WwTeeEff Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) It all started on October 17, 2009. Me and my girlfriend for one, LOVE video games. It's our past-time. We've always been able to play games together, always have tons of fun doing stupid things, and just being around each other. Around the end of the first year, we had some relationship troubles, and she felt like I didn't pay attention to her enough and she ended up going to some guys house and they supposedly kissed while playing basketball. Which to me is cheating because she tried to hide it. I found out otherwise. Needless to say, we had an extremely hard time getting through this, as I hate cheaters. But we did indeed make it through this, together. Around the 2nd year we've been perfect lately, no problems, little to no fights, still love to be around each other. And mind you, throughout these years We visit each other for months at a time during Summer, and Christmas times. It was never really a matter of not seeing each other. Around the end of the 3rd year, we started having problems, again. We fought really badly, It seems all I ever want to do is "fix" things, and all she wants to do is just "Let things go." So right off the bat, theres a conflicting issue. But then all of the sudden,while she was down visiting me in Arkansas we were perfect all the way until she left to go back to New York. The day she left was the saddest day of my life it felt like, and after being fine for afew weeks, she suddenly started ignoring my phone calls and hanging up on me a lot. Now mind you she's been doing this for months now, and everytime she picks up she just says "all we ever do on the phone is fight" but otherwise, she NEVER talks about this relationship or tries to fix anything my way, meanwhile I've tried compromising her way and nothing gets fixed. She gives me no leeway to fix anything. Every day I try to talk to her about the relationship and she hangs up. Not to mention the 50 calls previous to even get her attention. She rarely ever picks up her phone now, and is always playing her game; Tera online. I've tried getting her to realize she has an addiction to this game, she even admits it, and she STILL won't stop playing it for 10 minutes to talk to me about our current situation in this "relationship." All I honestly want to do is have a heart to heart conversation about us, and if we fight we fight, atleast we talked it out and got through it, but all she does is ignore me. I've become chronically depressed and extremely lonely. Some additional notes that don't really fit into the above mention: I moved to Arkansas specifically for a job, of which after a year I was laid off through lack of work. [Electrician] I am losing my apartment because of my lack of money, and have to move back in with my grandparents for now, and have become even more depressed. I paid out the *** for her to even be down in Arkansas with me. [Food, fun, and misc] Throughout the past 3 years I've spent 2 Christmases coming to see her and her family, which I used up both chances to get any presents from my family just to see her and spend time with her. In the past year I've tried getting her to stop playing Tera, by talking to her online friends and trying to get them to convince her to stop. Of which I was accused of "taking away what made her happy" which is not the case.. I would never want to take away what makes her happy... But for the sake of the relationship I'm sure an hour or two every here and there wouldn't kill someone.. About my girlfriend: She has never had a job before, and really shows no responsibility. I've talked to her many times about getting one and she makes up excuses, as well as trying to get her Drivers License. (She's 19 now, with no License). Yet again, only makes excuses. I realize she has no real life experience with any of this, but am willing to help her, and she still makes up excuses. After thinking everything through, I have no idea what to do anymore... I've tried giving her the time to think things through, as well as giving her space, and it didn't work, and now that I wanted to try it my way, she doesnt even want to give it a shot and just ignores everything I say.. I really don't want to break up with her because I still think theres a shot at fixing things with her... but How else can I fix this? Please help me.. Edited January 2, 2013 by WwTeeEff Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Your girlfriend sounds a little similar to the boyfriend I just split with. People grow at their own pace. If her bank of life experiences is much smaller that yours, I'm not sure what you can do for her. It is not wise to think that you can fix her problems. If she doesn't have any ambition you can't giver her half of yours. She has to want to spend her time more productively.. Its like telling a smoker that it causes cancer. They know this. They know its bad... but that person has to want to quit in order for to work. If she is caught up in her game you can't make her realize that she is not being smart about how she is using her time. As for the relationship problems, It seems that you are doing a lot. More than what is necessary even--> My boyfriend said that to me. Which got me thinking about why i was putting in so much effort to be with someone if they weren't willing to at least meet me half way. That is not fair to you and at some point, you have to decide when enough is enough. I decided to only give what I was getting and that might be a good tip for you. When you are dating someone who does everything in the relationship there is no reason for the other person to do anything. Just stop. My sister is spoiled and she never learned that the world doesn't revolve around her....because our family has always given her everything. Its kind a of a similar concept. Why get a job when your parents give you money anytime you ask. why learn how to drive when your friends give you rides everywhere you want to go. Why work to hold relationship together when your boyfriend will do everything to make it work while you sit back? It sucks but I think you need to stop trying so hard. Her actions have shown you that her investments in the relationship are minimal. Maybe you should look for someone that has similar views as you in regards to a health relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 oh, and I just noticed the 3.5 years part. Ok, that is bad. Maybe she is bored with the relationship. Maybe there is someone else. Maybe she has become too comfortable with you and thinks that she can treat you any way she wants and you will always be there waiting for her. It sounds like right now, it is true. If you guys have been together that long, i think you might want to actually start looking towards your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WwTeeEff Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Well at one time she DID tell me something about, "It feels like we're just to the point of comfortableness with each other that we can do whatever we want because we're not trying to impress each other anymore." I don't really know how to respond to that because it'd seem like that'd be a good thing, but I can definitely see how it could be a bad thing.. And again...it would just be so hard feeling like I lost a chunk of my life over nothing, if I didn't give it my all to fix this.. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Hmm. the only think I can think of is back off. Give her some time to have some space from you. Maybe go no contact for a couple of days, I dunno. When you do come in contact with her again try surprising her. If she hasn't moved on to another guy maybe being more spontaneous will make her more interested. Don't be that desperate guy that begs and waits on her hand and foot all the time but show her that you care by doing nice things for her when she doesn't expect it. ..and try not to go overboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WwTeeEff Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Thats the thing though, generally I'm a pretty funny guy. I don't ever try to go overboard with anything, and joke around with virtually everyone I meet. And she knows that, so I'm just curious why she would think I'm overdoing it with the "caring" if I didn't legitimately need her. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 well, she might not think your sense of humor is as funny as you do. Guy humor and girl humor are different. What I mean was thinking about things you did for her in the beginning of the relationship. What did you guys do together that you don't do anymore? Take her on a date to the first place you guys ever dated. Think of her favorite flower and have them delivered to her house. Girls like cute and sentimental things. Stuff like that might remind her of why she got with you in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WwTeeEff Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Thats the thing though, we got together because of my humor, and we still laugh alot at stupid things when we DO talk... She virtually has the same sense of humor that I do. She's told me thats why she LOVED being with me.. but aside from that I don't know what else to do.. The only thing I can honestly do is just give her, her space like you said. But I really think I've given her too much as it is... Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 If there is nothing else you can do then maybe its best to just walk away now. Link to post Share on other sites
Aedra Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) I have a feeling your girlfriend is depressed and/or severely lacking confidence, which is stopping her from getting her license or a job. As a video game lover myself, I admit I sometimes use online games to escape from problems too. You've clearly put alot of effort into this relationship and she is clearly not pulling her weight, whether out of lack of maturity / depression or her not committed to you as much as you believe. One thing you could do is to coax her into some kind of therapy or career counseling, even better be there for her in person. That's hell of alot though and frankly, not sure whether its worth going that extra mile for her at this point and with how she seems to be constantly treating you and her outright ignoring your attempts to communicate. I think that might really help her, but if she is not trying to improve or isn't even willing to improve even then, I think its maybe time to part until she has gotten her life together on her own. Edited January 3, 2013 by Aedra Link to post Share on other sites
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