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Should I move to be with my SO?


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Hello out there!

 

I am currently very confused and stressed about my situation, here's the story: (Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!)

 

I this boy in high school as a sophomore. We dated for three years, graduated high school and decided to go to separate colleges (mine out of state and his in state) as that's what was best for each of us individually at the time. The LDR took a huge toll on our relationship and we ended up breaking up in December of our freshman year. Not long after we broke up I found out he had been involved with another girl at his college for the past 2 months. We went our seperate ways for the next 5-6 months, talking occasionally about being friends and even once or twice about getting back together but nothing ever really came of it. Then this December we began talking again. I realized how much he had changed from the disrespectful and narcissitic person who had cheated on me a year ago. We began seeing each other over break when I came home and then decided to try another go at a relationship. He makes me happier than anything else and I am so in love. The only problem is he still lives two states away from me. He never asked me to move for him, in fact, he said that he would make long distance work for however long we needed it to, and I believe him. To be honest, I have been thinking for a long time about moving back to my home state and this seems like a great opportunity to do it. Is this bad? I feel so guilty doing it because of our past but I also am so unhappy being so far away from him... (Oh and he would move out to me but can't afford the school out of state)

 

Any advice is much appreciated! Thank you!

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hi crewgirl!! I have a few more questions: are you still in college? how much longer do you have? are you thinking about transferring schools to be with him or?

I am a true proponent of closing the distance, but I care even more about education, so I am hesitant to say "do it!!!" given your circumstances.

 

I think the questions I asked are all important things to take into account before you move. You said it was a good choice for you both to go to separate universities after graduation, and part of me thinks you should stick it out and get your degree before you move back home. the fact that he's in-state where your family and friends are makes me hopeful that you'll end up back there anyway. Even if you love a guy you have to think really carefully about giving up your education and the opportunities that come with it, just to be with him. I am of course assuming you're still in school. If not, then by all means go home. But if you're still in school, would transferring to an in-state school offer you the same educational opportunities (or better) than the place you are at now? Are you 100% sure you'd be able to get accepted as a transfer, and your credits would carry through? Your education is an investment in yourself and also in your current relationship and any future relationships you have that might be life-long, so don't compromise that just because you're in love right now.

 

Don't want to sound too pessimistic and I hope I don't scare you but I am trying to be realistic. You are very young and while this might be the one love of your life, it also might just be your first love so don't give away any opportunities you have going for you right now just because of the distance. If you want to transfer for other reasons though unrelated to your bf, and the bf being there is icing on the cake, then it might be a good idea. Transferring, I hear, is a difficult process socially at some schools so make sure that you really put yourself out there and make a life outside of your bf so that you don't crowd him, and in case it doesn't work out (I hope it does though!) you have friends outside of his social circle to turn to, and you aren't left sad and lonely at a new school.

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Hello,

 

I agree with ana0pera. At some point of course you should close the distance if you plan to stay with your SO. But you also have to look after your education. Whatever decision you're gonna make, this is your own personal future!

 

I know how hard it is to be without the one you love, but it can only make you stronger.

And tho this is nothing anyone would like to think about, what if the relationship doesnt work out and you didnt finish your study for him? Im sure he wouldnt want you to do it aswell.

 

How long does it take until you get your degree? If its "only" a year longer or so, stick it out but set up a date for when you move back again. This way you'll have a light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Ive been with my LDR bf for 16 months now, we barely see each other and I miss him like crazy. But in November Im going to move over to live with him, so that really helps me. Since Ive got to leave my country, I'll have to do so many things to prepare my relocation, which takes my mind a bit off. Reason why I cant go earlier is Uni. Im going to finish in the middle of the year, then need some time for organisation and spending time with family/friends. But I just started Uni when we first met, so Ive had to stick out 3 years until I can finally close the distance. As hard as it was and still is, I wouldnt have abandoned or quit my study, since this is also part of the foundation for our life together!

 

I have no doubts about how you miss him and want to be with him. But even if it takes some tme till your with him for good, you both already went so far and reached a lot. Talk to him and try to fd a date for when your finally back with him and focus on this then.

 

I really hope you will be able to move back as soon as possible and that everthing will work out fine for you!

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