makeitright Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 My girlfriend turns 30 this week. She recently told me she's unhappy and that she feels she needs some separation to see if the heart grows fonder by being apart. I also believe she's talking with a recently separated married man who's wooing her as I've been not very romantic these last couple months. I feel that I'm losing here but I do not want that to happen. She's not confiding in me anymore, nor her parents, nor her friends. She's found advice in one friend at work who barely knows her.. who barely knows us. I'm afraid that friend is telling her to be on her own to live independently to not rely on a man. I feel like she's about to hit a mid life crisis and leave.. what can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Been together how long? Either party previously married? Relationship plans as they currently exist? Her career tracking? Honestly, is it really a decade crisis or is she just done? Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 You don't hit a mid life crisis at 30. Yes she might be about to leave you. How long have you been dating her? If it's over a year and you're into her and want to have kids why not propose and put some babies in this woman? Now obviously you may have some very good reasons for not wanting to take things to the next level. If so than maybe it's time to end it. Also how do you know about this man at work. YOU JUST LET THIS GO ON!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author makeitright Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 We've been together for 4 years and lived together almost the entire time. I was planning on proposing next month and we've talked about kids. I honestly have not seen her unhappy its the first she's said anything and she's unwilling to talk about the reasons why she's unhappy. She's unwilling to say so that I can make things better. She's giving me the whole .. I don't feel its in my heart anymore. Just last month though she was begging me for a ring.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author makeitright Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 I feel this is the doing of her one friend and this married dude. This one friend is telling her to ignore me and do something on her own and this married dude showed her interest while I was otherwise occupied for a short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 She won't get anything other than sex from a recently separated married man so it's possible if you bide your time she may come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 "Begging you for a ring"?. You're joking? Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Let her go... It's all over but the crying Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Maybe she got sick of waiting for you to propose, and her pleading last month was her last act to try to salvage something? If she has already let someone else into her heart then that's something that's very difficult to recover from. You need to talk. Find out if she is really done and if you are are really done. Then walk away if you are both done. If you're not done, she needs to cut off contact with this other guy. And you need to find ways to get your relationship back on track. I wouldn't suggest marriage until you are both happy that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Don't use it as an attempt to "save" a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 She won't get anything other than sex from a recently separated married man so it's possible if you bide your time she may come back. If that's the case, I'd hope that the OP has more self-respect than to settle for being her Plan B. Let her go, Makeitright. She apparently has something to sort out, and you can't help her do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Maybe she got sick of waiting for you to propose, and her pleading last month was her last act to try to salvage something? If she has already let someone else into her heart then that's something that's very difficult to recover from. You need to talk. Find out if she is really done and if you are are really done. Then walk away if you are both done. If you're not done, she needs to cut off contact with this other guy. And you need to find ways to get your relationship back on track. I wouldn't suggest marriage until you are both happy that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Don't use it as an attempt to "save" a relationship. I agree with this. Most women don't wait until turning 30 to talk about marriage. So if you've been together for 4 years, I'm sure she's mentioned it a few times. Also, is there a reason you haven't been as romantic in the last couple of months? I don't know what your level of romance is, but if it's something she's come to get use to and it's something you do regularly over the last 4 years and then all of a sudden you've stopped... she may have taken it as a sign that you're no longer happy with the relationship. And especially if she's been talking about marriage and then your withdrawal, I'm not sure if she got the right message either. Link to post Share on other sites
Ghisop Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Mid life crisis at 30??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 If she doesnt want to tell you what the problem is, then youre fighting a losing battle. best thing to do is let her go to the guy and let her find out it isnt going to work. But if you couldnt keep her interested after 4 years, then youre going to run into this problem again with someone else. Chances are she was planning this breakup for months. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) We've been together for 4 years and lived together almost the entire time. I was planning on proposing next month and we've talked about kids. I honestly have not seen her unhappy its the first she's said anything and she's unwilling to talk about the reasons why she's unhappy. She's unwilling to say so that I can make things better. She's giving me the whole .. I don't feel its in my heart anymore. Just last month though she was begging me for a ring.. Read these : - the old grass is greener thread --- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome - Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley [deals with women that are turning 30 who go through something like this] Do it fast too, because things are depreciating right now. If you do manage to get her out of this fog, do not propose soon ... wait 1yr or more to see how things develop [1yr after she comes back down to Earth]. This one friend is telling her to ignore me and do something on her own and this married dude showed her interest while I was otherwise occupied for a short period of time. 2 possibilities. - Either she's a person that is very easily swayed ... in which case she got convinced by them. - Or your relationship [in her mind] depreciated to a point where outside interference got to her; this means that she is moving on, your relationship with her [in her mind] is dying and right now she is just arranging a 'rational' reason [a rationalization] that will allow her to leave/cheat on you without making herself look like the bad guy. For this she is using the woman you mentioned because she can cherrypick what information she gives her to process. The woman's role will be to validate and reinforce her choice. The latter is still her fault, because you cannot probe her mind telepathically, you cannot see her thoughts. Yet, i can pretty much guarantee that right now she is rewriting your relationship's history, to better suit her new frame of reality ... in effect erasing her relationship. At some point she will tell herself 'i actually never did love him, if i am interested in someone else', and start being mad with her. Supplicating her [kissing up] will not work. Edited January 9, 2013 by Radu Link to post Share on other sites
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