I don't want to be THAT girl.

[xPiercethenikki]

Okay.

 

Just to explain my situation more..

 

My boyfriend (Richard) and I, have been together since February 2, 2012. (Almost one year.) I live in America -Ohio, and he lives in England. The past two weeks, [12/23-1/6] He actually came over here, and stayed here for me and him to finally meet and be with each other. <3

 

While he was over here, my head was on his lap while he was on his laptop.. I saw him messaging his friend Chris, who mentioned he was throwing a party, and brought up talk about Richard staying the night over there.. He didn't know I saw, so I waited days for him to tell me.. The following Wednesday, I finally asked him about it.. and he just brushed it off, obviously not knowing I was upset he wouldn't talk to me.. Once he was back in England and we called last night, we started talking about it.

 

[i get worried every time he goes out.. Not so much what HE might do to girls.. But what they'd do to him.. See, we had this incident two months ago, where I got on one of his forum accounts, because he told me to, so I could see messages that his ex sent him.. well, one of the messages I saw was to this different girl back in June.. and he asked her to send him.. pictures.. immediately I bawled my eyes out.. But I get scared when he's around girls now, but I dont want to be THAT girlfriend..]

 

Well he mentioned there would in fact be girls at the party and alcohol and everything.. and I told him I was afraid, and he immediately just started yelling at me, about how i need to trust him, and and this stuff.. And I DO trust him.. it's just girls that I don't trust. And finally he rage-quitted on me, and said "I'm going to bed, good night." and hung up.. I have left him alone all last night, and today.. and even when we talked for a few minutes earlier, when he said he was going to bed.. he didn't say he loved me, before signing off..

 

I don't know, should I be over thinking things like this?

 

..I mean I have high anxiety and paranoia anyways.. but.

/: I never.. want to be the girl to keep him away from his friends, and everything..

 

I just.. don't know anymore.

[CherryT]

I use to be THAT girl with my ex. But then again, my ex cheated on me and was completely wacko. He would purposely do things to make me jealous and he enjoyed my reaction. Maybe it made him feel wanted... who knows?

 

Anyway after him I could hardly trust again. Until recently... my first ever LDR and it's the best, most open relationship I've ever been in. At first, I had situations (which I posted about) where I was paranoid at what he may be doing. But then, I sit back and realize that he tells me what he's doing ALL the time and that I needed to trust him. Like you, I said "It's not that I don't trust him... I do, but I don't trust the girls". Unfortunately, I don't think that's true. I don't believe you trust him... especially after you saw those messages from his ex and that other girl. You have to learn to trust him and come to terms with what you saw or not. Let their actions be the basis as to whether you should trust them. My boyfriend never has done anything like that. He doesn't talk to many girls and I know 100% that if a girl were to make a move on him he'd tell her off. He wouldn't even put himself in that situation where a girl would think that she could make a move. This is all his doing with no influence from me... he talks to me, shows me, proves to me that he's a man of integrity. And I see it and believe it and know I can trust him - so I do.

 

Now if you think your boyfriend is capable of leading someone on or not being able to back away if some girl did try to make a move, that's not something a trustworthy boyfriend does and he's showing you this through his actions.

 

Part of it is you having to trust him and the other part is him showing you that he is transparent and has nothing to hide and that he deserves to be fully trusted. If he doesn't do that, you have all the right to be suspicious.

 

 

Okay.

 

Just to explain my situation more..

 

My boyfriend (Richard) and I, have been together since February 2, 2012. (Almost one year.) I live in America -Ohio, and he lives in England. The past two weeks, [12/23-1/6] He actually came over here, and stayed here for me and him to finally meet and be with each other. <3

 

While he was over here, my head was on his lap while he was on his laptop.. I saw him messaging his friend Chris, who mentioned he was throwing a party, and brought up talk about Richard staying the night over there.. He didn't know I saw, so I waited days for him to tell me.. The following Wednesday, I finally asked him about it.. and he just brushed it off, obviously not knowing I was upset he wouldn't talk to me.. Once he was back in England and we called last night, we started talking about it.

 

[i get worried every time he goes out.. Not so much what HE might do to girls.. But what they'd do to him.. See, we had this incident two months ago, where I got on one of his forum accounts, because he told me to, so I could see messages that his ex sent him.. well, one of the messages I saw was to this different girl back in June.. and he asked her to send him.. pictures.. immediately I bawled my eyes out.. But I get scared when he's around girls now, but I dont want to be THAT girlfriend..]

 

Well he mentioned there would in fact be girls at the party and alcohol and everything.. and I told him I was afraid, and he immediately just started yelling at me, about how i need to trust him, and and this stuff.. And I DO trust him.. it's just girls that I don't trust. And finally he rage-quitted on me, and said "I'm going to bed, good night." and hung up.. I have left him alone all last night, and today.. and even when we talked for a few minutes earlier, when he said he was going to bed.. he didn't say he loved me, before signing off..

 

I don't know, should I be over thinking things like this?

 

..I mean I have high anxiety and paranoia anyways.. but.

/: I never.. want to be the girl to keep him away from his friends, and everything..

 

I just.. don't know anymore.

[FitChick]

It took you nearly a year to meet each other. When do you plan to meet again? Once a year or even every six months is generally not the way to keep a relationship alive. Because men usually have a higher sex drive, they want more frequent contact and if they can't get it they will look closer to home.

