End of an era.

[TragicAlliance]

Gonna allow myself this one time to feel all my true emotions... Just one time, and then I'm letting it go forever.

 

It's heartbreaking to me - the one person I loved with all my heart and soul... the person I was willing to give up everything I knew just to show him I loved him and would be there to support him... He's messaging my phone, but I can't bring myself to reply. I have become afraid of what would happen if I dared. And this notion tears my soul in half.

 

Yep. Can't make myself reply. Stared at my phone for a solid 8 minutes, then set it facedown on my desk without hitting a single key. I guess this means it's really happening. I guess it means the end has finally arrived. And I'm so confused... how are you meant to feel when everything suddenly turns into nothing?

 

I guess I should clarify a few things. I was with my fiance for nearly five years. We'd been engaged since June... I asked him. We had planned that he would return here to the States and we'd forge out a life for ourselves.

 

But then things occurred. His father fell into ill health. Very ill health. And he wanted to stay in the UK to be with his father. Which I can understand and can't fault him for. So I decided that to show him I would be there for him no matter what... I told him that I would face my fears and fly there to live with him.

 

My parents... went insane. Tore me down and turned me into a stranger in my own home. Tore my fragile emotional state into something that was barely stable. But I kept my head up thinking that my fiance would soon be there to take care of me and nurse my frail mental state back to health.

 

And... I was wrong.

 

When I had a complete meltdown... when everything finally took its toll on me and I wanted nothing more than to walk out into traffic and let fate run its course... he chose to be engaged to his work, not to me. Instead, he gave me a simple "I'm sorry" and left me to work it out alone. And now I feel burned. Worse than burned... I feel absolutely scorched. Burnt to ash.

 

Perhaps I'm too hypersensitive. But seeing that I cannot count on him to do right by me when I needed him the most... I can no longer see myself giving up everything I know and own to go be with him. In fact, I can't even make myself reply to his messages. I just stare at the phone and eventually shake my head and set it down. In the past, even when I've been so furiously angry with him, I've found the effort to reply. Now I can't... I'm terrified of what this signifies.

 

I feel like I just threw away nearly 5 years of my life and nearly threw away my whole existence to be with someone who was simply a facade. And it kills me inside. I loved this man. I was willing to make the biggest leap out of my comfort zone and show the ultimate in loyalty to him... and in the end, he tosses me aside for the happiness of total strangers? He took my heart and my feelings and stomped them into the mud, then left me to dig them out and clean them off alone.

 

I want to be angry. But I simply find myself shaking my head silently. I guess when you can no longer find the energy to care enough to be angry, it really is done.

 

So I guess this weekend marked the end of an era. Maybe one day I'll return to him to explain to him why I ran away. Maybe I'll find the words and courage to deliver those words.

 

But until then, I run away in silence. And it's the worst thing I've ever done. =/

[TaraMaiden]

No.

 

It's the best thing you've ever done.

Silence denotes dignity.

It signifies Self-Esteem.

 

You've done absolutely the right thing.

I'd even throw your phone away if i were you and get a new one.

 

You hang in there, lady.

[Arnissa_N]

I feel like I just threw away nearly 5 years of my life and nearly threw away my whole existence to be with someone who was simply a facade. And it kills me inside. I loved this man. I was willing to make the biggest leap out of my comfort zone and show the ultimate in loyalty to him... and in the end, he tosses me aside for the happiness of total strangers? He took my heart and my feelings and stomped them into the mud, then left me to dig them out and clean them off alone.

 

I myself am going through the whole grind. I've given almost 10 years of my life, and at times feel so bad about the lost years. But when I look at it then I realised there were good moments that I cherish, and many learning moments.

 

LDRs will create rifts, and no one can live their whole life as an LDgf/bf if you've given love and received love and expect to get married and settle down together. There are many day to day issues where the absence of the bf/gf is going to create problems.

 

You've taken a very strong step forward. I think its the right one!

[bluegreen]

This just made me what a bastard (HUGS )

Honestly there is very very little if anything that he could say to fix this nothing less then crawling on his knees and kissing your feet in front of the God and People will be enough to just start making up for it and you make sure to tell him this.

 

Actually you better not even have to because if you do am just gonna say what I already said above bastard deserves to have karma return this same pain and humilation to him tenfold ...

[Hal_TX]

No.

 

It's the best thing you've ever done.

Silence denotes dignity.

It signifies Self-Esteem.

 

You've done absolutely the right thing.

I'd even throw your phone away if i were you and get a new one.

 

You hang in there, lady.

 

no it doesn't. Silence is running away from the problem. She said that one day she might return to him to explain why she ran off? Explain to him NOW why you are running off. And then go.

 

Do not abruptly cut off communication without explanation. That's cruel.

[TaraMaiden]

Nope. After the way he treated her? Have you read her past threads?

I would suggest you take a look before coming in.... it always helps to see the history.

[LittleTiger]

Nope. After the way he treated her? Have you read her past threads?

I would suggest you take a look before coming in.... it always helps to see the history.

 

I looked back at the history of this relationship and I guess I must have missed something. Sure, it was never a healthy relationship and clearly there was lots of drama, but it looked like 2 sided drama to me.....and didn't they only meet once in five years, back in Dec 2011? Hasn't the OP been ill for most of the time they've known each other?

 

If I'm way off OP, then I apologise, but I do find myself wondering what this guy has actually done wrong. I mean, what was it that you expected him to do that he didn't do?

 

He said he would move to the US but he couldn't because of family illness (not to mention all the other complications of emigrating), so you said you would move to be with him, but you couldn't because of family and your own ill health. So neither of you is willing or able to move.

 

Did you expect him to drop everything, risking his job and his livelihood, and fly thousands of miles just to comfort you through another period of illness? I know very well how tough it is being apart from someone you love when bad things happen, but that's just part and parcel of an LDR. If you expect your partner to be there for you (physically) no matter what, then an LDR is not for you. With the kind of distance you're talking about, I think that's too much to ask. He obviously wants to be there for you emotionally, otherwise he wouldn't be trying to contact you, and if that's all he is able to do, but it's not enough for you, then you are right to call it quits.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting and sorry you're unwell. Perhaps you'll now be able to move on and find someone close to home who can give you what you really need.