How can I stop the arguing?

[Kathyy28]

I've been dating a great guy. Let's call him Ty. But what we had just became a long distance one when I came back home for the holidays for 3 weeks. I'll be traveling back to Miami and spend New Years with him before I move to Orlando for the whole semester. He is in the Coast Guard and we just came to find out that he is going to have to go to Cali for 3 months before he gets assigned a new base.

 

We both met each other through church, and I am very blessed that we both share the same faith and goals when it comes to following the word through God. He has been a breath of fresh air after getting out of a abusive relationship 6 months ago.

 

The problem is that ever since I've been home, I've been in a very negative place. There's a lot of family issues and honestly I've been somewhat depressed. Plus me and Ty decided to have a chaste relationship so I decided to take my birth control out. Maybe that has also been a factor on why my mood has changed so much. Ever since I've been here, I've been very negative towards Ty. And he has been the most patient and sweetest man ever. He says that he understands why I am always mad, and the moment I leave this place, things will be back to normal. But there's so much I know he could take. I just need advice on what I could do to stop getting so mad at him all the time. Even though I'm flying back and see him for New Years, we are going to get separated for a much longer time after they change his base. What is the type of things that you guys who have been in a long distant relationship do to make it work, and not have so much arguing because of the distance?

[Million.to.1]

What was you birth control method?

 

Also... can you explain why you get mad with him?

 

i mean, does he annoy you with what he says ans does and your current mood just makes you less tolerable of it?

[Kathyy28]

What was you birth control method?

 

Also... can you explain why you get mad with him?

 

i mean, does he annoy you with what he says ans does and your current mood just makes you less tolerable of it?

 

Thanks for the reply Million.

 

I was on the implanon.

I honestly could admit that he is not the problem, but I haven't been in a very good state of mind since I've been back at home for the holidays. I've caught myself reliving the depression from when I used to live here. So I've been very distant from everyone. I love talking to him, but at the same time I catch myself just blowing some of the things he says out of proportion and I end up getting mad at him, and don't even want to verbally talk, but yet still want him there on video chat or something. It's so weird on why I'm feeling this way and I hate it. I feel like I'm purposely trying to sabotage what me and him have, but there's the other side of me that it's mad at the fact that I am doing that. I am really trying to stop, but it's so hard. I am just really hoping that things will get better the minute I see him next week. But after next week we will be separated for a longer period of time because I'm doing in internship in Orlando, and since he is in the military he won't longer be in Miami and they are moving him to a different base.

Do you have any advice on different things I could do to stop causing all these arguments between me and him, especially since it's so difficult to deal with an argument not face to face?

[Million.to.1]

First of all, i would explain to him that you are feeling some old emotional patterns emerge personally from being at home, and your hormones are readjusting from stopping birth control and it's effecting your moods. You are aware of this, so let him know that. Ask him to be patient with you and not take these moods personally, because they are not his fault at all, and It's hard for you to react sensibly and rationally at the moment.

Explain to that if you need to vent to him about something that's happening for you at home with someone else, work, family stress etc, he doesn't need to fix it or suggest solutions. .... you just need someone to listen and understand where you are at.

 

You need to make an effort to curb your reactions too. I know it can be hard not be snappy when you are feeling anxious but you have to do a little acting and try extra hard to let him see your good side as much as possible. Let him be the guaranteed good part of your day. Allow yourself to be happy in the relationship by focusing on your plans for the future and when you'll next see each other and avoid worrying about the time apart and the distance. Be in the moment.

[Million.to.1]

Also... you need to make the changes necessary to make this period "at home" more tolerable for you. If you are happier, then there is no problem right?

 

What can you with your time do have more fun?

How can you cut down the time and energy you spend with negative people?

Find ways to spend more time outside, getting some sunlight and exercising, walking, exploring, seeing art, reconnecting with friends. Do what makes you happy. Don't get stuck in this negative pattern that will stay and get worse if you wallow in it.