LDR is now gone, she is with someone else.

[jags2bowl27]

Hey everyone,

 

I have spent a lot of time in the breakup section of these forums and I just wanted maybe some of your guys opinions from the long distance couples out there. Here it goes:

 

Short story, I am 23 and my ex is 20 (junior in college). We started to hang out the summer before she went to college and decided to try the long distance thing... I have known her since she was 16. Anyways, first 2 years were fine, never restricted her to do anything, never really argued with her which might have been a problem now because she didnt ever communicate. Anyways, we got really close, i truly loved her but honestly, I took her for granted. We would speak everyday, have great memories but really never made the attempts to go up to where she is due to me working and stuff. Then she spent a month with me and i worked when she didnt have a job and i think we started to grow apart.

 

Fast forward, she met some guy the first week of school this year that she liked and she called it quits. I just recently met with her after dating someone else, she is still with this guy and she explained she always felt second but at the same time she blames herself for not communicating. I never really realized it. Now she is basically keeping me in her back pocket and says we only have one shot to make this work but then is still dating this guy? Whats the deal? I know i have a lot of fault in this but she also left me for someone else and then got mad when i started dating someone.

 

I want to be mad at her and tell her she is being selfish but then i say, shoot i have to do with a lot of this mess. Fact is, she wont be done with school for another yr and a half. How do i approach it. Do i ignore her so i can move on, keep on good terms and be happy for her. I really do love her and i told her that when we met. I know there are others out there but what we had and the memories when we did spend the were special and i know she loved me. Our families are super close too.

 

I have a lot of pride but should i be swallowing it here?

[Carenth]

So basically she wants you to wait around in case her number one choice doesn't work out she can go back to you as her backup? Personally I wouldn't be ok with that kind of setup, because you know I have self respect and I think I deserve someone who wants to be with me as their number one choice, not on the backbench for when they feel like throwing a bone and scraps.

 

I think you need to move on with your life and find someone who wants to be with you for who you are. Of course take the time you need to heal and move on from this before jumping into another relationship or the wounds will never heal.

 

Swallow your pride and move on, know when to fight your battles. This isn't one of them.

[jags2bowl27]

So basically she wants you to wait around in case her number one choice doesn't work out she can go back to you as her backup? Personally I wouldn't be ok with that kind of setup, because you know I have self respect and I think I deserve someone who wants to be with me as their number one choice, not on the backbench for when they feel like throwing a bone and scraps.

 

I think you need to move on with your life and find someone who wants to be with you for who you are. Of course take the time you need to heal and move on from this before jumping into another relationship or the wounds will never heal.

 

Swallow your pride and move on, know when to fight your battles. This isn't one of them.

 

thank you

[Ninjainpajamas]

This is normal for your age, and women especially can be flip flopped emotionally when they don't know themselves and what they want, but they want security and at the time you didn't give it to her.

 

But you're young, take things for granted, don't know what you have until you lost it...yadda yadda, that's all normal but don't beat yourself up for it, she wasn't right for you anyway, and you dragging this out thinking you could be different and change because you've realized how you felt for her and all of that is the oldest trick in the book...don't fall for it. You were young, immature, still getting to know yousrelf and what you're looking for and women your age and especially younger kind of follow around like puppy dogs not knowing what to do in the world of romance but hold on until they can't anymore.

 

Of course she moved on though, that's how a lot of women move on...by moving onto someone else, they just need that finality that "here is the proof I am over him and with someone else" because for women in general they need to validation for themselves emotionally, well most do...so it's natural for her to still be invested in the past emotionally with someone else even while being with someone new, this new guy is likely in a way a rebound, and she may or may not know that.

 

Even if you got back together it wouldnt work out. I know it seems dramatic and worth fighting for now but i can assure you it'll be a waste of your time, where do you think you guys would start again? you think the past would just magically go away? you think you could just unravel the past like it's just some twisted not and everything will be great again like it was in the beginning? a foolish man you'd be for believing in that...you cannot go back bud, you can only move forward...that's life.

 

Take what you you've learned...the wisdom, the exprience, the lessons of how not to treat someone and invest in something new, don't go on trying t repair this...at your age it'll just be more of the same, you're not old enough to know what's best and your emotions will lead you astray and I've been in your shoes before but now I be quite older than thy.

 

So take my advice and walk away, and forget it...nothing in life can be repaired or fixed by gazing at it, relationships are meant to end, people are meant to grow, and you need to learn from it...move on, lest you need to learn the same lesson...for those that are stubborn this can be sadly often, if not cyclical behavior throughout life. but you're to young to determine hard patterns yet, so continue moving forward as always, regardless.

[justwhoiam]

I have a lot of pride but should i be swallowing it here?

Be very self-confident. Tell her your paths have taken different directions over time, but they might cross again in the future. Keep a door open. She will know you won't be there waiting for her and she will think it over and be torn about it if she loves you. She will know she can lose you for good. She's 20 and dating someone else. If you're the one, she will realize very soon. Good luck.