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Ex turned on me, and trying to make me jealous?


Lovetrustpromises14

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Lovetrustpromises14

Hello.. So I thought i'd leave some detail before I ask my questions, and i'm sorry that's it's a little long, but I really really want to know your guys opinion please :)

 

*knew guy for over a year, dated "officially" for 5 months(when he finally had the guts of asking me to be his girlfriend)

 

So i'm an 18 year old girl who started 'dating' this guy who is 19 that I haven't actually met(he knows a friend of mine so that's how we met) and I ended up falling for him. Boy I NEVER knew it was possible to fall for someone you've never met, but we really did have an amazing connection even before we started dating. He was an amazing guy and I've never talked to anyone like him before, he was honestly so perfect for me. He tried so hard to get me to like him for months, and yup it worked.

I also knew about his past(a player, hurt a lot of girls, etc) but after he got hurt by the only 2 girls he's loved out of all his girlfriends, he began to really respect woman and I could tell because he wasn't an ******* like when I first knew him lol but after talking to him for so long, I started to think I could really trust him especially after he told me that he loved me(he thought he was never going to love again but it scared him that he started to love me but he told me how he felt anyways) then told me about his past(he had a hard childhood and and whatnot) that he hasn't shared with many people, not even my friend who knew him for years, and i knew for a fact that he didn't treat his other exes as special as he treated me(my friend knew most of his exes).

 

So after a while, I really thought our relationship was perfect but then after two months of him starting college, we went through a little rough patch.. Then BAM! he dumped me out of the blue over text VERY rudely and said it was because of the distance but he wasn't being nice about it but I didn't bother to waste my time begging for him back even though it really hurt. When he talked to my friend, he said that the distance was hurting him too much and it hurt him to break up with me.

 

Two weeks later, I went on msn on my phone and he talked to me(he never use to go on when we were dating but he was on randomly), but after a few minutes, I just stopped replying. Two days later, he talked to me again so I decided to just talk to him like when we were just friends but then he told me he loved me. I didn't say it back because I was afraid but he did apologize for everything but things just got awkward that we stopped talking. Two weeks passed, and he messaged me again saying he really loved me and wanted me back, I knew that I shouldn't of said yes but I still had such strong feelings for him so I said okay. I thought things would go back to normal but after a week, he started neglecting me, not being that nice and just not talking to me for days, then one of my other friends talked to him about it (I didn't say anything about it but she could tell I was upset so she texted him) and he got mad thinking I told her to do so but then two days later, he texted me to make sure I knew how much he loved me but he's just busy with school because the semester was almost over(I knew that and I never complained) then a couple days later, I made the mistake of asking him if we were ever going to really meet(we were suppose to be meeting that week for the first time but I just felt discouraged about it) and he snapped, and told me that annoyed him and that he was done, I got really emotional but I'm not usually an emotional person but the distance made it hard and I sent him like 3 texts(4 hours in between them) but he ignored all of them, annnnd we haven't talked since(December 23 until now) but he has been communicating with my friend, and he didn't say much about me but he made it clear that he did love me. At first I was really hurt but then I realized it just wasn't worth and I felt better.

 

Buuuut, a week ago he started dating another girl( my friend told me but didn't care because I think I've learnt to block out my feeling for him because I feel nothing, I don't even miss him anymore) and then a couple days ago when he was talking to my friend, he randomly started talking **** about me. That I was clingy, we were never in love, that I would still be obsessed with him even if we were together for 5 years and that he could get me to do anything for him, even made a comment about my "nasty" you know what(I know it was stupid to show him but hey people our age do stupid things) but if it was so nasty, why would he keep asking to see it(I only showed him once and it wasn't even a good picture), but the things he said were so untrue because I'm just not a clingy person and he was the one who was "so in love with me" at the start but hey, people who were players know how to say/do the right thing, and he even said, "i'm proud of being a douche, i won't change", and he's just being indirectly immature because i'm sure he knew my friend would tell me everything he says. Even though I don't feel anything, it REALLY bothered me what he was saying but I'm starting to care less, and other days he'd just bring me up randomly and asked how I was doing and just don't shut up about me.. Like he does have bi polar but I doubt it has anything to do with this.

 

Then now, he's trying to make me jealous. RIGHT after he saw my msn status, he updated his status to his girlfriends initials with a heart to show off that he has a new girlfriend(my status was similar and it was clear that my best guy friend updated it and he knew we were best friends) and I'm pretty sure it was to try to make me jealous because he never updated his status nor does he ever go on until we are not together, and now he's on everyday and updating his statuses about his girlfriend. :/

 

So I just wanted to know your opinion on why my ex turned on me like that, and why is he trying to make me jealous if he's moved on? He might not think I have, but how can I not when I'm not begging for him back like he thought I would. (Ya I'm so obsessed right?), I was good to him, and tried my best to make him happy and in the end, it's "my fault".

