What is cheating in a ldr?

[Sunnylover21]

So my bf moved to Australia 4 months ago, and around Xmas time told me that we weren't actually together kept saying things like I'm young and single etc - but carried on talking to me everyday.

 

Stupidly I was under the impression that really we were still together he was just talking rubbish.

 

However on New Year's Day he slept with this girl from home who is also living in Australia ATM and still speaks to her sometimes. Since this happened he talks to me religiously every day (almost all the time we are both awake and not working), is making a real effort, has booked his flights home for 2 weeks time and has actually told me he wants to try again when he's home.

 

But he's told his friends what happened with this girl, and she is coming home at the end of the month - just a few days after him.

 

I don't know what to do. Do I try to forgive him? After all he did say we weren't together, it was me that thought we were. Or us what he did unforgivable? Especially as he's told his friends and still talks to her (she's the only person out there that he actually talks to though as he's made no friends!)? I'm just really looking for some generally guidance. We're both only 20, so never really experienced anything like this before!

[Keenly]

So my bf told me that we weren't actually together kept saying things like I'm young and single etc

 

 

 

 

 

He gave you the answer.

[Sunnylover21]

Ever since its happened he's made this enormouse effort and made it really clear he wants to be back together. So what does this mean? It completely contradicts his previous statements about being single!

[silicone]

Ever since its happened he's made this enormouse effort and made it really clear he wants to be back together. So what does this mean? It completely contradicts his previous statements about being single!

 

We both know you're the second choice. Don't let him be right.

[HeavenOrHell]

He's giving you huge mixed messages, tells you you're not together, sleeps with someone else and is still in touch with her, she's his only friend there, but talks to you daily and says he wants to try again with you.

 

Why did he say you weren't together when he moved? Because he couldn't handle the distance, or? Or is he just too young/immature to be in an exclusive r/ship yet?

 

Do you mean he's coming home to where you live so you won't be long distance anymore?

 

How long were you together before he moved to Aus?

 

Why did he sleep with her, I mean have you talked about it?

 

Only you know whether he is likely to cheat again.

 

It doesn't sound great at this point, you two really need to talk once he's back.

 

 

So my bf moved to Australia 4 months ago, and around Xmas time told me that we weren't actually together kept saying things like I'm young and single etc - but carried on talking to me everyday.

 

Stupidly I was under the impression that really we were still together he was just talking rubbish.

 

However on New Year's Day he slept with this girl from home who is also living in Australia ATM and still speaks to her sometimes. Since this happened he talks to me religiously every day (almost all the time we are both awake and not working), is making a real effort, has booked his flights home for 2 weeks time and has actually told me he wants to try again when he's home.

 

But he's told his friends what happened with this girl, and she is coming home at the end of the month - just a few days after him.

 

I don't know what to do. Do I try to forgive him? After all he did say we weren't together, it was me that thought we were. Or us what he did unforgivable? Especially as he's told his friends and still talks to her (she's the only person out there that he actually talks to though as he's made no friends!)? I'm just really looking for some generally guidance. We're both only 20, so never really experienced anything like this before!

[Sunnylover21]

He said we weren't together as the long distance was getting to us, and up until last week it wasn't likely he was actually coming home to where we live.

Before he left we were together for 3 years, and nothing like this happened before. When he comes home we will no longer be long distance and he will not be moving away again

 

He went over to Australia with his best friend who left about 2 months ago and since then he's been living by himself in his uncles houses. But his uncle and aunt came home to where we live for Xmas. So basically for over a month he's been completely by himself. He hasn't said much about what happened between him and this girl - but from the way he's been and has been talking to his family my best guess is that after spending Xmas and new year alone he was very lonely and she's the only person that actually talks to him out there.

 

He told me he 100% does not want to be in a relationship with her, even when they're both back. And that sleeping with her was not what he expected at all, that when there's no emotion there it doesn't really mean much.

 

But I don't know if he's saying that to keep me happy or if he's being honest. He is willing to talk about it and our relationship everytime I bring it up though

[salparadise]

But I don't know if he's saying that to keep me happy or if he's being honest. He is willing to talk about it and our relationship everytime I bring it up though

 

 

It's uncertain for sure, but if you both have strong feelings for each other and you believe there is compatibility aside from this, I'd say give it a chance while at the same time not getting in over your head in the short term. Since he had told you, essentially, that he didn't consider it to be an exclusive relationship during the time he was away I don't think you can fault him too much for getting laid. Sounds like he's open and honest at least. Question is, is he capable of committing and remaining exclusive. What you don't need is an on/off kind of thing where you're constantly getting your heart broken every time the wind changes direction. I say take it slow and keep your eyes wide open.

[czen]

I don't know, I don't trust this guy. You just do not have sex with somebody else if you are in a relationship you really want to be in. Hell, you wouldn't even let it get to that point in the first place.

 

I think there is some truth in his words when he says there was no emotion with her, but if he could so easily cheat on you, what does it say about what he thinks of you?

 

I would have a good long talk with him and see from there. Do you stil trust him after what he did? Can you forgive him? Does he really seem genuine to you? And make sure that you tell him you two are exclusive when you want to stay together. He seems to think it's okay to not be exclusive and if you don't agree with that, let it be known.

 

To be honest, if I were you, I would break up with him. I couldn't handle being with somebody who cheated on me. But it's your life and your relationship.

[stevie_23]

Well. It seems to me your bf kinda sucks.

 

You’re together for 3 years and then he moves to another country for a while (I don’t even know how long, but it’s not several years or anything, so it’s not THAT long in my opinion) and THEN tells you you’re “not together”? That is really BAD. Heartless and careless. Don’t you think?

 

Did you discuss before he went away what would happen? Like, a deep proper discussion?

 

So ok, it’s understandable he found it difficult to be long distance, but you don’t just say it like THAT – oh, we’re not actually together. WHAT THE!?

 

As far as sleeping with someone else, who now apparently means nothing? Well, she meant enough to betray your 3 year relationship at the time, right? Hmmm…

 

Despite all of that, when he comes back home, just talk a LOT about how you both feel. Be honest. Say you expect honesty from him too. It’s required in order to have any hope of maintaining a relationship that you’re both happy in.

 

Good luck.