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LDR Meeting


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 22nd January 2013, 10:22 AM   #1
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LDR Meeting

I have been talking to a guy on the internet for going on almost 4 yrs. We met on a virtual game called second life. We pretty much immediately hit it off. We've had our rough patches throughout this journey seeing how I have two children and a baby daddy who just can't seem to let go. We've made plans before to meet up, but seeings how I live in New York and he lives in London, England it hasn't been the easiest thing to do. We have finally decided to meet this year on valentine's day, and even though I'm more excited then ever to finally have some physical interactions and really get to meet him I am also extremely worried of the outcome. Seeing how I have two children there's no way I will be leaving the states to move abroad with him. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone, and I guess I'm just scared to take the next step without knowing what's in store for us. I can go to the UK and everything work out perfectly or I can go there and everything just not work and lose my bestfriend. I'm just so nervous about it not working that I can't seem to shake the feeling of being scared. Maybe I'm just being negative, but after spending almost 4 yrs of my life on this person I feel I have need to worry. Has anyone had any similar situations? I'm just not sure what to expect and of course the idea of us not being what each other expected is very big in my mind.. so confused.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 1:11 PM   #2
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Why has it taken you four years to meet? You are in love with a fantasy. What if there is no spark when you meet?

If there is a spark, will he want to move to the US eventually? Very difficult to find work if you are a citizen never mind a foreigner.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 3:24 PM   #3
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I fully understand this situation as it's the same as mine. Mine is even worse as both of us are with other people. We both have to meet the person we are in love with to share the same space and have a physical connection or we will both always wonder, "what if".

After 4 years I know as you know that you go through all the emotions and self doubt that anyone naturally does and also wether they are still having sex with there partners or other people or whether it is all just some sick game but we are in love and you don't just walk away from trying to test whether it will really work. I feel frustration mainly but hang in there as it may just work out.

All I have are dreams at present but I want to make them reality.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 5:54 PM   #4
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I'm not really in a similar situation... I met my bf in person. We were on vacation and realized we lived only a few hour (plane ride) away from one another and on the same time zone. From the day we met, we spent just under 2 months apart before seeing each other again. We hit it off RIGHT away and when the date of his arrival was coming up, all of a sudden we were both so nervous. Even though I met him in person, most of our interaction since the day we met was through skype, email, texts, phone etc. I really liked who he was and what he portrayed and a part of me was scared that it would change. Even though we were long distance... he was perfect. We both wanted it to work but being realistic too, we agreed that if it wasn't a fit when we were face to face, then it's OK. At least we gave it a go. That was 6-7 months ago... and here I am wanting to plan my move to where he is. He is the exact same person and heart of gold from day 1. What I'm trying to say is, what will happen will happen. Whether he is who he presented himself to be or he's completely different, you can't control that. You've waited 4 years to meet him and I say go in light hearted. I know there are feelings and I was so so excited to see him (and we only had 2 months compared to your 4 years) but would've been just as bummed if it didn't work. I just told myself, I had to live in the moment and really take him for what and who he is. If I focused on the potential of it not working out, then I would act that way and perhaps I wouldn't have been myself. I did know 100% that I could live where he lives, so that has never worried me.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 6:00 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FitChick View Post
Why has it taken you four years to meet? You are in love with a fantasy. What if there is no spark when you meet?

If there is a spark, will he want to move to the US eventually? Very difficult to find work if you are a citizen never mind a foreigner.


As I said he is in the UK and I'm in the US. Neither of us were very old when we met, and now we have the means to actually meet each other. Your right I may be in love with a fantasy. I also maybe in love with him. I won't know unless I try. As for him moving to the US, I guess once we meet we'll go from there.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 6:04 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by jamiejones View Post
I fully understand this situation as it's the same as mine. Mine is even worse as both of us are with other people. We both have to meet the person we are in love with to share the same space and have a physical connection or we will both always wonder, "what if".

After 4 years I know as you know that you go through all the emotions and self doubt that anyone naturally does and also wether they are still having sex with there partners or other people or whether it is all just some sick game but we are in love and you don't just walk away from trying to test whether it will really work. I feel frustration mainly but hang in there as it may just work out.

