Still in love and in pain (long story)

[Coping2]

My 4.5 year LDR boyfriend was moving to be with me by x'mas, I was so happy and felt this would be the most amazing thing that could ever happen to me. But 2 days before he was supposed to fly here, after I have told all my family and friends, have made all the plans on how we would spend the holiday together, I received an email from him saying that we are over. I have spent the last 10 days crying, talking to family and friends, trying to call him, called his dad, called his work... give up calling, catching my self calling again, hurting and coping.

 

We met randomly in an online game almost 5 years ago in 2008. In game chat led to msn chat and 5 months later we want to spend every waking minute together. we were talking to each other everyday, skype, text messages, emails whenever the time differences allowed, and we would spent all our weekends together. We lived in different countries, would need to fly across half the globe to see each other. We met in 2010 when he flew 30 hours here to see me. Things went well between us during his 2 weeks visit here, apart from once I fought with him when I didn't like how he was teasing me, We made up and when he left he said he would be back again soon.

 

From the very beginning, he indicated he wouldn't mind going to anther country to work, and my country would be one of his choices. So after our relationship progresses, we came to the point where he said he would move here in April 2011. But 3 days before his flight, he emailed me and said he couldn't do it:

 

Hey,

I don’t know how to say this but I feel sad about leaving my family and I don’t think that I can do that. I always thought that I could just go but I can’t.

I can’t find the words to express what I am feeling. I always thought that we would live happily ever after but I guess I did not figure in the fact that I would have to leave here. I know you can’t understand that because you were able to move away.

I love you but apparently my love for you is not enough. I am a weak person and even tho I desire you it apparently wasn’t meant to be.

I know it sounds like a cliché but it is not you it is me. I am the one unable to move and I am sorry but I don’t know how to explain that.

Please leave me some space and don’t try to contact me.

I know you deserve much better and I hope you find someone who can fulfill all your dreams.

I might hate myself for doing this in a few days but I still have to do it.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can move on.

I hope we can speak again in a few weeks or months since I would love to have you as a friend but I can also understand if you do not want that. I am really sorry. I feel sad about it and I feel like crying for a week but when I was standing there trying to take the final step I just couldn’t.

I know you are going to want to argue about this but please respect my wish to make a clean cut for now. There is nothing to argue about and I already feel horrible. But me feeling horrible does not mean that there is anything that can be done. I don’t want to see you or talk about it, I just want to be by myself.

 

So we did NC for 2 months, one day I broke down and called him, only to find him just as miserable and said he's really happy that I called. He told me he couldn't do it as there're fears of us ending up not working, he couldn't find a job and that he couldn't leave his family. We started talking as friends, then I told him I want to see him and we spent some time together one last time. So I went to see him in Aug, we had such a great time, he booked a flight to see me in Oct. So we got back together, he said he thought about it, he does not want to live his life without me, he had his fears, but now he made up his mind he wants to be with me. So he came here again this year in May and met my family for the first time, everyone adored him, as he's such a gentle and sweet person. When he went back, he was getting organised to move permanently here before the end of this year.

 

I didn't see it coming, we were messaging everyday and spent the last weekend together packing and getting rid of his stuff that he couldn't bring (through Skype). He was catching up with his family in the last couple of days and getting a new suitcase, then one morning, the day before his flight, I got this email:

 

Hey darling,

I have not slept all night last night and felt really sick. I am really sorry to do this to you but I do not have the strength to do it. Even tho I am sitting here with my suitcase packed I just can not do it. Until today I was sure I was finally really coming but at the last minute I just can’t. I feel horrible for doing this to you again. I don't know what to say besides that I am a fool and an ass. Forgive me one day.

 

This needs to be it. I can’t keep breaking your and my heart over and over again.

 

You are without any doubt the most amazing woman I have ever met you are smart and funny and have everything anyone could desire. I wish we would have met under different circumstances or that I would have been more willing to leave everything behind.

 

I still love you and it pains me to write this but I also know I won’t be able to say all this to you so please excuse me taking this cowardly way to tell you.

 

Please really please do not contact me in any way at least not for some time. Because if you do I will just rethink it again and it will end in broken hearts all over.

 

I love you and you will always have a place in my heart for I have never known anyone more perfect than you. I hope you find the love you deserve.

 

Please do not contact me. Really please do not do it at all. It will just lead to me being a jerk to you again. I will never forgive myself for being this way but sadly I am this weak man.

 

I am so sorry and don't know what to say.

 

Really please don't message me in any way or form. I need space and do not want to be jerk to you ever again.

 

 

In love,

B

I tried to call him and found he has blocked my number, I talked to his dad, who he was not that close to and doesn't speak much English, but his mum wasn't home, his dad said he didn't know when he would be coming to see me, I called his work, they confirmed he had recently quit but got his job back and he'll be back to work the next day, his flight details are gone from check my trip which indicated he had cancelled his flight...

 

I feel very numb at times and I'd wake up really early in the morning and feel my heart aching and couldn't go back to sleep, sometimes I feel so depressed wanting to cry and did not have tears.

 

My work had Christmas party where everyone got really drunk and I called him without the caller ID (not sure how I managed that at my drunken state), it got through and I told him how much I loved him and I do not hate him, I don't remember the rest of the conversation or what he said, the call history showed it went on for 5 minutes, I was way too drunk, only thing I do remember is that he asked me to text him when I get home safe, I didn't text him that night. A few days later, I found he has unblocked me on whatsapp and I sent him a message on X'mas eve he replied with wishing me a merry x'mas then blocked me again. I called his cell and found that he unblocked me but he did not pick up.

 

I don't know why he couldn't do it in the last minute again, especially after the struggle last time and the decision of moving was made again... I still love him so much and felt that my heart has been ripped out. I'm trying to cope but it hurts so bad and I don't know when I will get over this...

 

[Gottabestrong]

Sweetie,

I am so sorry to read your story. This is really heartbreaking. I don't have any great advice for you right now other than please stop contacting him. He asked you not to do it. So please, don't do it. Give him the space he asked for. Give it at least a month before you contemplate contacting him again, and by then, if you feel you have to, I suggest you send him an email. It does not sound like you two will be getting back together again and if nothing else this will at least help you keep some of your dignity intact.

[Coping2]

Thank you I'm trying not to call him, at begining I thought I could save this, then I want to know why he decided not to come after all this, want him to know how bad I'm hurting and be my friend like he used to be.....I know I shouldn't call him, had some weak moments, at one of those weak moments I posted this and hope to vent to people here

[justwhoiam]

Whenever the thought of how much you love him crosses your mind, start thinking of how weak he is, how coward he was and how weak his love was. Let everything sink in. You surely don't want a lifelong weak man like that, you need someone supporting you. Life will present many obstacles along the way, and it takes two for a couple to deal with all the hurdles. If you were alone in a couple, it'd be the saddest thing of all, and one day you'd burst anyway.

 

Start thinking it was for the better. I assume you're quite young too.