Serious Case of Post-Visit-Sadness

[Paranoia1989]

Hello Everyone out there,

 

I guess many of you know what Im going thru right now. Ive been with my LDR boyfriend (Me: Germany, Him: Scotland) for 16 months now. We visit each other as often as we can and just two weeks ago he came over again.

 

Now the time is over and he left yesterday. And Im left here alone again, feeling so sad. I miss him so much and no matter what I do, he's always on my mind. He just texted me before he went to work, saying he feels just as bad and wants us to be together again.

 

Its not like I wanna cry all the time. I feel empty. Like nothing seems to make sense now that he's gone.

 

I propably sound quite pathetic, eh?! But I never thought I could love someone that much!

 

So if anyone out there went or still goes through the same and has some advice for me, Id be more thn happy!

[salparadise]

Take comfort in the fact that he misses you too and that your connection is strong even though you can't be with him all the time. It was always hardest for me on the day my gf left after a visit. Stay busy and focus on making a fulfilling life for yourself independent of your relationship. Be truly grateful for the gift of loving and being loved while accepting that this is simply the way it is for now. Communicate and express your feelings every day. Don't allow yourself to indulge in pity parties over the inconvenience when the reality is that you are extremely fortunate to have a wonderful relationship.

[cerridwen]

All sal's advice is very good.

It's tremendously difficult the first few days but as with most things, time helps.

 

Find what works for you.

Sometimes it's calling and hearing his voice, sometimes it's taking you-time.

 

A friend just left his girlfriend in Barcelona after a 2 week visit.

He sent her a text saying "I know this is always a difficult time so as you settle back into your life, I'll give you some space to decompress."

She appreciated it.

And that space helped distract her and get back into the flow of things.

Maybe it would you too.

 

You don't sound pathetic in the least.

We've all been there.

The last time my bf and I parted was the worst.

I sobbed my eyes out.

 

But as I lay there on the couch spent, I also got some perspective.

I realized there are far more terrible things than loving someone so much that being with them is your heart's #1 desire.

I went from feeling tortured to feeling blessed.

Not everyone gets to experience mutual love or the dedication of another person who is as committed to closing the distance as you are.

Your boyfriend loves you and you love him.

How lucky!

Sometimes it helps to find the simple beauty in that.

 

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

Keep posting.

[dazedandconfused17]

I'm on the same page as you. I just spent the long MLK weekend with him and saying goodbye this time was just as bad as the last and I'm new to this so I suppose it's hard all the time. I won't be able to see him until the 14th of February which makes it the longest I've gone without seeing him (3 weeks). I know it's going to be hard but I realized being sad all day and just moping around doesn't help so I just try to keep distracted and I keep counting down the days until I'm able to see him again. We also try to FaceTime everyday about once or twice a day and we are always talking whether it be over the phone or text so that's helped me too. Good luck and I hope you feel better.

[Irial]

Yep. That's post-visit sadness you're talking about no doubt I am going through the same thing and have before time and time again.

 

I have no advice but to be patient, because you know that in time you'll feel better: that's how it always goes! I am trying to keep myself busy with anything that I can think of, but it is still hard. I pretty much do what salparadise said and suck it up. I know it really sucks but there's no real "solution" for this. Just keep improving yourself and your personal life with the idea that this will improve your relationship as well, even though indirectly.

 

Good luck, hope you feel better soon

[Paranoia1989]

First of all thank you all for your replys. I really appreciate your help. Its good to know Im not the only one

 

I guess you're right. Theres not much to do than being patient. I know it will get easier with time. Its always been like that so far.

 

But Im very blessed and so thankfull to have a guy like him and to be lucky enough to experience this kind of love Id never thought Id ever get.

 

When we talked yesterday, he told me how bad it us for him this time aswell. Normally it was easier for him, but now he suffers just as much.

 

Good thing is, I can see the light at the end of te tunnel already. In November Im going to move over to the UK to live with him. Its just gonna be long and tough 5 months till we see each other again for a final visit.

 

Again, thanks a lot for your words! We'll make it somehow. LDR's can work!

[mistu]

Hey,

I guess feeling sad is normal, I had the exact same feeling after spending an entire week together. He came to visit me and after he left its like my house was empty, I couldn't concentrate to do any work, I couldn't enjoy a meal or a movie.My life seemed perfect that week, when he was around and meaningless afterwards. But I guess the loss diminishes with time, you probably will get more used to it (I know I did). I also noticed it was harder on me when he was the one visiting, not me. He also confirmed that, having a tougher time readjusting to his milieu after I've come to visit and left.

Trust me, you will learn how to deal with those feelings. Good luck!