All I have are dreams at present but I want to make them reality.
I do share the same worries about having to share with someone else. The whole idea just sickens me as I'm sure you can imagine. Thank you for the positive feedback. I see many people can only find the negative in a situation like ours. Guess i'll just have to meet him and see for myself
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Old 22nd January 2013, 6:06 PM   #7
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I'm not really in a similar situation... I met my bf in person. We were on vacation and realized we lived only a few hour (plane ride) away from one another and on the same time zone. From the day we met, we spent just under 2 months apart before seeing each other again. We hit it off RIGHT away and when the date of his arrival was coming up, all of a sudden we were both so nervous. Even though I met him in person, most of our interaction since the day we met was through skype, email, texts, phone etc. I really liked who he was and what he portrayed and a part of me was scared that it would change. Even though we were long distance... he was perfect. We both wanted it to work but being realistic too, we agreed that if it wasn't a fit when we were face to face, then it's OK. At least we gave it a go. That was 6-7 months ago... and here I am wanting to plan my move to where he is. He is the exact same person and heart of gold from day 1. What I'm trying to say is, what will happen will happen. Whether he is who he presented himself to be or he's completely different, you can't control that. You've waited 4 years to meet him and I say go in light hearted. I know there are feelings and I was so so excited to see him (and we only had 2 months compared to your 4 years) but would've been just as bummed if it didn't work. I just told myself, I had to live in the moment and really take him for what and who he is. If I focused on the potential of it not working out, then I would act that way and perhaps I wouldn't have been myself. I did know 100% that I could live where he lives, so that has never worried me.
Thanks for the positive feedback it's good to know that some of these situations kinda like mine turn out well. Gives me that little bit of hope. But we also agreed on the samethings as you and yours. We have said we have to do this just to see, whether it works or not that's out of our hands. But thanks again for giving me that little bit of faith
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Old 22nd January 2013, 7:34 PM   #8
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I fully understand this situation as it's the same as mine. Mine is even worse as both of us are with other people.
So you're cheating.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 7:35 PM   #9
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As I said he is in the UK and I'm in the US.
I date men who live in the UK. After two or three months max, we meet.
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Old 22nd January 2013, 7:55 PM   #10
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I SO understand this.

My long term partner and I met online back in early 2001. We lived 2 states apart, and she wanted to meet after about a month of us getting together online. We had no phone calls, no videos or skype, just emails and online chats in a chat room each night. We fell in love, but I was under no illusions that it was necessarily based in reality. It took us 6 months after getting together online to actually meet in person even though we were only a 1 hour flight away from each other. This was my choice, to delay it. I didn’t want the relationship / fantasy / happiness / love to end. I was quite convinced that once we met, it would all be over.

I felt that in online relationships, everything is based purely on your own singular and subjective perception and there’s no real presence there. If you’re lucky, when you do meet, things will “match up” and you’ll be fine. But it doesn’t always happen.

However, it DID work out with my partner and I. We met, and it was SO WEIRD at first. It was just the task of having to kind of bunch everything you know and love about the person into this PACKAGE that is now standing before you, talking and moving and that’s actually REAL. It is quite surreal. The biggest part for me though was having to adjust my own self. I am much more open and extroverted online compared to how I am in real life (until you get to know me). So I was VERY shy and felt disappointed that I couldn’t be who I had been for the 9 months previous online.

Anyway, so we’re still together.

Although on an unrelated matter (sort of), for the past almost 2 years I’ve been having an online relationship with a married man (well, until he ended it in December last year). That one is VERY long distance. Australia (me) to the US (him). 14-15 hour time difference, and we would have met after about a month of getting together however…money concerns, and we were both with other people so couldn’t just leave to fly around the world to meet, you know?

I wasn’t as worried with him as I’d been with my real life partner, as I’d “been there, done that” by the time I got together with him. We also talked on the phone, texted, did videos for each other, as well as emails and chatting online. So I felt like we knew each other enough not to have everything being too one sided or that singular subjective perception thing I mentioned earlier in this post. I wasn’t worried about things not working out if we met, but I still insisted we HAD to meet one day before he moved to my country to be with me (which he wanted to do), just to make SURE things worked out. Cause you just never know.

One thing I will say to you is, try to be more excited than scared about your meeting, ok? It is an AMAZING thing and hopefully you will have a wonderful time! Don’t put too much pressure on it (I know I know, how impossible is that, eh? Lol). And don’t think too far ahead either. If things work out and you NEED to be together now, you will both work it out somehow, and it’ll be ok.

Another thing…if at first when you meet things feel weird or awkward or not what you’ve felt over the past 4 years? That doesn’t mean it won’t be ok. I almost left my partner on the first night we met because I felt so uncomfortable. I almost made up some story about a family emergency and went to stay in a hotel instead of her place because I felt so bad. Then I planned to fly home and email her saying it wasn’t going to work out. But I stayed, and 3 days later when I did fly home, we were both in tears and planning our next visit. So…be patient. And good luck!
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Old 23rd January 2013, 9:45 AM   #11
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I date men who live in the UK. After two or three months max, we meet.

