oneway or the other Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I need some advice as im in no man's land...history is 9 yr relationship cohab for most. SO has training placement abroad for 7 months, we have done 4 months, much much harder than ever thought. At the moment he is like a different person, not one I would have gone out with in the first place but explanation is he has to be detached to survive the separation. We have seen each other throughout the placement not as often as planned prior to the separation because of costs etc. We were v.close prior to separation each other's best friends etc talked about everything, lived happily together. He knows how hard this has all been on relationship and says we come first and loves me etc but im v.doubtful. He is making decisions on his own for him which effected our relationship no end. He is applying for another placement which will be 4 months and again long distance. He would be back from this placement for 4 months then off again. I told him I cant do long distance for 4 months again, he says he knows he is only applying as a backup if there is nothing else for him. Where does this leave me? I feel like a spare wheel, it's like he is willing to sacrifice our relationship of soo many wonderful years for 4 months abroad (there is no permanent job after).. What shld I do, I hate feeling like this and feel that he is in charge of our relationship or lack of Link to post Share on other sites
Irial Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Well, to me it doesn't seem that he made decisions FOR you. So apparently he is not in charge of the whole relationship. You can make your own decision anytime and say well this is not good for me so I am out. But if he decided to do the other placement I guess that means that he really needs this for his OWN personal growth. While that really really blows for you, all you can really do is keep communicating with him and support his decision. I think it has nothing to do with him not caring about the relationship (UNLESS you have had other red flags that you haven't mentioned). By doing what he needs to do for his personal growth and career he might be trying to ensure that everything is ok with the rest of his life (your relationship included), I don't see as the two things connected. You should just tell him how you feel and hear what he has to say. The other alternative is breaking it off. As sad as that might seem, if this is too much for you you must think about your own emotional health and move on with your life. If he isn't willing to at least try to change his ways during separation (like communicate more and make you feel closer or something, whatever you need to go through with it), then it seems like you are no longer happy with the relationship and that you two are not compatible at this time. Sorry that I don't have any better advice, all I would suggest is that you two talk about this seriously and that you just tell him all that you feel and that you felt left out of the decision he made. Furthermore, I would advise you to really discuss your priorities and future and understand WHY he made the decision he made. You might find out that he only had both of your futures as his first priority and felt this was the way to improve them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oneway or the other Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Thanks for your reply, but just to underline long distance was never in our plans. We were solid and now it feels like everything is running away and he is making decisions on whats best for him rather than considering our relationship at all. After living together for 8 yrs seeing each other every day talking etc it's very difficult to live apart all of a sudden, there's a void and then the SO starts changing as a person. LDR are v. hard! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Which one of you didn't want to get married? Link to post Share on other sites
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