Trouble in paradise

[oneway or the other]

Here goes; - I have been with my bf and lived together for 8yrs. My bf has for the last 3 months been living in another country studying and has another 3 to 4 months to go. Prior to him leaving we had a very strong and loving relationship.

 

However the LDS is very hard. My bf has become by his own admission detached to ensure he can cope (thats what he says and I have to believe him) We speak every day some times twice a day and text. Initially he found it v.hard to communicate but things improved after talking abt it.

 

However our relationship has changed soo much. Cos he makes himself detach when he's away when we see each other things are tough, communication does not flow properly and eventually we have it out and the answer is (from him) that he loves and wants to be with me but feels disjointed cos living separate lives -I feel like he's the one that has changed cos he's soo detatched towards me and family. After a thrawt time and lots of agnst things start to get back to normal then its time for him to go. I feel like I have taken an emotional and physical body blow. I then feel insecure abt our relationship although he says its all ok etc it rings hollow.

 

Im in the recovery period at the mo although finding it hard. I dont know if were going to make it whereas once I would never have questioned it.

 

I need solace -what do I do? and any men out there do you detatch to make things easier for yourselves?

 

Thanks

[umirano]

Do you have an end date in sight? If no, no wonder you're feeling insecure. If yes, would you be ready to try as hard as you can, to make it until then?

 

And if you think carefully, did your RS hollow out before he left or did this only start once he was away?

 

regards

[HeavenOrHell]

My partner seems to detach emotionally when we're apart to some extent, I don't know if it's his way of dealing with the situation or not, it's sort of like this is the way things are, no point in dwelling on the negatives type of thing.

He's very consistent with daily contact, but he's just not demonstrative like he is when we're together, he's more distant.

Which I struggle with a lot, because it can seem like he doesn't care, but when I look at it rationally I see all the ways he shows he does care, people show their love and care in different ways, it doesn't mean they don't care if they show it in a different way than you do

[oneway or the other]

The end is in sight 3/4 months tops. Never rang hollow prior to now. Our relationship was solid, best friends etc talked about everything.

 

Should I trust in what he says or is he just saying it cos he does not want to hurt me? Help.

[HeavenOrHell]

Trust in what he says, 3/4 months will be over before you know it.

 

 

 

The end is in sight 3/4 months tops. Never rang hollow prior to now. Our relationship was solid, best friends etc talked about everything.

 

Should I trust in what he says or is he just saying it cos he does not want to hurt me? Help.

[umirano]

Well, do you have any good reason not to trust him? Is he the type that would lie to you just to not hurt you? If so, I suggest you signal him that you prefer the truth over him lying to you. If you have been the clingy type up until now he may very well think he's forced to sugarcoat problems for you, until you're local again.

 

Let him know about your doubts and that you want the truth and nothing but the truth for him. He may in turn ask you to explain why you don't trust him. So be prepared for that.

 

If after some self reflection you feel that you actually can trust him, and have no reason to think he's lying to you to "protect" you, I suggest you drop the subject, give him time and within the next two to four weeks you will see how his feelings change, if they do.

 

regards!

[oneway or the other]

Thanks for your replies. I really hope that we can make it in tact to the end. I just thought we would hold stronger than this and prior to this we could read each other like books. I will be devestated if this is the end.