Well that's good for you that you have the money to be able do that. Not everyone is as blessed. Maybe you should think about that.
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Old 23rd January 2013, 9:47 AM   #12
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So you're cheating.
My post isn't for you to pinpoint what everyone else is doing wrong. I'm sure he's aware of what he's doing.
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Old 23rd January 2013, 9:53 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by stevie_23 View Post
I SO understand this.

My long term partner and I met online back in early 2001. We lived 2 states apart, and she wanted to meet after about a month of us getting together online. We had no phone calls, no videos or skype, just emails and online chats in a chat room each night. We fell in love, but I was under no illusions that it was necessarily based in reality. It took us 6 months after getting together online to actually meet in person even though we were only a 1 hour flight away from each other. This was my choice, to delay it. I didn’t want the relationship / fantasy / happiness / love to end. I was quite convinced that once we met, it would all be over.

I felt that in online relationships, everything is based purely on your own singular and subjective perception and there’s no real presence there. If you’re lucky, when you do meet, things will “match up” and you’ll be fine. But it doesn’t always happen.

However, it DID work out with my partner and I. We met, and it was SO WEIRD at first. It was just the task of having to kind of bunch everything you know and love about the person into this PACKAGE that is now standing before you, talking and moving and that’s actually REAL. It is quite surreal. The biggest part for me though was having to adjust my own self. I am much more open and extroverted online compared to how I am in real life (until you get to know me). So I was VERY shy and felt disappointed that I couldn’t be who I had been for the 9 months previous online.

Anyway, so we’re still together.

Although on an unrelated matter (sort of), for the past almost 2 years I’ve been having an online relationship with a married man (well, until he ended it in December last year). That one is VERY long distance. Australia (me) to the US (him). 14-15 hour time difference, and we would have met after about a month of getting together however…money concerns, and we were both with other people so couldn’t just leave to fly around the world to meet, you know?

I wasn’t as worried with him as I’d been with my real life partner, as I’d “been there, done that” by the time I got together with him. We also talked on the phone, texted, did videos for each other, as well as emails and chatting online. So I felt like we knew each other enough not to have everything being too one sided or that singular subjective perception thing I mentioned earlier in this post. I wasn’t worried about things not working out if we met, but I still insisted we HAD to meet one day before he moved to my country to be with me (which he wanted to do), just to make SURE things worked out. Cause you just never know.

One thing I will say to you is, try to be more excited than scared about your meeting, ok? It is an AMAZING thing and hopefully you will have a wonderful time! Don’t put too much pressure on it (I know I know, how impossible is that, eh? Lol). And don’t think too far ahead either. If things work out and you NEED to be together now, you will both work it out somehow, and it’ll be ok.

Another thing…if at first when you meet things feel weird or awkward or not what you’ve felt over the past 4 years? That doesn’t mean it won’t be ok. I almost left my partner on the first night we met because I felt so uncomfortable. I almost made up some story about a family emergency and went to stay in a hotel instead of her place because I felt so bad. Then I planned to fly home and email her saying it wasn’t going to work out. But I stayed, and 3 days later when I did fly home, we were both in tears and planning our next visit. So…be patient. And good luck!
Thanks I will try to keep this in mind. But as you said it's not the easiest thing to not feel under pressure. But it's good to know there is a chance of this all working out. I've been really overwelmed with my emotions as I'm sure you can imagine. I'll try relaxing and taking it one step at a time. Thanks again and Good luck to you!
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Old 23rd January 2013, 2:04 PM   #14
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Well that's good for you that you have the money to be able do that. Not everyone is as blessed. Maybe you should think about that.
I make them fly here or send me a plane ticket. That way I know they are serious. No time for wankers!
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Old 23rd January 2013, 3:48 PM   #15
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I remember when I was in a LDR and we decided to first meet...it was probably one of the most exciting times in my life. It has been almost 2 years since our first meeting and unfortunately it didn't work out between us, but there were more factors than just the LDR. Anyways...I understand worrying in a way about what is to come, should you move there, should he move here. Like you said, just wait and see. It will all work out one way or the other.

When I first meet him in person it was like we instantly fit with each other, and there was a big age difference between us. We had only talked a few months prior to him coming to see me, but it was still just like magic. I envy you having the chance to do this. And I am sure that since you and him have talked for 4 years online then the magic will be instantaneous. I know that it can be a bit nervewracking with thoughts like, what am I going to wear, do I shake his hand? hug him? kiss him? LOL At least that was the thoughts going through my head at the time. I just went with it...As soon as I saw him I knew what I wanted to do...It really was like a movie scene...I ran to him, he threw down his bags and wrapped his arms around me and we kissed our first kiss in the middle of the airport terminal. Like I said....Magic.
Congratulations on your first meeting...it is one of the most memorable moments you'll have in your life...I guarantee it.
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