 

I'm also curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and the dumper ended up realizing what they lost? I don't think I want him back but curious if it happens. Like sometimes I think about what we had and it kind of hurts, and I wonder if one day he'll think back and remember what we had because even if he says we were "never in love", I think what we had was pretty special, I didn't think of it as "in love" because we've never met, but he admitted that he thought of me as the love of his life, soul mate and best friends.. Then be turns into a douche bag but I knew at a point that we really cared about each other. :(

Edited by Lovetrustpromises14
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None of this actually matters.

He's a douche, you've never met him, you're basing all your emotions on simple word communication.

It's ridiculous - I'm sorry, but trust me, it is, and you'll see it one day - to say you love someone, and had a connection, when you never actually met one another.

He's just an immature, infantile pubescent jerk.

 

Go complete and total No Contact, cut him off every single which way you can, do not check on him, do not ask about him, do not speak to him, write to him or ever look at him again, and absolutely never, ever talk about him to anyone at all, whatsoever, period.

 

That WILL do it.

 

The questions you're asking are unanswerable.

he's young, stupid, immature and acting like someone 8 years his junior.

 

You can do better.

I suggest you do just that.

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Lovetrustpromises14

*Also, I am not the type of person to go for a long distance relationship AT ALL so it was very new to me. I'm not the always online, attached to my computer type of person but we did text a lot but ya, only reason I went for it because I liked him so much and thought he would be worth it... I was so WRONG. I really wouldn't call it "being in love", but I knew I loved him in some way because I really cared about him. He was also the one who said I love you first, I said it about a month later, so either he's trying to cover up something by talking **** about me, saying it wasn't love, or he just really is a douche bag lol.

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Lovetrustpromises14

TaraMaiden, I guess you are right but it just really bothers me that even though he's moved on that he won't stop talking about me, even to my friends that he doesn't even know. He is very immature and I guess I was so stuck on wanting to be with the guy I thought he was, I was too dumb to notice how much of an ass he is. I guess even though I don't feel much, I sometimes miss our phone calls, Skype dates, cute texts, exchanging gifts, stuff like that. Guess a part of me still wants to meet him but another part thinks it's absolutely ridiculous but yet I'm not jealous nor do I want to talk to him. I never talk about him either or anything like that. Only thing I have him on is msn now but I can't delete him from my phone and I don't have msn on my laptop, oh well, I'm over it, it just been bugging me these last few days.

Edited by Lovetrustpromises14
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This story is a perfect example of why people should never consider themselves to be 'dating', 'in a relationship' or 'in love' with someone they

have never met in real life.

 

Sure, it is very easy to feel as though you are in love with someone you've met online but, until you meet in the flesh, it's not based on reality and, whatever you think, you don't really know who they are.

 

Cybersex with someone you've never met is at best 'unwise' and at worst downright dangerous! Hopefully you have learnt your lesson!

 

The guy clearly is a douche bag - you just didn't know him well enough to determine that before. Now you know, you can thank your lucky stars it's over. He's nobody to you. Just forget him and get on with the rest of your life.

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Lovetrustpromises14

Yeah I know exactly what you mean.. I didn't really consider it dating either, that's why I put 'dating' in quotes but hey, at least I know he's real and not some pedophile lol. I guess that's why I'm over it so fast because he's a douche but I do miss talking to him but not enough to ever contact him again, like my friend has met him and another friend who lives in same city as him and they said I really made him happy(apparently he always said how perfect and amazing I was and the way he smiled when we texted, etc) and they say he isn't that bad of a guy so I really don't know..

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Lovetrustpromises14

It's also really late here, and I'm tired so probably a lot of things I said make me sound crazy haha, I really don't know what I was thinking but my best friend is in a LD relationship and they have lasted a year now, distance is just a way to how how far long can go, but in my case... It was just stupid, but now I have learning experience and know better.

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So if you didn't consider yourself to be dating this guy, what on earth made you have cybersex with him? :eek:

 

You made quite a few bad decisions here - learn from your mistakes and move on.

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Lovetrustpromises14

Lol i I wasn't having cybersex with him. I don't know, the situation seemed very different at the time and I should've said things better than I did. Yes I am ready to move on, it just has been bothering deep down how stupid I was to believe that we could have worked out because we don't even live that far away. Like we had a good friendship and I enjoyed talking to him, I'm disappointed that I agreed to more which ruined our friendship but I don't understand how someone can like talking to you so much to hating your guts if you've never met.

