guess I'm just second-guessing myself because he was the one to end things romantically. I don't want him to feel obligated in any way. Truth is - yes, I do still have feelings for him, but I want to do this because I care deeply and there is a bond between us that I know will never end. Advice/reassurance welcome!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author megasparxxx Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 anyone...??!! Link to post Share on other sites
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