[xPiercethenikki]

I use to be THAT girl with my ex. But then again, my ex cheated on me and was completely wacko. He would purposely do things to make me jealous and he enjoyed my reaction. Maybe it made him feel wanted... who knows?

 

Anyway after him I could hardly trust again. Until recently... my first ever LDR and it's the best, most open relationship I've ever been in. At first, I had situations (which I posted about) where I was paranoid at what he may be doing. But then, I sit back and realize that he tells me what he's doing ALL the time and that I needed to trust him. Like you, I said "It's not that I don't trust him... I do, but I don't trust the girls". Unfortunately, I don't think that's true. I don't believe you trust him... especially after you saw those messages from his ex and that other girl. You have to learn to trust him and come to terms with what you saw or not. Let their actions be the basis as to whether you should trust them. My boyfriend never has done anything like that. He doesn't talk to many girls and I know 100% that if a girl were to make a move on him he'd tell her off. He wouldn't even put himself in that situation where a girl would think that she could make a move. This is all his doing with no influence from me... he talks to me, shows me, proves to me that he's a man of integrity. And I see it and believe it and know I can trust him - so I do.

 

Now if you think your boyfriend is capable of leading someone on or not being able to back away if some girl did try to make a move, that's not something a trustworthy boyfriend does and he's showing you this through his actions.

 

Part of it is you having to trust him and the other part is him showing you that he is transparent and has nothing to hide and that he deserves to be fully trusted. If he doesn't do that, you have all the right to be suspicious.

 

 

 

asdfghjkl. Its like.. It's just hard. I love him so much, and I DO trust him. He's a nerdy kind of guy, and not mention hes a massive dick to any girl thats not me.. So even if a girl hit on him I'm almost positive He wouldn't let her..

 

I just get so scared. /: And it's me, I know it is. Because I do suffer from stupid anxiety problems. :l It's just.. the fact I'm NOT there. I mean, when all that stuff happened with his ex, and that girl; he gave me all his passwords to everything, and I didn't ask for them. [Like facebook, a nerdy forum, etcetc]

 

Idunno /:

[xPiercethenikki]

It took you nearly a year to meet each other. When do you plan to meet again? Once a year or even every six months is generally not the way to keep a relationship alive. Because men usually have a higher sex drive, they want more frequent contact and if they can't get it they will look closer to home.

 

Trust me, I keep his sex drive okay. xD

But he's not THAT guy.. that's really like, omgletsgohavesex, which is one of the reasons I love him.

 

But that's what I love about our relationship.. due to the long distance, we created and made our relationship more spiritual, and emotional rather then JUST physical.. and by the time we actually GOT to be in person.. it was better than anything, ever. <3

[JSS15]

I commend you on your efforts to make you long distance relationship work. I have had a few of my own long distance relationships and have come to understand that they don't work 98% of the time. Hopefully you are the 2% that does work. With that said, trust is very crucial and it seems that you may be lacking trust. Even though you have said you do trust him, it's the girls you don't trust. If your man is a faithful guy, then no girl could make him cheat on you. You have already found evidence that he is accepting pictures from other females. You need to figure out where is your relationship going? You can't be upset and wonder what it is that he is doing all the time. LDR don't work most of the time because one partner gets upset that the other is living life. You life can't revolve around waiting on him to call or the next time you see him. You definitely shouldn't stress about whether or not you should trust him. I believe you already know what you need to do. Trust your gut, it is always right. It's a woman's intuition.

[juliabrookes]

I agree with JSS15. Women have intuition. Follow your intuition it is usually accurate. Don't spend your life wondering what your BF is doing way across the world. He has broken your trust once (pic), and he will most likely do it again.

[CherryT]

asdfghjkl. Its like.. It's just hard. I love him so much, and I DO trust him. He's a nerdy kind of guy, and not mention hes a massive dick to any girl thats not me.. So even if a girl hit on him I'm almost positive He wouldn't let her..

 

I just get so scared. /: And it's me, I know it is. Because I do suffer from stupid anxiety problems. :l It's just.. the fact I'm NOT there. I mean, when all that stuff happened with his ex, and that girl; he gave me all his passwords to everything, and I didn't ask for them. [Like facebook, a nerdy forum, etcetc]

 

Idunno /:

 

Almost positive isn't too reassuring. And it's OK being scared because of past experiences, but eventually they should pass and your boyfriend should make you feel extremely secure. The way he reacted wasn't reassuring and that will probably be in the back of your mind whenever something like this happens again.

 

I'm just saying that you know, by his actions, if he's trustworthy enough. If you can't say 100% that you're positive he wouldn't walk away if someone approached him, then there's something he's doing that's giving you a little doubt.

 

After my ex I made the decision to not minimize my feelings especially if the guy was giving me doubts. In my past relationship, my ex would do things purposely and when I would question it he would get huffy and puffy and make me feel like I was over sensitive. Even though he was doing something wrong and being shady. I'd be careful with someone who tries to make you feel/convince you that you're being 'THAT' girl when they're really giving you reasons to be.

[Aedra]

LDR has to be built on strong trust or its going to fall apart quick. If some chick starts flirting with him its him that has to brush it aside, because you two are supposed to be mutually exclusive. Don't try to project the distrust onto the girls. If he proves to be untrustworthy, then there you go.

Edited January 14, 2013 by Aedra