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I've said it many times before and have been shouted down for it, that I don't understand how a couple can break up if they've never met.

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I made a thread about people 'splitting up' before they'd even met and most people had a go at me about it :eek: I was heartless to find it ridiculous, but I still feel the same way about it!

 

 

None of this actually matters.

He's a douche, you've never met him, you're basing all your emotions on simple word communication.

It's ridiculous - I'm sorry, but trust me, it is, and you'll see it one day - to say you love someone, and had a connection, when you never actually met one another.

He's just an immature, infantile pubescent jerk.

 

Go complete and total No Contact, cut him off every single which way you can, do not check on him, do not ask about him, do not speak to him, write to him or ever look at him again, and absolutely never, ever talk about him to anyone at all, whatsoever, period.

 

That WILL do it.

 

The questions you're asking are unanswerable.

he's young, stupid, immature and acting like someone 8 years his junior.

 

You can do better.

I suggest you do just that.

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I made a thread about people 'splitting up' before they'd even met and most people had a go at me about it :eek: I was heartless to find it ridiculous, but I still feel the same way about it!

 

Not wanting to TJ here but I don't think anyone said it was heartless of you to think that calling it a romantic relationship was ridiculous. I know I certainly didn't - I happen to agree with you to a degree, although I wouldn't use the word ridiculous.

 

My thoughts were only that someone could, quite legitimately, feel grief at the loss of an online relationship and it was only fair to acknowledge those feelings - regardless of our opinion on the reality or depth of that relationship.

 

I am not at all surprised at the OPs feelings of loss and betrayal in this situation - whatever the relationship was, it is now over, and I think we can all understand how it feels when something we enjoyed comes to an end.

 

I just hope she doesn't waste too much time even thinking about him, because he, quite clearly, isn't worth it.

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In hindsight the word ridiculous to describe an LDR where you've not met or you break up before meeting is harsh, maybe I should have said unrealistic or fantastical (if that's a word!), and that's why people reacted in a strong way and implied I was heartless (or used different words meaning I was heartless maybe, can't remember).

I do quite often see people posting who say they find it ridiculous to say you're in love if you've not met, or break up with them before meeting them, it just felt in my other thread that only one person knew what I meant, so I guess the people who feel the same way didn't see that thread, or didn't want to comment, and I felt misunderstood. And I was in rant mode :o seeing as it was in the personal rant section, I could've worded things differently though.

You're right it's only fair to acknowledge those feelings if someone does feel that way about someone they've not met.

The thought though of a relationship where the two people don't actually meet, or connect IRL, leaves me cold, it's taking things too far in this technological world, maybe I'm behind with the times, but nothing beats a cuddle IRL with your partner. Life's too short to never meet your 'partner' :(

End of TJ, sorry OP :o

 

 

 

 

Not wanting to TJ here but I don't think anyone said it was heartless of you to think that calling it a romantic relationship was ridiculous. I know I certainly didn't - I happen to agree with you to a degree, although I wouldn't use the word ridiculous.

 

My thoughts were only that someone could, quite legitimately, feel grief at the loss of an online relationship and it was only fair to acknowledge those feelings - regardless of our opinion on the reality or depth of that relationship.

 

I am not at all surprised at the OPs feelings of loss and betrayal in this situation - whatever the relationship was, it is now over, and I think we can all understand how it feels when something we enjoyed comes to an end.

 

I just hope she doesn't waste too much time even thinking about him, because he, quite clearly, isn't worth it.

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Lovetrustpromises14

Thanks for your opinions guys :) I know that my "relationship" wasn't really one, but at the time it felt nice to have someone like him in my life, he was always there to comfort me when I was down(over webcam of course lol) and he treated me very well(bought me gifts, woke up to very cute texts, stuff like that), ans I guess after talking for so long, you get so caught up in it then when it's "over", it just leaves you confused and upset... but now I know that he's definitely not worth it by the way he's been towards me. Everyone that knew about us/knows him thinks that he's gonna come running back to me because he still seems so "obsessed" but if he does, I'm not even gonna bother, or he's gonna to have to prove himself.. Like by showing up to my house ;) haha joking. But yes, it it definitely time to move on, and at the moment I'm pretty content about myself but I feel pretty bad for his new girlfriend because he talks more about me then about her.. Yup, he is a douche. AND yes nothing beats cuddling in real life :) I'm young, and there's plenty of time for me to find someone. Long distance was really just a learning experience, that I will never try again.

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